ANNIVERSARY ASSAULT 10/31/2006
Yellow Chicken vs Jeff James
David Banks vs Dez Carter
J.C. Cook vs The Crusher
SAD vs Stiff Competition vs Celtic Assassins
Brian Bruno & Mr. Canada vs The Royal Foundation
Simply Beautiful vs North T. Gunderson
Chris Casino vs Static
Lloyd Rees vs Patrick Bickle vs Evan Cartwright vs Patrick Kidd
House of Horrors: Ravager vs D! vs The Moose vs Stylin’ Kyle vs The Beast
You’re watching the television. You’re watching online. You’re watching somewhere. You’re watching live, looking at the video screen. And then the blackness of the TV screen lifts. Flickering. A pulsing bass beat. SLIDE down the scales and ROCK!
People always try to cut me down but I!
Slow motion images of NAPW wrestlers in moments of glory and anguish as the verse begins.
I don’t ever give a (BLEEP) what people say
One year ago — Ravager. The Moose. Static. Lobo.
I try and listen to the voice inside my head
The Dragon. Viking. Plague. The New & Improved D-X. D!.
I try
I try
I TRYYYYYY
BOOOOOM! HIGH SPEED EDITING! Moments and moments THROUGHOUT NAPW’S YEAR-LONG STORY!
I FEEL SO BEAUTIFUL TODAY!
You’re just so typical!
You can’t break me!
Rex Caliber! Billy Kryenik! Chris Casino! The Dudes! Static!
I’m not ever gonna fall in line cos I
More action shots of… The Decapitators! Storm! Devastation! Evan Cartwright!
I don’t want to be another plastic mind
JC Cook! The Crusher! Don Travelli! Karl Van Helden! Minstrel!
I try and listen to the voice inside my head
PredatorImmortalMirageNightmare! Technique! The Delivery Men! Stein!
I try
I try
I TRYYYYYYYYYY
How about Tommy Deathrow? Krusty Kid Paul! Dextro! Storm… then North T. Gunderson!
I FEEL SO BEAUTIFUL TODAY!
You’re just so typical!
You can’t break me!
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees! Patrick Bickle! Dez Carter! Stiff Competition! Celtic Assassins!
You’re just like everybody…
The newest crop of superstars: Simply Beautiful! Royal Foundation! Patrick Kidd! The Yellow Chicken! David Banks! WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE LIKE YOU?
One year it has been building to this… 365 days men have vied to be the best in the west… 12 months it has been since New Alberta Pro opened its doors…
One!
Two!
Three!
Four!
THIS IS THE CULMINATION!
THIS IS THE GOAL!
THIS IS THE HOUR!
I FEEL SO BEAUTIFUL TODAY!
You’re just so typical!
You can’t break me!
ANNIVERSARY ASSAULT…
IS NOW.
EDMONTON, ALBERTA, CANADA. It is the Butterdome on the University of Alberta campus, home of the the UofA volleyball team and more. This is NAPW’s biggest show ever, and it is PACKED. There is a rampway, a videoscreen, floor seats, the bleachers are full! Tons of people are in costumes, including a familiar group of smart-ass fans in the front row dressed as their favorite NAPW stars D!, Kyle Roberts, The Beast, CALIBAN and The Moose! The atmosphere is ELECTRIC BOOGALOO. Local awesome rock band SOCIAL CODE’S “Beautiful” continues to pound throughout the arena, keeping the adrenaline rushing! Cut to the announce table where our beloved commentators are in the spirit of All Hallow’s Eve. Jack “Attack” Jones? He’s dressed up as every computer geek’s favorite sleazebag, Leisure Suit Larry! In complete contrast, Bill Hewson is dressed up as Sherlock Holmes. They are ready for the evening at the announce table just by the ring. Screaming fans, well, scream over their shoulders as they introduce the evening.
BILL HEWSON: Ladies and gentlemen! Wrestling fans in Canada and wherever you may be watching on NAPW.ca… the moment you’ve been waiting for is here! NAPW ANNIVERSARY ASSAULT IS NOW! Good evening everyone, I’m Bill “Sherlock” Hewson alongside my broadcast partner for the past year of action… Jack “Attack” Jones! And Jack, well, I don’t know if Leisure Suit Larry had much better luck with the ladies than you.
JACK JONES: Hey, I’ll have you know Larry was king superfly, at least if you used the walk-through and beat the game like I did. Bill Hewson, I can’t believe it’s been one year and you’re still employed! Another bet I lost!
BILL HEWSON: It’s been great working alongside you too, Jones, thanks very much —
And then, Social Code cuts out. Seconds later the sounds of AKFORTY pump through the PA. The crowd rises to their feet and BOOOOOOS… Jeff James!
BILL HEWSON: And we are not going to wait one minute longer to get this event started! Television Title on the line in this first match, NO TIME LIMIT… there must be a winner! It was one month ago at HOSTILE HANGOVER that Jeff James and Yellow Chicken wrestled to a time limit draw, stealing the show even from the Iron Man match. Tonight… these two will settle the score!
JACK JONES: Jeff James has been like a man possessed as of late, Hewson. He wants the TV Title back so bad he can taste it. And we’ve seen how far he’s willing to go to beat Yellow Chicken!
BILL HEWSON: Last week on Action! of course, Jeff James tarred and feathered the TV Champion… and not only the TV Champion, Yellow Chicken, formerly Carter Owens for those of you unsure who I’m talking about… Yellow Chicken is also the Provincial Champion! Quite the turnaround for a man who once boasted a record of 3 wins, 9 losses!
Jeff James hits the ring… he’s all business. He climbs to the top rope — and then just to prove a point, he backflips off the top rope. A reminder to the fans that he can do things Yellow Chicken can’t, the high-flying.
[EARLIER TONIGHT]
The Royal Foundation are in their locker room, sans Saki (who is likely still in jail.) Mr. B, Prince Darko, Thomas Young, Jeff James planning strategy.
MR. B: So when you want us to come out and blast Chicken, I want you to give us this signal! Got it Jeff?
JEFF JAMES: (BLEEP) that.
THOMAS YOUNG: What are you talking about, man?
JEFF JAMES: I get help to beat this guy then I don’t prove nothing. I gotta do this alone… not with you, bro, not with you Darko, not with you Mr. B you jackass. This match tonight, this is gonna be Jeff James… versus The Yellow Chicken… and only the best man is gonna walk out with the TV title belt.
Jeff James leaves the Foundation locker room, stunning his compatriots. Back to live action.
JACK JONES: Now how can you give a man like that flack? We’re going to see a one-on-one WRESTLING match to decide a title that, well, hell, used to be the loser title. But Jeff James and Yellow Chicken have raised the TV Title to a level it hasn’t known since the great Don Travelli held it!
BILL HEWSON: Don Travelli of course the only three-time TV Champion… this is going to be one for the ages, what a way to open up the biggest show in NAPW’s history!
We cut backstage, live, and Mean Gene Okerlund…I mean John Reynolds is standing by with the Television. That’s a hell of a costume! Yellow Chicken isn’t left out of the party either, dressed up as an old school Jeff Jarrett!
JOSH REYNOLDS: Ladies and gentlemen we’re here with the one and only Yellow Chicken, looking to defend his Television Title yet again here tonight. YC, how do you feel about the match?
YELLOW CHICKEN: Well, HA. Lemme tell you something, HA! Out there, you got Jeff James! Right here, you got the the NAPW Television Champion of the World, THE J E DOULBE F, J A Double R, E Double T HA, JEFF JARRETT! And I’m gonna go out there, and show everyone, HA, that this TV title is MINE for good!
We cut back to ringside and James is waiting in the ring, all of a sudden – BAD COUNTRY! Yellow Chicken is coming out to Jarrett’s music, and the fans are eating it up! Look at em go crazy for the Tele-vincial Champion! He’s slapping high fives with every little kid he sees, and he gets in the ring, does he Double J strut, and takes off the costume, ready for ACTION!
BILL HEWSON: How about that! I’ve never seen a guy who’s just so effortlessly a crowd pleaser!
JACK JONES: Yeah, Hewson, and I’ve never seen a guy who made a bigger ass out of himself just so the fans will like him. PLEASE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the ANNIVERSARY ASSAULT! The following contest is scheduled for one fall, with no time limit, and it is for the NAPW Television Championship! In this corner, he is the former Television Champion, from Chicago, Illinois weighing in at two hundred and five pounds! JEFF! JAAAAMEEES!
James just raises his arms in the air and soaks in the boos.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, from Toronto, Ontario, weighing in at two hundred and sixty-five pounds, he is the NAPW Television and Provincial Champion, THE YEEELOWWWW CHIIIICKKEN!
The crowd pops big again as Yellow Chicken starts to dance!
The two competitors walk to the center of the ring and look each other square in the eye. RIGHT HAND from James, right off of YC’s skull. YC fires a shot right back, and the two exchange blows until James blocks one and feeds YC a boot! ENZIGURI! Yellow Chicken to the mat, Jeff James waists no time in going for his standing moonsault…no one home! Chicken is up, behind James and pulls off a nice belly to back suplex. Keeping with his tried and true strategy against James, Yellow Chicken goes after the shoulder from the get-go to keep him on the mat. KNEE DROP to the shoulder! Another one! YC places the arm of James on the bottom rope, and goes for a Bret Hart style butt stomp using the ropes for leverage…James gets up, and grabs YC from behind! Rolling Prawn Hold! ONE! TW- Strong kick out from the champ! Chicken gathers himself and shoots a jab to James’ chest, and then grabs his arm for an arm wringer! He cinches it in, but James easily rolls forward, CORKSCREWS, and ends up in Hurrancarana position! FACE BUSTER BY JAMES! James nips up, and bounces off the second rope…CANNONBALL SENTON!
BILL HEWSON: My goodness, look at this offensive barrage from James!
JACK JONES: Yeah, reminds me of…me! Well, in my young days.
BILL HEWSON: (sarcastic) No wonder you won “high flier of the year.” Jeff James is controlling this match, his aerial offense is really giving the Champion problems in the early going.
JACK JONES: Yellow Chicken can’t let James fight the way he wants to fight, he has to keep him grounded.
YC gets to his feet, and dodges a front roundhouse from James. A Russian Leg Sweep follows, and now YC has some time to pick apart that shoulder! He picks James up, performs another arm wringer, and then flips him forward while hanging on to the arm. Leg Drop! Right on the shoulder, well placed move by the champ. YC picks him up again, and Irish whips him into the ropes…KNEE LIFT! RIGHT TO THE SHOULDER! What elevation from YC! James nips up once more, and manages to sidekick YC in the stomach! Standing Double Underhook…INTO AN OVERHEAD SUPLEX!
JACK JONES: Look at power on James! He just threw the much bigger Yellow Chicken right over his head!
YC gets up, that was an impressive show of strength from James. The two square up, and get locked up in a collar and elbow tie-up…James sneaks in a elbow to the face! YC right back with an elbow of his own, but James with a spinning back elbow, a reverse roaring elbow! YC is stunned, and stumbles back! James grabs the taller man’s shoulder, leaps up and dropkicks him in the chest! He flips in the air, landing on his feet as the TV champion lands in a heap. James off the ropes, and he charges at the fallen champion vertically rather than horizontally. He takes off right around YC’s feet, tucks his legs in and spins around, eggie style…but MISSES when he tries to land a leg drop! YC back up now and he clotheslines James over the tope rope, and the two land awkwardly onto the floor. Sharplin is being very lenient with the count, and the competitors get up slowly.
BILL HEWSON: This is the champion’s advantage, James can’t win the title this way and Yellow Chicken can’t lose it!
JACK JONES: That’s why he’s gotta get that mohawked psycho back into the ring!
James slides in at a six count, and YC quickly follows. They didn’t even brawl outside of the ring, instead allowing each other to get back in. They want to see who’s the better WRESTLER, indeed! Snap suplex on James! YC stomps on the shoulder a few times, and then applies a rear side shoulder wrench! He pulls back, and James cries out! They’re close to the ropes, James able to grab the bottom one. YC breaks his hold and quickly gets up, waiting for a rising James to turn around into a Fireman’s carry power slam. Nicely done, YC tries to follow with an elbow drop but gets nothing but MAT, the two men bounce back up and James hits a superb arm drag. Yellow Chicken gets up and hits his own in turn, followed by another nip up from James, who presses on and manages to pull off a Wrap-Around DDT! Cover!
ONE!
TWO!
KICK OUT!
He’s gonna need to do more than that! James slings himself up to the top rope, bounces off split-legged – that’s a a page right out of RVD’s book. Split-Legged Moonsault on YC! James, perhaps unwisely, tries to show off some of the submission holds he claims to have learned recently. He puts his opponent into a modified STF, and really just does it for show and to rest, as he doesn’t seem to be doing much damage here.
BILL HEWSON: What the hell is James doing? Does he want the title or not? You’re not gonna submit a guy like Yellow Chicken, he’s a mat master!
JACK JONES: Exactly! James wants to win Chicken’s way, make him tap out. How embarassing would it be if Yellow Chicken was the one who had to tap out? James hasn’t forgotten how he lost the TV Title in the first place —
BILL HEWSON: Yellow Chicken with a roll-up! One, two, kick out by the challenger!
Yellow Chicken rolled to his side and trapped James in a pin, forcing him to relinquish the hold. Smart move by the vet. James laces into him with a boot to the side as he fights to get up, but he eventually gets to his feet! YC with a right hand to the face — DUCKED by James when he pulls off a split. From that position James spins around and connects with a Leg Sweep, and he quickly springs up and hits his Standing Moonsault into a double knee drop to complete the devastating combo! James gets up and does a little taunting, not focused enough on the match, or on the COBRA CLUTCH BOMB he just got nailed with from behind! Where do these guys find the energy to continue after so much punishment? The crowd is really into it now, cheering for their man, the Yellow Chicken!
YC tries to apply a Leg Choke, pulling James’ arm though and grabbing it, but James manages to squirm around and then flip forward for a pin! But YC is able to react quickly enough to push his weight forward and put James into a pin of his own! ONE, TWO, KICK OUT! James looks surprised, but he quickly goes back on the offensive. An knee smash to the gut of the TV champ softens him up, and from there it’s a well-executed brainbuster to the mat!
BILL HEWSON: That was a top notch suplex! Look out here, James isn’t done! ASAI MOONSAULT! NO! The champ gets his knee up and blocks it!
JACK JONES: Desperation counter pays off for YC, but for how long?
Sharplin counts, and the two men try to will themselves up. Both get up simultaneously at a sloooow seven, but YC seems to be more aware of his surroundings and PECKS James in the head! James puts his hands over his face, groaning in pain! YC struts around the ring, doing the chicken dance and getting the crowd into it! And they go CRAZY! YC turns his attention back to his opponent and rips out a belly-to-belly suplex. Cover here! ONE! TWO! TWO AND A HALF! YC thought he had it, but gets back to work. Handstand knee drop onto the shoulder of Jeff James!
BILL HEWSON: The Yellow Chicken just taking James apart methodically now, what a great clash of styles we’re seeing here.
YC is getting winded, and this gives James time to get back to his feet. He knees YC to the gut yet again, and then shoots him into the ropes. He leapfrogs his taller opponent, and then bounces off the adjacent ropes and catches a rebounding YC napping with a Facebuster/Bulldog variant, slamming his face off the mat! James again tries to apply a submission, but is countered once more by Yellow Chicken and is the victim of a textbook double leg takedown. YC gets quickly to his feet, but James is somehow already up and going for a backslide! COUNTERED BY YC! He hoists James up! 11:52, the crucifix powerbomb!
JACK JONES: Stick a fork in him, he’s done!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOOT?
JACK JONES: Jeff James with his foot on the rope, this thing ain’t over yet!
YC rolls outside to catch his breath, but wastes valuable time he could have spent finishing off James. Once he’s back in, James is ready! Discus Lariat! Knocks the champ back! James with a headbutt of his own, followed with a vicious superkick! James flies up the turnbuckle.
BILL HEWSON: 630! 630! 630! What a splash! Cover one! TWO! THRE- NO! KICK OUT!
JACK JONES: What is it going to take to get a three-count in this match?
The fans are louder than they’ve ever been for Yellow Chicken, and the adrenalin from the crowd helps him fight to his feet! A quick series of lefts leaves James listless! He can’t believe that YC kicked out and is already up! He throws a weak punch.
YC CATCHES IT! OH MY! CROSS FACE! CROSS FACE!
BILL HEWSON: He caught James in no man’s land, right in the middle of the ring!
JACK JONES: James has gotta break the hold or tap out!
James is squirming…and fighting…but he CAN’T break it. YC pulls back even harder, and we can see James is starting to go limp! Finally, he can take no more and…
HEWSON and JONES: WAIT!
With one forceful thrust, JAMES ESCAPES!
JACK JONES: He’d have to be frickin’ Houdini to pull that off!
Yellow Chicken is stunned! He follows with a powerful Release German Suplex, sending James crashing to the mat. YC is spent, and needs time to recover on the mat. The two men both manage to get up again, and this time it’s James with a JAMES EFFECT! JAMES EFFECT!
BILL HEWSON: OH MY GAAAADDD!
COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THRE- Yellow Chicken has his hand on the ropes.
JACK JONES: Incredible, I’ve never seen anything like this! Wait yes I have, every time these two get in the ring with one another!
The NAPW faithful are all on their feet, clapping to show their appreciation to the men in the ring, much like they did at Hostile Hangover.
BILL HEWSON: Neither man has anything left, I think the next big move will end it!
Shaplin is counting, neither man has gotten up. He’s at six, and they’re stirring. James is on his knees, his arms wrapped around the middle rope. He pulls himself up, but LOOK OUT BEHIND!
BILL HEWSON: GERMAN SUPLEX! UNBELIEVEABLE IMPACT, I’VE NEVER SEEN ONE SO STIFF IN MY LIFE!
BRIDGE COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-
NO! JUST TWO!
At the LAST POSSIBLE SPLIT-SECOND James got a shoulder up off the mat! Yellow Chicken is dazed, James’ upper torso slammed down on his forehead pretty hard. Chicken takes some deep breaths, wondering what it’s going to take… he starts to pick James up off the mat but…
INSIDE CRADLE!
ONE!
TWO!
…THREEEEEE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner… and NEWWWWW TELEVISION CHAMPIONNNNN! JEFF JAAAAAAMES!
BILL HEWSON: MY GOODNESS, THAT MAY BE THE BEST TV TITLE MATCH YOU WILL EVER SEE! JEFF JAMES WINS A THRILLER!
JACK JONES: Hewson, you’re gonna have a heart attack. That match was insane, I still can’t believe what I just saw!
Inside the ring… both men are still down, chests heaving as they try to gulp air back into their systems. The match has taken a physical toll on two great competitors. Slowly, Jeff James rolls over. Chicken begins to rise. Both men begin to take their feet, rising… and standing in front of one another. No words are exchanged, Chicken disappointed that he lost his “little chickadee”… Jeff James looks like hell warmed over. Finally, Chicken sticks out his hand. The two share a brief handshake before Yellow Chicken picks up the Provincial Championship and leaves James in the ring to celebrate. The ref hands an exhausted Jeff James the NAPW Television Championship. He clutches it in his arms, and holds it in tight! The crowd applauds it all…
BILL HEWSON: A great show of sportsmanship from a great champion, The Yellow Chicken! This feud will go down in NAPW history, Jack Jones.
JACK JONES: You’re right about that, but we’ve got a new TV Champion here tonight. The first of TWO victories for the Royal Foundation.
BILL HEWSON: We’ll see that one later tonight. The Royal Foundation, Prince Darko & Thomas Young, will meet “Big Bad” Brian Bruno and the mysterious “Mr. Canada” in a tag team grudge match.
JACK JONES: Mysterious? Oh come on Hewson, Mr. Canada’s identity is totally obvious!
BILL HEWSON: Well, maybe you could let us in on his secret.
JACK JONES: You’re putting me on, right? This is a put-on.
BILL HEWSON: I have no idea what you mean. Wrestling fans, I am pleased to announce that a former NAPW star will be making his return this November. We have a special video package just for that… take a look.
Latino pride. High-flyin’ action. Froggy splash! And of course, the finisher… Crossbones! Odelay! Pure Honor is about to get a shot of TECHNIQUE. The street luchadore returns to NAPW November 2006! It’s Technique’s time, viva la raza!
BILL HEWSON: How about that, Jones? Technique is back in NAPW.
JACK JONES: Just keep him away from my wallet.
BILL HEWSON: Will you be serious?
Cue a video package. The past month of Pure Honor action… Dez Carter defeated by Simply Beautiful. Since then, North T. Gunderson… David Banks… and the former champ, Dez Carter, have been one-upping each other to become #1 contender. On Action!, it was North who got the shot for Anniversary Assault. They may not have the shot on the biggest show in NAPW history, but one of these two men will leave tonight the new #1 Pure Honor contender. Will it be the cocky David Banks or fan-favorite Dez Carter? We will find out right now.
FRANK WARBURTON: This match will decide the Number One Contender for the Kiniski Cup! Introducing first accompanied by Asuka Katsugari, weighing in at two-hundred and forty-four pounds… from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania… Dez Carter!
“Driver’s High” by Larc En Ciel begins booming through the speakers.. The crowd pops as Dez Carter makes his way to the ring. He slides in and hits the corner, the crowd pops once more.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing second! Weighing in at two-hundred and twenty-eight pounds… From Greensboro, North Carolina… David Banks!
“They Wanna Know” by Obie Trice starts playing.. David Banks comes out to a cheering crowd. He makes his way to the ring, head bobbing to the music. He slides in, eying Dez Carter before ascending the corner to taunt. He drops down and Henry Andrews gets both men to shake hands
The bell sounds and both men begin circling each other.. David Banks urging his opponent to make a room. Dez Carter trying to keep his cool. David Banks mouths a few words – possibly about Asuka – and Carter pounces like a wild man. David Banks sidesteps but Dez clips Davids knee and sends him onto the floor. Dez Carter recuperates and leaps atop David Banks locking in a headlock. The downed David Banks begins lifting himself up in attempt to reverse the hold, but Dez Carter keeps his weight on him.. David Banks trying frantically to not fall, he slowly makes it up to one knee. Bulldog takes David Banks down. Dez Carter scans his opponent and stomps David Banks knee. Another stop and David begins screaming. Elbow Drop onto the leg. Dez is going for a figure four! But David Banks counters it. A kick to the rear of Dez Carter. It sends him stumbling forward and gives David Banks valuable time to recover. Both men get to their feet and a collar elbow tie up is initiated. David Banks gets the advantage and a hard snap suplex takes Dez Carter to the mat. David Banks keeps the momentum and hooks the leg. One! Two! Kickout! David Banks quickly attacks and a few clubbing forearms immobilize Dez Carter. David Banks lifts him to his feet and delivers a painful knee to the ribs. That took the wind out of Dez, and now Banks hits him with a German Suplex! Banks pops the hips… a second German Suplex… once more with feeling! Yet another German Suplex! David Banks goes for another cover. One! Two! Shoulder up! David Banks seems shocked and slaps the face of Dez Carter… Kick to the skull! By Dez Carter, David Banks wobbles for a moment before crashing down onto the mat. Dez Carter makes it to his feet and the crowd has gone wild.
BILL HEWSON: We’re seeing a lot of attitude from young David Banks tonight, that was an outright slap to the face of the former Pure Honor champion.
JACK JONES: I like it! I like it a lot, that’s the kind of attitude that makes a winner, and me? I like winners.
BILL HEWSON: You must hate yourself, then.
JACK JONES: I — hey!
Dez drops down for the cover. One! Two! Kickout! Dez Carter delivers a hard Palm Strike to the face of David Banks. He proceeds to lift him to his feet and deliver a hard kick to his ribs and follows up with a devastating Dragon Suplex. Another pin attempt! One! Two Threeee…Shoulder up! Dez Carter lifts David Banks to his feet, but gets caught with a shot to the gut. Snap suplex from Banks, followed up by an elbow drop to the sternum. He takes a moment to catch his breath, then lifts Dez to his feet and delivers a deadly knife edge chop! One more! David Banks hits three more, sending Dez Carter reeling into the ropes. He grabs hold of Dez Carter… Irish Whip, David Banks hits the ropes… Shining Yakuza Kick! It nearly beheads Dez Carter, David Banks scrambles for a cover! One! Two! Threee… Kickout! David Banks is outraged, he grabs Dez Carter and knees him in the chest, lifts him to his feet and irish whips him hard into the ropes for a Back Body Drop — COUNTERED. A fierce kick to the chest sends David Banks into a world of hurt. Dez Carter spins behind Banks and drops him with a Back Suplex. Dez Carter then begins stomping on the knee of David Banks. With every stomp comes agonizing screams from David Banks. Dez Carter flips David to his stomach, grabs hold of his leg, quickly lifts and drives it into the mat.
BILL HEWSON: Great move by Dez Carter, constantly working on the knee of David Banks!
JACK JONES: Dez Carter is a monster out there! David Banks doesn’t deserve this kind of shoddy treatment.
Dez Carter lifts David Banks to his feet, it’s time for the Tiger (driver) — Reversed, Back Body Drop! David Banks stumbles forward, he grabs onto the ropes to keep himself standing. Dez Carter makes it to his feet… Kick to the back of David’s knee. David collapses, Dez Carter grabs him by the head and pulls him to his feet. Hard kick to the front of his knee, it buckles and he crashes down to the mat once again. Dez Carter thinks for a moment and proceeds to lock in the Stretch Plum. David Banks screaming in agony, Henry Andrews constantly asking if he wants to submit. Banks begins to struggle, using every bit of strength in his body… He begins to crawl forward… Inching his way closer to the ropes…
FRANK WARBURTON: David Banks has used his first rope break!
Dez Carter lets go of the move but refuses to give David Banks time to recover. He drops a knee to the back of David Banks. It sends him into a minor convulsion and Dez Carter drops another knee to the spine. David Banks is using the ropes to pull himself up… Dez Carter hits the ropes… Clothesline! Ducked! Dez Carter rebounds and… knocks into Henry Andrews!
JACK JONES: That’s a disqualification right there! He hit the ref!
BILL HEWSON: It was an accident, Hewson, and you know, it almost looked like Henry Andrews moved himself INTO Dez Carter’s path…
In the ring, Banks is up — and this time Carter DESTROYS him with a huge Burning Lariat! Carter makes the cover, the crowd chants “one, two, three”… but there’s no referee! The ref is down! Asuka screams, Carter slaps the mat in frustration. He gets up and goes over to Andrews, trying to revive him. The man seems knocked clean out though…
BILL HEWSON: Well, Andrews seems legitimately hurt, we may need some medical attention — hey wait a minute! David Banks just pulled something out of his tights! Is that — that’s a steel chain! And he just wrapped it around his fist! Wait just a damned minute —
JACK JONES: Knuckleball special, Hewson!
POW. Carter turns around and eats steel fist right to the face. He goes down and immediately Banks covers. Henry Andrews IMMEDIATELY comes to life and slaps the mat crisply for ONETWOTHREE. Andrews calls for the bell as David Banks celebrates his win. The crowd are shocked at what they’ve just seen!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the match and number one contender to the Kiniski Cup… David Bannnnks!
BILL HEWSON: But wait a minute — Andrews was down! He looks fine and dandy now… David Banks cheated! This is Pure Honor! This man should be ashamed! Jack Jones: Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat! Bill Hewson: That’s rich, this is Pure Honor… Henry Andrews has been the subject of controversial officiating regarding North T. Gunderson, what the hell is going on here?
That’s what Asuka wants to know. The pint-size firebug is on the apron yelling at Andrews, demanding to know what is going on. Andrews shakes his head, telling Asuka to mind her business. “I’m the referee, I do my job.” Carter doesn’t agree, spinning Andrews around. “That was crap, Andrews, and you know it!” “I did my job! You’re lucky I didn’t disqualify you right there!” “YOU got in the way UGHHH”
The “UGHHH” comes from Dez Carter when David Banks returns to the ring and lowblows the man! Banks … and Henry Andrews leave the ring, walking up the aisle together. Banks walks backwards, looking on the ring with a cocky grin, oblivious to the boos of the crowd. Asuka is kneeled over her man. Carter’s face a mask of pain as he holds his groinal muscles. At the top of the ramp, Andrews turns and raises David Banks arm high in the air, then the two exit through the curtain.
BILL HEWSON: Explain to me what I just saw here. Henry Andrews and David Banks seem damn chummy to me, like they’re in cahoots.
JACK JONES: Hey, David Banks was just protecting Henry Andrews from that Dez Carter’s temper. Can’t blame the man for staying near David.
BILL HEWSON: Something stinks in the Pure Honor division. Dez Carter just got screwed out of his win… a damn shame.
The scene shifts to… a Black Thursday 2005 retrospective video package! The Action! Battle Royale, a match won by Rex Caliber in his debut. Ravager vs Static vs Lobo, three-way dance for the Provincial Title. The New & Improved D-X retain their belts against The Decapitators. Misery beating on JC Cook, injuring him for three months… and of course the main event. The epic Plague vs D!, two out of three falls, career vs title match. That was the action December 1st, 2005, for NAPW’s first major supercard event.
Back to ringside, Bill Hewson and Jack Jones.
BILL HEWSON: David Banks is the new #1 one contender to the Kiniski Cup. The champion of that division will be decided later tonight. But now ladies and gentlemen, it is time to induct our first wrestler into the NAPW Ring of Prestige! Let’s go to Frank Warburton.
FRANK WARBURTON: It is my pleasure to introduce to you, the next addition to the NAPW Ring of Prestige class of 2006. He hails from Las Vegas, Nevada. He is a former NAPW Heavyweight, Provincial and Tag Team Champion! This… Is… “The Future” Chris Casino!
“Smooth” by Rob Thomas & Santana pulses through the PA system and the fans come to their feet. From the back emerges the man himself, Chris Casino with his manager Raul Havok in tow. Both men are dressed in Armani suits and despite his profound hatred for Canadians, the crowd gives Chris a nice round of applause. Jack Jones is, of course, on his feet giving a standing ovation.
JACK JONES: Come on Hewson, stand up! You are in the presence of GREATNESS! Chris Casino, back in an NAPW ring!
Casino makes his way to the ring and Raul Havok opens the ring ropes for him. He steps into the ring and flashes the crowd a genuine smile. Chris takes the microphone from Frank and looks out at the capacity crowd. Some are booing, others cheering. A sign in the crowd reads “Chris owes me $20!”
CHRIS CASINO: I dunno what’s worse. Being inducted into the Ring of Prestige with the likes of The Dudes & Static…Or having the ceremony take place here in Canada!
Here come the boos. Casino laughs and starts to pace slowly around the ring.
CHRIS CASINO: Later tonight I’m going to prove to not only that moron Static who the “real” triple crown champion is, but I’ll prove it to all of you dirty Canadians.
More boos. Casino however seems to be in his element.
CHRIS CASINO: But…As weird as it sounds. I feel truly honored to be here tonight. Several months ago, NAPW & myself parted under less than friendly circumstances and now? Now I get the chance to come back for one night only and say…Thank you. Thank you for supporting me, thank you for booing me, thank you for letting me call you names week in and week out.
Some of the boos now turn to appreciative cheers.
CHRIS CASINO: As honored as I am to be inducted into the NAPW Ring of Prestige, and make no mistakes it is a huge honor, I can’t help but reflect on all that I’ve done over the last year. Not only did I become a triple crown champion in this company, but I helped make NAPW the super power that is it today. Without me NAPW would have never been graced with the talents of Evan Cartwright, Devastation, Pit Boss, Chopper & Heat, Stein and others. Then again I’m also responsible for dragging in retards like William Shatner, Bob Barker & Doctor….Dr. Tittylover so maybe I shouldn’t brag to much huh?
This gets Casino some laughs.
CHRIS CASINO: No one else in the class of 2006 has done more for NAPW than me. No other athlete in this company can hold a candle to what I’ve accomplished. They might not admit it in the back, but this place hasn’t been the same without me. I set the bar for the quote, unquote, heels of NAPW. I showed everyone in NAPW that I was willing to do anything and everything to win any match I was in. Hell, I even created the now inaugural Canadian Cup tournament! The point is, without me NAPW would have been a much boring place to be in. Without my show stealing matches against the likes of D!, “Sick” Billy Kryenik & Evan Cartwright, NAPW wouldn’t be where they’re at now.
Casino starts to get some boos again. Like he cares.
CHRIS CASINO: To everyone that has ever had the guts to face me in this ring, I tip my hat to you. To the guys who actually pinned me in this ring you’ll forever have my respect. To this company that let me come back for this one night and say “good-bye” in the fashion I wanted, I can only say Thank you. It is my honor to be inducted with the likes of Rex Caliber & “Ill” Bill. Oh Hell, I’m even honored to stand next to men like The Dudes and Static.
This gets the crowd back on his good side.
CHRIS CASINO: To all the young kids in the back watching this and listening to me talk I want you guys to look at the people who have come before you. We set the standard, now it’s up to you to raise the bar. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for inducting me into the Ring of Prestige. This means more than any title belt ever could. And that…Is something you dirty Canadians can bank on!
Casino hands the microphone to Raul Havok and raises his arms above his head as the crowd gives him grudging respect…
From the ring to backstage. It’s Tiffany Macintyre, former manager of many, current girlfriend of one “The Beast” Bruce Richards. Tiffany is walking through the hallway with a bottle of water when suddenly… she comes across two men she’s very familiar with. One in an Edmonton Eskimos jersey, the other a bowling shirt and sandals (yes in October.) The crowd pops as they see on the screen none other than the slackers til the end… THE DUDES.
TIFFANY: Cam! Mike! Oh my God it’s so good to see you!
Hugs all around. It seems that whatever has happened in the past, there’s no bad blood here.
TIFFANY: Congratulations, by the way, on tonight! Are… are you dressing like that for the ceremony?
CAMERON SCOTT: Hey, Tiff, the fans wanted the Dudes in their hall of fame…
MIKE JOHNSTON: And so tonight, they’re going to see the Dudes as they are. No tuxedos. No excessive grooming. Just Mike and Cam, as they remember them!
TIFFANY: (Grinning despite herself.) Same old boys. It’s good to see you haven’t changed.
MIKE JOHNSTON: Well… not much anyway. Neither of us are cleared to wrestle, so we’ve been loafing around. A lot. Look… Tiff, it’s been great catching up, but we’ve got to go get ready!
TIFFANY:Sure thing. And good luck tonight!
Mike and Cam saunter off. Tiffany goes to leave, when Cam returns and catches her by the arm.
CAMERON SCOTT:Tiffany, wait a sec. When you left us, all those months ago, you said it was because we lacked focus…
TIFFANY: Cam… I didn’t mean anything personally… I just…
CAMERON SCOTT: No. It’s cool. It’s just… you were right. We DID lack focus. Maybe if we’d taken your advice a little more serious… well, maybe we’d still be wrestling.
Cam rubs his neckbrace. Tiffany gives him a hug.
TIFFANY: Good luck out there tonight Cam.
The two part ways, and we cut back to the action. Jack Jones is – as per usual – in the middle of some outrageous story.
JACK JONES: … and a trumpet in his ear! Haw!
BILL HEWSON: I bet that was uncomfortable in the morning! But we’re back! Tonight is a night all about remembering our first spectacular year, and what better way to do that then to see some of our alumni wrestlers return one more time for the fans!
JACK JONES: Damn straight Hewson! Many of our industry’s up-and-coming stars have passed through our halls, and a few of them are here tonight!
Cue “Believe Me” and the crowd cheers! THE CRUSHER, steps out from behind the curtain, a smile playing on his face, and nods to the crowd before making his way down to the ring!
JACK JONES: Wait… The Crusher!? Damn, I though Chris Casino’s match was next! Scratch that ‘up-and-comers’ remark in post!
BILL HEWSON: We’re live, you dolt!
The Crusher takes his time, enjoying the cheers of the crowd, then steps into the ring. He shakes hands with both Frank Warburton and referee Morgan Smythe before turning once more to the crowd and raising his arms. The smile remains, but The Crusher’s posture shows that he’s here tonight to wrestle!
BILL HEWSON: The Crusher, of course, hasn’t been with the NAPW since the summer… but from the sounds of the fans, no one has forgotten him! Welcome home Crusher!
Lynyrd Skynyrd & Kid Rock blast over the sound system with “Gimmie Back My Bullets”, and the crowd rises to it’s feet! You almost can’t hear the music as J.C. COOK hurtles out of the back and stands, for a moment, basking in the love of the crowd!
BILL HEWSON: J.C. Cook! He’s been out since January due to injury, but he’s back and ready for one more match with NAPW!
Cook runs around the barricade, glad-handing everyone and anyone, then turns and slides into the ring. He, too, shakes hands with Warburton and Smythe. Tonight, it seems, neither of these men is a ‘babyface’ or a ‘heel’. It’s two phenominal athletes, here for the fans. And the fans clearly appreciate it.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for the first of our ALUUUMNNNI MATCHES! First, from Riverside, California; and weighing in at TWO-HUNDRED and SEVENTY four pounds… he is the FIRST EVER Television Champion… THE CRUUUUUUSHHHHHER!
Crusher raises his arms again and the crowd cheers! A lot of love here tonight.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent…
Warburton is cut off by an IMMEDIATE pop. Cook grins ear-to-ear, hops up to the second rope at the corner and raises his arms, feeding the crowd further. Warburton presses ahead, trying to be heard over the crowd.
FRANK WARBUTON: From Kenosha, Wisconsin; and weighing in at TWO-HUNDRED and THRITY nine pounds… he is the one… the only… J. C. COOOOOOOOK!
The crowd is chanting “Cook! Cook! Cook!” Cook hops off the turnbuckle as Warburton exits the ring, and turns to face The Crusher. Crusher is now all business, and Cook nods, shaking out his arms, and hunkering down. There’s the bell! The first NAPW Alumni Match is under way!
The two men meet in the middle of the ring and begin circling each other. Theres a tense moment, then Cook turns to the crowd and earns himself another cheap pop! The crowd loves this guy! KICK TO THE BACK from Crusher! Maybe the former Television Champ is getting a little jealous?
JACK JONES: You don’t turn your back on your opponent, even for a second! J.C. Cook was ASKING for that!
The crowd, to their credit, don’t boo Crusher for the cheap shot, and the former champ presses his advantage as Cook cluthces his back in pain. Crusher grabs Cook, and whips him hard to the ropes. Cook rebounds, only to be scooped up and PLANTED with a stiff Belly-to-Belly suplex! The Crusher is in good form tonight.
BILL HEWSON: The Crusher is in good form tonight!
JACK JONES: Whoa!
BILL HEWSON: What?
JACK JONES: I just got deja vu when you said that!
Cook scrambles away from The Crusher, trying to stop the larger man’s momentum, but Crusher catches him and hauls him up. Toe kick from Crusher doubles over Cook… Crusher hooks the head, Cook goes up… WAIT FOR IT… Suplex! And a cover from the former TV Champ! One! Two! And a kickout at two!
JACK JONES: Leave it to J.C. Cook to have the worst comeback in history.
Crusher hauls up a clearly dazed Cook and whips him into the corner. Cook hangs there… and Crusher is calling for the Crusher Effect! This match could be over! He turns to charge… only to have his legs taken out by a desperate, diving J.C. Cook! Crusher topples as Cook scrambles to his feet… and drops an elbow on Crushers’s head! And again! Cook pulls Crusher to his feet and whips HIM into the Corner… FUZZY SPLASH! Crusher spits into the air and falls flat on his face! J.C. Cook turns him over… One! Two! And Crusher gets his foot on the ropes! The crowd applauds wildly!
BILL HEWSON: No one wants to see this match done yet! And these two men are just getting started!
Cook pops up while Crusher staggers to his feet using the ropes… Cook catches the former Champ from behind with a full-nelson! Crusher shakes his head and tries to power out, but Cook PLANTS him with the Full-Nelson Slam! And another cover! One, Two, Kickout! Cook pounds the mat in disappointment!
JACK JONES: Temper, temper!
Cook turns to Crusher only to have the All-American to NAIL him with a left! Cook shakes it off and responds with his own left hook! Crusher responds in kind! Then Cook! Crusher! Cook! Crusher! Cook! Crusher! Crusher! CRUSHER! DDT! Cook is hangs on the top of his head for just a moment, then crashes to the mat! Crusher goes for a cover, but Cook immediately puts a foot on the ropes! Crusher shrugs, and hauls Cook to his feet instead. TOE KICK! Crusher doubles over in surprise… IMPLANT DDT! Now it’s The Crusher’s turn to crash into the mat! Cook hooks the leg! One! Two! Thrrrnokickout! So close! The crowd is cheering!
BILL HEWSON: The crowd is deafening! I don’t know if they even care who wins!
Cook has pulled Crusher to his feet, and whips him into the corner again! He’s calling for a second Fuzzy Splash! He charges… and NOBODY’S HOME! Crusher dodges at the last second and Cook crashes into the top turnbuckle! He clutches his chest in pain and staggers back… into a BACKBREAKER from Crusher! Cook goes down over the knee backwards, then pops back up and stumbles forward into the turnbuckle! He turns around in time to see Crusher CHARGE! CRUSHER EFFECT! INTO AN EMPTY CORNER POST! The former TV champ clutches his shoulder and staggers back… PRESSURE COOKER! Cook hooks the leg! One! Two! THREE! The crowd is on it’s feet!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is the winner of the first NAPW Alumni Match… J. C. COOOOOOK!
BILL HEWSON: Cook wins! J.C. Cook has won, and the crowd is GOING WILD!
Cook acknowledges the crowd, then extends a hand to a disappointed Crusher. Crusher looks up, smirks, and accepts Cook’s help to his feet! The crowd cheers all the louder as the two men exchange a nod and a firm handshake, then Crusher waves one last time to the crowd and slides out of the ring to give Cook his moment.
BILL HEWSON: What respect between two phenominal wrestlers!
JACK JONES: I’ll hand it to them, Bill Hewson. It was a great match.
J.C. Cook turns to the crowd with a grin… and then the LIGHTS GO OUT!
BILL HEWSON: What the hell!?
JACK JONES: Did the U of A forget to pay the power bill!?
There’s a moment of confusion, then the lights come back up and… HOLY HELL! IT’S MISERY! The madman who put J.C. Cook on the injured list for three months is IN THE RING! The crowd’s cheers have turned to SCREAMS and BOOS as Misery just UNLEASHES a barrage of stiff punches right into Cook’s head!
BILL HEWSON: What the hell!? Where did HE come from!?
JACK JONES: Well it IS Halloween, Hewson!
Cook staggers under Misery’s attack, and the psycho laughs as each blow rains down! Why is no one coming to Cook’s aid! Where did Crusher go!? Cook, busted open, staggers into a DOUBLE ARM DDT! Cook is LAID OUT! Misery cackles with glee and slides out of the ring! Fans begin pelting him with popcorn and bottles, but he just laughs all the harder and marches to the time keeper’s table. He grabs a steel chair and holds it aloft with sick triumph!
BILL HEWSON: NO! NOT LIKE THIS! THIS IS J.C. COOK’S NIGHT, YOU BASTARD!
JACK JONES: It looks like Misery has come tonight to finish what he started last year!
Misery slids back into the ring, where Cook is desperately using the ropes to retake his feet! Weilding the chair, he lunges… VAN DAMINATOR FROM COOK! Right in Misery’s face! Cook is coming alive, and the crowd is behind him 100%! Misery shakes off the attack, and rises to meet Cook… TOE KICK! PRESSURE COOKER! ONTO THE CHAIR!
JACK JONES: GOOD GOD! Misery might be DEAD!
Cook rolls over the limp psychopath and hooks the leg! The crowd is on it’s feet as he calls for a count! Morgan Smythe shrugs and hits the mat! One! TWO! THREE! The crowd is going NUTS as Cook uses his foot to roll Misery out of the ring, shaking his head with a smirk! Vindication, at long last, is his!
BILL HEWSON: YES! YES! He BEAT that sicko!
JACK JONES: What a night, Bill Hewson!
BILL HEWSON: What a night for J.C. Cook! What a night for the NAPW! And I have a feeling that we’re in for a few more surprises before it’s all over!
J.C. Cook has taken a corner and his standing tall atop the ringpost for the crowd who is again chanting “Cook! Cook! Cook!” Words can’t describe the look on his face… the look of a man who’s come home one last time! The NAPW fans will miss him, and so will we…
BILL HEWSON: Well that was certainly unexpected, but on his one-night-only return to NAPW, J.C. Cook apparently wins two straight. And almost one YEAR after the fact… Misery finally got what was coming to him!
JACK JONES: How does this happen? I just lost a ton of money, Hewson!
BILL HEWSON: Let me get this straight. You bet against Cook?
JACK JONES: Oh God yes.
BILL HEWSON: …Twice?
JACK JONES: Well I figured that while he was here, somebody would want to pad their record…
BILL HEWSON: No wonder you’re so unpopular at christmas. Ladies and gentlemen, this January, NAPW presented JOKER’S WILD live from the Bacaratt Casino here in Edmonton. Let’s take a look back at one of the wildest events in NAPW history.
January 23, 2006. The Doomeriders defeated The Delivery Men in a wild Falls Count Anywhere tag-team brawl. Maniac vs Evan Cartwright, considered one of the best matches in wrestling history. Ravager wins the Gauntlet match. D! Nyquil Drives Chris Casino from the top of a steel cage! And of course… the Triangle Ladder Match. The Crimes. The New & Improved D-X. And these men… The Dudes.
Back to live action again. Suddenly some music kicks up! Music you say? How’s it go?
“I’m a dude, he’s a dude, she’s a dude, we’re all Dudes!”
Less Than Jake plays to the ring the Sultans of Slack… hell, no tuxedos here, still in their casual clothes: Cam Scott in an Eskimos jersey, Johnston in a bowling shirt. The crowd pops huge for the return of the fan favorites!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the next inductions into the NAPW Ring Of Prestige Class of 2006… Former NAPW Tag Team Champions Michael K. Johnston… Cameron Scott… they are THE DUUUUDES!
The Dudes hit the ring and high-five. Their music cuts out, but the crowd is still SO LOUD. “Welcome back! Welcome back! We have missed you! We have missed you!” The Dudes look overcome, rubbing their eyes. Frank hands them each a plaque and turns over the microphone before stepping out of the ring. The Dudes compose themselves, “Shhhing” the crowd comically.
MIKE JOHNSTON: Thank you! Thank you all very much!
CAMERON SCOTT: It’s a great honour to be here!
MIKE JOHNSTON: The Dudes were honoured to be members of the NAPW. We were given a great opportunity to help a young federation during one of it’s most exciting times, and we embraced that opportunity.
CAMERON SCOTT: We had some classic matches against some fantastically talented opponents, but for us, it was never about titles or accolades. It was about one thing…
MIKE JOHNSTON: You! The fans!
Cheap pop. The Dudes grin and wait for the crowd to settle.
CAMERON SCOTT: We always wanted to put on the best show! We always wanted to be in the matches everyone talked about long after the lights went out, and you went home!
MIKE JOHNSTON: Our careers were about entertaining the people who came out to see us. And we had a heck-of-a-lot of fun along the way!
CAMERON SCOTT: Being chosen by you, our fans here in the NAPW, to be included in the first ever Ring of Legends induction ceremony, means so very much to us. It means that you all understood what we were about, and respected that.
MIKE JOHNSTON: So, with that said, it is great pride that we accept our place amongst the first legends of the NAPW. You may never see the Dudes in action again…
Sounds of dismay from the crowd, as Cam rubs his neck sadly.
MIKE JOHNSTON: But the Dudes will always remember the NAPW fans, the BEST DAMN FANS IN THE WORLD!
Another cheap pop. The Dudes grin as their music kicks back up. They go to the outside, high-fiving their adoring public and basking in the glow one more time.
BILL HEWSON: Arguably the most popular tag team in NAPW history… it’s good to see The Dudes, even just for one night.
JACK JONES: Could they have at LEAST worn a nice shirt? I mean is that too much to ask?
BILL HEWSON: Of The Dudes?
JACK JONES: YES!
BILL HEWSON: Probably. The next match this evening will be a Triple-Threat for the #1 contendership to the tag titles… Katy, bar the door, this one is going to get out of control!
Three teams with little in common. Sexy Adorable Drunks — the beer-swilling, violent men Thomas Deathrow and Krusty Kid Paul. Celtic Assassins — on a mission to keep comedy in NAPW, but also with something to prove in the ring. Stiff Competition — who now have two straight wins over the tag champion New & Improved D-X, but must prove themselves as number one contender. Three different teams with one thing in common: Not one has held NAPW tag team gold. It’s about gold. It’s about pride. It’s about becoming the team to end D-X’s dominant run on top. And it’s going to be Superstar Rules! Stiff Competition vs SAD vs Celtic Assassins, Triple-Threat for the Tag Team #1 Contendership!
Ringside.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is Triple Threat Tag Team match to decide the number one contenders for the NAPW Tag Titles and it will be contested with SUPERSTAR RULES! Introducing first and weighting in at total of FOUR-hundred and ninety-four pounds… Thomas Deathrow! Krusty Kid Paul! SEEEXXXXYYY ADOOORRRABLE DRRRUNKS!
“Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred hits the speakers of Edmonton’s Butterdome as “Superstar” Tommy Deathrow and Krusty Kid Paul make their way to the ring. The fans reactions are a mixed one for S.A.D. Deathrow and KKP enter the ring; both look ready for action and hungry for a shot at NAPW Tag Champions, The New and Improved D-X.
BILL HEWSON: I can’t say that I like these guys style, but you do have to admit that they are a couple of talented wrestlers. When they’re not drunk or… well…
JACK JONES: S.A.D are impressive. But they’ve got some competition tonight. STIFF competition.
BILL HEWSON: Bravo, Jones. Really.
FRANK WARBURTON: Making their way to the ring next, weighing in at a total combined weight of five-hundred and sixty-five pounds! The team of “The Scottish Wrecking Machine” Al Thoes and “The Irish Adonis” Bobby O’Brady…THE CELTIC ASSSSASINSSS!
As The Celts walk out from behind the curtain, “The Devil in the Kitchen” by Ashley MacIssac hits the air waves. The crowd erupts as one of their favorite teams make the way to the ring. Deathrow and KKP exit the quickly as the Celtic Assassins climb the opposite corners and show respect to the crowd for their support.
BILL HEWSON: The crowd is going nuts for Thoes and O’Brady, with good reason. These guys are tough and are my pick to take this thing
JACK JONES: The Celts are horrible! These guys are going to prove to be punching bags for the other teams involved in this thing…
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents, weighting in at a combined weight of five-hundred and seventeen pounds and being lead to the ring by Ol’Salty… they are Rod Hardway and “Durty” Dutch Flanagan, they are members of The Winner’s Circle…STIIIFFFFF COMPETITION!
As the fans prepare to boo the heels, they are surprised by what they hear. “Baddstreet USA” blares over the speakers. The crowd erupts as the sound of The Freebirds theme rattles their ear drums. But, when they see what walks out on the ramp, their attitude changes. Rod, with a Rebel Flag robe and face painted alla Michael PS Hayes and Dutch sporting a jacket and tights with that same flag, Buddy Roberts style, make their way to the ring…
BILL HEWSON: Can you believe these two?! Disgracing one of the best Tag Team in wrestling history!
JACK JONES: This is not a disgrace Bill, Stiff Competition are paying homage to the Freebirds. One of the best tag teams of our time, representing another. I love these guys, and I can see that they are going to walk away with the title shot tonight…
Referee John Sharplin calls for the bell and this one is on…
Hardway, KKP, and O’Brady start this one off and it looks like we’re going to have a little double team action as Bobby and KKP turn their attention to Rod. O’Brady and Paul force the big man into the ropes double irish whip to the opposite side; double back body drop brings Hardway to the mat. KKP turns his attention to the downed Winner’s circle member while O’Brady tags in Thoes. Thoes enters the ring slowly and watches on a little as KKP continues to deliver vicious kicks to Hardway. KKP finally stops the beating and raises his hands in victory, only to be dropped by a vicious clothesline from Al. Thoes now pulls Hardway off the mat and whips him to the Celts corner, following with another power clothesline. Thoes tags in Bobby, who delivers a hard knee to the gut, bring Rod to the mat again. By this time KKP is back to his feet, and grabs O’Brady from behind, turning him quickly to meet a stiff right from Paul. With O’Brady dazed from the punch, KKP folds Bobby in half with a quick boot and delivers a DDT. KKP then tags in the “Superstar.”
BILL HEWSON: This one has had a great start Jack! JACK JONES: You’re right Bill, but it would be nice to see a little more positive action from my boys, Stiff Competition!
BILL HEWSON: Well, looks like you’re going to get what you asked for…
While Deathrow and O’Brady tangle, Hardway is making his way to the corner and tags in Flanagan. Deathrow has come out on top of the grapple with Bobby and has thrown him to the outside. KKP jumps off the ring apron and attacks O’Brady and Thoes is quick to come to his partner’s aid. Back in the ring, Tommy has no idea that Durty is in the ring. When he turns around he is face to face with Dutch. They lock up; Flanagan comes out on top, irish whip…NO!! SHORT CLOTHESLINE!! Deathrow is down, Dutch with the pin… kickout by the Superstar.
BILL HEWSON: That was a vicious short clothesline, but it’s going to take more than that to keep Tommy Deathrow down at this point in the match!
JACK JONES: I got to agree with you for once Bill, it’s early in this match… hell, they haven’t even used weapons.
Durty doesn’t waste anytime and continues to attack Superstar. Flanagan pulls Tommy off the mat…SWINGING DDT! Flanagan to the ropes, looking for A ROLL IN THE MUD…NO! Tommy gets his knees up! Both Deathrow and Dutch are on the mat. Superstar crawling to his corner to make the tag, KKP isn’t there to meet him, but O’Brady is…ATOMIC DROP! Deathrow is down and O’Brady heads for Flanagan, who is back to his feet! Bobby and Durty meet in the middle of the ring, O’Brady ducks a big punch attempt, Flanagan is back on to “The Irish Adonis” and he locks on a full nelson….FULL NELSON BOMB! O’Brady with the pin, Sharplin counts! One, two, th— Hardway with the save after the big move from O’Brady.
JACK JONES: Now that’s teamwork!
BILL HEWSON: Hardway saves this one for his team… and SAD, actually. The unique rules of this match-up mean that the first pinfall ends the match. A team can lose without being involved in the decision!
Thoes now enters the ring and ties up with Hardway. They take there battle outside. Bobby is still working Flanagan, but now Tommy is back in the ring. O’Brady pushes Durty away and turns to Deathrow. Clothesline attempt from O’Brady is ducked by the Superstar. Deathrow off the ropes, and comes back with a flying forearm that drops Bobby. Tommy quickly locks on a Boston Crab and Sharplin is there to watch for the submission…
BILL HEWSON: This could be it Jack! Tommy has that Boston Crab locked in tight!
JACK JONES: O’Brady looks ready to quit…
O’Brady, ready to tap at any moment…CHAIR SHOT BY ROD HARDWAY! Flanagan tagged in the big man while Deathrow was going for the submission win. O’Brady slowly making his way to the corner while Hardway grabs the shaken Deathrow. Tommy is being hoisted into the vertical suplex position…DROPPED ON THE STEEL CHAIR! Rod with the pin, one, two, no! BROKEN UP BY THE FRESH AL THOES!
BILL HEWSON: Stiff Competition had this one won, but Thoes broke the pin!
JACK JONES: Lousy Scottish jackass…
Thoes and Hardway both lock up. The two big men struggling to come out on top of this, Thoes gets the edge and throws Hardway to the ropes, big POWER SLAM!! And the pin… Kickout at ONE?
JACK JONES: You can’t keep big Rod down with one move!
Tommy has some how managed to tag KKP in and now all three men are exchanging punches… KKP NAILS THOES! THOES NAILS HARDWAY! HARDWAY NAILS KKP!
A PAUSE…
THE FANS CHEER!
KKP AND THOES DROP HARDWAY!
Thoes is laughing at Hardway’s misfortune, distracted just long enough for KKP to take advantage. SPINE BUSTER ON THOES! Tommy has made it in to the ring now and they pick Thoes off the mat. SAD throw Al to the ropes, double clothesline ducked by Thoes, quick turn, and a stiff clothesline of his own puts both SAD members over the ropes. Thoes tags O’Brady and it looks like Hardway has done the same with Flanagan. They meet in the middle, but Flanagan is first to make a move…VICIOUS KICK TO THE SKULL! Followed with A ROLL IN THE MUD! IT CONNECTS!
THE PIN!
ONE!
TWO!!
THREE…NO! BROKEN UP BY THOES!
All members of Stiff Competition and The Celtic Assassins are in the ring. Thoes is tied up with Hardway and O’Brady and Durty tangle in the corner. Thoes looks to have advantage of Hardway…VERTEBREAKER! Good Lord, he hit the Haggis Buster on the big man!
BILL HEWSON: Now we have a two on one situation here…
JACK JONES: This is not fair!
Now both Celts are working over Flanagan. Thoes has Durty set up for another Vertebreaker, but O’Brady is heading to the top!
BILL HEWSON: Looks like the Celts are calling for the Celtic Crusher
JACK JONES: This move is disgusting!!
YES! CELTIC CRUSHER!
BILL HEWSON: This one is over!
JACK JONES: Not like this! Deathrow, KKP, anybody!
ONE!
TWO!
HERE COMES S.A.D. TO RUIN THE PARTY— TOO LATE!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners… and new Number One contenders to the tag team titles! THE CELTIC ASSASSINNNNNNS!
SAD are too late, and the Celtic Assassins have their arms raised in victory!
BILL HEWSON: Well, it was out of control like we said. Celtic Assassins will challenge for the NAPW Tag Team titles sometime soon… maybe this will be the shot they finally capture the gold.
JACK JONES: I think it’s a conspiracy, personally. But it’s not like anybody ever listens to me.
BILL HEWSON: Sorry, were you saying something? Ladies and gentlemen before we move on tonight… while order is restored out here… let’s take a look back at NAPW’s first SOLE SURVIVOR event. Check this out.
March 20, 2006. NAPW’s first annual SOLE SURVIVOR event. A 30-man over the top rope rumble match. On the card of course… Brothers collide! Diamond vs Axe! The New & Improve D-X dethroned by surprising fan favorites The Rat Pack, Chris Casino & Evan Cartwright. A wild triple-threat for the NAPW Title… With champion Ravager on the outside, Rex Caliber forces Minstrel to pass out, winning his first NAPW Title! Sole Survivor: D! enters number one… Honky Tonk Man makes an appearance… Caliban clears the ring… and then it’s D!, still at the end, eliminated by Devastation thanks to “The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees. Devastation earns his NAPW title shot, and that would set the stage for the “Month From Hell…”
Back to ringside. Frank Warburton is once again in the ring holding a Ring Of Prestige plaque.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen the next Ring of Prestige honoree…
“MORE HUMAN THAN HUMAN, SICKER THAN SICK!”
The crowd explodes as Rex Caliber comes down the aisle. He looks to be in wrestling shape. He is in a tuxedo, and looks very happy to be here. Rex enters the ring.
REX CALIBER: First off how the hell is EDMONTON TONIGHT?
The crowd cheers.
REX CALIBER: My cheap pop is out of the way… I’d like to thank my parents for having such an awesome son. I’d like to thank God for blessing me with the abilities that no other man possesses.
Rex goes from smiling to almost teary eyed.
REX CALIBER: When this deal got announced… I was happy to get honored. Then getting here at the building… I was loving being around the wrestlers. I saw the hunger in there eyes. This is one awesome card. The Superbowl of NAPW Wrestling… The Mecca!
Rex sheds some tears.
REX CALIBER: And… it breaks my heart to get this award and be here, and not wrestle. I want so much to perform one last time… for you fans. But my loss to Rees was my final match, as I’m not allowed to wrestle here, per Winchell. But even though you can’t see ME wrestle… I’m sure everyone will get their moneys worth, just like I used to give you every night. THANK YOU FANS… FOR ALLOWING REX CALIBER TO GROW UP! Thank you from the bottom of my heart… I’ve took up to much time.. Let’s get the action started again!
Rex exits the ring, after kissing his plaque. The crowd rises to their feet giving him a heartfelt, standing ovation. “One more match! One more match! One more match!” Rex looks back out from the top of the aisle, raising both arms high…
One last time.
BILL HEWSON: Truly a class act, ladies and gentlemen. “The Nexus One” Rex Caliber, who I might add was run out of the company by our biased owner Joseph Winchell. It’s just not good business to get rid of your top draw…
JACK JONES: You can criticize the commish all you want, but R. Joseph Winchell… THE THIRD… has good reasons for everything he does. Rex Caliber was killing NAPW, even if you choose not to see it.
BILL HEWSON: Oh shut the hell up. At least Rex could accept his Ring of Prestige induction. Good bye Rex Caliber… and Godspeed.
Complete Control. An event ironically marked by CHAOS. The first Pure Honor champion is crowned. The Action! Battle Royale II! Bi-Polar Express defend their tag belts against the Celtic Assassins… and then Evan Cartwright and “The Lemondrop Kid” engage in a classic ladder match for the Provincial Title. In the main event: WAR GAMES. The now bizarre team of D!, Static, Rex Caliber and Ravager taking on Devastation, Lloyd Rees, Pit Boss and Bayman Jakey. It was violent, and then Lloyd Rees turned on his team! Rex Caliber’s team wins! It would be the beginning of the end for the Charitable Trust…
BILL HEWSON: It has been one amazing year for wrestling fans in the West. We will never see a team like D!, Rex, Static and Ravager again.
JACK JONES: Because of course, they all hate each other.
BILL HEWSON: Besides two of them being retired? Pretty much. Our next match however, features some of NAPW’s new crop of talent. The issue between the Royal Foundation and “Big Bad” Brian Bruno has gotten mighty personal. Let’s look back at the feud.
The time for talking ends tonight. The verbal war is over. The physical war has been waging for weeks. The Lethal Lottery set up a scenerio that truly defined the core of what the name symbolized. Brian Bruno was the odd man out, in a dangerous game of strength in numbers. The Royal Foundation laid him to waste that night…
But Bruno would not let them go unpunished. A one man vigilante took on the Royal Foundation in singles matches, only to fall to the numbers game again. The brutally left Bruno bloody and no one came to help him. With an ultimatum, Bruno had no choice but to find a man that we could count on, and the NAPW roster isn’t a real option. So Bruno went to the most respected hero in NAPW lore… Rex Caliber. Rex lead him to a man that no one knows, but somehow, someway Bruno trusts this man. The Royal Foundation can finish the job tonight, prove their dominance over Bruno… or be humbled by the ex football player and a hero for just one day!
Demon Hunter’s “Through the Black” pulsates throughout the Butterdome next, which can only mean one thing: it’s time to get Royal. Prince Darko bounds from the back in a new, royal blue colored singlet and immediately steps back, pounding on the chest of his tag partner, Thomas Young, to hype him up. The crowd boos in a low murmur. Jeff James and Mr. B are nowhere to be seen.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following tag-team contest is scheduled for ONE FALL! Now, making their way to the ring: NAPW’s most monarchial tag team, they weigh in at a combined four-hundred fifty-five pounds… PRINCE DARKO and THOMAS YOUNG, the ROYYYALLL! FounDAAATION!!
BILL HEWSON: Well, Jack Jones… we’re about to see whether or not life truly goes on. Our next match should be a solid tag team contest, we’ve got four of the brightest young stars of NAPW coming to the ring in the Royal Foundation, Brian Bruno, and Mr. Canada. I just can’t help but replay Rex Caliber’s speech in mind over and over, though, Jack. The last match? He’s given us so much!
JACK JONES: … wait, what?! You don’t think there’s anything fishy going on with Mr. Canada? Knowing all of Rex’s moves, being Rex’s best fri—
BILL HEWSON: Jack, will you be my shoulder to cry on?!
JACK JONES: —get off of me! You’re being ridiculous!
In the downtime, the Royals have gotten into the ring and mugged for the fans, drawing a more passionate ire. “Step Up” by Drowning Pool plays next, and the crowd gives a solid pop for the former New York Jet, “Big Bad” Brian Bruno. JACK JONES: Now, if you can wipe the tears from your eyes, you’ll see something interesting: look at the flames shooting out of Brian Bruno’s head right now. He’s staring daggers right at the Royals, like he wants to slide into the ring right now and re-live his old football days. Bruno’s never forgotten that brutal beating that the Foundation gave to him when he was the odd man out at Lethal Lottery, and he hasn’t had an opportunity to get back at them with even numbers. With Mr. Can—I mean, Rex Caliber, in his corner, however…
BILL HEWSON: Bruno’s playing it smart, however. He knows that Mr. Canada will be coming to the ring in a matter of seconds… perhaps HE can carry on the Rex Caliber legacy… and instead of charging into the ring, he’s staying at the middle of the ramp.
JACK JONES: Kissing that plaque of his?
BILL HEWSON: Yeah, Jack Jones, I always wanted to ask you, what’s the deal with that plaque of his? He kisses it before every match but hasn’t told us what it’s all about.
JACK JONES: Got me, Hewson. Family hierloom? Maybe it’s a Heisman trophy that was run over by a truck or something. Either way, kissing that plaque’s seems to be working for him here in NAPW, even though it doesn’t compare to what I used to kiss before my matches!
BILL HEWSON: Your opponents’ ass? Thank you, I’ll be here all night, and here’s Mr. Canada!
Before Jack Jones can get in another word, Big Sugar’s “O Canada” plays. With the help of the fans in attendance, Mr. Canada walks out to the ring, waving a Canadian flag, to a big pop. His 245 lbs. of pure muscle strain against his red and white bodysuit, while his bald dome is only partially covered by the maple leaf mask. When he reaches Brian Bruno at the middle of the ramp, he implores the big fella to join in with the fans singing “O Canada,” and waves his flag to the tune of the song. The Chicago native still looks furious, but can’t help but join in. It’s not until the song is over does this makeshift team slide underneath the ropes, pumped and ready to go.
FRANK WARBURTON: Their opponents! They weigh in at a combined five hundred and sixteen pounds! “Big BAD”—BRIAN BRUNO! and, MR. CAAAANAAADDAAA!
As the referee for this evening’s contest, Morgan Smythe, checks each individual wrestler for foreign objects, she can’t help but chuckle as the oh-so-familar Mr. Canada waves the Canadian flag while she checks on him. As the smaller, faster Prince Darko elects to begin the match for the Royal Foundation, there is little doubt who will for the makeshifts, as “Big Bad” Brian Bruno has already planted himself in the center of the ring.
BILL HEWSON: Brian Bruno looks ready to tear Prince Darko to shreds… really makes me wish that he had gotten some counseling from Rex Caliber himself, y’know? Mr. Canada’s teachings can only do so much…
JACK JONES: Your credibility dwindles by the second, Hewson. Just so you’re aware.
Ding ding ding goes the bell, and we’re ready to begin. But Brian Bruno’s bringing ready BACK, and Prince Darko just don’t know how to ACT! Bruno runs right at Darko and levels him with the punch to the head. Darko bounds right back up and gets a left for his troubles. Bruno picks up a felled Darko this time, and begins clubbing him in the back of the head with meaty forearms that leave Darko crawling for the corner. Brian Bruno’s got the fire in his eyes, his family’s been through enough trouble at the Foundation’s hands to last a lifetime, and he’s got Darko firmly in the crosshairs. Bruno grabs Darko forcefully by the throat, in the corner, and carries him from in, lifting him up, almost to the top of the Butterdome, and letting him fall with a powerful gorilla press slam that invigorates the crowd, electrifies Mr. Canada, and bewilders Thomas Young! Darko crawls to his corner to quickly mull over strategy with Young and decides on a good one: I’m getting the hell out of this ring. Young reluctantly tags in, as Bruno beckons him to “just bring it.” Young stalls for a second, waiting to pick up a head of steam, and runs straight for the former Jet. Big mistake, your highness. Bruno takes quick advantage of Young’s momentum, picks him up, and drills him straight into the ground with a powerful spinebuster! He goes for the pin, but pulls Young up at two before Smythe can register the three count.
BILL HEWSON: Why did Bruno do that, Jack Jones?
JACK JONES: I’d say that to Brian, tonight, beating up on the Royal Foundation may be even more important than actually beating them in the match. They’ve put his family through quite a bit of torment, do we need to bring up his son, Aaron?… plus, with Rex Caliber in his corner, Bruno probably figures he’ll never a chance like thi—
BILL HEWSON: Rex Caliber’s in Bruno’s corner?! Aw, Jack, you had me fooled there for a second! It’s just Mr. Canada!
The quizzical look from Smythe is ignored as Bruno picks up Young and tosses him into the corner. Hewson makes note of the fact that Young is only slightly smaller than Bruno and yet was tossed aside like a damn rag doll. Bruno’s going to work now, KNIFE EDGE chops to the chest of Thomas Young draws a strong response from the crowd. WOO! WOO2! WOO3! And a clothesline for good measure! Bruno’s apparently getting adventurous now, as he lifts Young up to the top rope. This isn’t exactly his backyard, but he makes it look so by keeping Young off-guard with shots to the chin. Looks like he’s setting Thomas Young in the position for… a gorilla press slam off the top rope?! That’d probably finish the Royal off right here, right now, and that sounds like the kind of thing that’s appealing to Brian Bruno at the moment… the moment doesn’t last long, however. Prince Darko regains his composure and distracts Morgan Smythe by attempting to get into the ring. Morgan’s having NONE of that, though, and goes to stop him… giving Thomas Young the perfect opportunity to low-blow Brian Bruno and stop the top-rope gorilla press in its tracks! Bruno’s now perched in a precarious position at the top, he’s all open… modified Young Cutter from Thomas Young sends Bruno to the ground in a heap! Darko stops the bumrush long enough to let Smythe begin the double count, and she gets to three before a tired Thomas Young starts to stir. Five, and he’s on his knees, with Bruno still out. Eight, he’s on his feet, with Bruno to his knees. Nine! Bruno finally makes it to his feet, while Young tags in Prince Darko!
BILL HEWSON: A fresh Prince Darko makes it a bad way for Brian Bruno right now!
JACK JONES: A fresh prince, eh? Hehe.
Prince Darko bounds over the top rope and makes a run right at Brian Bruno, wasting no time in leveling his already-injured head with a running DDT! Darko goes for the pin but can only manage two, as Brian Bruno’s showing some resiliancy. Darko drags Bruno to his feet in a hurry and sets him up in the position for what he calls, Monarchy, or his fisherman brainbuster, but Bruno’s fighting it for all he’s worth. Punches to the abdomen and chest weaken Prince Darko, but he still holds the suplex position intact. Darko lifts up Bruno, going for the brainbuster, but Bruno lands back on his feet! The crowd is firmly behind Bruno at this point, as Mr. Canada PUMPS ‘EM UP for all that their worth! Mr. Canada begins a “BRU-NO! BRU-NO!” chant to keep his partner’s head afloat, as Darko lifts Bruno up again! This time he makes the flip, but… it seems he didn’t hit the brainbuster!
JACK JONES: Oh wow, excellent move by Brian Bruno! While he couldn’t fight his way out of that suplex position, he positioned his body so that his back would take the fall—a vertical suplex—instead of his neck getting hit with that brainbuster. Bruno may still be in a bad way, but it could’ve been a lot worse!
A frustrated Prince Darko tries to lock on an STO, but Brian Bruno ain’t having it. He’s taking advantage of his size with stiff right forearms to the forehead and chest of Darko every time he tries to lock it on. Darko finally gives up on the submission holds and decides to make a go at it with his quickness, felling Bruno with a running dropkick. Darko figures that this appears to work, and thusly scales the top rope. Natural progression? Not for Darko, notes Jack Jones, who’s more of a technical/power wrestler despite his size. Darko’s sizing up Bruno, more than half of the ring away, and finally makes a leap towards him as Bruno rises—couldn’t get enough air behind that one! Prince Darko went for a body press, but Bruno caught him, spun, took a step and viciously SLAMMED his rival into the mat, at the center of the ring, with a vicious running bodyslam! Mr. Canada is literally jumping on the bottom rope, the crowd is going banana, and Brian Bruno is… dead tired. He hasn’t enjoyed rest at any point in this match, and cannot maintain the momentum for a follow-up move to Darko. That’s okay, though. Mr. Canada will.
MORGAN SMYTHE: 1… 2… “BRU-NO!”… 3… “BRU-NO!” … 4… “BRU-RON!” … 5… “BRU-RON!” … 6… “AA-RON!” “AA-RON!” “AA-RON!”
JACK JONES: Th-that’s the name of Brian Bruno’s son! The Royal Foundation has tortured this man and his boy in recent weeks!
BILL HEWSON: And Brian Bruno has RESPONDED! The man is to his feet, along with Prince Darko this time, and he’s headed towards Mr. Canada, who’s just DYING to get in!
JACK JONES: And the crowd is dying to see him in!
Aaaand… Bruno makes the tag to Mr. Caliber! Er, Mr. Canada! Prince Darko makes the tag to Young! Young running full speed towards Mr. Canada, clothesline attempt, big mistake! Mr. Canada ducks it, back waistlock, RELEASE EDMONTON SUPLEX to Thomas Young! Prince Darko to his feet now, he makes a run at Mr. Canada, gets met with a SASKATOON STO! Darko down now, just in time for Young to make it back to his feet! Mr. Canada levels him with… a clothesline? CANADA CLOTHESLINE! Young to the outside! Darko back to his feet now, running, Mr. Canada with a drop toe hold and LOCKS IT IN—CIRCLES OF CALGARY to Prince Darko! The Prince is tapping, he’s tapping, this match is over and Brian Bruno has his revenge! Well, not quite, reminds Morgan Smythe. He’s not the legal man. This draws the crowd’s ire, who let Smythe know, but hey, rules is rules. Mr. Canada’s got nothing but respect, though, and despite his disappointment he kicks Prince Darko aside without squabble. But… where is Thomas Young? The big man… is to the top rope. With Mr. Canada in his crosshairs.
BILL HEWSON: MR. CANADA, LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!!!
Thomas Young FLIES at Mr. Canada with a double axe handle slam—that’s not his game!—and Mr. Canada REMINDS him of it with an atomic drop reversal! Thomas Young is jumping up and down in pain, and Mr. Canada makes a tag to Brian Bruno. Big pop? You betcha! Bruno climbs into the ring and lifts Young up on his shoulders, as Mr. Canada heroically scales the top rope! How ’bout a DON CHERRY DEVICE in the center of the ring, to fell Thomas Young! Bruno with the cover, Smythe with the count as Mr. Canada mauls Prince Darko on the outside! 1… 2… 3! Brian Bruno gets the duke!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are YOUR winners… “BIG BAD” BRIAN BRUNO, and MR. CANNNNNADDDAAA!
BILL HEWSON: HUGE win for Brian Bruno and Mr. Canada tonight! Bruno gets a measure of revenge for all the torment he’s gone through since the Lethal Lottery, and Mr. Canada shows us what it’s like to be a true Canadian hero! Jack Jones, you know who’d really love to have seen this? Rex Caliber!
JACK JONES: Oh, would you cut it out with that nonsense already! Mr. Canada did almost all of Rex’s moves tonight, the STO, the german suplex, the Rings of Rex… none of that is weird to you at all?
BILL HEWSON: Nope, Jack. None at all. Mr. Canada and Rex Caliber are best friends, you know that, right?
JACK JONES: … I give up.
BILL HEWSON: But I DO know what is weird! Prince Darko has left ringside, he ran through the crowd to get the hell out of dodge before there’s a Canadian revolution. He must be late for a coronation. Anyway, Thomas Young is laying the middle of the ring right now, with Brian Bruno and Mr. Canada just… staring at him. Sizing him up. What could they have in mind?
Indeed, what? Mr. Canada suddenly looks like a lightbulb went off in that bald dome of his, and taps Brian Bruno on the shoulder, whispering in his ear. Bruno looks like he approves of whatever idea Mr. Canada conjured up, and motions to the backstage area… and out walks Brian Bruno’s son, Aaron! He looks more than a little nervous to be in front of a sold-out Butterdome crowd, but no more nervous than he was when the Royal Foundation was making life miserable for him and his poppa. Bruno goes out to meet him halfway and give the boy a hug, drawing a huge “awww” from the fans in attendance. Before the scene can get too mushy, though. Mr. Canada waves the two back into the ring. Brian Bruno whispers something in his son’s ear, and suddenly the boy’s nervous expression is replaced with an ear-to-ear grin. It’s reciprocated by Mr. Canada, who’s now lifted Thomas Young up by the arm and has him in a standing armbar. Brian Bruno quickly slaps on the same hold to his other arm, leaving Thomas Young standing prone in front of Aaron Bruno. Looking like a young John Hall, Aaron lines up a few yards in front of Young, makes a run at him, and kicks him right in the junk!
BILL HEWSON: THROUGH THE UPRIGHTS!
JACK JONES: …You’re ENJOYING this?!
Thomas Young rolls out of the ring in pain. “O Canada” kicks back up. Mr. Canada raises Bruno’s arm high in victory! Then, Bruno lifts his son onto his shoulders. Crowd pops like crazy, what a great moment in NAPW wrestling!
With a celebration finishing in the ring, we cut backstage… Josh Reynolds is dressed up like Mean Gene Okerlund, bald cap and all. He’s standing somewhere in the backstage area, microphone in hand.
JOSH REYNOLDS: Ladies and Gentlemen, we’re just moments away from the Kiniski Cup Match between Simply Beautiful and North T. Gunderson. But with me right now is a man, no, a legend, perhaps the greatest wrestler of all-time. Ladies and Gentlemen, The Immortal Hulk Hogan!
The camera shifts over to Simply Beautiful, completely decked out in his Hogan gear. Wrapped around his head is an American Flag bandanna, to go with his yellow and red ring pants and the “Hulkamania” t-shirt. He does the legendary Hogan flex, and grabs the mike from Reynolds/Okerlund.
SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL: You know something MEAN GENE! Gunderson comes out here and he tries to get all the Hulkamaniacs on his side, brother. He tells them to eat their vitamins and say their prayers just like I do, but I tell you brother, it just isn’t the same. The Hulkamaniacs are the greatest fans in the world, and they’ll climb on the world’s largest back, and they’ll always be behind the man with the World’s Largest arms, brother. And I’ll carry them all to victory, brother! So tell me, Gunderson…
WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU?
Cut to the ring. The crowd suddenly starts booing… Henry Andrews is coming out. They haven’t forgotten what he did earlier in the night…
BILL HEWSON: Oh you’ve got to be kidding me. Henry Andrews is going to be referring the Pure Honor title match? He’s an insult to the very concept, and we know he’s got a problem with North T. Gunderson. Who’s idea of a “Trick” is this?
Andrews hits the ring, ignoring the boos. Suddenly! A clown from the front row, one of the many costumed fans, jumps the railing with his chair! He slides in, Andrews turns around and
CLANG!
JACK JONES: HOLY HELLL!
BILL HEWSON: That fan just knocked Henry Andrews with a steel chair! And… that’s no fan! That’s JOHNSTON RAWK! North T. Gunderson’s partner-in-crime! And wait, what’s that music?
“Theme From Killer Klowns From Outer Space” begins playing. Out walk two clowns, one cleaerly female (and curvaceous), the other clearly North T. Gunderson! North and Tex walk down, throwing candy from their bags and shooting streamers. Meanwhile behind them, referee Dick Kiebiech rushes to the ring along with trainers.
BILL HEWSON: Certainly North Gunderson likes to have fun, but he also likes to wrestle FAIR matches — something Henry Andrews hasn’t given him lately. And it looks like tonight, when North has his biggest title opportunity yet… it looks like Henry Andrews won’t be refereeing this match after all! Dick Kiebiech is going to be the man.
Trainers help the knocked out Andrews out of the ring. Kiebiech looks half disgusted and half annoyed. He’s grumpy. Meanwhile, North & Tex circle the outside of the ring, handing out candy. It’s a good time for all! Finally, they hit the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is for the Pure Honor championship! Introducing first accompanied to the ring by TEX… he stands at five-feet, ten inches tall and weighs two-hundred pounds even. The challenger… ladies and gentlemen, NORTH! T! GUNDERSON!
Gunderson shoots the last of his streamers into the crowd. His music fades. The crowd is breathless for the man… but it’s not Queen. It’s very. Very. Familiar.
“WHEN IT COMES CRASHING DOWN AND IT HURTS INSIDE!
YOU GOTTA TAKE A STAND, YOU DON’T HAVE TO HIDE!”
JACK JONES: Oh my God.
BILL HEWSON: Ladies and gentlemen — !
FRANK WARBURTON: AND HIS OPPONENT! FROM VENICE BEACH CALIFORNIA by way of STATEN ISLAND NEW YORK… at six foot one and two-hundred and thirty five pounds… he is the PURE HONOR CHAMPION… LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE IMMORTALLLLLLL! SIMPLLLLLY! BEAUTIFULLLLLLL!
Oh you BETTER BELIEVE it. Simply Beautiful enters out to a THUNDEROUS ovation. He looks over the crowd, raising the Kiniski Cup over his head. He does the Hogan walk to the ring and walks up the steps, putting the Cup down on the canvas. He gets in the ring and… TEARS THE SHIRT OFFFFFFFF
“I AM A REAL AMERICAN! FIGHT FOR THE RIGHTS OF EVERY MAN!
I AM A REAL AMERICAN! FIGHT FOR WHAT’S RIGHT, FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE!”
BILL HEWSON: This place has come unglued!
JACK JONES: WHAT?
BILL HEWSON: THIS CAPACITY CROWD IS ON THEIR FEET FOR CHAMPION! Oh lordie, this is ELECTRIC!
Simply Beautiful keeps it up, going to the rope… cupping his ear! FLEX! The Hogan pose-down routine! “Real American” begins to fade out, and Dick Kiebiech begins to check over the costumed competitors. He orders Gunderson to empty out his clown pockets. Rubber vomit, whoopie cushion, a string of scarves that just keeps going and going, airhorn, frog… Kiebiech shakes his head and checks over the the “Hulkster.” Crowd goes bananas. Finally, Dick calls for the bell, and this Pure Honor title match is underway.
The newly-minted fan favorite SB shakes North’s outstretched hand. He goes to let go, but North keeps his grip tightly locked. North Gunderson gives SB a toothy grin before unleashing with his patented Blackout Enziguri! North with the quick pin, but SB powers out at one. North trying to control the pace with a side headlock, but SB to his feet and showcases his power by lifting North up and dropping him back down with a back drop suplex. SB wailing away at North mercilessly with open palm strikes and knife-edge chops (WOOOOOO!) before whipping him hard into the opposite corner. North slams into the turnbuckle and falls forward from the impact, holding his back. The Pure Honor Champion takes a moment to showboat and flex for the fans ala the Hulkster, before lifting the challenger up by the hair and body slamming him to the mat with authority. SB takes his time going into the cover and North kicks out at two. SB with the surfboard stretch now, working on the tender back of his opponent. Dick Kiebiech is on it, making sure North can continue.
JACK JONES: Just end it right now, Dick.
BILL HEWSON: Never count out the heart and resilience of a man like North T. Gunderson.
JACK JONES: I can’t take a guy seriously when he does a puppetry promo with song and dance numbers.
BILL HEWSON: Will you stop!
North refuses to quit, but SB has the stretch going tight. North uses his legs to inch his way to the ropes and latches on with a heel. North Gunderson has used his first rope break. SB is forced to break the hold and retaliates with the point of his elbow to the small of his man’s back. This is followed by a kick to the gut and a set up for the Double Underhook Powerbomb. At the peak, North counters with palm strikes and elbows to the head to slow the champion down before sending him flying with a headscissors throw. SB back to his feet rather quickly and North catches him with a desperation Shining Wizard. North scrambles to the cover, but SB kicks out at two. North making a mad dash to the ropes and is just fast enough to get there before SB gets to his feet and turns around. Air North incoming with the flying clothesline off the top, dropping the Kiniski Cup holder once again. North into another cover, but again, SB shoots the shoulder up at two. North now going for a submission: the Indian Deathlock. This move is rather painful and SB screams with every pressure exertion on the part of the challenger. SB uses his upper body strength to scramble to the ropes. Simply Beautiful has utilized his first rope break.
JACK JONES: That move should be illegal!
BILL HEWSON: And why is that?
JACK JONES: Cause he could have torn SB’s ACL or something equally devastating. I never did trust that sneaky clown, Gunderson.
BILL HEWSON: You hide your bias so well, Jack, but I’m surprised to see the Pure Honor Champion getting support from the crowd here.
Indeed, the fans are split between Gunderson and Beautiful, some even cheering for both. The Beautiful People start up a “Let’s go SB, let’s go!” chant while the Due North Gundersonites counter with a “SB sucks, North due North!” North takes advantage of the momentum he has by latching onto SB with the Million Dollar Dream, wrapping his legs around his opponent. SB flails around desperately for a bit before showing good presence of mind by slamming backwards into the turnbuckle. North, sore back and all, releases the hold and appears to be hurting while SB catches his breath and shakes off the cobwebs. North goes for a desperate superkick, but SB catches his foot, spins North around, and floors him with a hard, falling clothesline. SB into the cover, but only two. SB latches on immediately after with The Painkiller, wrenching back on the arm and shoulder while North cries out in pain.
JACK JONES: This better be it, my bookie will pay off double for a submission victory for Simply Beautiful.
BILL HEWSON: We don’t need to hear about your degenerate gambling habits, Jack Attack.
JACK JONES: It’s educational for all the kiddies watching I tell ya!
BILL HEWSON: North Gunderson in a lot of pain here, but he didn’t get this shot by being a pushover, he had to defeat both Dez Carter and David Banks to earn this shot.
JACK JONES: Zzzzzzzzz.
Tex slaps the mat and leads a cheer for her man while SB mercilessly threatens to break the arm. North reaches deep down and wills himself to the bottom rope, but can’t quite reach it. SB releases the pressure just a bit so he can drop and elbow on North’s shoulder, and that’s all he needed; North grabs the bottom rope and uses up his second rope break. SB is backed away by Kiebiech, but the Pure Honor Champion pushes him aside. He grabs at his opponent only to be lured into a small package. Only two as North almost stole he Kiniski Cup right there. SB is livid and loses his concentration for just a split second, long enough for North to hit the Lemon Lime Tang. This gives him some recovery time as SB is thrown for a loop. North now going for the Positive Defeat, but SB throws him off hard, sending North into the ropes. SB slams into him with a reverse elbow and covers again. Only two as North will not give up. SB with the Spin Doctor this time. Another cover, and again, amazingly, North shoots the shoulder up at two. A frustrated SB is really upset now and slams a closed fist into North’s jaw. Kiebiech is threatening him with a DQ title strip if he does that again, but SB doesn’t seem to hear him. Double Underhook leads to a powerbomb this time, big impact. SB with a lateral press, and North manages to kick out. SB can’t believe it.
JACK JONES: That was a slow count!
BILL HEWSON: It’s called heart, Jack, you should get one sometime.
SB has had enough and signals for the end. He climbs to the top, looking for the New York Nightmare. The Staten Island native lets fly with his patented frog splash, but North rolls away at the last possible moment. SB’s abdomen and pride are both hurt after that one, and North takes advantage with a superkick to the chin. North is really winded at this point, but he doesn’t know the meaning of giving up, seemingly. North grabs the Pure Honor Champion and sets him up beautifully (pun intended) for the Positive Defeat. The Sliced Bread #2 variation hits cleanly and SB fishes out before falling to his back. North with the cover, but amazingly, SB kicks out at two and a half. This time, North can’t believe it. North goes to climb the ropes yet again, but SB crotches him before he can get his balance. SB hurls North to the canvas and follows this up with a big time Impact DDT. Again, SB up to the top and goes for the New York Nightmare once again. This time, SB hits his mark and North is deflated. An exhausted SB covers a positively spent North Gunderson and finally gets the three count… NO. UNBELIEVABLE. North got his bottom foot on the rope. Simply Beautiful can’t believe it, North T. Gunderson is still alive! But it’s Simply Beautiful going right back to the top rope… and ONCE MORE! THE NEW YORK NIGHTMARE CONNECTS! That’s TWO, TWO times your pleasure and… North is all out of miracles. Simply Beautiful finally gets the three count.
FRANK WARBURTON: Your winner… and STILL PURE HONOR CHAMPION… SIMPLY BEAUTIFULLLLL!
JACK JONES: Darn, now my bookie will consider this thing a push.
BILL HEWSON: Enough about your problems, Jack, but I’ll admit, SB was impressive with the win here even though North Gunderson put forth his absolute best, and then some.
Inside the ring, Tex is trying to help North up when SB walks over to him, Kiniski Cup in hand. Instead of being a sore winner, Simply Beautiful shakes North’s hand without hesitation. Crowd cheers for that one!
BILL HEWSON: He’s still cocky, still arrogant, but Simply Beautiful seems to be a new man these days. North T. Gunderson with a helluva fight… but still champion is “The Immortal One.”
And indeed, “Real American” cranks back up. SB looks on, the crowd wants him to do it! And… he cups his ear to one side of the ring! To the next side of the ring, cupping his ear! FLEX THOSE PIPES! The crowd goes bananas as NAPW preps a video package remembering their first Pay-Per-View…
Remember… D! & Static teaming? To beat up Heat & Chopper! The wacky Triple-Threat with Delivery Man #1 vs Delivery Man #2 vs… Krusty Kid Paul? Uzi vs Don Travelli. The bloody, brutal war that was Kryenik vs Bickle in a Stairway To Hell ladder match. Stein vs Deathrow! Ravager vs El Mentiroso! Partners collide: Evan Cartwright defended his Provincial Title against Chris Casino. And in the main event, Rex Caliber regained the NAPW Heavyweight Title, defeating Devastation after a brutal Total Annihilation onto the ring apron. An event that lived up to it’s name.
BILL HEWSON: NAPW has come a long way in one year, Jack Jones. That was our first stab at pay-per-view, and things have only gotten bigger since then. Even with the controversy that has surrounded Joseph Winchell’s takeover of the company from his father, “Wahoo” Bobby Winchell
JACK JONES: Yeah, you heard from Winchell lately? Last I heard he was at the retired wrestler’s home, boring staff with tales of his hour-long draw against “Mr. Nobody.” Geez, that match just went ON and ON and ON…
BILL HEWSON: We are live on PPV here, and we can not thank you, the fans, enough for bringing NAPW to where it is today. New Alberta Pro exists because of the fans. And in fact, it was NAPW fans who voted on the first inductees into NAPW’s Ring of Prestige. Right now, we are going to bring out one of the men being inducted! Here he comes now!
Hard to believe that it’s been a month and change and still nothing’s changed. Hardcore insanity—shrieking razorbats—the Blood Brothers. Yes kids, it’s Static.
FRANK WARBURTON: It’s my pleasure to introduce to you, the next induction into the NAPW Ring of Prestige. He has been crowned Provincial, Tag Team, and NAPW Champion. One-half of the Crimes, and the Undisputed Truth, the Hardcore Luchadore… STAAATIC!
Appearing at the top of the entrance ramp, Static takes a moment to peer out into the crowd and let the boos take him back. Deep breath, to let it all soak in… and the man is happy. Twirling his famous screwdriver, dressed in his ring attire, Static walks briskly to the ring and slides in, snatching the mic from Frank Warburton.
STATIC: The NAPW Ring of Prestige. I must say, I never imagined that I’d ever be a part of a ceremony like this. When I came around to NAPW, it was as a “misfit.” When I won titles, it was as a “spot monkey.” Now, look at me. Better than all but five other wrestlers in the back. Better than Joseph Winchell. Better than all of you.
As the boos rain down, Static can’t help but smile.
STATIC: Oh yes, that just takes me way back. Y’know, I’ve been through a lot here. I’ve ran the gauntlet of NAPW superstars and have come out on top: Ravager… Lobo… D-X… the Dudes… Rex Caliber… D!… and though I’d say that I’ve seen and done it all, that’s not entirely true. I’ve never beaten, and I’ve never faced in singles competition, the man that I’m about to tonight, the so-called “Future” (the horrible, horrible, future!) … Chris Casino.
Mixed reaction. Static pauses.
STATIC: Well, I’m not going to let my energy before our match go to waste by describing to you pieces of trash exactly why or how Casino’s ass-kicking is going to go tonight. I’ll just leave it at this: you’re looking at NAPW’s first true Triple-Crown champion. For all intents and purposes, I’m the best damn wrestler that’s ever set foot in this federation. And for Chris Casino, that means that his so-called future… is now. Now either get to the ring this second so we can start our match, jackass, or suck my voodoo!
Static stands in the ring, his eyes glued to the curtain, waiting for Casino to drag his ass to the ring. Then the music hits.
BILL HEWSON: Wait a second, that’s not…
JACK JONES: He’s not here, is he?
The squeal of an electric guitar, the familiar bass riff… Bret Hart’s music? Has NAPW come that far … no, Chris Casino makes his entrance, wearing the classic Pink and Black of the “Hitman”. As well as a sandwich board saying “Aladdin Tickets still available! See me in Genie pants starting Nov. 14th!” The fans are not amused to say the least.
JACK JONES: I guess this isn’t the treat the fans were expecting.
BILL HEWSON: So much for the goodwill he earned earlier. Chris Casino has no respect for anyone. Not even a legend like Bret Hart!
JACK JONES: Please! Casino is a legend all his own!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen! This match is scheduled for one fall! Currently in the ring, weighing in at one-hundred and seventy-five pounds. He is the Hardcore Luchadore, the One-Man Crimes Spree, and a Triple Crown winner. From Windsor, Ontario… This is STAAAAATIC! ( boos!) His opponent, making his way to the ring area, from Las Vegas, Nevada weighing in at two-hundred and twenty pounds, he is the FIRST NAPW Triple Crown winner and the inventor of the Canada Cup tournament: CHRIS… CASINOOOOO! (boos!)
The two men glare at each other. The referee is ready to start the match… Wait a second, where is the referee?
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, a special guest referee has been assigned to this contest!
JACK JONES: Gee, I wonder? Maybe Rex Caliber?
BILL HEWSON: Can’t be him, he’s already left the building…
JACK JONES: It’s not like he wrestled or anything… RIGHT Hewson?
BILL HEWSON: Of course he didn’t wrestle, that’s —
SUPER
CHARGER
HEAVEN
White Zombie hits the speakers. And that means one thing. The Canadian Olympian. The man who spilled blood with both men for months.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the special guest referee… LOBO!
JACK JONES: And how will this be a fair match now?
BILL HEWSON: Well, Lobo hates each man equally, so he’ll have to call it down the middle.
JACK JONES: I’d argue, but that is sound logic.
A huge response to this from the fans. Not so much from the wrestlers in the ring. Casino tries to protest, Static doesn’t look too happy, but they have little choice. Lobo lays down the rules for both men, then calls for the bell!
The two men circle each other. Looking for a classic wrestling hold to start this match off… and Casino immediately jabs his thumb in Static’s eye. (sigh) Lobo gives a mild reprimand for the infraction,which Casino simply brushes off. He turns around and:
SLAP.
Static with a technical pimpslap to the face.
JACK JONES: Static with a classic move there. Very Greco Roman. Look for it at the next Olympics.
BILL HEWSON: Will you stop!
JACK JONES: Sorry, I’m trying to hear what the fans are saying…
BILL HEWSON: Can’t you guess?
“YOU GOT BITCH SLAPPED!”
Casino and Static start trading punches, Lobo yelling at them to break it up, Casino swings, misses, and Static hits an enziguri, taking his opponent down. He hits the ropes, and races back with a snap leg drop. He’s up in a flash, back to the ropes, and comes back for another. And another. Pin attempt, One, and only one, as Casino has had enough for now. He slips out of the ring, trying to catch his breath. Lobo starts a S L O W ten count, and Static? He goes for a plancha! And he nails… the ring barrier. Casino lured his man into a trap, and the smirk on his face says he’s proud of it.
BILL HEWSON: Static crashes and burns! That’s the gamble you take with such moves!
JACK JONES: No, that’s the gamble you take getting in the ring with a technician like Chris Casino!
Picking Static up, Casino rams him back first into the ring post, then tosses him into the ring. Static is slow to get up, which gives Casino time to climb to the top rope, and nail the rising Static with a missle dropkick! And a cover! One… Two… Static barely kicks out! Casino thinks Lobo’s count was slow. Lobo tells Casino that he’ll have to do better to win. The two men glare at each other, but Casino is smart enough to go back to his opponent.
BILL HEWSON: Casino showing great composure here.
JACK JONES: He’s not going to get himself disqualified tonight! Not on the biggest night of the year!
Static tries to slip out of the ring to get a breather of his own, but Casino grabs on to the Luchadore’s leg, dragging him back in. Static grabs the bottom rope, Casino keeps pulling, neither man wanting to give an inch, until finally Statics fingers slip, casino loses his balance, and both men go flying backwards, landing in a heap. They both get to their knees, look each other in the eye, then both attempt to drop kick each other! Lobo tries to supress a chuckle, but neither Static or Casino are happy. Static lunges at Casino, hitting a Lou Thez press, and starts laying in some punches. Casino rolls him over, and gets some punches of his own. Lobo… is adjusting a ring pad which looks to be loose.
BILL HEWSON: Lobo seems to notice a problem with the ring pad. We’ll have to have a talk with the ring crew about this!
JACK JONES: Will you stop! … Wow, those words sound so weird from my mouth…
Static and Casino roll out of the ring, still trading punches. they manage to untangle themselves. Casino with a kick, gets caught by Static. Static sweeps the other leg out from under Casino, and drives his fist right into… well, it looks to be the abdomen. Lobo can’t tell from his positiion in the ring, so he lets it slide this time. Static to the ring apron, running, and he drops a Cactus Jack style elbow onto Casino! The fans cheer, and Lobo orders the wrestlers to keep it in the ring!
BILL HEWSON: Lobo desperate to keep control of this one! It could go out of control at any second!
JACK JONES: You call that desperate? Yeesh.
Static rolls Casino into the ring, and goes for a cover! One… Two… Too close to the ropes! Casino gets his foot on the bottom rope, saving himself, (and the energy of kicking out) Static decides it’s time to slow things down, so he slaps on a rear chinlock, putting all his weight down on Casino. Lobo double checks that there isn’t a choke going on, and is satisfied that everything is nice and legal. Static assures the ref that he’ll keep it clean, even though he’s slowly working his arm around Casino’s windpipe, cutting off his air. Casino starts to flail a bit, Lobo goes to check, and Static shifts back to the legal hold. And does everything but bat his eyes when Lobo asks if he’s choking the man out. Static, goes back to the choke, only this time Lobo catches him, and starts the count. A slow count, but a count none the less. Static lets go, and now it’s his turn to mouth off to the ref.
BILL HEWSON: Well, he’s not playing favorites, give him credit for that.
JACK JONES: I don’t give credit to anybody!
BILL HEWSON: Just because no store will give credit to you…
JACK JONES: That’ll all be worked out once Revenue Canada gets their act together!
Lobo just smirks at Static, which annoys Static even more… and even worse, Casino gets a desperation roll up, (with a handful of tights) and Static is down One.. Two… Kick out! ANd Static drop kicks a rising Casino right in the face! Casino rolls into the corner, and Static lays his foot across casino’s throat, choking the man against the bottom turnbuckle! Lobo pulls Static off, and Static is livid! But still smart enough not to strike the official. He goes to nail Casino in the corner, but Casino moves, and Static crashes against the turnbuckles! He slowly turns around, and is met with a knee to the gut, then Casino hits the running STO! And a cover! One… Two… And now Static takes advantage of the bottom rope, setting his foot on it!
BILL HEWSON: Static with just enough left to get his foot on the bottom rope! Neither man wants to lose tonight!
JACK JONES: When does a man ever want to lose?
BILL HEWSON: Um..
JACK JONES: Yeah! Think on that one why don’t ya!
Casino decides take away Static’s quickness advantage, and starts to work on the legs. He drapes his opponent’s leg across the bottom rope, then drops an elbow across the knee! Static yells in pain, which of course prompts Casino to do it again. And again. The fans boo this vicious attack, but Casino shrugs it off. Anything to gain a victory. He starts to kick at the injured knee of Static, then drags him to centre ring. And now… is he? … Casino slaps on the Sharpshooter in the centre of the ring! The fans are really angry now, but Static is in a serious world of hurt!
BILL HEWSON: Well, I guess he’s taking the part seriously…
JACK JONES: And Bret couldn’t do it better himself!
BILL HEWSON: That sound you hear is a million Canadian wreslting fans readying their computers to type out complaints…
Lobo asks if Static want to give up, but the luchadore shakes his head “NO!”. Static struggles and fights his way to the bottom rope, forcing Casino to break the hold. But the damage may be done, and Casino picks up Static and slams him to the mat. And now back to the top rope… Flying Elbow Drop! Just nails… Static barley gets out of the way! Both men are down! Static is barely able to stand on his injured knee, and Casino has had the wind knocked out of him!
BILL HEWSON: Neither man can keep an advantage! How will this end?
Both men are on their feet, shaky and hurt. Casino tries to hit a clothesline, but Static ducks, and goes for a dropkick, but Casino manages to smack that away, and he lays in a few more kicks on Static’s injured knee. He drags Static up, and goes for a brainbuster… Static floats over into a sunset flip! And a pin! One… Two… Casino kicks out! And now Static with a DDT… Casino blocks, into a small package! One… Two… Static rolls over for a pin of his own! One… two… Casino rolls him back! One… Two… And Static reverses it again! One… Two… and Casino kicks out! Both menglare at each other, the fans are pleased with what they;re seeing, and Lobo has a huge smirk on his face. Casino has had enough of all this, and kicks Static square in the junk! A blatant low blow, and Lobo admonishes Casino strongly. (that’ll learn him). Static has just enough to nail Casino with a low blow of his own, and now Lobo has two men to chastise! But he doesn’t call for a DQ!
JACK JONES: Come on Lobo! This isn’t no DQ! Restore some order!
Both men are hurting now, but they refuse to give an inch. Static tries to hit the FUNCRUSHER on Casino, Casino manages to get his legs hooked around Static’s head, and hurricarana’s him into the turnbuckles! Casino goes for a german suplex, and Static is sent flying.. into LOBO! Lobo knocked out of the ring! And Casino uses the distraction to drive Static into the turnbuckle! Now he sets him on the top rope! He’s going for a superplex! No! He just starts clutching at his face and falls to the mat! What… Static off the top rope!
BILL HEWSON: Is Casino bleeding? From one punch? That’s not…
JACK JONES: LOOK WHAT STATIC HAS!
HE’S GOT A SCREW DRIVER IN HIS HAND.
Static plants the screwdriver into Casino’s now bloody forehead as Static hits the Asai Moonsault on the bleeding Casino. Lobo makes it back into the ring! Cover by Static! ONE! TWO! THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner… STAAAAATIC!
JACK JONES: I’m not sure if I should be happy for this.
BILL HEWSON: Well, neither man has ever been what you’d call “sympathetic”…
Huge pop for the match. Less so for Static on the turnbuckle, talking smack, basking in his glory, and waving the screwdriver at the fans! Casino’s manager Raul Havok drags Casino away, Casino alternating between yelling that “Static couldn’t beat him in a real wrestling match” and “My face, my beautiful face!” And Static? He’s still having fun talking trash to the fans right now. And to the guest ref. Static gets in Lobo’s face, and Lobo? He brushes it off.
BILL HEWSON: Lobo showing a huge amount of maturity here. he’s come so far since we saw him a year ago… oh never mind.
Lobo with a clothesline to Static! The fans pop huge. Lobo hefts Static up… stalls… stalls… stalls. The fans are calling for it…
LOBO DRIVER!
Huge fan response for Lobo, as “Super Charger Heaven” blares and he stands tall in the ring one more time! Static is out, baby.
BILL HEWSON: Well that was… that was something else, Jack Jones. The two most hated men in NAPW history in one ring, Lobo as guest referee…
JACK JONES: Bet you didn’t think the counter to a low blow was another low blow.
BILL HEWSON: No, no I did not. Ladies and gentlemen, we will be inducting our final wrestler into the NAPW Ring Of Prestige momentarily. Right now, let’s take a special look at NAPW’s most infamous event. It happened over two days in July of 2006… Let’s take a look.
Yes, it was NAPW’s most infamous event. “Get The Hell Off Our Lawn.” Outdoors in Churchill Square… Stein vs Lemondrop Kid in a Ketchup Casket Match. Deathrow vs Ainsley Lake, loser wears a dress. And the riot that was Ravager and Rex Caliber (Literally). The next night after the show got shut down… Evan Cartwright vs Carter Owens. Patrick Bickle vs Dextro. Devastation vs D!. And then finally, D! regains the NAPW Heavyweight title, defeating Static in a violent match. July 2006 will never be forgotten by NAPW fans or wrestlers!
And now… the ring is empty save one man, Frank Warburton, ready to introduce the final Ring of Prestige inductee…wait a minute. What’s that music? That’s “My Addiction”… and here comes Dextro!
BILL HEWSON: I didn’t know Dextro was being inducted into the Ring of Prestige, did you?
JACK JONES: No, but… why shouldn’t Dextro be in the Ring? He was a record-setting Pure Honor champion!
Dextro gets in the ring, drawing boos from the crowd when he snatches the microphone out of Frank’s hand. He pulls on his old ALF t-shirt and starts talking.
DEXTRO: So… I see that at the one year anniversary show there is no spot for me! Dextro, the most Honorable champion NAPW has ever seen, there is no room for a match and to top it all off… I get left out of the ring of prestige! WHY? Do you not think I have what it takes, because that is just bull plop. NAPW makes time for eople like Chris Casino…Static…Kryneik…The Dudes and let’s not forget Sexy Rexy. All of these “legends” get nominated for this, but Dextro…Dextro is nowhere to be found!
The crowd begins to boo. They want to see who’s next for the Ring of Prestige… in point of fact, only ONE man is left to be inducted, and they want to see him. Dextro snarls into the microphone again.
DEXTRO: I am a better champ then any of these men ever were! What did they do that was so great, huh? Casino’s a rich spoiled prick who had the money to buy the world, he probably got to where he was because he paid off the refs! “Sick” Billy Kryenik and let’s not forget his furball manager “Giggles”… and then Static, The Dudes, Rex Caliber. Where are all these men now? They ran! They left! They are hiding in fright because they couldn’t cut it anymore. They are the Hollywood Hogan’s of NAPW, they are the Ric Flairs! They are the washed up and the old… and you want to remember them for that? You want to rember these so called great men for being washed up? None of them can cut it anymore… and you know what? I want one of these “legends” to come out here. PLEASE.
Dextro pauses, the crowd waiting on the edges of their seat for somebody. Before even three seconds have gone by, Dextro goes on.
DEXTRO: That’s what I thought. They can’t cut it anymore! They don’t the honor I do… I belong in the Ring of Prestige, not these washed-up old hacks—-
Music hits up! Ed Gein… “United Ninety-Three!” And RUNNING down the rampway in a blaze is none other than
BILLY KRYENIK!
Kryenik hits the ring at a sprint, Dextro ready for him! Dextro all over the streetclothed Kryenik, lefts and rights. Kryenik turns it over and starts firing like a madman! Listen to the damn crowd … Kryenik has Dextro up! What’s this? CHOP! WHOOOOO! Kryenik sends Dextro to the ropes — HOT SALVATION! SUPERKICK right to the chin of Dextro! Kryenik grabs Dextro, he’s going to DRY LAKE the man… Dextro wants the Meth Bust, not on Kryenik’s surgically repaired neck — Kryenik with a pick-up into an atomic drop! Dextro knock-kneed and wobbly gets clotheslined over the top rope to the floor hard! Kryenik pulls off his blazer and slaps it over the top rope, rolling up his sleeves and begging for more. Dextro is getting the hell out of here…
The crowd has erupted to the point of explosion. Billy Kryenik is hot, and running himself around the ring. The cuffs of his blue shirt are rolled up, with his blue, white trimmed blazer hangs slammed over the top rope. Billy kicks the bottom rope, begging Dextro to come back. His face is red from the passion that is running through his veins. The crowd has broken out in “SBK! SBK! SBK!” chants and the grappler’s eyes gloss over as he blinks hard and swipes his shorter hair away from his eyes.
His nostrils flair out and in as his heart is surely beating so hard that his lungs must inhale and exhale deep. Frank Warburton steps up into the ring with the microphone in his hand.
BILL HEWSON: No introduction necessary folks… listen to this crowd!
Billy looks over and Frank extends the mic. Billy’s adrenaline filled-hand grabs hold of the microphone. He is literally shaking from all the excitement. “Welcome Back! Welcome Back! Welcome Back!” chants circle the arena.
BILLY KRYENIK: This is why the legends get recognized on nights like tonight. This is why we get the time to come out and say our farewells and our thank yous.
Billy points out to the crowd, and circles them with his index finger. The cheer with all the affection they can garner out.
BILLY KRYENIK: So the people, you people. So you all can relive the history which was cut into the wrestling history books by men like myself. By men who were willing to break boundaries and sacrifice their wellbeing for the sport the love, and the fans that’s have the guts to cheer for them.
So no wonder we get time to come out here Dextro. No wonder we are given the opportunity to speak our mind, one last time to these people. To the people who made us, to the people that made me.
Billy points to himself upon the word “me.”
BILLY KRYENIK: It’s part of the game son. Sometimes you just sit one out. Sometimes you let the other stars shine. It gives you a chance to fight well another day. It gives you another night to go out and shine for these people. You can be the showstealer, because god knows us Prestige guys have stole the show from one another.
You see Dextro, it’s people like you who don’t appreciate what this company and what these people do for you. They’re not going to forget you if you know how to come out and bust your ass for them.
Small roar
BILLY KRYENIK: If you come out and you do it with heart and passion, these people…
Billy glazes the crowd with his hand once more.
BILLY KRYENIK: These people will never forget you. I’m living proof. These people stll embrace me, no matter how much they’ve wanted to kill me in the past. No matter how many times I’ve come out and did wrong by them. You know why, Dextro? It’s because these people know that even if I’m opposing them, or even if I’m wearing a neck brace, I will do everything in my power to put on the fight of my life. That’s what they deserve.
Applause from the crowd.
BILLY KRYENIK: I kind of drifted away from this place a few months ago. I suppose a lot of you remember an infamous match with one Bruce Richards where he… (Billy cringes and cracks his neck a little bit) broke my neck.
Mixed reaction from the crowd.
BILLY KRYENIK: Probably the first moment in my career where I felt helpless. I’ve broken my neck before, but that was when I was younger and broken bones healed faster. I knew this time was different. It just felt more severe. So I took up managing… briefly before I the pain from walking was getting to me to the point of insanity. I can take a barbed-wire bat to the face, but when the chance of me not being able to walk again became worse then physical pain. When it became more about the fact that I wouldn’t be able to do the job that I love to do… it was time to fade away for a little while.
Then I receive a phonecall, only a few weeks after I was told that my neck had healed to almost perfect condition… and there’s a voice on the other end telling me that I’ve been voted into the Ring of Prestige. The Hall o’ (BLEEP)ing Fame in NAPW… I got this tingly feeling in my freshly healed neck. It was an itch… an itch I needed to scratch so badly that it sent shocking pains through my body.
I had to accept and come back for this show. I had to come back and accept this honour with gratitude and thanks… But I can’t leave it like this.
Billy shakes his head and the crowd stands almost silent.
BILLY KRYENIK: I can’t stop doing what I love .
Smiles start to drape over the crowd as the fans look at their groups of friends and back at Billy.
BILLY KRYENIK: I can’t let these little inconsiderate pissants bitch and moan about not getting any time… So you know what?
I’m BACK!
Crowd EXPLODES.
BILLY KRYENIK: I’m coming back to NAPW to show people that Legends do it best, because Legends beat the best! Dextro, I’ll give you your time. I’ll give you the spotlight… and these people will let you hear about it, and I will make you feel it… There are reasons that WE are inducted into this hall… Let me show you one of them!
Billy drops the microphone with a thud and the crowd goes crazy. Billy leaves the ring and hops the guardrail into the stands. He walks through the sea of humanity, shaking hands, slapping palms and smiling.
BILL HEWSON: WHAT A NIGHT THIS HAS BEEN! Of all the surprises tonight… ladies and gentlemen! Billy Kryenik is BACK in New Alberta Pro Wrestling! What do you make of that, Jack Jones?
JACK JONES: As a man who lost his wrestling career due to a neck injury, I’m pretty damn surprised… if Kryenik wants to compete and doctor’s have given him a clean bill of health, hell, you aren’t going to stop the man. No wrestler wants to have their career end that way!
BILL HEWSON: Ladies and gentlemen, you heard it here first, Billy Kryenik is back in NAPW! And after that huge announcement, well, catch your breath because we are moments away from the NAPW Heavyweight Title match. One champion — three challengers — one winner. Let’s take a look.
One title. Over the past year men have bled for it. Betrayed their friends for it. Were willing to walk through Hell just to have the distinction of being called: NAPW Heavyweight Champion. Tonight, four men face off for the honor of being called “Champ”. “The Outlaw” Patrick Kidd: This ring veteran overcame a potentially career ending eye injury mere weeks ago, and now finds himself a mere three count away from becoming the number one man in the business. Patrick Bickle: This hardcore icon had beaten the best in the business, until he reinvented himself. Now he’s on an even bigger tear. But will it be enough to win the biggest title the NAPW can offer? “Perfection” Evan Cartwright: Former Tag Champion. Former Provincial Champion. Finally, he gets his shot at the Heavyweight title, and a chance to join the exclusive “Triple Crown Club”. But all these men have one thing to consider: “The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees. Former Provincial Champion. Former Television Champion. The man who dethroned the seemingly unstoppable D! And now he faces his biggest challenge to date. He’s been dismissed before, and always managed to surprise his opponents. Will the same thing happen tonight? Will the Winner’s Circle reign supreme? … It’s time to find out!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is your first MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING. It is a FATAL Four-way match for the NAPW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!
“Rebirth” and here comes the “Outlaw”. He looks more focused for this contest than any other NAPW match he has competed in. That includes an Inferno match. We walks to the ring and enters it to a grand ovation. He is truly loved by the fans for his awesome ability, and his entertaining style.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, he is fighting out of Patterson, New Jersey. He weighs in at Two hundred forty eight pounds. He is the OUTLAW… PAAAATTTRRICCK KIIIIIDD!
BILL HEWSON: This man has what it takes, there’s no denying that. But he has three of the most gifted wrestlers in the history of NAPW fighting him tonight.
JACK JONES: Rees and Evan Cartwright are going make him wish he’d never came to NAPW.
BILL HEWSON: The fans love him, Kidd was meant to be here.
Sam and Dave play Cartwright’s theme music, and he comes out to a Perfect chorus of boos. He is not liked here in NAPW. He has been here the longest out of the four men. He enters the ring, climbs the top turnbuckle, and gazes at the crowd.
FRANK WARBURTON: Next participant is wrestling out of Cairo, Illinois. He weighs in at Two hundred twenty two pounds. He is the former NAPW Tag team champion, former NAPW Provincial Champion, he is PERFECTION… EVVVAANN CAARRTWRIIIGHTT!
BILL HEWSON: The arrogance of this man is unbelievable.
JACK JONES: If you had his talent, his looks, and his charisma.. you’d be pretty cocky too. He is my pick to win, if the belt changes hands.
BILL HEWSON: So you’re picking him or Rees? Way to go out on a limb.
“Ibi Dreams Of Pavement” by Broken Social Scene brings out Mr. Maps and Patrick Bickle. The reaction is off the charts. This man is adored and it’s truly amazing. Several months ago he was hated… now look what happened. He stares at Evan and Kidd as he enters.
FRANK WARBURTON: The next challenger is fighting out of New York City. He weighs in at One hundred seventy five pounds. The former NAPW Kiniski Cup Champion, PAAAATTTRRICCK BIIICKLLE!
BILL HEWSON: The transformation is complete. Bickle is the submission machine and no longer a risk taker. He has doubted himself for a few days, but realizes that tonight is here. It’s put up of shut up, and he is roaring to go.
JACK JONES: BAH! The transformation from an evil genius to a fan kiss ass. Yeah, that’ll put asses in the seats.
BILL HEWSON: The building is sold out!
JACK JONES: Don’t underestimate the drawing power of JACK ATTACK!
Harry Hibbs’ “Fighting 59″ leads in the champ. Ol’ Salty is with him and it’s his first opportunity to defend the gold. He has loss two straight matches. Last weeks match was just a set up to the formation of his “Winner’s Circle.” Tonight will not be like that. This match is every man for himself, and it’s the most unpredictable title match ever.
FRANK WARBURTON: And finally… fighting out of Bell Island, New Foundland. He weighed in at Two hundred forty eight pounds. He is the former NAPW Television and Provincial Champion. The EAST COAST SENSATION. The current NAPW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIOOON! THE LEMONDROP KID… LLLOOOYYYDD REEEESS!
BILL HEWSON: Two match losing streak after winning the big belt.. What’s up with your guy?
JACK JONES: Last week’s match was a win… Simply Beautiful didn’t look like a winner with flames on his back. And Warburton forgot to add “The most decorated champion in NAPW history.” And something about ketchup.
John Sharplin is one unlucky bastard. Four men at the same time, all going at it.. this will be crazy. The bell sounds and NAPW history is underway. The first four man NAPW title match. Rees and Kidd pair off, as does Bickle and Cartwright. Rees locks up Kidd into the corner, and he clean breaks… But only for a second. Rees with a nasty chop. WHOO! On the other side Evan is locked in a side headlock. He gets his arms around Bickle and back suplexes him off. Rees chops Kidd again. Kidd turns the tables and puts Rees in the corner. WHOO! WHOO! Two chops off the bat and Rees counters a third attempt with a thumb to the eye. Sharplin is letting things go a bit, as trying to maintain order bythe rule book.. is near impossible. Evan picks Bickle up and nails a Japanese Armdrag. Bickle lands at the feet of a recovering Kidd. Kidd lays in a boot. Rees watches.
JACK JONES: Rees and Evan are going to let the Patrick’s beat each other up.
BILL HEWSON: Smart moves.
Bickle grabs his leg, after another attempt. He trips Kidd down and is going for the STF. Rees and Evan come in quick to make sure a submission won’t happen. Evan kicks Bickle. Rees kicks Kidd. Now Rees and Evan lock eyes for a moment, but then pick a guy each. Rees goes with Bickle. Evan has Kidd set up for the WHEELBARROW SUPLEX.. Kidd counters in mid air with a fantastic Armdrag. I haven’t seen that move since Eddie Guererro vs Rey Mysterio a year and a half ago. Rees and Bickle are exchanging right hands and Rees goes in for a shot.. But Bickle with the Fujiwara Armbar. He takes him down hard with it. Kidd sees it and makes the save. Evan bursts behind Kidd with a German Suplex with a bridge. The Cover! ONE! TWO! REES WITH THE SAVE.
BILL HEWSON: Evan was an inch a way from winning the gold.
JACK JONES: Some slow counting if you ask me..
BILL HEWSON: Well I didn’t.
Rees gets rolled up by the wily Bickle. Sharplin barely does a one count before Rees kicks out. Rees gets up AND MEETS THE PERFECT UPPERCUT! Bickle rolls him up again but they’re in the ropes. Evan grabs Rees and has him ready for the WHEEL BARROW SUPLEX… HE ROLLS WITH IT.. THE CARTWHEEL!
WHAM!
BILL HEWSON: That was one sadistic sight. Kidd with a clothesline from the back.. Bickle with a lariat from the front.
JACK JONES: Stereo Clothelines? By the Pats?
Evan is knocked out. Bickle and Kidd tangle again. Bickle gets thrown into the ropes, and rebounds. PINE ON THE SPINE! SHADES OF DOUBLE A!! The cover by Kidd.. ONE… TWO… REES AGAIN WITH A SAVE! He saved his belt once more. Evan is stirring a bit. Rees picks up Kidd and he and Bickle team up. Spike piledriver on Kidd. Neither man covers as they know the other will stop it. They are at a stand off. Evan crawls towards Kidd.
ONE!
TWO!
DOUBLE SAVE AS EVAN CAN’T SNEAK THE PIN!
BILL HEWSON: Evan almost stole the match and the belt! This is a bad situation for the champion to be in, Jones.
JACK JONES: Bad? It’s awful! What the commish was thinking I’ll never know.
BILL HEWSON: Ratings, Jones, that’s all he ever thinks about, and he doesn’t care who he has to run over to get them.
Rees sees the prone Evan and he owes him for the Cartwheel. He slaps on the CONCEPTION BAY CHINLOCK. Bickle is fighting with Kidd. He sees it and dives with a dropkick nailing Rees in the face.
JACK JONES: Did you see how far he jumped? RVD be damned!
Kidd is up and Bickle doesn’t see him. SWINGING NECKBREACKER. Kidd with the cover. ONE! TWO! THR- NO! Kickout by Bickle. Evan is up and sees Rees. He takes him to the corner. He has him setup. DIAMOND DUST! The cover by Cartwright! ONE! TWO! THREE…
REES WITH A FOOT ON THE ROPE!
Bickle and Kidd are brawling to the outside. Sharplin is keeping with the action on the inside. Evan thought he had the win, but no cigar. Now he goes with a reverse chinlock on Rees. Evan is catching his breath, while Rees loses his. On the outside.. Bickle gets hit with a suplex on the floor. Kidd is back in the ring. Bickle is down. Evan lets go of Rees to stop an attack by The Outlaw. They exchange punches and Evan catches him with a ROARING ELBOW. Kidd is dazed. Sambo suplex time? Nope! Rees with the DDT FROM THE GREEN ON EVAN. Kidd is still dazed but stops an immediate cover. Bickle is moving outside the ring.
“THIS IS AWESOME! THIS IS AWESOME!”
BILL HEWSON: This is hard hitting, fast paced.. and I challenge any company in the world to put on a show like this.
JACK JONES: They couldn’t even if they tried!
Kidd and Rees lock up again. Kidd with a side headlock. Rees shoots him off. Bickle stands up on the outside and KIDD WITH A SUICIDE DIVE.
“HOLY (BLEEP)!”
BILL HEWSON: Kidd used his instinct there! Both Patrick’s are motionless on the outside!
JACK JONES: Yeah, and while they’re motionless, Cartwright’s going to win this thing!
Evan is finally up, Rees is looking outside the ring. He turns around into a SAMBO SUPLEX. The cover. ONE… TWO… NO CIGAR! Never a cigar for Cartwright. Rees with a shoulder up. Evan is frustrated. Bickle and Kidd are moving on the outside. Rees battles up, LOW BLOW! Sharplin missed that one. He grabs Evan and THE EAST END DROP! Rees with the cover. ONE, TWO…
REES IS DRAGGED OUTSIDE. Bickle is back in the ring. Kidd is fighting with Rees. Bickle has Evan prone for a rear naked choke. Evan is gasping for air. Rees is still battling Kidd. Kidd sees Evan in trouble. The arm goes up and it goes down
ONCE.
Kidd pushes Rees away and then nails the Crimson Tide on the floor! The champion is out! Kidd gets up, just as Evan’s arm falls
TWICE.
Kidd rolls into the ring and Evan’s arm falls
NO… KIDD CAUGHT THE ARM AND BREAKS THE HOLD.
BILL HEWSON: Patrick Kidd has kept the match alive! Bickle had the title so close, he could taste it!
JACK JONES: Rees is bleeding on the outside, but is on his knees, trying to crawl in.
Bickle gets booted in the head and KIDD WITH CATTLE MUTILATION TO EVAN.
JACK JONES: Leave him alone, you… monsters!
Rees stops that very quickly. But Bickle goes for ROLL CREDITS ON REES! He locks it on! BILL HEWSON: This isn’t looking good from Rees and Evan’s standpoint. Wait! Kidd ends the move in time to catch Bickle trying to get him! Kidd with a HENNIGPLEX! ONE! TWO! Th—SAVED at the last second by Evan Cartwright! Uppercut to Kidd! Bickle… eats a PERFECT UPPERCUT!
JACK JONES: Toastyyyyyy!
Rees comes over and BLOCKS ONE! But wait a minute! Patrick Bickle tries to german suplex Lloyd, Lloyd low blows him! Kidd rolls up Evan from behind! Lloyd covers, FEET ON THE ROPES! Kidd has Evan pinned! IT’S A DOUBLE COVER! ONE! TWO! EVAN KICKS OUT RIGHT WHEN… BICKLE GETS A SHOULDER UP!
JACK JONES: I can’t keep up with this action!
Kidd keeps on Evan. Rees pulls some powder out of his boot… he nails Kidd in the eyes. Bickle turns Rees around. He elbows Rees in the gut. Evan with comes with ROARING ELBOW THAT FLOORS THE BLIND KIDD! Bickle hits a Northernlights Suplex on Rees. Bickle is up and nails Evan with a fist. Evan dropkicks Bickle to the turnbuckle. Rees is down. Evan turns his attention to Kidd. He goes for the Wheelbarrow suplex… HE ROLLS THROUGH AGAIN! CARTWHEEL ON KIDD. THE SUBMISSION IS LOCKED IN! He is turned away from the downed Rees. Kidd is holding on for dear life.
BILL HEWSON: Patrick Bickle is going up top. He doesn’t go up top anymore!
JACK JONES: That is what he said… but he is up there.
Light bulbs flash as Kidd is almost ready to tap… and
FRRRREEEEFALLL!
BICKLE NAILS REES! THE COVER!
ONE…
KIDD HAS GOT HIS HAND OUT…
TWO…
KIDD IS IN SO MUCH PAIN AND HE…
THREE!
DOESN’T TAP!
The referee rings for the bell. All four men are exhausted, Lloyd Rees is certainly out of it. Evan Cartwright is celebrating, Bickle pulling himself up by the ropes. Sharplin has the title belt in his hands…
BILL HEWSON: But wait a minute, just who is the winner?
FRANK WARBURTON: THE WINNER AND NEEEWWW NAPW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…
PATRRIIICCKKK BICCCKLLEE!
Evan’s eyes bug out of his head as Sharplin raises Bickle’s arm in victory and hands him the NAPW Title belt! The crowd explodes in cheers and applause for the NEW NAPW Champion!
BILL HEWSON: Evan Cartwright thought he won, but Patrick Kidd never tapped out! Patrick BICKLE… he went back to the top! He FREEFELL onto Lloyd Rees and … PATRICK BICKLE IS YOUR NEW NAPW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!
JACK JONES: I don’t believe it! I can’t believe it!
Ol’ Salty pulls Lloyd out of the ring. The former champ is a bloody mess. Rod and Dutch come out to help Lloyd to the back. Patrick Kidd meanwhile has pulled himself up in one corner. Patrick Bickle notices him and gives him a hand. He pulls the man up. The two Patrick’s exchange an embrace, and then Kidd leaves the ring to let Bickle celebrate.
Except that he’s not alone.
Evan Cartwright is still in the ring. Hands on his hips, a black expression on his face.
BILL HEWSON: Wait a minute here… I don’t like the look on Cartwright’s face.
Evan is in the ring, and now Bickle notices him. The two men are starting at each other. Evan takes a step towards Bickle, the crowd holds their breath. Evan RIGHT in Bickle’s face, lips moving. “This close, Bickle, you’re damn lucky.” The tension builds… finally, Evan Cartwright extends a hand. Brief. TERSE handshake between the new champion and Cartwright. Cartwright leaves the ring, saying “Next time, Bickle, you and me, next time.” Meanwhile… it is now Patrick Bickle alone in the ring! His music kicks up and he celebrates, holding the title belt high above his head!
BILL HEWSON: Give all four men a lot of credit, that was a tough match, a hard match, but tonight… Patrick Bickle became the man! And he did it… by beating the man! Ladies and gentlemen, the new NAPW Champion!
Bickle continues to celebrate. The scene nicely transitions backstage. Who is that masked man? Why… it’s MR. CANADA. Mr. Canada walks to his dressing room, only to be stopped by a long, sarcastic clap from behind him.
JOSEPH WINCHELL: Very impressive win, there, Mr. Canada. It’s a shame you won’t be able to stick around too long. I know how tough it is running a business.
MR. CANADA: My business is entertaining this great country of ours!
JOSEPH WINCHELL: Yeah. About that, if you truly are a Canadian legend, why haven’t I heard about you before? I’d have thought such a prestigious wrestler such as yourself would have been hired by me when I took over this federation. Unless, of course, you were already hired. A man of your, heh, “caliber” would be quite the feather in my cap.
MR. CANADA: I’ll tell you something, Mr. Winchell. I’ve travelled this entire country, from Antigonish, Nova Scotia to Zaras Island, British Columbia, but I’ve never had a crowd like that behind me. You should be proud of your company, sir. I know I am.
JOSEPH WINCHELL: Look, cut the bullcrap, Rex. I know it’s you under there. You can’t hide that North Carolina accent, and that mask doesn’t cover your Nexus One mustache at all!
MR. CANADA: You must have me mistaken for somebody else. I’m not sure who this Rex Caliber is. No, wait. Was he that devilishly sexy, super-charismatic guy who was being inducted into the Ring of Prestige? I hear he’s in the running for Edmonton’s best dad as well. No, I ain’t the man you think I am.
JOSEPH WINCHELL: Do you think I’m stupid? In your promos, I distinctly saw the Nexus One Sports Club sign in the background! You called the Royal Foundation ‘bitches!’ You use the Cloverleaf, just like Rex Caliber! And your finisher’s the Rings of Saturn!
MR. CANADA: Correction: the Rings of Calgary. There’s a subtle difference in the way I apply the move. You see, Perry Saturn pulled the arms backwards while I go more for an outward and upward mot-
JOSEPH WINCHELL: IT DOESN’T MATTER! You are Rex Caliber! And I’ll prove that by taking off your mask!
Winchell lunges for the mask of Mr. Canada.
MR. CANADA: Hands off the merchandise, pal!
JOSEPH WINCHELL: Come on! I need your mask off! I will NOT be the laughingstock of this federation!
Mr. Canada pushes Winchell away.
MR. CANADA: Well, you don’t need my help here, jerk. Here I was, thinking I could help you out by signing up with NAPW, but that’s not gonna happen now! No, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got work to do.
JOSEPH WINCHELL: Work taking off that mask, you fraud?
MR. CANADA: Well, no. Wherever there is a Canadian child that needs help, Mr. Canada is there. Wherever my country is in turmoil, that’s where you’ll find… Mister Canada!
Mr. Canada’s cell phone rings, to the tune of “The Maple Leaf Forever.” He answers it.
MR. CANADA: Mr. Canada, hero to Canadians everywhere. Oh, HELLO, Mr. Prime Minister! You’ve got some bills that need to be looked over? I’m your man!
Mr. Canada walks off.
JOSEPH WINCHELL: You think you’ve got the better of me, Caliber? I know it’s you! You can’t fool the commissoner!
Fade.
Hate… What drives a man to hate another. Is it jealousy?
Ravager could be jealous of the success others have achieved. D! won a tournament proving to be the best in several promotions. A tournament with Ravager in it. Ravager wasn’t able to make D! leave Whyte Avenue. The already hate-filled relationship was fueled. D-X are heralded the Gods of Tag Team wrestling. Ravager isn’t satisfied with being second fiddle to anyone, and this is his match. What if he loses tonight.. Wouldn’t jealousy run his life… even more?
Is it pride?
D! has prided himself on being the best performer to ever step in the ring. But when your not a champion in the NAPW… it’s hard to back up that claim. DX are champions, and Bruce won the Battlebowl. Ravager is the number one contender again, and D!… He is lost in the shuffle. The enigma is somewhere he never wanted to be again… not in grasp of NAPW superiority. So was it pride that allowed D! to not admit his mistake?
Is it vengeance?
Revenge… A dish best served cold. Bruce Richard’s owes alot of people. D! knocks him out. He loses two weeks in a row to MOOSE MILLAR. Ravager pins him. The man that has an “interest” in Bruce’s girl. Stiff Competition, the group that Moose belongs to, have violated a code of man.. messing with loved ones. Moose has fueled a fire of hate with his antics. But who will get burned? Moose or Bruce?
Is it passion?
Moose Millar has been nothing more than a sideshow for much of his tenure in NAPW. While the other four have conquered the world, he has only one title to his credit and a dismal win loss record. Persistence and determination got him no where. So instead of fighting to fight.. He began fighting for something. With Rees and Stiff Competition, the movement to annihilate the heroes of the NAPW began. They all have there part. Moose wants to show Alberta that he has risen above them… and is no longer one of them. Can he do it?
Or is personal redemption?
Kyle Roberts, what have you done for us lately? Is that fair? He is one half of the most successful tag team to date. But he lost to Bruce at Lethal Lottery. He lost to Moose and Ravager. He is no longer the star of his team. The spotlight shines on Bruce now. Moose has beaten him twice in a row as well. D! almost ended his partner’s career. Ravager is still trying to shut Kyle up for good. Can Kyle overcome all of this… and be the star he was before.. or will the shadow cover him again?
House of Horrors… Let your HATE… Set you free.
Fade in. The arena is darkened, with spotlights illuminating the ring… now surrounded by a fifteen-foot high steel cage. Weapons hang from the cage walls. The usual fare and then some. Frank Warburton certainly does NOT get into the cage to make the introductions.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the HOUSE OF HORRORS steel cage challenge! The match will begin when all five wrestlers have entered the cage, and does not end until all but one man is HANDCUFFED to the cage itself! The winner will then receive five minutes alone with his opponents at his mercy! And now… the combatants!
And once again, “Baddstreet USA” kicks up… The Moose enters, and like his teammates, he is dressed as a FREEBIRD. With Rebel tights… It’s The Moose as Terry Bam-Bam Gordy! The Moose enters the ring to jeers and boos. He looks up at the cage, tests it, never losing the big grin visible throughout his magnificent beard.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, now residing in Calgary Alberta Canada… weighing in at six-feet, four inches tall and representing THE WINNER’S CIRCLE… he is “THE MOOSE!” MARK MILLAR!
Booo. The Moose’s music fades out. Next. Violin. Strings. Build. Build. BUILD. BOOM. Is it the Apocalypse? No, it’s just Apocalyptica with “PATH.” And that means only one man, one man who is unsurprisingly NOT dressed up for the evening…
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing second, from BROOKLYN NEW YORK! He weighs two-hundred and ten pounds and stands at five feet, ten inches tall! The Shooter… RRRRRRRAVAGER!
Ravager calmly walks to the ring, eyes focused. He pauses on the steel steps leading into the cage door, surveying the crowd impassively. The booos and jeers do little but amuse him. Ravager steps into the ring. He and Moose lock eyes.
BILL HEWSON: One year ago, it was The Moose and Ravager who wrestled to become the first-ever NAPW Provincial Champion. Just last week these two beat D-X in a tag team match. There is a respect between these two men, that’s for sure.
And then… Ravager and Moose each turn to face the entrance way as Public Enemy kicks up. Entering alone…
FRANK WARBURTON: Next! From St. Albert Alberta, he is one-half of the NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! Weighing in at two-hundred and seventy pounds standing six-feet, three inches tall… a member of The New & Improved D-X he is THE BEAST! BRUCE! RICHARDS!
And enter he does… dressed as MOLTAR from Space Ghost: Coast To Coast! Neither Tiffany or Bill Fleming are anywhere to be seen. The Beast walks to the ring, but he stops before getting in the cage.
JACK JONES: Ya see that? The Beast doesn’t want any part of The Moose or Ravager! He’s a coward!
BILL HEWSON: Hardly. I won’t be surprised to see The Moose & Ravager team up during this match, but one question that needs to be answered… what about D-X? They haven’t spoken since their match last week! Will they be on the same page? They are technically AGAINST one another tonight.
The Beast’s music fades. Philosopher Kings are next.
JACK JONES: We won’t have long to find out, Hewson!
FRANK WARBURTON: And now, from Moose Jaw Saskatchewan! Weighing two-hundred and fifty-seven pounds and standing six-feet, three inches tall… he is the other half of the Tag Team Champion New & Improved D-X! Ladies and gentlemen, STYLIN’ KYLE ROBERTS!
Stylin’ Kyle comes through the curtain… and yes, he IS dressed as Space Ghost! Bill Fleming comes out behind him, dressed as crazy space mantis ZORAK! Kyle springs to the ring… The Beast tosses his Moltar hood to the ground and D-X burst into the ring. The Moose & Ravager meet them there! It’s a Pier-Six brawl inside the cage from the get go —
“RIGHT…
BEFORE…
MY…
EYES!”
AND THE CROWD EXPLODES FOR ONE LETTER — SAID REAL LOUD.
He hits the ring. Fists flying. Feet finding their mark. This? This is what he does best.
This is what he lives for.
BILL HEWSON: D! IS HERE! D! — IS — CLEARING THE RING!
JACK JONES: He’s like a man possessed, Hewson!
BILL HEWSON: Ravager gets it! Moose gets it! Roberts gets it! Richards gets it! No quarter given, none taken! D! has no friends in this match, but he may not need one!
Crowd is going batshit. Batshit insane. Bodies are staggered, and D! is in the center of the ring, dynamic. He reaches way up — touches the canvas — then gets some AIR! STINGER SPLASH ON RAVAGER! Steps out, shake it loose baby, you’re good STINGER SPLASH! Roberts slumps! D! with more momentum and STINGER SPLASH! The Beast caught! One more for good measure… and you better BELIEVE Moose is on the receiving end of a STINGER SPLASH. All four men are down in each corner of the ring, D! in the middle, toque still on, cocky grin on his face.
The crowd goads him on, cheers him on, eggs him on. They love D!, they want to see him do it all. They want to see him DANCE. And dance he does. Ravager is the target! The dance? The Rockettes Kick. OF DOOM. Can YOU do the can-can? D! can! The crowd sings along… and meanwhile, D-X have regrouped together and are double-teaming The Moose. D-X double-lift Moose face-first into the steel cage! And it don’t taste like chocolate.
BILL HEWSON: D! is on fire Jack Jones, but now D-X are looking for some revenge against a man who has made their lives hell lately in The Moose.
JACK JONES: It’s every man for himself, why are they teaming? They can’t win as a team!
BILL HEWSON: They can eliminate the competition.
Moose sent for an irish whip, he bounces off one side of the ropes and cage… then gets double back body dropped by the members of D-X. Moose splats on the canvas. Meanwhile, D! has Ravager and sends HIM to the ropes. D-X sidestep, Ravager rebounds right into a PLAGUE SPINEBUSTER by D! — no, Ravager counters with an inverted STO. Quick thinking by Ravager, who rolls to the outside of the ring. The Beast choking out Moose, it’s not like it’s illegal in this one. Stylin’ Kyle gets a stomp in for good measure. Very touch match to be in with five men all wrestling at once. D-X going for the handcuffs early! They’d love to eliminate The Moose in the early going. But watch out — here’s Ravager with a garbage can he just grabbed from the wall! Ravager bashes the can across the back of Robert’s head. That causes the contents to spill out, and then Ravager throws the can right into the face of The Beast. Ravager reaches into the spilled pile of plunda and pulls out… well, the old staple cookie sheet. He bends the cookie sheet across D!’s face and discards it, reaching for something else.
BILL HEWSON: What’s he going for now? What deadly weapon is Ravager going to find —
JACK JONES: Oh for the love of God.
BILL HEWSON: NO! NO! DON’T DO IT RAVAGER! MY GOD MAN, WHERE’S YOUR HUMANITY?
And Ravager holds up high, for everybody in the arena to see.
“If They Only Knew” by Chyna.
The crowd gasps in terror as Ravager takes the terrible tome and bashes it over D!’s head! D! reacts like he’s been shot! Ravager turns around and wields it towards D-X. Roberts pulls his Space Ghost cape in front of his face for protection as Richards makes a cross with his fingers. Ravager lets the smallest of smirks come onto his face —
But he forgot about Moose, and there ain’t no friends in this match, only opponents. Moose takes the business end of a street sign to Ravager’s back and head. Ravager drops to one knee, and that’s all Moose needs to grab his man with an inverse chin lock… reverse suplex! Ravager gets slammed face-first into the steel cage wall, and then dropped unceremoniously down between the ropes and the cage. Meanwhile, D-X have grabbed D!… Kyle has handcuffs in his hand, he’s got one over D!’s wrist, but D! is fighting like a madman to prevent being cuffed to the cage!
BILL HEWSON: D-X could eliminate D! right now — wait a minute, D! with a low blow to Richards! Uncharacteristic of the TEAM Champion of Champions, Jones.
JACK JONES: It’s not illegal in this environment, Hewson, and hell — you’ve got two men dressed in THOSE costumes trying to handcuff you, I’d do whatever it took to avoid it as well!
D! then grabs Roberts’s yellow cape and yanks on it, yanking Roberts into his FIST. Eat it, doggie, eat it. D! pulls the cape over Roberts face and proceeds to jam a knee into his back, pulling back on the now turned and twisted cape. Richards would save him, but The Moose has abandoned his assault on Ravager to take him to town. The Moose and The Beast, two big men, going at it. The Moose rams Bruce’s head into the steel — Bruce blocks it, then bashes Moose’s face instead! And again and again! So much anger between these two men coming out now. Bruce grabs the nearest weapon off the cage… and it’s a guitar? The Beast strums a chord, then KABONG. Brings the guitar down on Moose’s head in a cloud of splinters and sawdust! Moose falls backwards like a felled tree as The Beast tosses the splintered guitar neck on him. But wait! FROM BEHIND! NYQUIL DRIVER! D! takes The Beast down with a Nyquil Driver! He’s going for cuffs, D! trying to eliminate The Beast — the man he hit with a steel chair one week ago.
JACK JONES: Do it, D!
BILL HEWSON: Since when are you a D! fan?
JACK JONES: I’m not, but I’m sure not a D-X fan! Lousy turncoats.
BILL HEWSON: D! could put Bruce away here… but wait a minute, Ravager is up! What’s he got in his hands, is that a lead pipe? Wait a minute — oh my GOD!
JACK JONES: That… that doesn’t look good.
D! is now on the mat in agony, screaming, holding his knee. Ravager holds the lead pipe he just used to clip D!’s knee high, a smirk of satisfication on his face. D! is screaming. Literally screaming. Referee Dick Kiebiech, on the outside, is holding up his arms with an “x” signal.
BILL HEWSON: My God, I think Ravager just shattered D!’s kneecap. With that lead pipe… What a vicious attack!
JACK JONES: I didn’t know Tonya Harding was going to be in the match. But seriously Hewson, it’s the House of Horrors. It’s not figure skating!
BILL HEWSON: And I don’t believe this, EMTs are coming down with a stretcher. Head Referee Dick Kiebiech is unlocking the cage door, my God.
While this goes on, Ravager stomps Kyle and The Beast to keep ‘em down. Kiebiech comes in, Ravager makes to hit him. Kiebiech holds him off. “This man is DONE.” Ravager looks like he has a different idea, but before he can really do much, EMT’s scramble into the ring and haul D! out as if out of a war zone. D! tries to take one step before collapsing in more pain. He’s loaded onto a stretcher to the boos of the crowd and wheeled up the ramp…
BILL HEWSON: Dick Kiebiech has pulled D! out of this match, Jones, and now the whole complexion of the match has changed. My God, Ravager could have just ended D!’s career with that shot!
JACK JONES: The steel cage shortens careers, Hewson. And now Ravager is in the driver’s seat!
He sure is. Using that lead pipe still, holding it across Bruce’s neck. The Moose & Roberts are slugging it out in another part of the ring. Roberts knocks Moose for a loop and tries to help Bruce — Moose charges from behind and smashes Kyle into the cage wall. Kyle falls backwards, right into a Moose STUNGUN off the top rope. Kyle’s head snaps back. Moose grins to the crowd, garnering boos. He grabs a steel chair from the turnbuckle and uses it to choke Kyle on the mat. Sadistic. The Beast, however, has somehow managed to get to his feet with Ravager on his back! The Beast is up and like Andrew The Giant versus Westley, crunches Ravager between his broad back and the steel cage! Zorak/Fleming says “That’s right, that’s the ticket!” on the outside. Then he eats his young. Or something. Anyways. Meanwhile The Beast has knocked the wind out of Ravager and tries to recover his own wind, his throat rubbed raw from that lead pipe. Ravager suddenly charges, but Bruce sidesteps and beales Ravager right into the steel! Ravager stumbles backwards and bumps into Moose — “Eh?” and then they both turn around into a double-clothesline by The Beast! That takes it out! Kyle gets up, coughing, but here’s The Beast! He hoists Ravager up! Kyle hits the ropes and comes off with a STYLESKICK to Ravager’s unprotected chin! It’s a variation of the HART ATTACK and Ravager is down. And. Out. But D-X don’t go for him… wait a minute, they’ve both turned their attention to one Mark Millar.
BILL HEWSON: Payback’s a bitch, Millar!
D-X advance on The Moose — Millar lashes out first, catching Roberts with a fist. He does the same for Richards but D-X continue to advance on him! Ohhh low blow to Roberts takes him down. Ravager down, Roberts down, The Moose and The Beast in the middle of the ring just trading huge blows! But The Beast’s rage is too much and Millar is losing this battle by God! Millar getting slugged into the ropes, where Bruce palms the man’s face in his hand and starts slamming the back of Moose’s head into the steel cage. Moose gets an eye gouge to stop it… and hoists Bruce up for an F5! ROUGHNECK COMIN’ UP — The Beast lands behind The Moose! Moose whirled around, The Beast puts HIM on his shoulders! HUMAN TORTURE RACK! The Beast is racking The Moose, and then he flips Moose forward! NOW IT’S TIME. The crowd on their FEET for… THE CHART ATTACK! The Beast sends Moose spinning off and INTO the side of the cage before collapsing to the mat. Kyle is up. D-X haul Moose up and are suddenly very busy. Before he can do anything about it, “The Moose” Mark Millar has handcuffs linking one wrist to the cage! The Moose is cuffed, he is eliminated from this match! And not only that… but suddenly The Beast producers a pair of shears from inside his Moltar costume!
JACK JONES: Oh no! NOT THE BEARD!
Kyle holds the dazed Moose up… and The Beast chops a huge chunk of Moose’s big, magnificent beard off! The Beast grabs the big chunk of beard and holds it high to a roar of approval from the crowd.
BILL HEWSON: The first man to be cuffed is The Moose, and now it’s down to D-X and Ravager. And those odds do not favor Ravager.
JACK JONES: The beard… D-X are just mean.
BILL HEWSON: The rumour that Moose’s power lies in his facial hair has never been proved to my satisfaction.
JACK JONES: Well… just remember Moose may be out of this match, but he’s still IN the cage. D-X won’t want to wander close to him, not after what they just did.
BILL HEWSON: That’s a good point, and you don’t get many.
D-X bump knuckles, and then turn their attention to Ravager. The Shooter is in one corner, wielding the steel chair Moose dropped. Roberts steps near, Ravager almost tags him. It’s a Mexican Standoff… until D-X each find a weapon, not taking their eyes off of Ravager. Roberts has a kendo stick. Richards has a stop sign. All three men are still. Who will make the first move?
Roberts and Richards move at once, both trying to bash Ravager, who barely ducks out of the way. Ravager turns around and swings — his chair misses Roberts by an inch! And that’s all The Beast needs to knock Ravager in the top of the head with the stop sign! Ravager crumples to the canvas and D-X know that it’s time. Time to get DOWN AND DIRTY! Roberts sets Ravager up… Polar-izer! The Beast on the top rope! Time for a Moonsault — wait a minute! The Moose just knocked the ropes, knocking The Beast off-balance. Beast gets crotched on the top rope! Kyle tells Moose that’s it, and crashes him with the kendo stick! What Kyle doesn’t know is that Ravager is up surprisingly quickly after the Polar-izer — and right behind him! LAST RESORT! Kyle gets flopped! And wait just a damned minute, what the hell? Ravager with a stiff open hand chop to Bruce, another, a flurry! Ravager has Beast dazed, and now he’s…. he’s not going to! Ravager to a near-three hundred pound man! BUSINESS…IS…BUSINESS muscle buster on The Beast Richards! Roberts is down from the Last Resort! Ravager grabs a pair of handcuffs from the debris, cuffs Richards, and then cuffs the man down near the bottom of the cage. A laying Bruce Richards has been cuffed underneath the bottom rope to the steel age!
BILL HEWSON: I didn’t know Ravager had that kind of strength, Jones. It must be sheer stubborn spite. Give the assist to the already cuffed Moose, but this match… is now down to two men. Ravager. Stylin’ Kyle Roberts. One man will win House of Horrors, and you know will be in the top rankings for the NAPW Heavyweight Title!
JACK JONES: Wouldn’t that be interesting for D-X, Hewson? The Beast has his Battlebowl title shot… what if Roberts becomes #1 contender? Hmmm?
BILL HEWSON: D-X are competitive, but they are a team first. The tag team belts they carry are the most important tag belts in wrestling, and possibly most important titles in North American wrestling today. That’s how much D-X has meant to tag team wrestling this past year. But right now it is Stylin’ Kyle Roberts and Ravager, toe to toe… this will get ugly.
And in the ring, Ravager is standing, slapping the lead pipe into the palm of one hand. Across the ring, Stylin’ Kyle is up, shaking off the effects of the Last Resort. Roberts sees Bruce cuffed and dazed, then locks eyes with Ravager. “Put that thing down and fight me like a man, BOB.” Ravager’s eyes briefly glint and then, shrugging, he tosses the lead pipe aside. Ravager and Roberts in the center of the ring, nose to nose, eye to eye. The tension.
And then.
It busts loose.
Ravager. Roberts. Ravager. Roberts. Chops. Punches. Strikes. Ravager with a palm thrust to the bridge of Roberts nose, breaking it. Bleeding from the nose. This is hardly a wrestling match, this is a fight. Ravager however uses an irish whip to send Kyle to the cage hard. Kyle stumbles back, Ravager with a second Last Resort — Kyle struggles out though! He turns it around, German Suplex, Ravager won’t let it happen, tries for a Crippler Crossface, Roberts is fighting it, he’s still half on his feet — stands up with Ravager in the fireman’s carry! MOOSE JAW DRIVER! He nails it! Roberts back to his feet, wobbly, but alive. The fans rise up in a “D-X” chant and that gives him the energy he needs…
To turn “Bob” over into the BEAR-TAMER. The Walls of Style. Whatever you will call it. Ravager screaming in pain as Roberts wrenches back. The Beast pumps his fist from his cuffed position, trying to dislodge the handcuffs. Moose is pulling on his cuffs, but to no avail. Ravager taps out, but in this match, there is no tap out. Roberts is simply trying to break Ravager.
Finally. Mercifully. Roberts lets go. Ravager slumps on the canvas, hand on his back, in intense pain. Roberts finds something. He holds it up. He holds up, dangling, a glinting pair of steel handcuffs. The crowd pops huge! Roberts grabs Ravager by the wrist, slapping the cuffs over it. He drags Ravager to the side of the cage, but Ravager is fighting it. Ravager trying to pull back, using his other arm to pull back oh my GOD, Ravager is biting the bridge of Kyle’s nose! Kyle yells in pain as Ravager pulls away, lips stained with Robert’s blood. Kyle is holding his palm to his face. Ravager suddenly grabs Roberts wrist… snap. Cuff! Roberts fights! Ravager and Roberts each have cuffs on their wrist, both are trying to cuff the opponent to the cage! Roberts however is stronger than Ravager CLANG.
BILL HEWSON: What in the world was THAT?
JACK JONES: Oh my God! Hahaha… The Moose just one-hand tossed that garbage can right at Stylin’ Kyle!
BILL HEWSON: Wait just a damned minute… Wait! Ravager just cuffed Kyle to the steel cage! Jones, Ravager has WON THE HOUSE OF HORRORS!
Moose guffaws loudly. Kyle glares at Ravager, then Moose, pissed off. He’s dazed, blood is coming from his nose, but dammit, he was overpowering Ravager.
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is YOUR winner… RAAAAAVAGER! And now, Ravager has five minutes alone in the cage with his cuffed opponents!
BILL HEWSON: And well, this was what was advertised, but what is Ravager going to do?
JACK JONES: Start with that kendo stick, I think. Eeep!
Ravager goes right to Roberts. “What’s my name?” “BOB.” WHACK. “WHAT’S MY NAME?” “BOB!” WHACK. “WHAT’S MY NAME?” “BOB, YOU STUPID JACKASS.” WHACK.
How long this could go on… nobody will ever know. Lights out.
“AAIIIIIEEEEEEEE!”
And then, the lights come on.
In the middle of the ring stands a man nobody expected. Tall, goateed, with close cropped hair.
JACK JONES: Holy. Hell.
BILL HEWSON: Oh my GOD, THE PLAGUE IS HERE! THE PLAGUE! THE FIRST NAPW CHAMPION!
Ravager looks dumbstruck. And then with an evil grin, The Plague boots Ravager in the stomach HARD… and hooks his arms! Double underhook… THE ANGEL’S WINGS! ANGEL’S WINGS! ANGEL’S WINGS! The crowd, shocked, begins to cheer! Plague has just decimated Ravager! And now… wait a minute! The Plague just produced a key from his pants pocket. What’s this? Oh my god! The Plague is releasing The Moose. The crowds cheers now turn to confused boos as Plague shakes hands with The Moose. Moose grins through his now mangled beard, picking up a weapon. It’s a steel chair, baby! The Plague standing over Ravager, making the sign of the cross as a priest would. Moose looks at D-X, both of them are cuffed and helpless, both trying desperately to get free as Moose tees off
BILL HEWSON: NO NO — THE DUDES! THE DUDES! THE DUDES ARE HITTING THE RING! THE DUDES ARE HITTING THE RING!
JACK JONES: WHAAAAAT?
BILL HEWSON: CAMERON SCOTT JUST RIPPED THE STEEL CHAIR FROM MOOSE’S HANDS! We have a standoff OH MY GOD NO! NO! NOOOOO!
JACK JONES: DID HE — he just — Cameron Scott just —
BILL HEWSON: Cameron Scott just hit Stylin’ Kyle Roberts in the face with a sickening steel chair shot! What the HELL is going on here? Oh my God! AN EMBRACE! The sickening embrace between The Plague and The Dudes! What the hell is going on here —
Kyle is cuffed and slumped. The Beast is screaming for The Dudes’ blood as Mike Johnston screams in the face of the slumped Kyle. Plague meanwhile, picks up Ravager. SPINEBUSTER. Plaguebuster connects, slamming Ravager right onto a pile of debris. The Moose and Cameron Scott begin STOMPING on Kyle as Mike Johnston now takes the steel chair… and TEES OFF on The Beast’s unprotected head.
BILL HEWSON: For the love of God, he can’t even cover up! The Beast was in the hospital for a week! What the hell is wrong with The Dudes? What the HELL is wrong — Bill Fleming is getting in the ring! Fleming with a chair of his own trying to save his men! He blasts The Moose — Oh God, Cameron Scott just leveled Bill Fleming. He’s just a manager, what is this…. NO! NO! POWERBOMB ON BILL FLEMING RIGHT INTO A STEEL CHAIR!
JACK JONES: We have checked out of reality, Hewson… I don’t even know what to say.
BILL HEWSON: And here comes Tiffany, the woman who brought The Dudes into NAPW, Bruce’s girlfriend. She’s in the ring, what are you doing woman? She’s pleading with The Dudes, begging with them! Maybe she can talk some sense into them — OH GOD NO!
JACK JONES: THE MOOSE. Come on Millar, even you’re not that —
BILL HEWSON: Look at Plague, giving the THUMBS DOWN! Where the hell has he even BEEN for a year! Oh my God, The Moose has Tiffany on his shoulders! She’s not a wrestler! She’s a woman — NO! NO! NO! ROUGHNECK ON TIFFANY MACINTYRE! GOOD GOD NO! GOOD GOD YOU SON OF A BITCH — YOU SONS OF BITCHES —
JACK JONES: Where the (BLEEP) is the help, dammit —
BILL HEWSON: Where — HERE COME THE CELTIC ASSASSINS! Bobby O’Brady and Al Thoes are hitting the ring — They’re tearing it down! But by God, the numbers are too much! The Plague with a sick steel chair shot to the back of O’Brady, and now Michael K. Johnston with a DDT on a chair! Al Thoes is down! This is just disgusting! And now what is this?
The Plague gives the key to Michael Johnston. Mike… unlocks Kyle’s cuffs? Meanwhile, The Plague and Moose handcuff Ravager’s hands behind his back. Cameron Scott hoists Kyle up… Mike off the top rope! The SLACK ATTACK! Kyle is down, but The Dudes aren’t done! Mike grabs Kyle… THE BEAR-TAMER! Cameron Scott right in Kyle’s face, screaming “BREAK HIM, MIKE! BREAK HIM!” Meanwhile, The Plague has Ravager… Ravager is on his knees, face a complete crimson mask. Plague holds Ravager’s chin in his hands, smirking like the devil himself. He raises the steel chair HIGH —
This is the scene.
Tiffany Macintyre is prone. Bruce Richards is half-conscious, his free arm draped over Tiffany in an attempt to shield her. Plague has a steel chair raised high above his head. A glassy-eyed Ravager is on his knees, hands cuffed behind his back. The Celtic Assassins are down and out, The Moose choking and stomping them. Mike Johnston is trying to break Kyle Roberts in half, Cameron Scott jeering Kyle. Bill Fleming is down after bravely trying to help his team. Rod Hardway and Dutch Flanagan have made their way out to help, taking revenge on the Celtic Assassins with their comrade Moose. There is no hope. Little light.
Until D! comes out.
D! rushes the ring, adrenaline pumping his bad leg. He has a steel chair. Three hits. Three members of Stiff Competition crashing to the canvas. The Dudes scatter, exiting the ring in a hurry as D! bangs the chair off the top rope in an attempt to nail Johnston. D! smashes the cage with the chair. The crowd goes banana. Orange. Apple. Bonzo gonzo. Coconut. COCONUT, dammit.
Then.
It is The Plague staring across the ring at the man who put him out of NAPW one year ago. D!. D!. The Plague. D!. The Plague. The crowd is begging for D! to kill Plague, they want his blood.
And then their whole world is destroyed.
BILL HEWSON: …
JACK JONES: He just hit KYLE!
BILL HEWSON: D!… Kyle somehow was getting to his feet — D! just HIT HIM IN THE FACE WITH THE STEEL CHAIR! What in the LIVING HELL —
The Plague smirks as D! begins laying into Roberts with the chair, a maniacal expression on D!’s face. The Dudes meanwhile have grabbed the NAPW Tag Team title belts from the timekeeper’s table… and are taking off. The Dudes laughing, they have stolen the tag title belts. Plague casually leaves the cage as D! picks up where he left off. And tees off on Ravager’s head. Ravager collapses in sickening fashion. Dick Kiebiech comes into the ring to reason with D!. He takes a chair shot. D! has taken out the head referee.
Suddenly Wayne Wright is rushing to the ring! Wayne Wright, D!’s protege, he looks up to D!.
He’s not spared.
The crowd is silent. They’re horrified. They’re too horrified to boo. D! has run out of victims in the cage and he comes out the door. The first person he sees is Frank Warburton.
Frank gets it.
The commentary stops. Jack Jones narrowly avoids a chair shot and bails into the crowd.
Bill Hewson is not so lucky. D! hits the 48 year old gentlemen with a chair to the side of the head.
Then. He stands on top of the announce table. Bloody chair held high.
The Plague is at the top of the ramp, looking down at D!. And he’s smiling. His student has learned well.
This is how Anniversary Assault ends. The biggest night in NAPW history. The celebration of one full year of accomplishment.
With D!, it’s very face, it’s poster boy, it’s franchise standing atop the announce table, laughing sickly, holding a blood-stained steel chair.
The savior of NAPW…
Has delivered us unto evil.
Lights down.
October 31, 2006 8:59 PM No Comments
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