BLACK THURSDAY IV 12/18/2008
O’Connor Boys & ??? vs Grade A & The Masked Myth
Tommy Deathrow vs Evan Cartwright
The Great Puma II vs Demo-Man vs Outlaw
Dez Carter & The Beast vs Gaines Brothers
Mikey Massacre vs Stone Zellor
Danny Chaos vs Hatework
Jake Phoenix vs Trent Daniels III
Chris Casino vs D! III
Billy Kryenik vs Jer$ey III
Faces of Death vs “The Ego Buster” Dan Ryan & “LDK” Lloyd Rees
Asuka Katsuragi vs “Stunning” Starsha Stevens
Krusty Kid Paul vs “The Show” Chad Kurtis III
2005Diamond climbing the turnbuckles, looking to catch The Beast with a cross-body block off the top NO! Stylin’ Kyle just BLASTED Diamond in the injured knee with the steel chair! The referee being distracted by Coach Jago, and that allows Kyle to toss the chair to The Beast! Now Axe TURNS AROUND — CHAIR SHOT TO THE FACE! Beast tosses the chair out of the ring, covers…NOW the referee turns around! ONE! TWO! THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Your winners…and STILL Tag Team Champions! DEEE-EXXXX!
***
NOT AGAIN! MISERY LOVES COMPANY! A SECOND DAMNED PILEDRIVER! Misery, looking proud of his handiwork, leans down and covers J.C. Cook. ONE! TWO! THREE! Ring the damned bell!
***
Ravager counters the final stage of the move with an INVERTED RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! Lobo’s leg was buckling when he sent Ravager down! Ravager HOOKS THE LEG! One…TWO…..THREE! The crowd goes wild!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winnner…and NEWWWWW Provincial Champion! RAAAAAVAGGERRR!
Rex Caliber is safely back in the ring, but he chooses to stand his ground. He’s primed and ready! The Minstrel stands up, yelling obscenities and bizarre statements at The Immortal. He turns around…right into a huge clothesline sending him OVER THE TOP ROPE! The Minstrel is eliminated by The Nexus One! And…
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the Action! Battle Royale…REX! CALIBERRRR!
***
Both men slow to their feet… D! tries an irish whip, it’s REVERSED, Spinebuster number TWO coming up! WHOA! D! caught The Plague with a spinning heel kick! The Plague goes hard, and D!…he looks to the crowd, hits his stance! Plague with his last strength pulls himself up… AND D! UNLOADS! THE BUZZ KICK! PLAGUE takes it RIGHT in side of the head! The Plague is still up, wavering in mid-air…and slumps forward! D! right in there, rolls him over and hooks the leg, ONE, TWO……….THREE! D! HAS! DONE IT!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner…and STILL NAPW CHAMPION! HE! IS! D!
BILL HEWSON: OH MY GOSH! D! HAS DONE IT! D! HAS RETAINED HIS TITLE! THE PLAGUE…THE PLAGUE’S CAREER IS OVER!
2006
“The Show” Chad Kurtis is pulling for all he’s worth as blood pours his forehead. Castle is holding on… holding… and at this point he is beginning to lose consciousness… The referee is calling for the bell! Kurt Castle would not tap out, but there’s only so long you can go without air!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner… “THE SHOW” CHAD KURTIS!
***
Kenny stands up on the apron and gets MISSILE DROP KICKED BY KRENSHOV! HE FALLS OFF, AND BILLY FOLLOWS SOON AFTER! The crowd has come UNGLUED, and Billy stands up over the fallen giant, triumphant!
FRANK WARBURTON: HERE IS YOUR WINNER, SICK! BIIIIILLLLYYYY KRYYYYYEEEENIIIK!
***
And then, the Man In Black grabs the microphone.
MAN IN BLACK: It’s (BLEEP)in’ funny, all this time you were right on JoJo. But guess what:
AND THE MAN IN BLACK RIPS OFF HIS MASK TO REVEAL—
BILL HEWSON: THE SUPERSTAR THOMAS DEATHROOOOOOOOOOOW!
SUPERSTAR THOMAS DEATHROW: You still (BLEEP)in’ lose, just like ya always do!
And with that, Deathrow sticks a shocked Joseph Winchell head-first between his legs. DEATHROW DRIVER!!! ONE! TWO! THREE!
***
Raul drops off the apron and Morgan Smythe turns around to see Casino grab the dazed challenger. NO! HOLY HELL! BANKRUPT! AND THE PIN!
One!
TWO!
NO! NOT LIKE THIS!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner… and STILL the NAPW PURE HONOUR CHAMPION…. CHRIS! CASSSINOOOOOOO!
***
For the first time in literally months. Ravager delivers some INSTANT. KARMA Plague crumbles to the canvas, Ravager rolls off. He stands up. And then, when Plague comes up…
There is blood. Streaming from Plague’s forehead.
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your WINNER… RAVAGERRRRRRRRRR!
***
Bickle is getting paler. And Cartwright? He’s not letting go until he hears a bell. Bickle’s head is hanging low. The flow of blood is still strong, but the fight is draining. Kiebiech asks one more time. He waits for an answer. But Bickle’s got nothing left to say. The will may still be there. But the fight will have to wait for another day.
Kiebiech calls for the bell.
The response is, shall we say, hostile.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has ruled that Patrick Bickle is unable to continue. Therefore… The winner of the match, and NEWWWWWWWWWWWW NAPW champion: “PERFECTION” EVAN CARRRRRRRRTWRRRRRRRRRRRRRIGHT!
2007:
The crowd is in shock and horror, disbelieving seemingly demonic Dan Ryan practically destroys Andrew Rossi’s neck with the Humility Bomb. Rossi’s body quivers and then, he lays motionless. A lazy cover follows
1…
2…
3.
And it ends, the match, the slaughter, the career of a great man. All over in three seconds.
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, by way of pinfall. DAN RYAN!!
***
“Bingo!”
The roof nearly comes off the place as the crowd answers:
“TANGO!”
“X-TERMINATOR!”
Ace Adams has a full six-course banquet of X-TERMINATOR served up fresh right in the center of the ring! Adams down! Wylde out on the outside! Expositioner grabs Ninja off the mat by the back of his shirt and his tights! Ninja pushes himself up into the air and Expositioner slams him down right on top of Ace Adams! The ref counts and Expositioner and the whole crowd count with him!
ONE!
TWO!
THREEEEEEE!
BILL HEWSON: They did it! Mystic Exposition did it! Three-time tag team champions!
JACK JONES: I don’t know whether to laugh or cry! Ah hell! MYSTIC EXPOSITION SAVES THE NAPW TAG TITLES! WHOOO!
FRANK WARBURTON: And the winners of this match and NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…. Mystic Ninja and The Expositioner… MYSTIC EXPOOOOOSSSIIIIITIIIOOOON!
***
And in an amazing feat of strength, gets to his feet, and flips Ravager over into position for the Tombstone!
Only this time he hits it on the chair.
The impact is sickening. Phoenix covers and hooks the leg. Kiebiech makes the count.
ONE!
TWO!
No miracles tonight folks.
THREE!!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner: JAKE PHOENIX!
RAVAGER: It’s been my privilege. Thank you.
***
Tommy grabs the steel chair and climbs to the ring apron. And then he runs, jumps of the apron, and drives the steel chair right into the back of Expo’s head.
BILL HEWSON: This is sick! Absolutely disgusting!
Expositioner is couching and choking, holding his neck as Morgan Smythe holds up her arms in an X. Trainers and EMTs run to the ring as Ian tells SAD to get back into the ring and win those title belts.
JACK JONES: Well, it looks like Ian Smith has chosen his team, and it’s the Sexy Adorable Drunks.
BILL HEWSON: This is the opposite of adorable! It’s appalling! They should be the Stupid Assh-
JACK JONES: Language, Hewson!
The fans agree with Bill, as they throw garbage at Ian Smith, who stands there at ringside with a shit-eating grin on his face, holding the steel chair. Tommy Deathrow picks up Mystic Ninja and forces him to look at what they did to his tag team partner. Under the mask, Ninja’s eyes go wide! He elbows Deathrow in the face, and tries to make his way to his friend. The medics are securing Expo’s head and trying to get him out. Ninja looks back at Deathrow and KKP, and he snarls, and runs at Paul, dropkick to the chest. KKP oges down, but Deathrow’s right there. He picks up the light man, and it’s a Tommyhawk to take Ninja to the canvas. Krusty Kid Paul with a piledriver makes Ninja crumple to the mat. The garbage starts flying into the ring, and SAD nod at each other. KKP locks on an inverted cloverleaf and Deathrow applies a front face lock. Spike DDT! The Hangover! Deathrow and KKP both lay on Ninja for a lazy pin, and Morgan Smythe, with a disgusted look on her face, drops to the mat and counts the pin.
One. Two. Three.
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners… and NEW NAPW Tag Team Champions! Sexy Adorable Drunks!
***
The crowd are on their feet as Bruce Richards scoops the challenger up once more and he lifts the limp Donovan Astros up onto his shoulder — Jake Phoenix is up on the apron again! Kiebiech is distracted by the Murder City Devil – just as Astros slips out of the Chart Attack — LOW BLOW!
JACK JONES: Working together in perfect harmony, Hewson!
BILL HEWSON: No, it can’t be… !
ASTROCIDE!
Phoenix drops off the apron as Dick Kiebiech turns his attention back to the ring… ONE! TWO! THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner… and NEW NAPW WORLD CHAMPION… DONOVAN ASTROS!
And now.
December 18th, 2008.
New Alberta Pro Wrestling presents…
BLACK THURSDAY IV.
“I WANT! SOMETHING YOU HAVE!
I WANT IT OH SO BAD!
I WANT! SOMETHING YOU HAVE!
WON’T STOP TIL IT’S IN MY HANDS!”
Project 86′s “EVIL (A CHORUS OF RESISTANCE)” is blaring through the FILLED BEYOND CAPACITY POLISH HALL as the fans are getting last-minute snacks, most of the seats are filled however! Nobody wants to miss a minute of action tonight! Fans have brought signs, are wearing merch for their favorite NAPW wrestlers. It’s -21 degrees celcius out tonight, but cold weather has never stopped the good people of Edmonton from doing… well, much of anything. Especially going to sporting events!
Finally, Frank Warburton steps into the ring, microphone in hand, wearing his usual awesome tuxedo — though the snowman tie clashes a bit. Tis the season!
FRANK WARBURTON: NAPW FANS… IT IS NOW TIME FOR THE OPENING CONTEST OF BLACK THURSDAY IV! ARE YOU READY?!
OH HELL YEAH THEY ARE!
“All Hell For A Basement” by Big Sugar plays and from the back comes Grade A being led by the Masked Myth. The fans roars turn into heavy BOOOOOOS!
FRANK WARBURTON: At a total combined weight of five hundred and six pounds, THE MOOSE MARK MILLER AND WAYNE WRIGHT with their partner THE MASKED MYTH… GRADE A!
BILL HEWSON: We’ve seen new sides to Wayne Wright and The Moose since they cast their lots with D!, but what we don’t know is anything about this so-called “Masked Myth.” He’s been ‘training’ Grade A in some fashion, but… who is he? What does he have to do with D!? And what can be bring in the ring here tonight?
JACK JONES: If D! picked this man to train Grade A, then I trust in D!. So should you.
“Snoopy’s Christmas” by Smash Mouth plays through the arena as the crowd knows it must be Sean and Seamus; they cheer. Sure enough from the back wearing Santa hats and handing out candy canes to the kids at ringside, the brothers are in the house and definitely in the Christmas spirit.
FRANK WARBURTON: From Boston, Massachusetts they weigh in at three hundred pounds they are Sean and Seamus, the O’CONNOR BOYS! BILL HEWSON: The O’Connor Boys on a bit of a losing streak, and you can place much of the blame squarely on Grade A, who have interfered in their matches and handed them one loss. The O’Connor Boys would like to settle the score right here, before 2008 is over!
JACK JONES: “Bit” of a losing streak? They spend more time on their back than…
BILL HEWSON: But I have to wonder, where’s their mystery partner? The O’Connor Boys are on their own out here!
Grade A and the Masked Myth stand in the middle of the ring, beckoning Sean and Seamus in. Sean and Seamus look behind them, turn back and are grinning. They charge the ring both scaling up the same turnbuckle at the exact same time leaping with double bicycle kicks and Grade A and the Masked Myth are down on the mat.
DING! DING! DING!
OCB leap into action running into the ropes, on opposite sides, springboarding back with reverse moonsaults onto their three opponents. OCB is really rocking as the Canadian crowd chants “OCB” over and over again. Sean and Seamus climb up to the top rope, play to the crowd by throwing their right arms into the air before twisting on the top turnbuckle and diving with a double bodysplash onto their opponents. The referee finally gains control by getting Seamus to his corner, and getting Wayne and the Masked Myth to their own corner.
JACK JONES: Finally some sort of order has made its presence in the match!
BILL HEWSON: OCB taking quick control with quick movements keeping Grade A on the mat! With their small size, they have to hit and run if they’re going to be successful… especially against a big man like The Moose!
The Moose gains his feet staring down the much smaller Sean O’Connor. Moose raises his hand into the air looking for a test of strength; Sean shakes his head no. Moose motions for Sean to come and do the collar and elbow tie up; Sean obliges. Sean walks in side stepping a kick out by Moose; Sean shakes his head. They go to lock up, front kick to Moose’s knee, spin around and a heel kick to the back of the same leg and Moose is down, looking surprised. Sean runs up the kneeling Moose front kick to Moose’s face and the big man is down. Tag to Seamus who leaps from the top turnbuckle with a three hundred and sixty degrees splash and a pin.
ONE!– Wayne is in to break up the count as he stomps on the back of Seamus’ neck. Sean is in the corner chanting “OCB” and the crowd quickly follows. The referee gets Wayne back into his corner as Seamus rolls off Moose; Moose gets to his feet. Clothesline from Moose and Seamus is reeling, Moose makes a quick tag.
JACK JONES: Wayne in now and he is going to take care of some business… the right way!
Wayne lifts a knee into Seamus’ gut and one half of OCB is doubled over from the force. Wayne lifts Seamus up into the air in a double choke grip, the referee admonishes Wayne for the illegal move; Wayne just relishes the rare opportunity to utterly man-handle an opponent!
Double heel kick to Wayne’s ribs, but he holds onto Seamus with some effort. Double heel kick again and Seamus tucks his legs up in between Wayne’s lifted grip, modified dropkick as Seamus pushes out with force Wayne is forced back, but maintains the hold; Seamus is turning a dark shade of red as he once again tucks his legs in between the outstretched arms of Wayne and kicks the man right in the face! Finally Wayne drops Seamus, who lands on his feet, stumbling slightly. Seamus spins around sweeping Wayne’s legs out from under him in one smooth movement. Wayne is on the mat, but so is Seamus. The Masked Myth barks, and The Moose runs into the ring to stomp at Seamus! In comes an angry Sean, but Moose is heading out. Now the referee is holding Sean back, allowing the Masked Myth to come into the ring illegally. He “claps” his hands together, ref’s back still turned, and pulls out… a magic wand? Seamus is getting to his feet, as the Myth swings the wand — Seamus grabs it out of his hand! Seamus tries to whack the Masked Myth with it
*SNAKT*
Suddenly Seamus is holding a bouquet of flowers. Confused, Seamus tries to hit the Myth with THEM —
*SNAKT*
And suddenly a long string of scarves is in his hand? Seamus looks confused, and that’s plenty of time for the Myth to swoop in and deliver an Angle Slam! The referee turns around, and sees the cover. One! Two! Seamus gets the shoulder up. The Masked Myth hooks a wrist-lock and tags Wayne back in. Wayne with a blow to the exposed shoulder of Seamus.
BILL HEWSON: What is ostensibly a handicap match going the way Grade A and the Masked one want it, now. The numbers game is simply getting to the O’Connor Boys!
JACK JONES: Numbers, shumbers, they don’t have what it takes in NAPW!
Wayne picks his man up, irish whip into the turnbuckle. He charges in, but Seamus runs up the ropes and flies off with a moonsault! They collide and both men hit the canvas. Sean is begging for the tag! Wayne staggers to his corner, tagging in the Moose…
HOT TAG SEAN!
The Moose and Wayne both run back into the ring — Sean springboards in with a split legged front kick to both of their faces. However, the Masked Myth clobbers him from behind. Seamus is pulled into the ring by Moose, and the O’Connor Boys are in the middle of the ring…
BILL HEWSON: Come on referee, get some control here!
Sean and Seamus roll up to their feet. Grade A and the Masked Myth surround the twin brothers. Seamus is back to his feet, and is standing back to back with his brother as Grade A and the Masked Myth surround them both. Moose chuckles, Wayne laughs, and a laugh comes from the Masked Myth as well. They all three charge and OCB is prepared to fight, even being out numbered by one. Their opponents stop in their tracks cold as…
Big Sugar’s “O Canada” plays through the speakers and the roof explodes as the fans do some quick remembering. From the back runs…
JACK JONES: No! Not him! ANYBODY BUT HIM!
BILL HEWSON: It’s… MR. CANADA!
Inside the ring, Sean and Seamus grin and attack their slackjawed opponents. MR. CANADA hits the ring heading for Moose, taking him down with a flurry of lefts and rights. Sean leaps up into the air throwing Masked Myth over the top rope with a hurricanrana and he lands on the floor hard and in a heap!
Mr. Canada and Seamus work together whipping Wayne into the corner turnbuckles, Mr. Canada whips Seamus to the corner to splash Wayne as Mr. Canada motions Sean over. He Irish whips him along the same route and as Seamus ducks out of the way, Sean comes flying in with a high leg lift across Wayne’s throat. The Masked Myth is up and on the ring apron, Mr. Canada unaware of his presence as Moose stands up for another go at Mr. Canada. The Masked Myth gets a big lung full of air!
MR. CANADA DUCKS!
Green Mist in the eyes of Mark Miller! Mr. Canada puts The Moose on the top rope, chops him for good measure, and delivers the MAPLE LEAF MUSCLE BUSTER! BILL HEWSON: THE MOOSE IS DOWN! MR. CANADA IS THE MYSTERY PARTNER… and Jack Attack, the Masked Myth is just walking away!
JACK JONES: I don’t blame him, Grade A has botched this operation up but good! And that no-good Mr. Canada!
In the ring, Moose is disposed of, as Mr. Canada drop toe-holds Wayne Wright throat-first across the bottom rope! Sean is PUMPED UP as the crowd yells for it… HE NAILS THE BUSHMILLS DRILL! Wayne pops off the ropes, holding his face, sprawling back-first in the center of the ring! Perfect position for Seamus to go AIRBORNE — IRISH INSIGNIA! Sean covers as Mr. Canada knocks The Moose out to the floor!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners… MR. CANADA AND THE O’CONNOR BOYS!
BILL HEWSON: A huge win for the O’Connor Boys, and I think that is IT for their feud with Grade A! What a way to start Black Thursday IV!
In the aisle, the Masked Myth looks back once, shakes his head, and turns around, disappearing through the curtain. Mr. Canada raises the arms of Sean and Seamus as the crowd cheers the winners! O’Connor Boys head into the new year with a big win to their names!
BILL HEWSON: And that was the first time my Dad actually told me “son, I love you.” I knew then that even though he was hard on me, my Dad was proud of me.
JACK JONES: SICK FREAK!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is scheduled for one fall, and is set for a twenty-minute time limit!
“HOLD ON! I’M COMING!”
Sam & Dave’s classic R&B standard kicks up, trumpets blaring, and the fans know only one man can be coming out. They turn to boo as the gum-chewing, towel-carrying, cocky man steps through the curtains…
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, weighing in tonight at two-hundred and twenty-two … and one-quarter… pounds! He is a former Tag Team, Heritage and World Champion here in NAPW! From Cairo, Illinois… “PERFECTION” EVAN CARTWRIGHT!
BILL HEWSON: A man who has shown a decidedly vicious streak as of late! There’s no denying Evan Cartwright’s wrestling ability, he is perhaps one of the best pure athletes NAPW has ever seen. Since returning earlier this summer, however, Evan has set out to hurt people, and tonight, he’s threatened to crush and destroy his former friend Tommy Deathrow!
JACK JONES: “Former” being the keyword, Hewson. While Tommy Deathrow was MIA doing God knows what, Evan was setting a record that will never be broken as a tag team champion! Evan Cartwright has moved so far beyond the broken-down, drunken waste that is Tommy Deathrow he’s in another galaxy!
Evan takes the ring, staring down referee Anthony Uruburu. Chew. Chew. His chiseled figure is oiled up and striking. What a specimen of a man.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent…
“I GOT MY ORANGE CRUSH!”
FRANK WARBURTON: Weighing in at two-hundred and fifty-four pounds, he is a three-time NAPW Tag Team Champion… from Saint Paul, Minnesota, I give you “SUPERSTAR” TOMMY DEATHROW!
The SUPERSTAR comes out clad in purple pants and a “PRINCE” t-shirt. Well, that’s Tommy Deathrow. STD has a backpack with him as he shakes and thrusts his mojo towards the fans lining the guardrails and around ringside. The pop is huge (just like Mikey Massacre!).
STD slides into the ring Edge-style, humping the canvas before getting up. Uruburu stays between the two competitors. Uruburu calls for the bell. However, instead of locking up, Evan grabs the mic from Frank.
EVAN CARTWRIGHT: Now I know all these peons want to see a “wrestling” match here tonight, but before we get started. Tommy! I made you a challenge, brother! Before I proceed to kick your ass, I think we need to have a BEAUTY CONTEST POSE-DOWN! I know, I know, you look at these rock-hard abs and so-good-you’d-think-they-were-implant pectorals, and you quiver in awe just like all these fat, out of shape fans in the crowd! But the Tommy Deathrow I used to know would NEVER back down from a challenge!
Tommy looks at Evan, who is chewing his gum loudly, big grin on his face. Tommy doesn’t say a word, just reaches into his backpack and pulls out…
an economy-size bottle of baby oil.
BILL HEWSON: What’s he gonna do with that?
JACK JONES: Hopefully not what *I* would do with that…
BILL HEWSON: Wait a minute — TOMMY’S SHIRT IS COMING OFF!
JACK JONES: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
The crowd pops huge as Tommy twirls his shirt over his head and tosses it into the crowd to screams of pleasure. Sure, Tommy’s body is not as… defined… as Evan’s, but it’s apparently pleasing the crowd. Then, Tommy takes the bottle of baby oil, squeezes a huge amount onto his chest, and begins spreading it around. Where’s Lance when you need him, hm ho ho! Tommy rubs his nipples, eyes closed, and makes his skin glisten to the utter disgust of Evan.
EVAN CARTWRIGHT: God! I think you’ve got enough damn baby oil on you! Let’s get this underway! Here’s how it works… we’ll decide the winner based on fan reaction. Now hit the music!
Something akin to “Ravishing” Rick Rude’s WWF theme picks up. Evan hits a big pose, arms forward, pecs popping out. Crowd mildly applauds. Tommy’s turn… puts his hands behind his head and swivels his hips.
HUGE POP!
Not to be deterred, Evan hits a classic bodybuilder pose, arms up, flexing the biceps, squatting with one leg outstretched for full appreciation of his fine form. Again the crowd mildly applauds, though admittedly some of the women in the audience are enjoying this quite a bit.
Now it’s Tommy’s turn again. Tommy turns around, doing the classic suntan lotion girl pose, pulling his pants down to show off his crack and holding his other hand to his lips in an “ooops!” pose. The crowd goes crazy!
Now scowling, Evan hits his final, best pose. Curling his arms into his side, leaning forward, every muscle popping out, legs slightly bowed showing off his huge thighs, what a figure, what an adonis!
The crowd is unmoved.
Tommy Deathrow grabs his bottle of baby oil, lathering even more onto himself, and then…
DOES THE HOGAN!
OOOH! AAAAAH! OH YEAHHHH! The crowd is on their feet! “TOMMY, TOMMY, TOMMY!” STD cups his hear and hits the corners — WHAM! Evan has had enough and nails STD from behind! But Tommy… TOMMY DOESN’T FEEL IT! HE’S SHAKING HIS FISTS! Evan hits the ropes and nails a lariat! Tommy staggers, but doesn’t go down, shaking even more! Evan just hauls off and SLUGS Tommy with the Golden Gloves educated fists…
“YOUUUUUUUU!”
Evan fires again, BLOCKED, TOMMY FIRES BACK! Evan staggered, throws another one, blocked, TOMMY GETS A RIGHT HAND! TOMMY HAS HULKED UP! BIG BOOT! EVAN GOES DOWN! TOMMY OFF THE ROPES … ATOMIC LEG DROP! DEATHROW COVERS! ONE! TWO!
EVAN KICKS OUT! And with that he rolls out of the ring, disgusted and furious, slamming his hands into the ring apron as Tommy finishes his posedown, cupping his ear to each side of the ring, listening to all the STD-IACS roaring his name!
BILL HEWSON: Evan Cartwright looking to rethink his gameplan here. Only NAPW has TOMMY DEATHROW, ladies and gentlemen.
JACK JONES: Thank heaven for small mercies. Take your time out there, Evan, make him come to you! You got him, champ!
BILL HEWSON: This match of course not under Superstar Rules, as Tommy’s new contract did not include that special stipulation. Count-outs and disqualifications do apply here, folks!
Evan paces on the outside as Tommy slathers on even more baby oil. At Uruburu’s seven count, he steps up and into the ring. Now it looks like we’re going to actually have a wrestling match. Evan and Tommy circle, tie-up… Tommy slips right out of Evan’s grip! Evan recoils with a grimace, shaking oil from his fingers. Tie-up attempt… Evan can’t get a grip on the oily Tommy! He yells at Uruburu, complaining, but the referee doesn’t know what he can do about this. The crowd is laughing at Evan, who snarls at them. Tommy pinches his nipples, then offers a hand to Evan Cartwright. Evan takes it… and attempts to irish whip Tommy!
Too bad Tommy just slides right out of his grip. Evan charges, with a lariat, but Tommy ducks behind and gets a backslide… Evan goes flying forward on Tommy’s slick back! One! Two! Kick-out! Evan pops up, tie-up, Evan ducks and gets behind with a rear waist lock… slips off and falls on his ass! Furious, Evan gets up… and then goes to his own corner, grabbing his towel.
JACK JONES: I don’t know why Tommy Deathrow isn’t being disqualified for this! Fortunately for him, Evan Cartwright is smarter than he is!
BILL HEWSON: Evan bringing his towel into play, well, this might just work!
Another tie-up attempt, Evan gets behind and wraps on a rear waist lock with the towel in the front! Trying for a German Suplex, but Tommy is blocking… he sticks his hands underneath Evan’s and breaks the hold, standing switch! Evan trying to get free, Tommy changes to a side headlock… Evan easily pushes the oily Tommy off! Deathrow runs the ropes, Evan tries a back body drop… no! Tommy stops and puts Evan’s head between his legs, Deathrow Driver?
Maybe.
But first Tommy’s going to thrust on Evan’s head! A gagging Evan tears out as the crowd chants again for Tommy. Finally Evan just comes in and tries to CHOP Tommy’s chest. Slides right off! Tommy punches Evan in the face! Boot to the gut, DDT… OH NO! TOMMY SLIPPED OFF HIMSELF and lands hard on his back on the canvas! The oil backfired on Tommy this time, and Evan quickly drops an elbow to the point of Tommy’s forehead. He finds his towel as Tommy starts crawling to his feet, and screams out to the crowd…
“TIME TO MAKE THIS BITCH HUMBLE!”
Evan stands over top of Tommy, toweling some oil off, and slaps on… THE CAMEL CLUTCH!
JACK JONES: Yes! Break his back, make him humble, the old-country way!
BILL HEWSON: Folks, this has been… some kind of match, but Tommy Deathrow might be in a lot of trouble here! Evan seems to have got the hold locked in despite the baby oil!
Evan indeed has the hold locked in, and to add insult to injury, begins making thrusting motions with his hips. “Make him humble”, he said. THE OLD-COUNTRY WAY. As taught by the Iron Sheik. Evan is grinning now, he has Tommy right where he wants him… wait. WAIT. Tommy seems to be fading, but with every thrust, begins shaking his fist! Evan doesn’t quite realize what’s going on at first… THRUST. TOMMY BEGINS TO STAND! Evan can’t believe it, but his thrusting has GIVEN TOMMY POWER! Tommy is getting to his feet! Evan trying to maintain the hold, but Tommy leans forward abruptly and Evan goes flying face-first onto the canvas. Quick as a whip, Tommy traps Evan’s head between his legs… oh no. The crowd chants along with each smash of Evan’s head into the canvas from Tommy’s powerful pelvis!
“TOTAL!”
“NONSTOP!”
“TOMMY!”
BILL HEWSON: I’m not sure this match is going how Evan Cartwright imagined it!
JACK JONES: NOBODY could have imagined this! My God, there are CHILDREN in the audience!
BILL HEWSON: Hey, they had the Tommy Deathrow disclaimer just like everybody else!
Tommy gets off as Evan looks ready to vomit, the combination of having his head smashed into the canvas in such a humiliating fashion. He begins to get up, Tommy picks him up and delivers the DOMINATOR! He covers!
ONE!
TWO!
Evan kicks-out!
And now it’s Tommy’s turn to slap on a Camel Clutch, or attempt to at least. Evan slams his head backwards right into the Deathrow Family Jewels as the hold is being applied, and Tommy falls off, clutching his boys in pain. Only Mikey Massacre has the power to withstand such a blow! Evan gets up, and takes stock of the situation. Baby oil all on both man’s skin, staining their clothing, staining the canvas. The tone the match has taken. And his eyes light up with fury. Evan grabs the bottle of baby oil from the corner, pulls Tommy up, and jams it into his mouth! Oh my God, that sick bastard! Evan is trying to force-feed baby oil down Tommy’s throat! Tommy kicks and shakes, trying to get free as Ururburu rightfully threatens Evan with a disqualification. Evan breaks free and Tommy coughs violently on the canvas. Evan holds the baby oil up to a huge, huge round of boos and then tosses the bottle into the aisle. Tommy on hands and knees, trying to get up, Evan stiffly kicks him in the rib cage. More coughing, another kick to the ribs.
BILL HEWSON: Evan Cartwright is twisted in the head, Jack Attack!
JACK JONES: EVAN is twisted? Have you been watching this match?
Evan finally lets Tommy get to his feet, only to send him flying with a half-nelson suplex. Tommy lands right on his head, but somehow pops up. RIGHT INTO A ROARING ELBOW! Tommy spins around, spit flying from his mouth, and Evan grabs him around the waist — GERMAN SUPLEX! RIGHT ON TOMMY’S HEAD! Evan holds on for the bridge!
ONE!
TWO!
TH-KICKOUT!
Tommy barely gets out of that one, he’s in a bad way here. Evan using his right and lefts in the corner, mercilessly pounding Tommy’s face. Irish whip, Tommy hits opposite turnbuckle so hard he collapses forward. Evan looks out to the crowd, yelling “who’s your favorite now, huh?” Tommy is holding his back, still coughing some, as Evan comes in to do more damage. He picks Tommy up by the head — TOMMY FIGHTING BACK! RIGHT TO THE BREADBASKET! He gets free, runs towards the ropes SNAP. Evan snaps Tommy to the canvas with a violent handful of hair. Brutal! Cartwright says “IT’S OVER!” He picks Tommy up, slamming him down into position. Evan is ascending the ropes, looking for the Mississippi Plunge! That could be all…
But Tommy is up and hits the ropes, causing Evan to lose his balance and land right on his balls. Tommy climbs up, is he looking for a superplex? Evan fights! Thumb to the eye, Evan knocks Tommy to the canvas. Tommy is still on his feet, Evan grabs the head and turns him around. Looking for DIAMOND DUST — Tommy throws a fist up! He’s still fighting! And — WAIT!
FALCON ARROW!
Tommy nails him, but sags back into the corner himself, unable to cover right away. There it is!
ONE!
TWO!
NO!
Evan kicks out! Tommy gets up, sticks Evan’s head between his legs, and calls for the Deathrow Driver! Wait, no! Backdrop from Evan sends Tommy over the ropes and to the floor the hard way! Bad landing for Tommy, and Evan climbs to the top rope? What’s this? DOUBLE AX-HANDLE TO THE FLOOR —
SWEATY BALL CLAW!
Tommy caught Evan with the Sweaty Ball Claw on his way down! They’re outside the ring, Uruburu starting his ten-count. Evan can’t be submitted outside the ring, but Deathrow CAN pass him out and it’s easy pickings! Evan seems to be fading… fading… but in a desperate stroke, falls backwards and heaves Tommy by the pants, sending Deathrow head-first into the STEEL ring post!
BILL HEWSON: Evan freed himself there in the nick of time, and oh… oh my! Tommy Deathrow is busted wide open, his forehead split like a melon on that steel ring post!
JACK JONES: Tommy Deathrow is BLEEDING in a wrestling match? Stop the presses!
Evan rolls into the ring, forcing Uruburu to start the count over… but Tommy is down on the floor. Uruburu starts counting again. He’s up to four, Tommy bleeding but not really moving too fast. He’s trying to get up, Uruburu is at six!
Seven!
Eight!
Deathrow lunges into the ring! The match continues! Unfortunately for Tommy, Evan is waiting, waiting, waiting… Tommy pulls himself up by the ropes. He turns around, Evan is READY…
TOAAAAAAAAASTTTTTYYYYYYYYY!
Tommy sails gracefully through the air before crashing in a heap on the canvas. Evan hooks the leg, it’s over! Perfect Uppercut!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Or it would be, if Tommy didn’t grab the bottom rope with his hand. Evan looks at Uruburu, yelling “ONE TWO THREE!” Uruburu points to Tommy’s hand on the bottom rope. The crowd is cheering, trying to rally Tommy. Deathrow is still in this! Evan is furious, drags Tommy out to the center of the ring. He picks Tommy up, getting behind his man… WHEELBARROW SUPLEX! No, Tommy Deathrow, in a seemingly impossible motion, carries his momentum to end up behind Evan! He looks an inverted facelock, lifts Evan up into an inverted crucifix position… and drops Evan into a stunner! TOMMYHAWK! Deathrow throws an arm across Evan…
ONE!
TWO!
TH—SHOULDER UP!
BILL HEWSON: Evan Cartwright gets the shoulder up at two and seven-eighths! These two men can’t have much left in them, Jack Attack!
JACK JONES: This has been one crazy match, Hewson, but Evan’s got that lush Deathrow’s number!
BILL HEWSON: Neither man has hit their biggest moves yet, we haven’t seen the Mississippi Plunge or Deathrow Driver despite several tries — but we might see one right now!
Tommy pulls Evan up, once again going for the Deathrow Driver… but Evan is able to drop to his knees and deliver another low blow shot! Just out of sight of Ururubu, who suspects something but can’t do NOTHIN’. Evan shoots up from that position…
TOAAAAAASSSSSSSTY!
The sequel! Tommy hits the canvas again, and Evan quickly scales to the top rope. He FLIES! MISSISSIPPI PLUNGE CONNECTS! Evan hooks the leg! ONE! TWO! THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner… “PERFECTION” EVAN CARTWRIGHT!
The crowd deflates as Tommy can’t kick out of that one. Evan gets up, shoves off Uruburu as the official tries to raise his arm in victory, and exits the ring.
JACK JONES: And now, time for the best victory shower in history!
BILL HEWSON: One hell of a match-up between two men who at one time were friends, but Evan Cartwright able to pull out the victory here tonight at Black Thursday IV. I can safely say this: you won’t see another match like that ever again!
JACK JONES: And we’re all better off for it. Where are those students, they need to mop the damn canvas!
Tommy gets to his feet, bloody and dazed. The crowd gives him a big ovation as the SUPERSTAR heads back to the locker room. Dirty Money is one-for-four on the night… will they continue to win this evening?
SLAYER! “Seasons of the Abyss” cues up.
FRANK WARBURTON: This match is a triple-threat contest set for one fall! Introducing first, standing six-feet seven inches and weighing in at two-hundred and eighty pounds… “THE ORIGINAL LEGEND” OUTLAW!
The tall, thickly-built Outlaw comes through the curtains to a mild heel pop. He pays the fans no heed as he enters the ring. “Seasons of the Abyss” is replaced by Rob Zombie!
“Demo-Man! Demo-Man!”
The “Demo-Man” remix of Super Charger Heaven blasts! The fans greet this change with even more boos.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing next, standing six feet six inches and weighing in at two hundred and eighty seven pounds. He is accompanied by his manager Sweet Daddy D… DEMO-MAN!
Demo-Man and Sweet Daddy D make their way to the ring. Daddy mouthing off at the booing fans as Demo stares straight at Outlaw as he climbs through the ropes and goes to a corner. Zombie cuts off, to be replaced by “Psycho Chicken” by The Fools.
FRANK WARBURTON: Finally, standing six feet two inches and weighing in at two hundred and forty eight pounds… THE GREAT PUMA II!
The clown mask wearing wrestler comes down the ramp to a mixed reaction from the fans. He enters the ring and goes to an opposite corner from either of his two opponents.
BILL HEWSON: We’ve got quite the backstory to this one, Jack. Demo-Man put out a bounty on TGPII in hopes that someone would take him out before the match even got started. Then there’s the hatred brewing between Demo and Outlaw stemming from Outlaw’s crashing of Demo’s interview earlier tonight.
JACK JONES: This is why I love this sport Hewson. We’ve got three men who can’t stand each other, and they’re SUPPOSED to kick the crap out of each other here. Looks like we’re in for one heck of a brawl!
DING DING DING!
The bell rings to officially start the match. All three men stand in their respective corners just staring at one another. Outlaw and Demo look ready to explode at any second. You could cut the tension with a spork! TGPII bounces on the balls of his feet looking ready to strike at a moment’s notice.
Without any warning, Outlaw rushes forward and pops Demo in the jaw with a right cross! Demo responds with a left haymaker to Outlaw’s chin. The two big beasts begin slugging it out right in the center of the ring, much to the delight of the fans. They don’t particularly care for either man but always love a good fight. Neither man is budging as blow upon blow is given and received.
BILL HEWSON: Things are breaking down already between Outlaw and Demo-Man! If I were TGPII, I’d let these two slug it out before even getting involved.
JACK JONES: What fun would that be?
Outlaw staggers Demo with a brutal headbutt. He grabs the arm and send his opponent into the far-side ropes. Demo comes hurdling back attempting to land a clothesline on the Texan. TGPII with a double dropkick nailing both men! He waited for the right moment and picked his spot. The fans don’t respond with the cheer he was probably expecting, giving him more of a mixed reaction.
BILL HEWSON: The fans not taking to the masked man in the early goings of this one. Everyone saw what he did to that bartender down in North Carolina.
JACK JONES: TGPII is the scum of the earth, Hewson! He’s lucky he wasn’t retired after the savage beatdown the Extreme Elite gave him in retaliation last week.
Both men recover from the shocking attack and forgo their quarrel, turning their collective attention to TGPII. Both men advance menacingly on the masked wrestler but TGPII doesn’t back away. He dodges a swing from Outlaw only to be clubbed in the back by Demo. Demo with the whip and drives the air out of TGPII with a big shoulder tackle. TGP pops back up into a discus lariat by Outlaw, flipping forwards before crashing to the mat. Demo picks up Puma and launches him over the top with a press slam. The mask man hits the floor hard with a thud causing the fans to wince from the impact.
BILL HEWSON: Puma hitting that floor hard as Demo tries to better his chances by removing one of his challengers from the ring.
JACK JONES: I wish we could see under Puma’s mask. I bet he’s whining like a child.
BILL HEWSON: Puma wouldn’t be in this business if he wasn’t tough Jack.
JACK JONES: Yeah, he’s real tough. He beat up a woman!
Demo turns back to Outlaw who runs at him trying for a big boot. Demo ducks under the kick and grabs Outlaw — drilling him to the mat with a power slam! Cover… but he only gets a one count. Sweet Daddy D applauds his charge on the outside clapping loudly. TGPII is slowly getting to his feet, shaking his head from side to side trying to regain his composure.
Demo-Man clamps a hand around Outlaw’s neck and lifts him for a chokeslam… Two big men battling it out! Before we see if Demo-Man can get Outlaw up, Outlaw delivers a big knee to the mid-section and breaks free. On the attack now, he lights up Demo with a few backhand chops before hooking him and lifting him up for a suplex… HOLDS HIM UP THERE! Outlaw showing off his power before finally falling backwards! Demo rolls halfway across the ring and ends up near the corner. Outlaw goes over and makes the cover only for TPGII to come into the ring and break it up with a kick to Outlaw’s head. The big Texan gets quickly to his feet and turns to face Puma. Puma holds out his hands for the lockup.
JACK JONES: He doesn’t have the strength to win this contest. Why even try?
BILL HEWSON: After seeing this man’s promos I think he’s quite the respectful and honorable man.
JACK JONES: Hey, remember when he… HIT A WOMAN?
BILL HEWSON: A depicable action, but one he’s since apologized for.
Outlaw smirks at his lighter opponent but obliges, locking up with Puma. They struggle for a second but it is clear who has the advantage in this one. Outlaw forces Puma back and into the ropes. The ref asks for the break and Outlaw waits until the three count before letting Puma go. TGPII comes at him again, this time latching on a side headlock. Outlaw shoots Puma into the ropes, but Puma returns with a forearm to the chest. The blow has little effect on Outlaw who fires back with a forearm of his own. Puma staggers but does not go down chopping Outlaw across the chest! Outlaw shakes off this blow and punches TGPII in the ribs!
BILL HEWSON: The Outlaw targeting those injured ribs from last week’s Extreme battle royale. But look at Puma! He’s staggered and wobbly but has to much pride to go down.
JACK JONES: It’s pure ignorance to me.
BILL HEWSON: That’s because heart and pride are foreign concepts to you.
Puma raises his hand for another blow — Demo-Man from behind with a kick to the spine! Puma falls forward and into the grasp of Outlaw… T-bone suplex! Big boot to Outlaw from Demo sending him into the corner hard. Demo stays with Puma and brings the masked man back to his feet, placing his huge arms around the torso and powering him up into a bear hug. Puma is kicking futilely but can’t break Demo’s grip. Adding insult to injury Demo begins to shake Puma around in the hold. Finally having enough, he walks over to the corner and drops Puma throat first into the post! TGPII collapses to the mat gasping and gagging for air. Diving elbow drop by Demo and a cover!
ONE!
TWO!
TGPII kicks out!
Outlaw is back up and makes a beeline for Demo who sees him coming and meets him with a spinebuster! Gut buster by Demo — what power! Cover!
ONE!
TWO!
Outlaw powers out!
BILL HEWSON: These three men are going all out as we expected. No one has been able to get much of an advantage.
JACK JONES: Unless you’re Outlaw and Demo. Puma’s been on the receiving most of the time.
BILL HEWSON: TGPII is really impressing me here Jack. He keeps kicking out and getting up from whatever these two do to him.
Demo stomps away on Outlaw as Puma is back on his feet. He’s hitting the ropes looking to come at Demo but here’s Sweet Daddy D! D grabbing Puma’s leg, tripping him. Puma hits the mat but is quickly up and in Sweet Daddy’s face. Sweet Daddy slinks away quickly having done his job.
BILL HEWSON: Sweet Daddy D effectively stopping Puma from attacking his man Demo. He should be ejected from this match. He has no business cheating like that!
JACK JONES: He’s showing why Demo has him around. He knows when to interfere and how not to get caught. All the staples of a good manager.
Meanwhile Demo has stopped stomping away on Outlaw instead yanking him up by his stringy hair and sending him hard into the corner. He runs towards the buckles only to receive a throat thrust by Outlaw. Irish Whip by Outlaw, Demo-Man reverses! Outlaw hits the opposite ropes LOW BRIDGE! Sweet Daddy pulls down the top rope and Outlaw spills to the floor! TGPII has gotten back into the ring… he turns his sights on Demo-man who is grinning from ear to ear as he advances.
BILL HEWSON: Demo is looking to do some serious damage here but I think he’s taking TGPII a little to lightly.
JACK JONES: Demo knows exactly what he’s doing. Puma has taken some major punishment in this one and I’m sure he’s got a plan.
With Sweet Daddy D cheering him on, Demo takes off towards Puma… Only for TGPII to hop onto the second rope and run across it before diving off with a huge chop! The fans show some respect for Puma’s agility as they give him a bit of a pop.
Unfortunately for him, Outlaw is up and in the ring! “The Original Legend” grabs Puma from behind looking to lock him in the bearhug yet again. Puma rams his elbow backwards into Outlaw’s face a few times each blow causing Outlaw’s grip to slacken just a bit. Finally he’s able to break free. Outlaw punches him in the ribs and sends Puma into the ropes. He prepares for a clothesline as Puma comes off. Demo having the same idea also charges looking for a clothesline. TGPII is able to stop his momentum and slide out of the way, Demo and Outlaw clotheslining each other to the mat! The fans cheer wildly for Puma’s outsmarting of both men.
BILL HEWSON: Puma is slowly gaining the respect of these fans.
JACK JONES: I can’t believe he was able to counter that double attack.
Puma goes over to Demo and grabs his legs looking for the Texas Cloverleaf! He’s got it cinched in and pulls back with all his mite.
BILL HEWSON: Puma looking for the submission here. I’m sure that training he did earlier with Jack Lelee helped him refine his submission skills.
JACK JONES: Sweet Daddy D is on the apron!
Indeed Demo’s manager has climbed up onto the ring apron. He reaches into the ring and grabs Demo’s leg… Putting it on the ropes to a huge heel pop from the fans!
Puma is furious and drops the hold yelling at Sweet Daddy D. Daddy yells back but with every word backpedals a step before he finds himself up against the barrier. Puma runs at the ropes and dives through knocking Sweet Daddy D down with a plancha!
BILL HEWSON: Sweet Daddy D is out of this match!
JACK JONES: He hit a manager Bill. He should be fined!
BILL HEWSON: Oh and said manager didn’t interfere first?
In the ring, Outlaw bulls into Demo with a huge uppercut causing Demo-Man to take his eyes off his downed manager. Outlaw charges, Demo-Man back drops Outlaw out to the floor! The big man lands with a hard impact on the outside!
BILL HEWSON: Demo-Man is the lone figure in the ring!
TGPII is getting to his feet on the outside and holding onto the barrier for support. The fans start to buzz as there is a commotion at the top of the ramp.
BILL HEWSON: What’s going on?
JACK JONES: Someone is coming down the ramp.
BILL HEWSON: Wait a minute that’s Heidi! The bartender TGPII punched last week!
The woman with venom in her eyes walks straight up to TGPII who backs up holding his hands up. TGPII apologizes to her, letting her know that he was not in his right mind, it was a mistake, he wants to make it up to her…
Heidi is having none of it and rears back!
SLAP!!!
The fans start to boo as someone else runs down the ramp. TGPII holds his cheek but does nothing to retaliate! The REBEL Pro World Champion, BUBBA J, makes his way towards Puma and Heidi and begins mouthing off at TGPII!
BILL HEWSON: There’s the Rebel champion. Is he hear to collect the bounty? Maybe a little payback for last week?
JACK JONES: Stomp him down Bubba!
ZZZZZAAAAAP!
From behind! Demo-Man with his “Shocker” STUN GUN to TGPII! Puma falls to the ground convulsing from the shocks as the fans let Demo have it with some massive booing. Demo-Man picks up Puma’s limp body and tosses him into the ring. He turns to Bubba J and gives him the thumbs up before going under the ring skirt… Returning with a case of beer. The fans booing reaches even greater heights as he hands the case to Bubba who takes it greedily.
BILL HEWSON: Bubba accepted the bounty! He was able to distract TGPII long enough for Demo-Man to use that “Shocker.”
JACK JONES: What a brilliant move. Demo-Man is really a thinking man’s man.
By this time Outlaw has recovered and is climbing into the ring. He looks down at TGPII, then at Demo-Man. He shakes his head, as if to say… are you serious? Demo-Man is pointing at TGPII’s crumpled form and laughing it up with Bubba J, not seeing his third opponent has recovered. Sweet Daddy D begins pointing frantically and yelling but his warnings fall on deaf ears!
Outlaw is in the ring and brings the limp Puma to his feet. He places him in F5 position on his shoulders before dropping him into a vicious stunner!
BILL HEWSON: West Texas Rain on TGPII!!!
JACK JONES: Demo get in the ring!
Outlaw makes the cover and the ref is there for the count.
One!
Demo-Man realizes what is happening and rushes towards the ring…
Two!
He leaps over the top rope…
Three!
But is too late!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner… THE OUTLAW!
Bubba J hits the ring! He and Demo are stomping away on TGPII as the fans begin to boo loudly. Outlaw exits the ring and disappears up the ramp happy with his win.
BILL HEWSON: This is uncalled for. The match is over!
JACK JONES: Demo-Man wanted to destroy Puma, Hewson. He and Bubba are just putting on the finishing touches.
They grab TGPII and hold him up as Heidi steps into the ring. She slaps Puma hard across the face and screams in his face.
BILL HEWSON: Someone stop this! Wait — two men are jumping the barrier!
JACK JONES: Get those fans out of here. They have no business interfering!
The two men hit the ring and go straight for Demo and Bubba. The heels quickly exit the ring as the two men turn their attention to Demo. One is an older gentleman with a tall bulky build. The other is shorter and more stocky.
BILL HEWSON: Wait a second… that one man is Trey James. Puma’s mentor and the original Great Puma!
They help TGPII to his feet and the fans begin to cheer wildly in respect. They started out being leery of the masked man but through his hard work and great ability he has slowly begun to change their opinions. It’s a moral victory for TGPII, at the very least. Outlaw picked up the big victory in this triple-threat…
It seems that only Demo-Man didn’t get SOMETHING out of it! And he doesn’t seem happy about it.
“Hillbilly Deluxe” by Brooks & Dunn hits the arena as the crowd erupts in a series of boos. Hank and Ronnie step out to the entrance, along side Billy E. Lee. The three hesitate at the ramp, with both Gaines Brothers smiling at the fans which boo them. The three continue their walk down the aisle.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by “The Southern Gent” Billy E. Lee. Hailing from Leesburg, Georgia and at a total weight of five hundred ninety-seven pounds…HANK AND RONNIE…THE GAINES BROTHERS!
All three men approach the steps and enter the ring. They taunt the crowd to a chorus of boos before taking off their hats and handing them to Lee. Ronnie takes off his duster and also hands it to Lee. Lee climbs out of the ring with the hats and duster as the music fades out.
BILL HEWSON: This is a big opportunity for The Gaines Brothers here tonight, Jack. You’d have to think that if they can defeat Dez and The Beast, they would definitely find themselves in title contention!
JACK JONES: These people…the booing…they’re idiots! Can’t they see that these two men in the ring have exactly what it takes to become a great tag team? The worst teams are those who care about the opinions of the fans. Fans make you hold back!
“Twinkle, Twinkle” by L’Arc En Ciel blasts in the arena as the crowds booing changes to heavy cheers. Dez Carter and Asuka Katsuragi step out to the stage, Dez with a look of determination on his face. He looks around at the adoring fans for a second before he and Asuka continue down the ramp.
FRANK WARBURTON: And the opponents…first, being accompanied to the ring by the NAPW Women’s Champion, Asuka Katsuragi…from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania! He weighs in at two hundred forty-four pounds…DEZ CARTER!
Dez and Asuka make their way to the ringside area. Both wait as Dez looks back up at the stage area as his music fades out.
BILL HEWSON: Dez looks ready for action.
JACK JONES: As he should be. He can’t look past the two in the ring…they have what it takes to knock off a team like Dez and The Beast…it just takes one mistake.
“NO ONE’S GONNA TAKE ME ALIVE!
THE TIME HAS COME TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT!”
“Knights Of Cydonia” by Muse hits the arena as the crowd continue their cheers. Bruce Richards makes his way to the entrance stage, much to the delight of the crowd. He give a glance at the surrounding fans before continuing down the aisle.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his parter, hailing from St. Albert, Alberta! He weighs in at two hundred seventy pounds…BRUCE “THE BEAST” RICHARDS!
Richards approaches Dez. They give each other a nod before sliding in to the ring, appearing ready for a fight. Asuka makes her way over to the corner as Richards and Dez size up The Gaines Brothers while Richards’ music fades out.
BILL HEWSON: This should be a great match, Jack.
JACK JONES: So, is that Asuka…is she single? Or is she really with Dez?
BILL HEWSON: I think she’s with Dez, Jack.
JACK JONES: What does he have that I don’t?
BILL HEWSON: He can STILL wrestle, for one. And he doesn’t have an unsightly combover.
Ronnie and Dez both step out to the apron in their corners as Hank and Richards wait for Sharplin to call for the opening bell.
DING DING DING.
A test of strength begins as Hank and Richards start with a classic collar-and-elbow tie-up. Both men struggle to secure the advantage, but neither can gain any ground. They break the tie-up. Hank and Richards circle each other, jockeying for position…collar-and-elbow again! Another struggle…and Hank begins to push Richards back. Richards stops, and he forces Hank back a few steps. Both men have their feet planted…and again, they break the tie-up.
BILL HEWSON: How often is it that we see two men who rely mostly on brawling actually try a tie-up?
JACK JONES: Who cares? This crowd doesn’t care to see these four wrestle…they want to see them fight, or at least that’s what I want to see!
Hank kicks at the bottom rope in frustration before charging at Richards with a hard right! And another…a third! Richards is stumbling back, but he blocks the fourth shot! Richards returns with a series of rights of his own! Hank stumbles back…THE CLAW! NO! Hank sees it coming, quickly falls to the mat and rolls out of the ring as the crowd erupts in cheers! Hank smacks the apron still frustrated, before rolling back in to the ring. Hank tries for another tie-up…and this time gets the advantage with a quick knee to the gut. He whips Richards in to the ropes…Richards with a hard shoulderblock on the return, and Hank falls to the mat. He picks Hank back up…kick to the gut. Richards twists Hank’s arm and drags him to the corner as he tags in Dez.
BILL HEWSON: Looks like Hank and Robbie are having a little trouble here in the start, Jack.
JACK JONES: It’s all about timing, Bill. It’s still early in the match. The Gaines Brothers may not have the advantage yet, but they have plenty of time to gain the advantage!
Dez enters the ring and places a hard elbow to Hank’s arm. Richards steps out to the apron as Dez twists Hank’s arm. He delivers another hard elbow before forcing Hank to the mat with a reverse armbar. Dez reaches back and tags Richards in. Richards enters the ring, and lays an elbow drop to Hank’s spine! Dez steps out to the apron as Richards rolls Hank on to his back and makes the cover!
ONE! TWO! NO!
BILL HEWSON: Hank with a powerful kickout!
Richards makes the tag to Dez and steps out to the apron. Dez pulls Hank back to his feet and whips him in to the corner. Billy E. Lee gets on to the apron, and Sharplin quickly tries to get him back down. Ronnie runs the apron as Sharplin is distracted…clothesline on Dez! Lee steps down from the apron as Richards runs in to help Dez, but he is stopped by Sharplin! Hank picks up Dez, dragging him to the corner. Hank with a tag to Ronnie. Double back elbow by the Gaines Brothers, and Dez is stunned. Hank with the irish whip…Sunday Breakfast off the rebound! Sharplin demands Hank to get to the apron as Ronnie double grips Dez’ throat! He lifts Dez up…chokebomb! Ronnie makes his way over to Richards…cold slap to the face…and again Richards tries to get in to the ring, only to have Sharplin hold him back!
JACK JONES: Now this is what I call strategy, Bill! Ronnie and Hank, they are future tag champions, I guarantee it!
BILL HEWSON: Well, even though their tactics are questionable here, I have to admit…they are effective! Ronnie just better hope that Dez doesn’t make the tag any time soon!
Richards argues with Sharplin as Ronnie brings Dez back to his feet. Hank claps his hands together to make it sound like a legal tag, and quickly enters the ring. Double facelock…double suplex! Ronnie steps out to the apron as Sharplin returns to the action. Hank applies a rear chinlock, and Sharplin quickly checks to see if Dez is ready to give up! Dez struggles, slowly pulling himself back to his feet. Back elbow to the gut…and a second! Hank releases the hold and Dez tries for Richards…hard forearm from behind by Hank! He picks Dez up and brings him to the corner. Shoulderblock in the corner! A second…a third! Hank nails Dez with a hard right! He holds Dez in place as he climbs up the turnbuckles. Hank sits on the top turnbuckle, pulls Dez back towards him…and repeatedly lays in hard clubbing blows to the chest!
BILL HEWSON: Hank with shot after shot! And Sharplin is starting his count!
JACK JONES: Dez has been beaten hard in this match!
Sharplin reaches four has Hank delivers one last clubbing blow. Before he can climb down from the corner…Dez surprisingly grabs him with a fireman’s carry…
NO WAY!
GO 2 SLEEP!
THAT’S IT! DEZ OUT OF NOWHERE WITH GO 2 SLEEP! Hank is down, and Dez falls on top of him for the cover!
ONE! TWO! NO!
Ronnie rushes in with a punt kick, knocking Dez off of Hank!
BILL HEWSON: How in the hell did Dez pull that off?! He was less than a second away from ending this thing!
JACK JONES: It’s called luck, Bill…luck.
Hank slowly crawls to his corner as Dez is slow to get back to his feet. Tag to Ronnie…and he quickly takes Dez down to the mat with a hard clothesline! He picks Dez back up and applies a front facelock. He lifts Dez in the air…but Dez struggles and falls behind. He quickly tries to make his way to Richards, but Ronnie gets ahold of his leg, taking him to the mat. Dez tries forcing Ronnie off, but can’t. Dez gets back to his feet, Ronnie still holding his leg. Dez struggles to get his foot loose, but Ronnie won’t let go! Dez smacks Ronnie’s arms to get his foot loose…skullcracking roundhouse on Ronnie…and both men fall to the mat!
JACK JONES: That had to hurt! Ronnie looks to be out, Bill!
Dez slowly crawls towards Richards as the crowd has now become ecstatic! Ronnie begins to stir, slowly pulling himself back to his feet…but Dez gets the tag! Richards flies in…hard right for Ronnie! Hank enters the ring and rushes at Richards with a clothesline, but Richards ducks and hits him with a hard right as well! Dez struggles to pull himself back to his feet as Richards plants Ronnie with a big boot! Ronnie rolls to the outside as Hank finds himself and the receiving end of a big boot as well!
BILL HEWSON: The Beast has cleared the ring as both of the Gaines Brothers have rolled to the outside!
JACK JONES: Damn finger! Still hurts after that stupid rabbit bit me!
The Gaines Brothers try to take a breather as they make their way over to Lee for a consult. Sharplin starts his count.
ONE! TWO! THREE!
As the three talk over strategy, they look up to see Dez fast approaching with a suicide dive that takes all three of the men down! Richards smirks as the crowd continues their frantic cheers. Sharplin looks down in amazement, but continues his count.
FOUR! FIVE! SIX!
The Gaines brothers both return to their feet and try to help Lee up as Dez uses the guardrail to get back to a standing position. Richards with a full head of steam…NO HANDS PLANCHA OVER THE TOP ROPE…AND EVERYONE IS DOWN!
JACK JONES: THE BEAST FLEW!
BILL HEWSON: Sharplin needs to get some control in this match!
Sharplin tries to restore order as he insists that the men take it back inside the ring. Richards pulls Ronnie back up and rams him hard in to the guardrail. He rolls Ronnie back in to the ring as both Hank and Dez return to their feet. Hank grabs Dez and violently shoves him, forcing him face first in to the ring post! Richards climbs back to the apron, only to have Hank grab his foot. He kicks Hank off, but is met by a shoulder to the gut from Ronnie! Ronnie with a front facelock…suplex back in to the ring! Hank makes his way back to the corner as Ronnie grabs Richards’ leg and drags him to the corner. And there’s the tag! Ronnie applies a leglock on Richards as Hank enters and drops the elbow! He makes the cover!
ONE! TWO! THR…NO!
BILL HEWSON: The Beast gets his shoulder up!
Hank lifts Richards back to his feet…side slam. And he drops the elbow in to Richards’ chest…and again…and a third! He makes another cover!
ONE! TWO! NO!
BILL HEWSON: The Beast gets his shoulder up!
Hank violently pulls Richards up to a sitting position, placing a knee in the back and pulling on the arms! Richards growls in pain as Sharplin checks on him. Dez revs up the crowd, getting them to chant for Richards. Dez extends his arm, smacking the turnbuckle pad, hoping that Richards will find a way out of the submission to make the tag. Richards pulls, using his power, forcing the hold to be broken. But before he can get back to his feet, Hank drills him with a hard knee to the skull!
BILL HEWSON: The Beast really needs to tag in Dez here!
JACK JONES: It’s kind of hard to make the tag when your ass is laying flat on the mat!
Hank hits Richards with a knee drop to the head. He picks Richards back up, whipping him in to the ropes. Hank leans for a back body drop…but he’s met with a boot to the face! Richards lifts Hank to his shoulders in a fireman’s carry position…looking for the Chart Attack, but Ronnie rushes in to the ring hitting the far ropes…and Richards stops him dead in his tracks as he tosses Hank at him! Hank and Ronnie are both down as Richards collapses to the mat, trying to catch his breath. He slowly crawl towards Dez who is more than ready to come in to the ring! He’s close…but the Gaines Brothers are both getting up! And he’s got the tag!
BILL HEWSON: DEZ IS IN! HOUSEAFAR!
Dez hits Hank with a hard right, knocking him down! Ronnie swings as Dez, but Dez ducks under…roundhouse to the back of the skull! Hank is back to his feet, but he’s met with a boot to the gut. Dez whips Hank in to the corner. He picks Ronnie back up…and he uses him like a battering ram in to Hank’s gut! Ronnie stumbles out of the corner…turns towards Dez…DDT! Dez picks Ronnie up as Sharplin checks on Hank. Dez attempts to lift Ronnie up in the fireman’s carry…but Lee pulls Ronnie out of the ring! Dez reaches out and grabs Lee by the collar of his shirt! He has Lee lifted off the floor…THWACK!
JACK JONES: Did you see that, Bill? Ronnie just took off Lee’s boot and nailed Dez with it!
Dez holds his head as he stumbles back. Hank with a devastating lariat out of no where on Dez! And he makes the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THR…NO!
Richards breaks up the pinfall! Richards returns to the apron, and is hit hard with a forearm shot from Hank, sending him to the floor! Hank admires his work as Dez slowly makes his way to his feet. Hank backs towards his corner, not knowing that Dez has gotten back up. He turns around, and he’s lifted in the fireman’s carry…setting him up for the Go 2 Sleep! Ronnie reaches out and makes the tag! He quickly enters…boot to the gut before Dez can hit the move! Hank falls to the mat, trying to catch his breath as Ronnie positions Dez for a powerbomb…WAIT! Dez with a counter, and he has Ronnie up in the fireman’s carry!
ANOTHER GO 2 SLEEP!
Dez makes the cover, hooking the leg!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
NO! Hank barely broke up the pinfall in time! Sharplin forces Hank out to the apron…as Dez crawls towards his corner. Dez has the tag…as does Ronnie! Both Richards and Hank enter the ring. Hank rushes at Richards for the lariat…but Richards ducks it! Richards lifts Hank up…CHART ATTACK! And he quickly makes the cover!
BILL HEWSON: What the hell?! Billy Lee is on the apron, and Sharplin has no idea that The Beast has a cover!
JACK JONES: I told you earlier, Bill…strategy!
Richards notices the distraction. He makes his way over to Lee…WHACK! A hard right, and Lee is out cold on the floor! Ronnie has gained composure…stalking behind Richards. Richards turns around —
RONNIE GRABS THE ARM —
HEART PUNCH!
Richards collapses to the mat! Somehow he’s close enough to his own corner for Dez to lean over and make the tag as Sharplin forces Ronnie back to his corner! Richards rolls out to the apron clutching his chest as Hank reaches Ronnie for the tag! Hank seems out of it as Ronnie rushes in at Dez. Dez ducks a right hand. Ronnie turns towards Dez…boot to the gut. Dez with a swinging neckbreaker, but Ronnie counters, spinning Dez around! He lifts Dez in to the air for a spinebuster…but Dez connects with a knee lift to the temple, dropping Ronnie to one knee! Dez lifts Ronnie back up in the fireman’s carry…struggling to hold him. Hank makes the blind tag as Ronnie struggles to get out of the hold! Hank enters the ring and rebounds off the far ropes…BIG BOOT…and Dez drops Ronnie! Ronnie climbs the corner as Hank lifts Dez in an inverted piledriver position…WHISKEY LULLABY! Hank makes the cover as Richards is still down, clutching his chest on the apron!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
JACK JONES: And look at that…the strategy worked!
BILL HEWSON: It took the help of Billy E. Lee…but you’re right, The Gaines Brothers have found a way to beat The Beast and Dez Carter!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners…HANK AND RONNIE…THE GAINES BROTHERS!
BILL HEWSON: The Beast just seemed like he couldn’t recover from that devastating Heart Punch!
Hank and Ronnie both roll out of the ring to help Lee back to his feet. They make their way back up the aisle, still looking in the ring as Dez slowly sits back up. He looks over to see Richards in obvious pain. The Gaines Brothers taunt their opponents as Dez and Asuka both check on Richards.
BILL HEWSON: I have never seen The Beast so vulnerable to any particular move, but two weeks straight now — Ronnie Gaines’ Heart Punch has laid him out! The Gaines Brothers pick up a huge victory here tonight after a tremendous tag team contest… I don’t think this is how The Beast or Dez wanted to end 2008, Jack Attack.
JACK JONES: You can’t always get what you want, Bill!
The Gaines celebrate in the aisle as Dez helps Bruce to his feet, The Beast clutching at his chest…
JACK JONES: And that’s when I proclaimed “I HAD THE BIGGEST BALLS OF THEM ALL.”
BILL HEWSON: On the playground? In front of kids?
JACK JONES: I was a very wild kid at age four. And my beach ball was the biggest, by God!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is one fall, and will be fought under REBEL RULES! The referee for this contest is REBEL’s Alan Stone!
“All Right Now” by Free begins to play as Mikey Massacre, chair in hand, walks to the ring. The NAPW crowd give him a nice ovation, and then go silent as Mikey bashes himself in the head with the chair. This isn’t your usual wrestler for sure. He gets in the ring. He goes to each corner of the ring and hits himself with the chair each time.
JACK JONES: That’s an idiot for you. I was hoping we’d get a good six month break from seeing those REBEL losers again. But NOOO.. Rex Caliber had to book one of his boys tonight.
BILL HEWSON: Your just mad cause you didn’t get taken out on the town like Mikey did.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, from Albuquerque, New Mexico. He weighs in at two hundred thirty five pounds… he represents REBEL Pro Wrestling… MIKEY MASSACRE!
“Connection” and the boos rain down big time. Stone Zellor is not a popular young man here in NAPW, and is even more hated in REBEL after he quit. But it doesn’t matter to him, he has made his choice in the Faces of Death/NAPW war, and he isn’t pro NAPW either. Mikey wants to kill him for leaving team REBEL high and dry, and tonight… he might get the chance.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent. He is from Staten Island, New York, and weighs in at one hundred eighty seven pounds. He is a former two time Heritage Champion, and a former Tag Team Champion… DYNAMITE… STONE ZELLOR!
JACK JONES: There goes a man with some class. He definitely ain’t like those chumps down south.
BILL HEWSON: No, he’d rather be a coward and not fight when contracted too. If Massacre maims him tonight… he might be going light on him!
JACK JONES: TRAITOR!
The two men come face to face as special referee from REBEL, Alan Stone, a former bouncer in Raleigh, calls for the bell. No handshaking between the two men. Stone quickly exits the ring. He gets in the crowd and says he is leaving. But the crowd isn’t letting him go. Mikey goes after him and dives at him over the guard rail. Both men are down as firsts begin to fly. Mikey has him in a partial headlock with one arm, and is wailing on him with the other. Stone gets out and turns the tables, laying in some stiff punches of his own. Stone gets up and moves through the crowd, but the crowd won’t move quickly. Mikey is behind him. Alan Stone is with them, despite this not being a Falls Anywhere match. Mikey grabs Zellor from behind and picks him up. ATOMIC DROP… THEN A RUNNING BULLDOG ON THE CONCRETE FLOOR. Stone Zellor looks hurt. Mikey grabs up a chair, and picks it up. He brings it down hard onto Zellor. Again! Mikey throws the chair down, as the crowd makes a small fight pit around the two. Stone is trying to crawl through the fans, and they are getting near the concession area. Stone Zellor goes under a table, and is trying to hide. Stone is messing with his boot, as Mikey grabs the table and moves it. T-Shirts fall on the floor, and some dishonest NAPW fans steal them. Then they realize they were Prince Darko shirts and promptly throw them back down.
JACK JONES: Kids in Zamunda kill for shirts like those, and these fans don’t even have the decency to steal them. What a slap in the face!
BILL HEWSON: Call the match. What is Stone doing down there?
Stone has a chain around his hand and NAILS MIKEY IN THE KNEE CAP! Mikey goes down as Stone Zellor gets a chair of his own. He has it up, brings it down… BUT MISSES! Mikey scrambles up trying to get some feeling into the knee. It gives Stone the chance to climb on the table. DISCUS CLOTHESLINE OFF THE TABLE! Mikey was caught flush. Stone gets up and the crowd boos him. He yells out: “I’ll show you hardcore, motha f*cka!” Mikey tries to get up and staggers. Stone has the chain, wraps it around his open palm and PIMP SLAP WITH THE CHAIN! Mikey spits out a tooth or maybe just spit, and hits the floor. Stone Zellor is super energized. Stone grabs up Mikey and HIPTOSS ON TO THE CONCRETE! That’s gotta hurt! They are near the hot dog and burger stand. Stone grabs up a ketchup bottle and squirts Mikey in the eyes. Mikey is blinded and looks a mess. He hooks up Mikey in the suplex position. He tries getting the leg too, but Mikey blocks it. An attempted Stone’s Throw is reversed into a SUPLEX ON THE FLOOR! Alan Stone is still watching over them, but nothing he can do. REBEL RULES! Stone Zellor and Mikey both seem to be hurt. Both men trying to get their bearings and get on their feet. The crowd is starting up a “MIKEY” chant. They are really getting behind him, hoping he can take down the very hated Zellor.
JACK JONES: These idiot fans are embarrassing us. They need to be kissing the feet of Zellor!
BILL HEWSON: Why? They can’t like a new wrestler? They “have” to like a coward like Zellor?
JACK JONES: Canadians shouldn’t embrace such nonsense like Mikey represents.
Stone goes for a Pimpslap again, but misses. Mikey catches Stone in the Katahajime. He is trying to choke out Zellor. He then smiles a bit… MANNY SUPLEX ON THE FLOOR. Stone might be dead. Mikey is holding his back as he gets up. Mikey asks the fans if they will help them. A few fans says yes, and they with Mikey’s help, pick up Zellor. They are body surfing Stone through the crowd. Mikey gets a bottle of water from the concession stand as Stone is being surfed to the ring. This is crazy. Mikey drinks some water, and washes off the ketchup on him. Mikey sees Stone is near the railing. He runs through the crowd and toward where Stone is. Stone is still very much out at this point. Mikey gets possession of Stone and Throws him over the railing. Mikey thanks the fans, and goes over the railing. He gets Stone up and Irish Whips him into the railing. Stone slaps the steel, and slumps down. Mikey runs at him and STONE MOVES… MIKEY’S KNEE NAILS THE RAILING! It was the same knee that Stone popped earlier with the steel chain. Stone somehow gets up and into the ring. He lays there, and Mikey hobbles around. He looks around the ringside area and gets some things from under the ring. A table is slid into the ring. Also a trash can, the metal variety, and a old person’s walker are throw into the ring.
JACK JONES: I knew someone stole that from my locker… I mean… where did he get a walker from!
BILL HEWSON: You probably stole it from your date last night.
JACK JONES: SHE FORGOT IT! I mean… what date?
Stone lays in the ring. Alan Stone gets in the ring, and so does Mikey. Mikey sets up the metal walker in the middle of the ring. Stone is grabbed up Mikey tries to Irish Whip Stone, but Stone reverses… DROP TOE HOLD AND MIKEY EATS THE WALKER HEAD FIRST! Mikey yells in pain. Stone Zellor wastes little time. He covers Mikey for the first pin of the match. ONE! TWO! SHOULDER UP! Stone looks very mad over that. He picks up the trash can and nails the rising Mikey in the head. Mikey has a cut now, but not a very bad one. He hits face first on the mat. Stone covers again, but again only a two count. Stone still has his steel chain, and wraps it around the throat of Mikey Massacre. He is trying to choke the life out of the former REBEL Carolinas champ. Not a damn thing any of the booing fans can do. ALL IS LEGAL! Stone hooks Mikey in a variation of the Camel Clutch, using the chain around the neck and chin instead of his hands. Mikey has slipped a few fingers under the chain, but is turning blue at any rate. The crowd is going crazy trying to pump Mikey up. Mikey gets to the ropes, but Stone doesn’t have to break. But, Mikey also can’t lose in them. Stone gives up after a few seconds and then Pimpslaps the back of Massacre’s head. Stone gets up and looks worn out and beaten up, but he is the man standing.
JACK JONES: There you go Stone… kill that bastard!
BILL HEWSON: Glad your staying unbiased!
Stone Zellor is setting up the table, and he can’t one side of the legs to stay. He is having trouble, and is giving Mikey a slight breather. Mikey tries to get up, and is on his knees. Stone fixes the table, and then goes over to Mikey. Stone goes for a Mafia Kick, but MIKEY WITH A SHOT TO STONE’S BALLS! And Stone wags a finger and smiles. BALLS OF STEEL! Stone is unfazed and blasts Mikey in the bleeding forehead. He goes for another blast, but Mikey grabs his arm… FUJIWARA ARMBAR ON STONE! Mikey is using his years of experience now. Stone gets to the ropes quickly, but Mikey doesn’t let up. He holds onto the arm. Mikey gets up, letting go of the move and is hobbling from the sore knee. Stone gets up slowly. He backs into the corner. Mikey runs at Stone but slides outside of the ring when Stone moved. Stone turns around a looks for Mikey. Mikey grabs the back of Stone’s ankles. He trips and brings Stone groin first into the post. Stone sits up and flips off Mikey, still unfazed. Mikey smiles and laces the legs. Mikey hits the floor and he has the Steel Post Figure Four applied! Stone is yelling in pain as Mikey throws punches at the exposed knee of Stone.
JACK JONES: This is move made famous by me!
BILL HEWSON: It looks like Mikey doesn’t want to be the only one legged man in this ass… wait? Bret Hart made this move famous! You didn’t!
JACK JONES: Oh yeah, mine was the Steel Post Sharpshooter!
Mikey lets go of the move. He enters the ring and Stone is still in lots of pain. Mikey has the legs of Stone Zellor, and applies the New Mexican Cloverleaf. Stone is yelling in tons of pain. Alan Stone is in perfect position to see a tap out. They are in the middle of the ring, and Mikey isn’t budging. Stone has his hand and is biting his knuckles. He looks as he is going to tap. His hand is straightening out. The crowd is going crazy. But for a different reason. A woman has jumped the guard rail. But that’s not any woman, that’s Harmony Monroe! She gets in the ring with her purse. She blasts Mikey in the head with it. Mikey goes down in a heap. She opens up the purse and a five pound small brick falls out. Stone was about to tap. Harmony exits the ring.
JACK JONES: Harmony and Stone are back together! WHOOO!
BILL HEWSON: And she just cost Mikey the match!
Stone covers Mikey.
ONE!
TWO!
FOOT ON THE ROPE!
BILL HEWSON: I stand corrected!
Stone can’t believe it. Harmony can’t believe it. Mikey, he is still half out. Stone grabs him up. Mikey gets an inside cradle!
ONE!
TWO!
HARMONY GRABS ALAN STONE’S FOOT. She gets in the ring. Mikey gets up, Harmony from behind.. LOW BLOW! Stone grabs him up… SLAMMY TIME. The cover…
Well, he has the cover but…
Alan Stone has Harmony and is removing her from the ring. She messed with the wrong ref. He grabs her up and is taking her to front row. He tells security to make sure she doesn’t move until the match is over.
BILL HEWSON: Alan Stone isn’t putting up with these shenanigans! He is making sure she doesn’t get involved again!
JACK JONES: This is an outrage, he can’t do that. It’s against the rules!
BILL HEWSON: What rules?
Stone Zellor gets up and is pissed. Mikey gets up and is behind Stone. He DDT’s Stone on the trash can in the ring! Stone is out. Mikey goes up top… FROG SPLASH! No chair, but still effective.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the match… MIKEY MASSACRE!
The match ends, and Harmony is let go. She gets in the ring quickly, steel chair in hand. She lays it down, then clips the leg of Mikey. She helps Stone up. Stone gets the chair and blasts Mikey. Mikey is picked up near the table. He gets put on it. Stone on it too… STONE’S THROW THROUGH THE TABLE! Harmony helps her man up and they go to the back, getting booed like crazy. Mikey is getting medical attention.
BILL HEWSON: That was uncalled for the match was over! Stone is getting just as sadistic as his running mates.
JACK JONES: And how do you think that’s gonna effect the rest of NAPW. Just knowing that Stone isn’t above ANYTHING!
JACK JONES: You don’t know what you’re talking about Billy Boy…it’s, ‘SHE puts the lotion in the basket.’
BILL HEWSON: I say its ‘YOU’ but, you’re the one with time on your hands.
JACK JONES: What’s that supposed to mean?
BILL HEWSON: I mean, outside of a few hours of commentary a month, what exactly do you do around here? You know what? Don’t answer that, it looks like Frank is ready.
‘Puritania’ by Dimmu Borgir begins to play over the PA system.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is set for one fall! Introducing first…
The enormous Hatework emerges from the back. He is all business as he plods to the ring with heavy steps.
FRANK WARBURTON: …weighing in at three hundred and five pounds, hailing from Ipswich, Massachusetts…HATEWORK!
Hatework hops up onto the apron and enters through the top and middle rope. He raises his massive arms to the air and is met with a chorus of boos. He enjoys the crowd’s displeasure.
‘Puritania’ gives way to ‘Facing the Thousand’ by Light This City. Danny Chaos emerges from the back wearing his trademark black mesh shorts and low-top wrestling shoes. Many fans stand and cheer as Danny raises his arm in acknowledgment.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! Weighing in at two hundred pounds; from Glen Falls, New York…DANNY CHAOS!
Danny trots to the ring carrying a pink diaper bag. The bag has the name Hatework emblazoned on both sides. The black lettering is encrusted in rhinestones. Chaos makes it to the ring and enters via the stairs. He pulls a handful of diapers from the bag and throws them into the crowd. He tosses the bag Hatework who proceeds to tear it to shreds. After testing the ropes’ elasticity and removing his Light this City — ‘Stormchaser’ T-shirt Chaos seems ready to go.
JACK JONES: Danny Chaos may be all jokes carrying that bag, but I can assure you Hatework is all business.
BILL HEWSON: These two have quickly built up a dislike for one another over the past week. This should be a great match up.
JACK JONES: They both have a little something to prove. I’ll tell you what though, Hatework looks like a caged animal stomping around the ring like that. If Chaos isn’t on his game, he’s going to be the first in a long line of crushed dreams at the feet of Hatework.
Chaos maintains his composer despite Hatework’s sneers and menacing pacing. The two lock eyes momentarily and then Chaos breaks off, choosing to salute the crowd instead of getting caught up in pre-match head games.
DING DING DING
BILL HEWSON: There’s the bell, this one’s under way.
Hatework charges at the much smaller Chaos, but Danny quickly side steps. The two square up and Chaos begins slowly bobby and weaving. He fires a couple of quick jabs that barely glance off Hatework’s head. Hatework charges in again, but Chaos side steps once more, this time spinning in behind his opponent and grabbing him with a reverse waist lock. Hatework tries to spin out, but Danny’s grip is tight. Chaos finally realizes the hold, but not before sneaking in a knee and two low kicks to Hatework’s upper thigh.
BILL HEWSON: Chaos seems content to use his speed advantage here in the early going.
Hatework charges in for a third time, this time grabbing Chaos in a collar and elbow tie up. The two jockey for position, but Hatework easily wins out and begins backing Chaos into the corner. Once there he fires three huge forearms into Chaos’ chest. He backs out for a moment then dives back in with a massive clothesline. Chaos staggers out of the corner. Like an enormous cat Hatework springs out of the corner and levels Chaos with another clothesline.
JACK JONES: Danny’s speed is no match for the raw power of Hatework.
Hatework pulls Chaos to his feet and fires him to the far corner. He follows closely behind and drives a knee into his opponent’s stomach. Before Chaos can gather himself Hatework drives two forearms into his lower back. Chaos falls to one knee and Hatework locks on a side headlock. After a few seconds Chaos falls flat to the canvas; Hatework cinches the hold tighter. The referee leans in, but Chaos isn’t close to finished.
BILL HEWSON: The crowd starting to get behind Chaos here.
JACK JONES: That’s worth about as much as much as a three dollar hooker in a ‘no herpes contest’.
BILL HEWSON: You’re disgusting.
Chaos manages to fight to his knees, and then to his feet. He drives two elbows into Hatework’s gut, but the behemoth refuses to let go. Chaos reels back and drives a third elbow into Hatework’s gut and finally his grip loosens. Chaos winds up in an attempt to fire another elbow, but Hatework beats him to the punch and drives a knee into the side of his head. Chaos collapses to the canvas, clutching his head. Hatework bounces off of the ropes and drops an elbow across the back of Chaos’ neck. He lifts Chaos wounded body up and cinches in a bear hug.
BILL HEWSON: I hate to say it, but this could be it for Chaos.
JACK JONES: He’s got it locked on in the centre of the ring Hewson.
Hatework begins yanking Chaos back and forth. Chaos is writhing in agony, but manages to push Hatework’s jaw to the side causing the jerking motion to cease. Chaos slams a forearm into Hatework’s throat causing the bear to release his ‘hug’. Chaos falls back into the ropes and then charges at Hatework. Chaos falls to his knees, dropping a shoulder into Hatework’s knee. Chaos runs behind Hatework, bouncing off the far ropes, and then drives another shoulder into Hatework, this time into the back of his knee. Hatework drops to one knee.
BILL HEWSON: Chaos starting to turn the tide!
Chaos bounces off the ropes again, this time slamming his boot into Chaos’ skull. Chaos aids Hatework to his feet, and then fires numerous strikes into the head and body of Hatework. The large man drops to his hands and knees. Chaos bounces off of the ropes again and runs through Hatework with a running knee. Chaos rolls his opponent over for the cover.
BILL HEWSON: One! Two! Oh, almost; Hatework not through yet.
Hatework rolls to the outside to regain his composure and Chaos seems content to let him do so. After a seven count Hatework rolls back into the ring. Chaos allows him to get to his feet, cleanly. The crowd cheers in approval of his sportsmanship. The two lean in for a collar and elbow tie up, but at the last second Hatework thumbs Chaos in the eye. He gets a warning, but then drives five straight right hands into Chaos’ head. Blinded by the thumb, Chaos is unable to avoid the strikes. The smaller man backs into the ropes. Hatework lifts his leg and buries his right boot into Chaos’ throat. Using the top rope for support and leverage Hatework refuses to release the illegal choke. Hatework finally lowers his foot and Chaos slumps to the mat, clutching his throat and coughing something fierce.
BILL HEWSON: Hatework is exercising a very slow and measured pace. He’s done his homework and has Chaos right where he wants him.
Hatework lifts Chaos to feet and drives him back to the mat with a scoop slam. Once more he lifts the shorter man to his feet, this time he holds onto Chaos’ hair and pulls his head between his knees.
BILL HEWSON: Oh my God! Piledriver!
Hatework falls on his opponent for the cover.
BILL HEWSON: No! Kick out at two and a half by Danny Chaos.
Hatework seems agitated at the slow count, but the referee was out of position and only explains his case once. Hatework rolls Chaos onto his stomach and then stands upright. He backs into the ropes and uses the added moment to send himself air born. He falls with his massive leg draped across Chaos’ neck.
JACK JONES: This has been a very one sided affair Hewson. Danny Chaos’ back and neck have been completely pulverized.
BILL HEWSON: Don’t ever count Danny Chaos out, he has a warrior’s spirit.
Hatework lifts Chaos to his feet once more. This time he fires his opponent into the far corner, smashing his back into the turnbuckles. Hatework charges in after him, but is met with a desperation back elbow. The blow barely stuns Hatework as he moves forward again. And again Chaos delivers an elbow. Chaos seizes the moment and hops onto the second rope. He leaps off and spikes Hatework in the top of the head with an elbow. The big man staggers, but does not go down.
Chaos grabs Hatework by the hair and delivers a picture perfect standing dropkick that only serves to wobble his opponent. Chaos squares up with Hatework, in a fighting stance, and then begins driving assorted angled punches and kicks that ricochet off of every inch of Hatework’s body. The large man still refuses to go down. Chaos backs off a bit and then charges at Hatework’s midsection. He drags his large opponent to the mat with a spear takedown. Once mounted he begins raining blows down upon Hatework’s exposed face. The referee admonishes Chaos for the closed hand blows and Chaos begs off.
The big man rolls to his knees and then staggers to his feet, unfortunately his back is to Chaos. Chaos runs at Hatework and seems to run up his back. He grabs a handful of hair and falls back, making sure the full force of Hatework’s weight smash across his bent knees. Chaos hangs onto the hair and pulls Hatework close. He scissors his legs around Hatework’s midsection and cinches on a reverse headlock.
JACK JONES: The big man is gasping for air!
BILL HEWSON: This could be it!
Hatework’s arms flail for the ropes, but he can’t quite reach them. He tries to roll out of the hold, but Chaos’ gravity is centered perfectly. Hatework tries to muscle out and manages to push Chaos’ arm so it is no longer across his neck, but instead is over the chin. The two struggle for the advantage. But Chaos breaks the hold and scores two short punches to Hatework’s exposed face. He quickly spins to his feet, beating Hatework to the advantage. He fires two sharp kicks that drive Hatework into the corner.
Chaos fires a sharp right hand, but is blocked by Hatework. Hatework grabs Chaos around the head and throws him into the turnbuckle. After slamming Chaos with rights and lefts he backs out into the centre of the ring playing to the crowd. The crowd boos incessantly.
BILL HEWSON: There is no love lost between these fans and that man.
Chaos staggers out of the corner and Hatework buries his boot in Chaos’ gut. He pulls the smaller man between his knees and motions to the crowd that this is the end. Hatework hoists Chaos into the air and flips him into jacknife position.
BILL HEWSON: Chaos fighting to break free!
Chaos slides down Hatework’s back… and locks on a KATA-HAJIME!
BILL HEWSON: Tazmission!
JACK JONES: Oh, Ravager’s not going to like that.
Hatework struggles to break the hold but Chaos slams his heel into the back of Hatework knee and drops the big man to his knees. As Hatework continues to struggle Chaos leans forward and mounts Hatework in a camel clutch-esque maneuver.
JACK JONES: What the hells is that?
BILL HEWSON: I heard about Chaos’ new hold, this must be it! Hatework looks like he’s going to tap.
A look of pure agony washes over Hatework’s face, but the big man actually starts to stir to his feet, using pure adrenalin. After a moment Hatework slowly pulls his legs in and rises to his knees. He staggers to his feet with Chaos still hanging on. Hatework makes a last ditch effort, and dives backwards driving Chaos into the corner. Chaos releases the hold. The two are breathing heavily. Hatework staggers out of the corner first. Chaos falls to his knees.
BILL HEWSON: What a battle!
Both men are on their feet. The two square up, but only Chaos barely seems to have anything left in the tank. Hatework sends him into the corner hard, and charges with a clothesline — Chaos zips out of the ropes to the apron! Hatework collides with full velocity into the turnbuckle! Danny leaps to the top rope and springboards off… HURICANRANA! He manages to get the big man over and reaches back to grab the legs — he can’t get both, Hatework’s too big, so he grabs one with both arms and holds on for dear life, Rey Mysterio-style! ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of this match… DANNY CHAOS!
BILL HEWSON: An exceptional win for Chaos. Hopefully he can use this as a spring board to success.
Chaos gets to his feet, thoroughly exhausted, as the referee raises his arm in victory — WHAMMO! Hatework nails Chaos from behind! The crowd boos!
JACK JONES: What poor sportsmanship by Chaos.
BILL HEWSON: By Chaos? Are you kidding me?
JACK JONES: Yeah, whatever that sore winner said to Hatework pushed him over the edge.
Chaos is spent, but Hatework isn’t done. He quickly pulls Chaos between his knees and then adeptly flips him into jacknife position. Hatework takes a few steps forward and than slams Chaos into the mat, hard!
JACK JONES: Hatebomb! Hatebomb!
BILL HEWSON: Despicable!
Hatework leers at his downed opponent and then scoffs at the crowd. He exits the ring and makes his way to the locker room amid a chorus of boos.
BILL HEWSON: Hatework may be the last man standing, but Danny Chaos won this match…
JACK JONES: You call THAT smear in the ring a winner?
“Too Much, Too Young, Too Fast” by Airbourne hits the PA system, and the fans begin to boo at the first five seconds of the music as they know who’s on his way out.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one-fall, and it is for the NAPW Heritage Championship! Introducing first, the challenger, weighing in at two-hundred and fifteen pounds and hailing from Ottawa, he is TRENT DAANNNIEELLS!
BILL HEWSON: Tonight is the night that we may see history in the making. Jake Phoenix is defending his Heritage Championship tonight against Trent Daniels, and if he wins, he will have the most title defenses of any title in NAPW history at eleven! Not to mention, if Trent doesn’t win, he never gets a shot at the Heritage Championship while Jake is champion again.
JACK JONES: Hey, same goes for Jake too, Bill! And stop talking about it like it’s already happened. Jake has to get through Trent first, and my money says that doesn’t happen. Daddy’s wallet is full of ones, want to double it for me Bill to extend my after party at the Tia’s Taco Shack?
BILL HEWSON: Ugh, I don’t even want to know what that is. But I may just take you up on that bet because I don’t see Trent Daniels out here.
The music continues playing and the fans begin to quiet down, but they keep their eyes glued on the entrance. Frank Warburton and Sharplin look at each other and shrug in confusion. Finally something stirs from the back, and out hobbles Trent Daniels on a crutch. Slowly Trent makes his way to the ring, and with each step a look of excruciating pain flashes across his face. As he reaches the bottom, Trent rolls into the ring, and the referee John Sharplin helps him to his feet. Sharplin is confused as to how Trent can compete, but Trent assures him that he’s good to wrestle–and falls over, catching himself on the top rope. “Heroes” by Motorhead blasts the speakers, and everyone in the venue gets on their feet. Jake Phoenix walks out from the back ready to fight with the Heritage Championship around his waist. The reigning Champion looks down the aisle and into the ring, shaking his head at the challenger.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, weighing in at two-hundred and eighty-nine pounds hailing from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, he is the NAPW Heritage Champion, JAKE PHOENIX!
BILL HEWSON: Well it looks like Trent is completely unable to compete, but he’s insisting upon wrestling.
JACK JONES: Heart of a condor, that Trent!
BILL HEWSON: What?
JACK JONES: Dongos of a dingo?
BILL HEWSON: Try again…
JACK JONES: Spirit of an anaconda?
BILL HEWSON: Close enough. But Jake is making his way to the ring now, boy is it going to be interesting to see this unravel.
Jake steps over the top rope, eyes set on his opponent, and Trent backs as far into the opposing corner as he can without exiting the ring. The Heritage Champion steps towards Trent Daniels, but the referee stops him in his tracks.
BILL HEWSON: Sharplin doesn’t want to start this match if Trent can’t even stand on one leg.
Phoenix marches passed Sharplin the moment he turns away and grabs Trent by the scruff of the neck. Instantly Trent begins shouting, “HEY-HEY-HEY!” The senior zebra wraps his arms around the redwood that is Jake Phoenix, and pushes him away from Trent Daniels. Jake huffs in frustration, but Sharplin wants to cover his ass. He asks Trent one more time if he’s sure he can compete. Trent looks at his leg, rubs his ribs, and slowly shakes his head yes. Reluctantly, Sharplin turns to Jake and asks for the Heritage Championship belt. Jake and unstraps it, hands it to the referee who hoists it in the air, and turns to give it to a ring hand on the outside.
BILL HEWSON: Hey! Trent Daniels just whacked Jake with his crutch when the referee wasn’t looking!
Jake drops to one knee, as a vibrant red mark appears on his face, and Trent dips back in the corner with the crutch all before the referee turns around. The referee looks at Jake, then looks at Trent, and Trent just shows him his fist and says, “That bitch came at me again, had to put him down ref!” Sharplin shakes his head and calls for the bell. Jake shakes out the cobwebs and gets back, barreling at Trent, but the tricky Trent ducks his head through the middle and top ropes. Once again Jake is stopped by the referee, this time with a very fast five count. Slowly Trent pokes his head back in the ring, and limps out of the corner, but keeps his hand on the top rope for balance. This time Jake isn’t coming at him, he points to the center of the ring, and demands Trent meet him there–right now. Trent looks around at the fans cheering for Jake’s challenge, and suddenly a “TRENT’S A BITCH!” chant erupts from the crowd. Daniels scowls at the crowd before moving towards Jake, one limp at a time. Somewhere between Jake spitting on the ground and the seventh time the crowd repeats its “TRENT’S A BITCH” chant, Daniels changes his mind about going toe-to-toe with Jake, and turns around in an attempt to hobble back to the ropes as fast as he can. Jake snatches him from behind with a back grapple and–
JACK JONES: YOWZA!
BILL HEWSON: Trent Daniels just shot his injured leg up behind himself, and nailed Jake in the jewels!
The champion drops to the ground, holding himself, and Trent hunches over holding his knee. Sharplin didn’t get a clear view at what happened, but he seems more concerned with Trent’s knee. Daniels rubs his knee, and then begins to shake it, slowly he takes a step and–no pain. Trent begins to stomp on his foot with a smile on his face, and the fans begin to boo at rouse that was put on by the challenger.
JACK JONES: My God, it’s a miracle Bill, a Christmas miracle!
BILL HEWSON: Oh this is just despicable! Trent is dancing an Irish jig right over the downed Jake Phoenix!
The fans begin to go ape shit over Trent Daniel’s antics, and a few plastic cups and bits of popcorn find their way into the ring. None of it phases Trent, he just soaks it all in, even going as far as stretching his “injured” leg on the top turnbuckle. On the outside, his “Faithful” in the front row are screaming “HALLELUJAH!”
Jake begins to stir, getting to a base on his hands and knees, but Trent runs over to Jake and stomps his head. Daniels steps back and punts Jake in the ribs, then drops an elbow on his back. He rolls Jake over and pins, but not even a one count. Trent pulls Jake up to his feet and snapmares him back down into a seated position, rebounds off the ropes and dropkick to the spine!
BILL HEWSON: Trent pins Jake again, looking to end this early, but only a one count. It’s going to take way more that to put away the reigning Heritage Champion.
Trent Daniels applies a grounded side headlock, and leans into it giving himself more leverage. Jake uses his monstrous strength to turn himself onto his hands and knees, but Trent keeps the headlock applied. Another push and Jake finds himself on his feet, and a big backdrop breaks the hold. Jake immediately gets to his feet and snatches up the stunned Trent, pushing him into the corner. A left–a right–and another left hook to Trent’s ribs, and then sends Daniels into the opposing corner WITH AUTHORITY, Trent hits the turnbuckle hard ribs-first, instantly falling to his back from the force. Jake pulls Trent up, but Trent pulls him down throat-first onto the middle rope. Daniels steps up on the middle rope, and steps on the back of Phoenix’s head. The ref gives a five count, but Trent breaks it at the last second. Jake pushes himself off the rope, rubbing his throat and coughing.
BILL HEWSON: Oh my! Trent just hit a low dropkick to Jake, and the Heritage champion spilled out of the ring through the middle and top ropes.
Daniels follows him to the outside and stomps on the back of the champions head. Trent pulls Jake up, but Jake shoots a hand out and grabs Trent by the throat! He hoists Daniels up in the air and throws him back first into the steel turnbuckle post! A right hand to the jaw sends Trent into the barricade. Trent attempts to move away, but the fans hold his arms back! Trent can’t move! He even gets a beer dumped right over his head. Jake walks over, a smile on his face, and a mean left hook, followed by a right jab, and an uppercut! The fans push Trent into Jake, and Jake stamps Trent’s head on the apron before rolling him inside the ring as the referee’s count reaches eight. Jake slides in and hooks the leg of the challenger–
ONE
TWO–kickout. Jake grabs Trent by the hair and pulls him up–EYE JAB! Jake reels back, holding his eyes, as Trent collects himself, attempting to figure out where he is. As Jake rubs his eyes Trent pushes himself off the ropes and a hard running cross body takes Phoenix down. He pins but Jake only gives him a one count. Trent grabs Jake and pulls him to his feet, but Jake hoists Trent into the air and SNAKE EYES on the turnbuckle!
BILL HEWSON: Phoenix has got him by the throat, and chokeslam! That’s got to be all!
JACK JONES: NO TRENT, KICKOUT!
ONE…
TWO…
TH–KICKOUT! Jake looks up at the referee with a tad bit of frustration, but doesn’t waste too much time and pulls the challenger to his feet. The NAPW Heritage Champion looks around at the crowd, and signals that it’s all over! Jake picks Trent up for a TOOMBSTONE! But Trent slides down Jake’s shoulder and locks a reverse DDT! Daniels wearily throws an arm around his opponent–
ONE…
TWO…KICKOUT before the ref can bring his hand down again. Trent Daniels crawls to the ropes to pull himself back up, and Jake gets to his feet on his own accord. Jake Phoenix charges at Trent–who pulls the ropes down low–and Jake falls to the outside, his shoulder hitting the apron before landing on the cement floor with a loud thud. Daniels takes a moment to catch up with himself in the ring, and Jake slowly gets up on the outside, clutching his shoulder. As soon as he sees the opening, Trent races to the ropes and DIVING CROSS BODY TO THE OUTSIDE! ———–BUT JAKE DUCKS! Trent goes crashing into the barricade!
BILL HEWSON: My god, Trent’s entire body just hit that barricade with full force! I think he’s dead!
Jake leans up against the apron, still grabbing his shoulder in pain. Ever so slowly he bends down and pulls up the limp body of his challenger, and rolls the carcass into the ring. Phoenix follows, and slides onto his opponent, hooking a leg with his good arm.
ONE….
TWO…
…….
THR–NO!
BILL HEWSON: How in the hell did he kick out?
JACK JONES: Dangos of a dingo baby!
The Heritage Champion curses the referee, and brings himself to his feet, along with Trent Daniels. He pushes the semi-conscious Trent into the corner, and picks him up, setting his ass on the top rope. Jake pauses, the exertions of the match catching up with him–and that’s all the pause Trent needed–SYSTEM CRASH!
BILL HEWSON: Where did Trent store those reserves! Wherever they came from I don’t think Trent has anymore. Both Jake and Trent are down in the ring, and the referee has no choice but to start a ten count.
ONE…
TWO…
THREE…
BILL HEWSON: What the hell is this? Is that, Demo-Man? What’s he doing down here?
FOUR…
Demo-Man comes walking down to the ring, looking in on the two lifeless bodies inside the ring. He walks around on the outside of the ring, and walks over to the timekeepers table.
FIVE…
SIX…
After a few short words and a brief tug-o-war event with the timekeeper, Demo-Man snatches away the NAPW Heritage Championship.
SEVEN…
BILL HEWSON: What the hell is he doing? Demo-Man is just walking away with the championship belt!
EIGHT…
Demo-Man disappears into the back, as Trent begins to stir, looking around the ring, trying to figure out who and where he is.
NINE…
Trent Daniels sloppily and tiredly throws his arm over Jake Phoenix’s chest, and the referee starts a new count.
ONE…
TWO…
THREE!
NO!
Jake’s foot was on the ropes! It takes a few moments for the referee’s explanation to sink into Trent, but when he becomes aware that he didn’t win the championship, he slams his hands against the ground. Suddenly finding new energy in his frustration, Trent gets to his knees, and then his feet. He grabs Jake by the head, yanks the near three-hundred pounder to his feet, and Trent pulls Jake over to the corner.
BILL HEWSON: If Trent can hit another System Crash then it is all over!
Daniels sits up on the turnbuckle, pulls Jake into place–he launches–but Jake turns him in the middle of the air and slams him down into a TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER! Jake falls onto Trent’s body, and the referee counts–
ONE…
TWO…
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, and STILL NAPW HERITAGE CHAMPION… JAKE PHOENIX!
BILL HEWSON: After a hellacious battle, Jake Phoenix is still the NAPW Heritage Champion! Uh… well, he won’t have a title to take to the back with him, but he’s still the champion! And he has beaten Ravager’s record of ten… Jake has eleven championship wins!
JACK JONES: We didn’t shake on that bet by the way. I need these ones for the Taco Shack!
Jake rolls off of Trent when he hears the bell, and Sharplin goes to the outside asking for the championship belt.
Eventually the referee gets an explanation as to what happened to the championship belt, and as Jake gets to his feet, the referee raises his hand and has the pleasure of explaining where his belt is. Jake looks confused, he looks tired, but he still looks like a winner. “What the (BLEEP)? (BLEEP) Demo-Man?!”
JACK JONES: … Yeah, that was the best present she ever unwrapped, let me tell you!
BILL HEWSON: Really? “Airwolf: Season One”?
JACK JONES: Yes. She loved the series growing up.
BILL HEWSON: Somehow I expected a different response.
JACK JONES: We were talking about Christmas with my daughters. Where did you think I was going? Sicko…
Okay… Frank, cut the awkwardness, please!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is the rematch THREE YEARS IN THE MAKING!
“Smooth” plays and the fans boo the Dirty Money member who makes his way to the ring. Casino is alone, surprisingly.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, from Las Vegas, Nevada, weighing two hundred and twenty pounds. He is a Grand Slam champion, a Ring of Prestige inductee, and a member of Dirty Money: Ladies and Gentlemen, CHRIS CASINO!
Very little love for this man, despite all he’s accomplished. But there’s even less love for his opponent:
“NOTE TO SELF DON’T DIE”
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! From Edmonton, Alberta, weighing in at two hundred and thirteen pounds! He is a three time former NAPW champion, and also a member of the Ring of Prestige: This is D!
The fans care little about what they’ve done. All they want to see is both men destroy each other. D! and Casino stare down as referee Dick Kiebiech calls for the bell. There is a lot of tension as the two men talk trash to each other, standing almost nose to nose, and finally D! unloads with a vicious slap to the face. Casino tries to keep his composure, but the welt on his cheek speaks volumes. Casino smirks at D!, then slaps the taste out of his mouth! And now D! is the one trying to keep composed. He rears back to punch Casino… Casino ducks, falls to the mat and rolls out of the ring! Massive heat from the fans as Casino strolls around the ring, yelling that he’ll start when HE’S ready. He takes a bottle of water from a fan and has a drink while D! yells at him to get in the ring. Casino just says something about “I’ve waited three years, you can wait a minute”, and then climbs back into the ring, where a furious D! charges!
…and Casino ducks out of the ring again. Apparently he wants to wait until D! settles down and is willing to wrestle, not fight. D! starts to climb out of the ring, but referee Kiebiech stops him, reminding him that this isn’t No DQ or No Countout… Doesn’t matter, Casino reaches into the ring and grabs D!’s ankle, and pulls him hard to the mat! Casino springs up to the ring apron, then springboards into the ring for a splash… D! rolls out of the way! And now D! drops an elbow… Casino rolls out of the way! Casino to his feet, hits the ropes and goes for a dropkick to the head of a rising D!… D! moves just in time, Casino lands flat in his back, and D! locks on a headlock. Casino pushes to his knees, then to his feet. He gets to the ropes, then pushes D! off. D! hits the opposite ropes, Casino drops down, D! jumps over him, hits the ropes, Casino back up… D! runs right into him with a shoulder tackle! Casino does not go down! And now Casino hits the ropes, and hits D! with a shoulder tackle! D! does not go down! D! tries one more time! He hits the ropes, and comes back..
And Casino casually walks out of the way, and goes to the outside, leaving an enraged D! in the ring.
BILL HEWSON: One thing Casino has always loved, is playing mind games with D!
JACK JONES: Yeah, but those games have backfired on him before…
Casino jaw jacks with a fan at ringside, then turns around to get a baseball slide from D!! Casino sent into the guard rail, and the time for goofing off is over! D! stomping his opponent against the railing. Casino tries to grab D!’s foot and stop the assault, but instead gets a boot to the jaw! D! hauls Casino up and rams him back first into the ring apron! Casino crawls back into the ring, with D! in hot pursuit! D! grabs Casino by the hair and hauls him to his feet, and whips him into the turnbuckles! D! charges in with a clothesline, then boots him in the gut. And then another boot. And another boot. We haven’t seen this in a while! The Rockette kicks of doom! Despite themselves, the fans start to sing along…
And then D! stops kicking and flashes a double bird to the fans, drawing more boos. He chops Casino hard, and then pulls him away from the turnbuckles, and nails a roundhouse right. Casino slumps to the mat, and D! hits the ropes, going for a basement dropkick. … Casino ducks his head, and now D! is on the mat! Casino grabs the leg of D! and drops an elbow across the quad! And then another! And now Casino viciously kicks at the knee and upper leg, trying to ground the one letter superstar! D! tries to boot Casino off, but Casino is relentless in his focus on the leg…
BILL HEWSON: Casino knows that D! won’t be able to hit high impact moves standing on only one leg.
And now Casino grapevines the leg, and bends the knee back, trying to get D! to tap. But he’s too close to the ropes, and D! grabs the bottom rope, forcing the break. D! pulls himself to his feet, but Casino chop blocks him to the mat! D! rolls out of the ring, but only makes it to the ring apron before Casino grabs him. He pulls D! up, and tries to suplex him back into the ring… D! counters, and he pulls Casino up for a suplex! But the injured leg gives out, and Casino is able to float over and land on the ring apron! He is standing next to D!, and plants an elbow in D!’s gut. He tries to choke D! with the top rope, but D! gets an elbow of his own, and he gets an arm around Casino…
And hits a Russian Leg Sweep off the ring apron! Both men sail off the apron and crash into the guard rail on the floor! That draws some cheers from the fans, though they may just be happy that both men got hurt.
JACK JONES: Not quite a drop from the top of a cage, but that was a huge impact move there! D! hates Casino so much that he’ll sacrifice his own body just to inflict pain on his opponent!
Kiebiech has started to count both men out. D! crawls to the ring, and pulls himself up. He slowly manages to climb back in. Casino is slower to get up, but it doesn’t matter as D! has slid back out, and Kiebiech has stopped the count. D! hobbles over to Casino, and pulls him to his feet… Casino with a double leg takedown, and D! gets catapulted into the ring post… NO! D! used the momentum to spring to the ring apron, and now he jumps back off onto Casino with a forearm! Casino is down, but D! has done more damage to his leg! Kiebiech checks on both men, but neither wants the match to stop. D! and Casino both roll away from each other, and pull themselves back up, and into the ring. D! winds up sitting at one set of turnbuckles, Casino sits across from him. Both men glare at each other. The memories of their last match look to be flooding back, as rage fills D!’s eyes, while Casino angrily sneers at his opponent, and pulls himself to his feet! D! is up as well, and the two men meet center ring and unload on each other with rights and lefts! The fans are on their feet as both men batter each other, ignoring the calls from Kiebiech to watch the fists. D! rocks Casino with a right! Then another right! He nails an uppercut that sends Casino staggering! He rears back to land a haymaker…
Casino with a kick to D!’s injured knee! He goes down, and now Casino grabs the injured leg…
BILL HEWSON: You got to be kidding me!
Casino hooks in Pleasant Cycling! Major heat from the fans, but Casino is almost laughing as he locks in the hold D! made famous! D! yells out in pain as Casino puts all his weight into the hold. He tries to roll out of it, but Casino has the hold locked in. He sees the ropes and starts to pull himself towards them. He inches closer and closer. He almost has the bottom rope… But then Casino pulls him back towards the center of the ring! Kiebiech is right there to see if D! wants to tap out… D! shakes his head “NO”. He starts to pull himself back towards the ropes. Casino tries to put more weight into the hold, but this time D! is able to grab the bottom rope. Kiebiech has to pull Casino off of D!. Casino does not want to break the hold, even after the threat of a disqualification. Kiebiech winds up entangled with Casino, who finally lets go. D! rolls over onto his knees, sees that Kiebiech is distracted… and nails a low blow! Casino doubles over, Kiebiech knows something shady happened, but can do nothing. D! pulls himself to his feet, and lands a forearm smash across Casino’s back, then hooks the arms…
BANKRUPT!
Bankrupt (Version One at least) connects! Casino is planted into the mat! It took a lot out of D! to hit that move, and he has to crawl over to Casino to make the cover! He drapes an arm across Casino’s chest!
ONE!!
TWO!!
Casino gets a foot on the bottom rope! A groan from the fans, who thought the match was over. D! pulls himself up with the ropes. Casino rolls over onto his stomach. D! limps over to Casino and starts to pull him up. He lifts him up for a body slam… no, he sets him up in the turnbuckles for the Tree of Woe! And now he goes to the outside. He grabs a chair from ringside, and tosses it into the ring! And now he tosses another chair into the ring! And one more! Kiebiech reminds him that this is not a street fight, and tosses the chairs outside the ring.. D! uses the distraction! He reaches under the ropes and wraps his arm around Casino’s throat! He chokes him out as Kiebiech deals with the chairs!
BILL HEWSON: It’s bad enough all the blood is rushing to his head, now he’s getting strangled!
JACK JONES: Canada would have won more wrestling gold medals if they had used that move…
BILL HEWSON: Didn’t that type of thing get you kicked out of amateur wrestling?
JACK JONES: That and an incident with an athletic supporter. I’ll tell you about it sometime!
BILL HEWSON: No thanks!
Kiebiech turns around to see Casino still upside down, but the choking is done. D! is back in the ring, and he hits the ropes, and comes back with a dropkick to the face of Casino! Casino is jarred loose and slumps to the mat, and D! is starting to feel the momentum. He hauls Casino up… and he tries to lock Casino up for Bankrupt Version 2.0! Casino pushes him out of it! D! hits the ropes, and goes for a clothesline on Casino. Casino ducks and goes behind, and locks on a sleeper…
NYQUIL SPIKE!
Casino plays finisher stealer as well! But a lot has been taken out of him, and he’s unable to capitalize immediately. He finally covers D!, hooking the leg!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THRE- D! kicks out! Casino looks shocked, even turning to see if Kiebiech made a mistake. But no mistake, D! survived his finishing move. Casino grabs D! by the hair and pulls him up, then delivers a Northern Lights Suplex! He bridges for the pin! One.. two.. D! kicks out! Casino now going to the top rope, trying to finish D! once and for all. Flying elbow! He sails through the air…and hits nothing but mat, as D! rolled out of the way! Casino holds his arm in pain, and D! gets back up and drops an elbow across the chest of Casino. Then another. Casino tries to roll out of the ring, but D! stops him, and hauls him back up. He whips Casino into the ropes, Casino ducks a clothesline… Superkick! D! ducks that, slips behind Casino, locks on a sleeper, and goes for a NyQuil Spike of his own! Casino grabs the top rope, and Kiebiech tries to break up the hold! D! won’t let go! But a mule kick from Casino breaks up the hold! D! doubles over, and Casino tries to lock on Bankrupt! … D! pushes Casino into the ropes! He bounces back into a HUGE SPINEBUSTER! Casino driven into the mat, and D! covers!
One!
Two!
Casino barely gets the shoulder up! Casino hauled to his feet and sent into the corner turnbuckles! D! gets a head of steam and crashes in with a Stinger splash! Casino flattened! He falls out of the corner… D! goes behind, locks on the sleeper…
NYQUIL SPIKE CONNECTS!
Casino flattened, and D! covers!
ONE!!
TWO!!
CASINO GETS A FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE!!
BILL HEWSON: I think everyone thought this match was over! D! does not look happy!
JACK JONES: You got that right!
D! is furious with Kiebiech, yelling obscenities at the referee. Casino takes the opportunity to weakly school boy D! for the cover! One.. two.. D! kicks out, then savagely kicks Casino in the head! He drags Casino up and plants him in the mat with a body slam, and now D! goes to the top rope! He lines Casino up and goes for a top rope elbow of his own!
And he misses too. D! rolls around on the mat in pain as Casino gets to his feet. He staggers over to the fallen D!, and locks the arms up for
BANKRUPT VERSION 2!! D! driven head first into the mat, and Casino knows it’s over! He hooks the leg and Kiebiech counts!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THRE- D! GETS A SHOULDER UP!! Casino’s eyes go wide as he realizes the match is not over! He gets in Kiebiech’s face, yelling some harsh words at him, but then remembers how he caught D! earlier doing the same thing, and turns to his opponent. He pulls D! up for a slam… D! with a small package! Kiebiech counts!
ONE!!
TWO!!
Casino kicks out! D! rolls to the ropes and pulls himself up. He charges at Casino, who slips behind and tries to steal the NyQuil Spike again, only for D! to counter with a jaw jammer! Casino is stunned, and D! goes for another NyQuil Spike… Casino backs him hard into the corner, breaking the hold! D! stumbles forward… Into a superkick! Before D! goes down, Casino locks the arms again, and nails ANOTHER BANKRUPT 2! He covers!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner… CHRIS CASINO!
The fans give the match a nice round of applause, regardless of their feelings for the participants. D! is slow to his feet. Casino is breathing heavy. But both men know they just put on a show. Casino steps forward. D! locks eyes with the man who beat him.
And Casino extends a hand. The fans go silent, as they did not expect this.
BILL HEWSON: D! already made peace with Ravager, will Casino be next?
D! takes in the situation. He looks to be reflecting on everything that’s happened. he steps forward, and stretches his hand out…
But then flips Casino the bird, and walks out of the ring, to tremendous boos. And all Casino can do is smile. He asks for the mic, and the fans go silent again, as they wait to hear Casino’s message.
CHRIS CASINO: A fight like that can change a man’s perspective. It can make him question his past actions. And as I listen to your cheers, only one thing comes to mind.
You people are still the filthiest…
Yeah, the fans turn pretty quick, as he’s drowned out with boos (and a few beer bottles). No matter, Chris Casino has defeated D!
Now, how long until their next match?
-INTERMISSION-
JACK JONES: I couldn’t believe she called the cops!
BILL HEWSON: Well, what did you think was going to happen?
JACK JONES: It SAID to reach out and touch someone!
BILL HEWSON: I don’t believe you sometimes.
JACK JONES: At least I didn’t let my fingers do the w-
BILL HEWSON: STOP! It’s been a great show so far, and still to come, we’ve got three huge main event matches, including Chris Casino vs. D! in a rematch two years in the making, and Chad Kurtis getting his final rematch for the NAPW World Title! But up next, as you fans can tell by the speedy work of the ring crew, we’ve got-
The crowd starts making a commotion which catches Hewson off guard.
BILL HEWSON: I thought we had a couple more minutes in intermission, well, we must! The barbed wire isn’t up yet! Wait! A fan just jumped the railing!
The camera turns toward the ring, and the fan, dressed in a long black trenchcoat, stocking cap pulled down to his eyes and collar pulled up over his face has stepped over the railing and is walking towards the ring. He gets as far as ring announcer Frank Warburton’s table and gets his hands on the microphone before security comes to escort him away.
BILL HEWSON: We’ll get this show back underway here in just a moment and we remind our fans not to cross those barriers at our live events, otherwise you’re gonna end up like this guy, off to the local jail for the night!
JACK JONES: For some of our fans, that might not be the worst place for them!
BILL HEWSON: Would you stop? This is taking a little bit longer than we thought, but we’ll get this show back underway in a moment…
It’s taking a while to get this fan away from Warburton’s desk as he still has the microphone in one hand, cord wrapped around his wrist. In his other hand, he’s got a series of papers that he’s handing to the security guards. One of the guards looks over the paper and shakes his head in disbelief before telling the fan to take off his cap…
JACK JONES: That’s not a fan!
The non-fan in question has pulled down his jacket and now it’s pretty unmistakable, unless you only started watching NAPW late this year. If you have been watching for a while, then the scar across this non-fan’s forehead is unmistakable. As is the smile across his face.
MAN: Thank you for that welcoming committee, NAPW!
And that arrogance tinged voice, it can only be one person. One person that’s not supposed to be in an NAPW ring ever again.
MAN: For those of you who’ve forgotten who I am, go buy some DVDs from the merchandise stand. Get The Hell Off Our Lawn II is a great place to start. For those of you that do remember me…
The murmuring of the crowd has turned to booing. Loud, sustained, angry booing for the man in the ring, former two-time NAPW World Champion Donovan Astros.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Hey, you all remember me! Thank you, thank you, you’re too kind.
Astros flashes a smirk as the crowd boos more.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Now, now, I know you all want to say hello at once, but no one’s going to be able to hear me if you do, so… SHUT UP!
The boos escalate as Astros looks genuinely frustrated in the ring, twirling the microphone in his hand.
DONOVAN ASTROS: The longer you boo, the longer I’ll be out here and the longer it’ll be until “The Show” and Krusty Kid Paul slapfight each other into oblivion for your amusement. And, well, my amusement too. So let’s all relax and get through this, and we’ll all be happier!
The crowd boos more as Astros snarls at them.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Or not. Let’s get right to the point then. Terry Brandon, you remember him, he ran the place for Wahoo Winchell, made matches, suspended Bruce Richards, fired me, and then got his head smashed in by Kenny Krenshov and Ravager? Yeah, that Terry Brandon, the one that says that I can’t do the one thing I love more than anything in the world… I don’t like the methods that took him out, but I sure don’t mind the result.
Astros laughs as the crowd is getting hoarse from booing. DONOVAN ASTROS: And while he was in a coma and Wahoo Winchell was getting closer to his relatives in the Amazon, a lot of challenges were made. D! challenged Joey Malone, Dan Ryan and LDK challenged God and everyone, Prince Darko challenged your eardrums, and I made a challenge as well. I challenged Wahoo Bobby Winchell to bring a little order to this chaos and install a new commissioner, namely myself.
Astros leans up against the ring apron, still surrounded by security. DONOVAN ASTROS: Well, Winchell’s still not back from “deepest, darkest South America wooooooo.” Instead, we get Terry Brandon waking up from his coma, and appointing the worst possible person in charge of this place! Instead of bringing some order to this promotion, for the last month he’s brought to NAPW a man who tried to kill it the last I remember. Rex Caliber and his scrapped valentines, tangerine rinds, crimes, crimes, crimes, crimes, CRIMES.
The crowd pops at the mention of Sexy Rexy.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Cheer now, but Rex Caliber has driven NAPW bat(BLEEP) insane. This isn’t the NAPW I remember before I got fired. In the NAPW I remember, Krusty Kid Paul was an afterthought getting beat by Warren down in South Cacalacky in a 7-11 match. In the NAPW I know, Chris Casino was more of a (BLEEP) than his girl Monique and disappeared when he saw Donovan Astros’s name across fro mhis on the match sheet. In the NAPW I know, you all worshiped the ground Ravager walked on, even after I beat him. Twice. Decisively. Funny how that worked out. And in the NAPW I know, there was no D!, even though every time I talked about someone, I’d hear whispers…
Astros drops his voice down to a whisper…
DONOVAN ASTROS: “You know, you kinda remind me of D!.”
Astros shakes his head in disgust.
DONOVAN ASTROS: And now that he’s back and I get to see just what he’s made of, what he does to the people around him and what he chooses to be in his life… if I ever reminded any of you of D!… then I never should have become a professional wrestler in the first place.
The crowd doesn’t know how to react to that last statement. They’re more in shock than anything.
DONOVAN ASTROS: And I sat and I watched NAPW turn into what you’ve seen over the last month with the inmates running the asylum and this month with the inmates choosing a leader and all I can think of is the NAPW that toured the world, the NAPW that went out to become the best and brightest independent promotion in the world, the NAPW that spun all the bull(BLEEP) to South Cacalacky and called it REBEL, and I want that NAPW back, even if I can’t be the man to lead the wrestling into Australia and Asia and Europe and the rest of the world, I want to be the man that rebuilds the bridges that I burnt, and that’s why, on January 1, 2009, unless Wahoo Bobby Winchell declines my offer, I will accept the position of Commissioner of New Al-
“MORE HUMAN THAN HUMAN! MORE SICKER THAN SICK!”
To say the crowd is going bananas would undersell bananas… Rex Caliber is LIVE! in the Polish Hall and… laughing his head off at Astros’s statements, apparently! He walks over to where Astros is standing, security separating the two. Rex motions for the mic, still laughing right in Astros’s face. Astros laughs back, like they’re both in on the joke, and hands the mic over.
REX CALIBER: Donnie, you sure are runnin’ your mouth off a lot longer than it took you to run out on NAPW back in April! But you don’t wanna talk ’bout that, do ya, Donnie? Naw, you just wanna run your mouth off ’bout YOUR NAPW. Sounds to me like the fans here like THIS NAPW just fine!
The crowd cheers like mad as Astros throws his hands up in disgust.
REX CALIBER: And all this talk about you bein’ commish after I go back to bein’ the M.I.C. in REBEL, that’s news to me. Bobby Winchell’s not gettin’ back to Alberta until the end of the month, Terry Brandon is staying away to get better, so as of right now, I am still the Man In Charge. But somehow I doubt that YOU’RE gonna be the damn commissioner when ol’ “Wahoo” does finally get back to Canada! So you can blame your latest run’a bad luck on ol’ Sexy Rexy, but you sure as hell ain’t gonna be in charge’a NAPW anytime soon!
More cheers as finally some sanity’s being restored to the evening.
REX CALIBER: And if you hate THIS NAPW so much, Donnie, why don’t you just see yourself out the door and never come back?
Astros asks for the microphone back. Rex laughs in his face again before giving it to him.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Because there’s one thing Terry Brandon would never do as commissioner of NAPW and the only way I can make sure it gets done is if I do it myself.
Rex reaches past the guards and pulls the microphone back towards him.
REX CALIBER: And what’s that, hot shot?
DONOVAN ASTROS: Reinstate Donovan Astros!
Rex snatches the mic away from Astros fully and laughs right into it.
REX CALIBER: HAHAHA! Terry Brandon wouldn’t do that, and I sure as hell ain’t either! Now get goin’ before these guards throw you out on that hurt neck of yours and let me get Black Thursday back on the road!
Astros freezes for a moment as the guards circle in, before shaking his head and turning around, stepping back over the guardrail and making his way to the exit.
REX CALIBER: Now none of you other fans hop the rail and we’ll get this action back hotter than ever in just a minute! Ol’ Rexy ain’t gonna let you down!
“Even More Human Than Human” plays again as Rex makes his way back to the back and security spreads back around the ring. The barbed wire is almost finished being strung up…
JACK JONES: And so after the Mall Santa calmed down and decided not to press charges, I lost my Christmas Spirit forever.
BILL HEWSON: Tragic yet pointless as usual. Speaking of tragic, up next will mark the end of the heated Jer$ey / Kryenik feud that has been fought over the last few months. It’ll end in the confines of a no ropes barbed wire Gangsters paradise match!
JACK JONES: (hopeful) Do you still believe in Santa, Bill?
BILL HEWON: Ugh, let’s go to the ring!
The capacity crowd in the Polish Hall are abuzz as the NAPW ring crew have finished taking down the ring ropes and putting up strands of razor-sharp barbed wire. The ring has been transformed into a brutal combat zone for the gladiators to enter! A huge pop roars through the building as two fifteen foot high ladders are brought down to ringside and placed outside of the ring. The “Golden Sweets” brass knuckles are being raised high above the ring as Frank Warburton takes the microphone.
FRANK WARBURTON: This next match is your Gangster’s Paradise Match! In order to win this contest, the competitor who climbs to the top of the ladder and retrieves the “Golden Sweets” brass knuckles, uses them and scores the pinfall or submission will be declared the winner!
“Death of it All” by Rob Zombie blasts through the speakers and the crowd nearly tear the roof off the building with a monster pop!
FRANK WARBURTON: Coming to the ring first, he hails from Windsor, Ontario and weighs in at two-hundred and thirty-eight pounds…”Sick” Billy Kryenik!
“Ill” Bill steps out from the back and surveys the ring before him. He’s dressed in jeans, heavy work boots and an old Doomrider tee shirt. His hands are heavily taped up and a wicked grin is etched on his face. He starts to make his way slowly to ringside occasionally reaching out and high fiving a lucky fan.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, representing Dirty Money, he hails from…
Frank doesn’t finish his introductions as from the back rushes Jer$ey who attacks the surprised Kryenik from behind! The two men immediately start to throw blows and the crowd is whipped into a frenzy as both men land hard shots to each other.
BILL HEWSON: Jer$ey wasn’t going to wait to be introduced! He’s ready to end this war with Kryenik right here and now!
Kryenik starts to get the upper hand on Jer$ey with his stinging right hands, that is until the Million Dolla Playa from Dirty Money jams a thumb into the eye of the former Doomrider! With Billy momentarily distracted, Jer$ey takes the opportunity to hurl his opponent over the guardrail and into the crowd! Security quickly backs away the fans as Je$ey climbs over the rail and greets Billy with a stiff right hand. A chop across the chest of Jer$ey from a pissed of Kryenik! Another chop seems to knock the wind out of the Dirty Money member! Kryenik is biting the forehead of Jer$ey! The fans are screaming and shoving each other as Billy is doing his best to leave his dental record on the forehead of Jer$ey! Jer$ey brings a knee up into the ribs of Kryenik and Billy drops to one knee. Jer$ey checks his forehead to see if he’s bleeding (he’s not) and then grabs a nearby chair. Billy is back to a standing position and gets a chair rammed into his gut for his trouble doubling him over!
BILL HEWSON: Jer$ey has beaten Kryenik before and he’s looking to do it again tonight! He’s got a tough road ahead of him though as this type of match is right up Billy’s alley!
JACK JONES: I bet Kryenik is getting coal for Christmas.
BILL HEWSON: Just let it go, Jack.
Back to the action as Jer$ey cracks the chair across the back of Kryenik! Billy stumbles through the crowd with Jer$ey in pursuit. Billy picks up his own chair, spins around and swings it at Jer$ey. The two chairs crack against each other and fans dove for cover as the two men start a dangerous game of chair dueling. Again and again the chairs come together as each man tries to score with a shot. Billy fakes a headshot and Jer$ey never sees the chair that smacks into the side of his leg. Jer$ey drops his chair and Billy rears back and pops Jer$ey with a bone rattling shot across the cranium! Jer$ey staggers back and falls on his ass as Billy advances. Jer$ey reaches out and shoves a fan into Billy and quickly gets to his feet. Billy in turn shoves the fan out of the way and is taken to the floor by a shoulder tackle. Jer$ey rains down right hands to the head of Kryenik but the former Doomrider shoves him off.
Kryenik is trying to get to his feet but Jer$ey is landing kicks to the upper body of his hated rival. That is until Kryenik reaches out and grabs a handful of Jer$ey’s jewels! Billy puts the squeeze on and Jer$ey howls in pain. The male fans around the duo look equally pained. With his free hand, Billy chops Jer$ey across the chest! Another chop! A third! A fourth chop lights up the chest of Jer$ey and Kryenik releases his grip on the family jewels. Jer$ey is slumped against the ring barricade for only a moment before he’s taken up and over by a Kryenik clothesline! Fans pat the back of Billy as he scrambles over the railing and plants a boot to the head of Jer$ey while he’s down. Billy picks up one of the folded ladders and readies himself as Jer$ey gets to his feet. He turns and gets sandwiched between the ringpost and the ladder thanks to a crazed looking Billy Kryenik!
BILL HEWSON: Well I know one thing Jer$ey will be asking for this Christmas!
JACK JONES: After seeing what Billy did to him in the crowd I’d say he’s be asking for TWO things!
Billy hurls the ladder into the ring and stands over a dazed Jer$ey. Kryenik starts to pummel his man with hard jackhammer like right hands to the top of the head that leaves Jer$ey trying to cover up. Kryenik pulls Jer$ey to his feet and goes to whip him into the ring steps. At the last second Jer$ey somehow manages to reverse it and it’s Billy who hits the stairs hard shoulder first! Jer$ey looks to be on rubber legs but it doesn’t stop him from carefully sliding into the ring under the barbed wire. Jer$ey picks up the ladder and sets it up while on the outside Billy is struggling to get up. Jer$ey starts to slowly climb the ladder as Billy throws back the ring apron and pulls out a trashcan full of plunder. Billy chucks the weapon filled trashcan into the ring and carefully slides in after it.
Billy grabs the trashcan, upturns it, spilling out its violence and then turns to attack Jer$ey. Only Jer$ey had the same idea as he has been waiting for the right moment and leaps off the ladder connecting with a sloppy dropkick into the trashcan knocking it back into the face of Kryenik! Jer$ey pulls a dazed Kryenik to his feet and slams him onto the trashcan flattening it! “You ain’t shit!” Jer$ey screams at Billy. Jer$ey turns his attention away from Billy, goes back to the ladder and folds it up. He then rests it against a far corner and goes back to retrieve Billy who is on his knees. As Jer$ey reaches for him, Billy grabs a handful of jeans and yanks the man into the barbed wire! The crowd groans and Jer$ey’s eyes are the size of dinner plates as he finds himself tangled in the wire! Billy scoops a kendo stick off of the mat and turns his attention to Jer$ey.
BILL HEWSON: Jer$ey is the first one to taste the barbed wire and it looks as if it doesn’t agree with him!
JACK JONES: Careful for what you ask for! That’s something my Aunt Bob used to say!
Before Jer$ey can pull himself off the barbed wire he’s cracked across the back by the kendo stick! Another shot! A third from Billy! Jer$ey rips himself free of the barbed wire and we can see blood streaming down both of his inner arms and across his sternum. Another shot from the kendo stick, this one to the skull of Jer$ey! Billy looks possessed as he stalks the wounded man. Billy waits patiently for Jer$ey to get to his feet and then inexplicably tosses him the kendo stick! Jer$ey looks confused as he catches it and never sees Billy swinging his leg up kicking him between the uprights!
JACK JONES: Oh Geez! Not again!
BILL HEWSON: I guess Jer$ey won’t have to worry about having kids anytime soon.
Billy picks a computer keyboard off the mat and smacks it across the back of Jer$ey’s head sending plastic keys flying out into the crowd like tic tacs! Billy grabs a handful of hair and drags Jer$ey towards the barbed wire and shoves his forehead into the unforgiving mesh. Jer$ey screams as Billy rakes his face back and forth across the wire opening him up. Billy steps away from Jer$ey and looks down on the man whose face is now covered in blood. Billy stalks his way over to the ladder propped up in the corner and drags it to the center of the ring where he sets it up and begins to climb. The crowd is at a frenzy as Billy is at the halfway mark and Jer$ey is still laying on the mat with blood flowing like water from his forehead. Billy is almost at the top and he reaches up for the “Golden Sweets” when suddenly Jer$ey gets to his feet and rushes the ladder hitting it with a shoulder tackle! Billy topples from nearly ten feet in the air and lands with his right arm entangled in the barbed wire!
The crowd groans as Billy writhes in agony, his arm is slick with blood and he adds another cut to it by trying to free himself. Jer$ey doesn’t waste a minute as he pummels the head of Billy with stiff right hands. Jer$ey turns away from Billy, takes the ladder that’s laying on the mat and picks it up. Billy is on his feet trying to free his arm when Jer$ey slams the ladder into the side of his head. Jer$ey takes the ladder and drops it in the center of the ring and walks over to Billy. With a tug he helps free Kryenik and drags him towards the ladder. Billy’s right arm looks like hamburger meat and he’s leaving bloody hand prints on the canvas. Jer$ey pulls Bill to his feet and hooks the right arm nailing a DDT onto the ladder. Billy rolls away from the ladder clutching at his mangled arm and Jer$ey smiles through the blood covering his face.
BILL HEWSON: This match is going to take years off of these mens careers!
JACK JONES: Maybe, but Jer$ey is showing why he was recruited by Dirty Money. He’s a tough bastard!
Jer$ey slips out of the ring, grabs the other ladder and tosses it back into the squared circle. Billy is getting to his feet as Jer$ey slides into the ring and picks up the new ladder. Kryenik turns and gets a shot to the skull from the ladder wielding Jer$ey! Jer$ey tosses the ladder to the mat and grabs Billy’s mangled arm. He shoves it against the barbed wire and starts to rake it across the wire adding even more damage to the limb. A rake to the face from Kryenik stops Jer$ey and the former Doomrider looks down at his dangling arm. Before Jer$ey knows what hits him, Kryenik hits a one handed bulldog onto one of the ladders laying on the mat! Jer$ey rolls across the canvas holding his face as Billy rolls out of the ring.
BILL HEWSON: Where’s Billy going?
JACK JONES: Probably to get a blood transfusion.
Billy reaches under the ring apron and pulls out a table which leads to a gi-normous pop from the crowd. Billy slides in the table but he isn’t finished. He pulls a second table out from under the ring and slides that table inside as well. A “We Want tables” chant echoes though the building as Kryenik drags himself into the ring. Jer$ey is on his feet but walks right into a scoop slam onto one of the ladders from Billy! Kryenik takes a table and sets it up mere the center of the ring. He looks over at Jer$ey who isn’t moving and grabs the second table, setting this one up on top of the other to form a double decker! Billy kicks one of the ladders out of the ring and sets the remaining ladder up directly underneath the “Golden Sweets!”
Billy starts to climb to the top and the crowd is urging him on with every tortured step. Jer$ey has started to stir and he too start to crawl his way up the ladder! It’s now a race as each man tries to get to the top first. Billy reaches the summit first and raises his one good arm to grab the brass knucks! Jer$ey isn’t going to make it! With a roar from the crowd, Billy pulls down the “Golden Sweets” and slips them onto his hand! In desperation Jer$ey throws a punch between the rungs of the ladder that catches Billy low! Jer$ey takes a step up on the ladder, grabs Billy’s head and slams it against the top rung of the ladder. With a shove Billy is sent sailing off of the ladder and through the two tables he himself set up! Billy explodes through the tables and the NAPW faithful unleash a loud a raucous “Holy Shit!” chant! Jer$ey looks down at Billy who is covered in table debris then grins at the audience though his crimson mask.
BILL HEWSON: Billy got the Brass Knuckles first but I don’t think he’s going to be able to use them now! What a fall!
JACK JONES: What was he even thinking of when he set up those tables? Oh hey look! Jer$ey is pulling something out of his jeans!
BILL HEWSON: Ugh.
Indeed Jer$ey is searching for something in down the front of his jeans and he quickly finds it. He pulls out his hand and we all see that he’s sporting Platinum Knuckles! The crowd starts to boo heavily as Jer$ey slowly makes his way down the ladder. At the bottom, Jer$ey grabs an arm of Billy Kryenik and pulls him free from the destruction of the tables. With considerable effort, Jer$ey pulls Billy upright and smiles just as he takes a swing with his Platinum Knuckles! Billy ducks as if he were a prize fighter and catches a shocked Jer$ey with an uppercut that snaps his head back!
BILL HEWSON: Billy was playing possum! I don’t know how he’s even conscious after that fall but he was laying in wait for Jer$ey!
Speaking of Jer$ey, his eyes have a glassed over look to them and his legs are threatening to give out. Billy measures him and tattoos him between the eyes with the “Sweet Treats!” Jer$ey crumples to the mat and Billy covers him!
One!
Two!
Billy pulls Jer$ey off the mat breaking the count! Kryenik has a wild look in his eyes as he drags Jer$ey to his feet. The Dry Lake from Billy Kryenik! Jer$ey is motionless on the mat and again Billy covers him.
One!
Two!
Again Billy pulls off his man! Billy pulls off the “Golden Sweets” tosses them out to the ringside fans (who fight over them of course) and reaches into his work boot. Like a magician he pulls put a small pair of wire cutters and crawls over to the barbed wire. With a few quick snips Billy has a length of barbed wire about 18 inches long. Jer$ey is still motionless and Billy wraps the barbed wire around Jer$ey’s throat, hooks both arms, and locks on the BRANCH BREAKER 2! Cattle Mutilation indeed! The referee takes one look at Jer$ey, unable to defend himself, and stops the match!
BILL HEWSON: It’s over! Billy Kryenik has avenged his earlier loss to Jer$ey and ended this war once and for all.
JACK JONES: Yeah and all he had to do was kill him.
The referee is pleading for Billy to release the hold but Kryenik simply smiles at him. The referee threatens to reverse the call and award the match to Jer$ey. Still no stopping Billy as he cranks back on the hold, barbed wire digging into the neck of Jer$ey! The referee starts a count and at four and three-quarters Billy releases the hold! The referee admonishes Kryenik but he is simply ignored as the former Doomrider looks at the beaten and bloody Jer$ey.
FRANK WARBURTON: Winner of this match, “Sick” Billy Kryenik!
Billy gets to his feet, cradles his shredded arm and leaves the ring to a standing ovation.
BILL HEWSON: What a brutal fight. I think Billy was sending a message to everyone in NAPW with that win.
JACK JONES: Yeah, don’t let Kryenik around sharp objects is the message!
-INTERMISSION-
After the second intermission, the ring has been put back… it was a lot faster to get the barbed wire off then on, and now the ring is roped and ready. Nobody can quite get rid of all the blood stains on the canvas, though. The crowd are tired, it’s been a long night, one of NAPW’s longest shows ever. Frank is back in the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: Fans, do you have enough left in you for THREE MORE TITLE MATCHES?
The roar of the crowd is answer enough for everybody in NAPW! BRING IT ON, BABY!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, our next match is scheduled for one fall and is for the NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP!
BILL HEWSON: Ravager and KRENSHOV ended the reign of Dirty Money last month at ‘Total War’. Tonight they look to defend those titles for the first time.
“When The Lights Go Out” by The Black Keys begins to play; not that you can hear it over the cheers. Fortunately Frank has a microphone.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, the challengers! At a combined weight of five-hundred and eighty-two pounds… “LDK” LLOYD REES AND ‘THE EGO BUSTER’ DAN RYAN!
And more cheers as the two members of ‘III’ appear the top of the aisle with determined looks on their faces. They slowly make their way down towards the ring, slapping hands with some of the fans along the way.
BILL HEWSON: They certainly look ready for this match.
JACK JONES: You have to be ready for The Faces of Death, Hewson. The question is, are they going to get what they expect?
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents…
The crowd’s boo drown out the music of Apocalyptica and Corey Taylor, and the appearance of the NAPW Tag Team Champions does little to silence the fans.
FRANK WARBURTON: Weighing in at a combined weight of five-hundred and sixty pounds… They are the NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! RAVAGER AND KRENSHOV! THE FACES OF DEATH!
The two men, with the gold belts hung over their shoulders slowly walk down the aisle with smirks on their faces. Ignoring the fans in attendance; they stare straight ahead at their opponents. At the men challenging for those titles.
BILL HEWSON: One thing’s for sure, this is going to be one hell of a match!
The bell sounds and this match is underway! The crowd start up their “Lets go III” chant with the funky rhythmic clapping. Ravager stands stoically; staring daggers at the man standing across the ring from him, Lloyd Rees. The Newfie steps forward, just itching to get his hands on the man many claim to be the superior former World champion as the two men lock up collar and elbow. The larger of the two, LDK, gains the initial advantage as he overpowers his opponent, pushing Ravager back against the ropes. Referee John Sharplin calls for the break as he steps in between the competitors to push them apart.
Both competitors circle the ring as they wait for the right moment to pounce – and they tie up again. LDK gains the upper hand once more, although he goes behind for the rear waist lock this time. Ravager fires off a few back elbows to try and break free. As the third one connects LDK releases his grip and Ravager runs against the rope–right into a drop toe hold. Ravager slams face first into the canvas and in a flash, Lloyd Rees has the tag champ in a face lock.
Ravager battles back to his feet while still in the face lock as LDK tries to contain his opponent … with little luck. The champion manages to counter with an inverted atomic drop before unloading with a series of right hands that force Lloyd Rees back into a neutral corner! The official tries to step in to break it up – but he can’t quite get in – until Rees reverses the roles! He throws Ravager back into the corner and unloads with some rights hooks of his own! The crowd cheer as each punch lands and the challenger has the champion reeling. An Irish whip ensues, sending Ravager from pillar to post before running in after him–but LDK hits the turnbuckle chest first! He staggers backwards and Ravager connects with a boot to the gut and a face lock of his own before dragging Lloyd Rees to the Faces of Death corner … And in comes KRENSHOV.
JACK JONES: The power game is going to come into effect now, and KRENSHOV is as powerful as they come!
BILL HEWSON: There are few men who can go toe-to-toe with him, but Lloyd Rees is one of the best technical wrestlers in NAPW history. Don’t count him out too soon.
The big man drills LDK with a knee lift to the exposed midsection before Sharplin orders Ravager out of the ring, leaving just the legal men to duke it out. KRENSHOV hits a body slam, but immediately picks Lloyd Rees up again before dropping him with another body slam. With authoritah. The big man bounces off the nearest ropes, coming with a knee drop — MISSES!
LDK clambers back to his feet as the big man stands up as well – but the tag has already been made! Dan Ryan enters the ring in a hurry and makes a beeline straight for KRENSHOV!
BILL HEWSON: KRENSHOV made some comments during the week that raised the ire of Dan Ryan, now it may be payback time!
A HUGE right hand from ‘The Ego Buster’ lands square on the jaw of KRENSHOV, but the tag champ fires one right back! Back and forth the two behemoths trade shots in the center of the ring. The crowd cheering Dan Ryan on as it looks like he’s getting the upper hand–until KRENSHOV DUCKS! With a degree of athleticism, the champion spins around and catches his opponent off guard with a palm strike! And another! A barrage of palm strikes forces ‘The Ego Buster’ back into a corner before KRENSHOV switches his offense to shoulder blocks, putting all three-hundred plus pounds of his weight behind each shot to the midsection.
An Irish whip by KRENSHOV sends Ryan across the ring and the big Texan slams into the turnbuckle with a thud! KRENSHOV charges in–BIG BOOT COUNTER BY DAN RYAN! The champion is still on his feet, though – until he gets nailed by a HUGE LARIAT!
BILL HEWSON: ‘The Ego Buster’ appears to be in no mood for games tonight, he’s here to inflict as much punishment as he can on the Faces of Death.
KRENSHOV stands back up, but another lariat takes him off his feet again! Once again, he regains his vertical base and staggers slightly–right into a SPINEBUSTER BY DAN RYAN! The ring shakes as the massive KRENSHOV is drilled into the canvas and Ryan goes for the cover–getting a two count before Ravager breaks it up! John Sharplin orders Ravager to get out of the ring. Meanwhile, Dan Ryan takes the opportunity to tag out to his partner, LDK. Now both members of III are in the ring as they send KRENSHOV against the ropes with an Irish whip–not seeing Ravager make the blind tag–as a double elbow smash takes KRENSHOV down … And RAVAGER LOCKS LDK IN THE KATA-HAJIME! Dan Ryan is stepping out of the ring when he notices his partner locked in the deadly submission hold – and he rushes back in, right into a KRENSHOV lariat! Sharplin turns his attention to the big men, so he misses as LDK reach the ropes–allowing Ravager to pull his opponent away from the ropes.
Now John Sharplin has restored a modicum of order to this match, there’s just two men in the ring and the referee has to check if LDK is okay to carry on. The Newfie shouts something about not giving up.
JACK JONES: I can’t understand a word that Lloyd Rees is saying, Hewson.
LDK charges backwards, slamming Ravager into the turnbuckle and forcing him to release the submission hold. Rees stumbles forwards obviously feeling the effects of that kata-hajime–and Ravager charges at him – dropkick by Lloyd Rees connects! Both men climb back to their feet as Rees catches his opponent with a belly-to-belly suplex. It doesn’t keep the champion down for long though, as Ravager is back to his feet as fast as Rees is. Lloyd swings with a clothesline attempt–ducked – and Ravager dives around the back before taking his opponent down with a belly-to-back suplex. And this time Ravager makes the tag out as he regains his vertical base. Sharplin orders him out of the ring before the Faces of Death have the chance to double-team Rees, leaving KRENSHOV alone with LDK.
Both men circle the ring again. LDK trying to avoid a power contest and KRENSHOV hoping not to get drawn into a technical bout against possibly the best technical wrestler in NAPW history. The big man offers up a test-o’-strength, and Rees looks tempted. That oversized mitt of KRENSHOV beckoning him forth. Accepted!? No! Rees outsmarts his opponent and turns it into an arm wringer. He drops an elbow down across the shoulder, but the big man is still standing. LDK twists the arm again as he dra–tries to drag KRENSHOV towards the corner with little success. An eye rake by the tag champion does the trick (even if it draws a complaint from John Sharplin) as KRENSHOV, with an impressive feat of strength lifts LDK high above his hea–NO! LDK DROPS DOWN THE BACK! CONCEPTION BAY CHINLOCK!
Ravager storms the ring, but he’s cut off by ‘The Ego Buster’ and a lariat that damn near knocks him out of his boots as LDK locks in his trademark move! The submission hold that has put away the best in NAPW. Sharplin goes to check for the submission as KRENSHOV is thrashing around on the mat! LDK has the hold secured, his legs barely sitting around the waist of the big New Jersey native–but he’s grapevined and stranded in the center of the ring!
BILL HEWSON: We could have new champions right here, Jack Attack! More men have submitted to the Conception Bay Chinlock than I care to count!
JACK JONES: Not like this, it can’t happen…
Sharplin is still checking for the submission, but it’s looking less and less likely as KRENSHOV manages to rolls onto his front. The submission hold is still locked in as the big man climbs to all fours. Then to his knees. He begins to stand with LDK still holding on with the Conception Bay Chinlock–and KRENSHOV charges back into the corner! Just like LDK did earlier, but with an extra hundred pounds of weight behind it as he damn near crushes the man! KRENSHOV drops to his knees, exhausted after the escape attempt, but he’s dropped Rees in his own corner. And in comes Dan Ryan!
‘The Ego Buster’ waits for KRENSHOV to stand back up. SUPERKICK!
BLOCKED!
KRENSHOV catches the foot of Dan Ryan–but he doesn’t see the enziguiri coming! Nobody did! And Ryan crawls across for the cover.
ONE!
TWNOOOO! KRENSHOV kicks out!
Undeterred, ‘The Ego Buster’ lifts his opponent back to his feet again. He’s a lot fresher than KRENSHOV right now, and it shows as he easily scoops the big man up onto his shoulders for a Samoan drop. The ring’s still standing though as Ryan drags Kenny back to up again. An Irish whip–is reversed as Ryan is the one sent against the ropes–LOWBALLED! Ravager pulls the top rope down and Dan Ryan tumbles to the outside! John Sharplin reprimands Ravager, but KRENSHOV is already stepping out over the top rope and down to where Ryan is just getting back up. A forearm smash by the tag champ has the big Texan reeling and a big boot knocks him right back down to the floor. Sharplin finally begins to pay attention to the action on the outside, Ravager having done a good job of distracting the official as KRENSHOV bounces Ryan’s head off the ring apron before rolling him back into the ring. A pin attempt by KRENSHOV garners a two count before the big man tags out to Ravager.
BILL HEWSON: The champions keeping fresh as they tag each other in, while Dan Ryan is isolated in that ring.
JACK JONES: That’s the experience of the champions, Hewson.
BILL HEWSON: Indeed. This is just the second match where Lloyd Rees and Dan Ryan have tag teamed.
Ravager immediately runs against the ropes as his opponent, Dan Ryan sits back up in the middle of the ring–SLIDING D! A stiff forearm to the jaw takes ‘The Ego Buster’ down again as Ravager goes for a cover of his own.
ONE!
TWONOOOO! KICK-OUT!
It’s not enough to put Ryan away, but Ravager isn’t going to do this alone. He makes the tag out to KRENSHOV again as the big man enters the ring. He scoops Ryan up onto his shoulder and slams him down with a powerslam!
And tags back out to Ravager, who climbs to the top rope. DIVING HEADBUTT TO DAN RYAN! And another pin attempt!
ONE!
TWO!
THRNOOOOO! ‘The Ego Buster’ kicks out!
JACK JONES: Oh, that’s a slow count!
BILL HEWSON: It takes a lot to put away any of these four men, Jack Attack. They’re all former World champions and it’ll take something special to end this match.
Now The Faces of Death are getting frustrated. Ravager picks the big man up to a seated position as he delivers a kick to the spine. Followed by another. He drags Ryan back to his feet again–but ‘The Ego Buster’ blocks the right hook and counters with one of his own! The crowd cheer as Dan Ryan lands three, then four more shots before winding up for a big right that knocks Ravager down! He gets right back up again – but Ryan clocks him with a superkick! KRENSHOV storms into the ring–only to get taken down by an overhead belly-to-belly! The crowd are on their feet as The Faces of Death are suddenly on the back foot. Ravager is using the ropes to pull himself back up as Ryan is crouched in the three point stance. Slowly, Ravager stands back up, pulling himself up and resting in the corner…
CHARGE!
BILL HEWSON: No! Ravager just pulled John Sharplin in the way!
And the official gets the brunt of it, and it’s more than enough to knock him out! Sharplin collapses to the mat as Dan Ryan looks on in disbelief and the crowd start to boo!?
JACK JONES: Here comes the cavalry!
Stone Zellor is on his way down to the ring with a chair in his hand. He’s moving slowly after his brutal match earlier tonight, but Dan Ryan and Lloyd Rees are ready for him. Zellor goes to climb up onto the apron–as KRENSHOV LOW BLOWS DAN RYAN!
LDK turns around to find Ravager behind him, but the challenger catches him with a right hand! A boot to the gut and a DDT spikes Ravager into the mat! Zellor slides in with the chair in hand–but LDK catches him with a boot to the midsection before grabbing the chair from him–and A CHAIR SHOT KNOCKS STONE ZELLOR OUT THROUGH THE ROPES!
BILL HEWSON: It looks like the plan may have backfired.
But the numbers game comes into effect as KRENSHOV drills LDK with a RUNNING BIG BOOT!
JACK JONES: Shows what you know.
KRENSHOV picks up the chair, lifting it high above his head…
NO!
Dan Ryan grabs the chair from KRENSHOV–and he waffles the tag champion with the steel chair!
Just as John Sharplin regains consciousness! The official calls for the bell and Dan Ryan can’t believe it!
DING! DING! DING!
‘The Ego Buster’ is livid, but he’s the one who got caught red-handed. The crowd fall silent, an eerie hush all through the building as two of the members of III, “LDK” Lloyd Rees and ‘The Ego Buster’ Dan Ryan stand in the center of the ring together. They look at one another as John Sharplin leans out of the ring to explain his decision to Frank Warburton…
But Ravager is getting back to his feet. CHAIR SHOT BY DAN RYAN!
Stone Zellor is up on the outside as Lloyd Rees grabs him by the hair, dragging him back into the ring. Ryan drops the chair on the mat as LDK positions Zellor for the DDT FROM THE GREEN ONTO A STEEL CHAIR!
The crowd are cheering now though as KRENSHOV is trying to get back to his feet. LDK rolls to the outside and grabs a chair of his own as Ryan kicks Zellor to one side so he can pick the first chair up. KRENSHOV shakes the cobwebs off as he turns around. CONCHAIRTO NUMBER III! But the big man is still on his feet … Until another Dan Ryan chair shot knocks him down; busting the big man open as well!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen the winners of this match by the result of disqualification and STILL NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! THE FACES OF DEATH!
BILL HEWSON: The fans don’t like the result, but the real story here is Dan Ryan and Lloyd Rees have laid waste to the Faces of Death!
JACK JONES: A sneak attack after a hard fought match, Hewson. It’s despicable.
BILL HEWSON: It’s exactly–
JACK JONES: These men claim to want to clean up NAPW, to stop this lawlessness. Yet here they are, doing exactly what they claim to want to stop.
“Zero” by The Smashing Pumpkins starts up as Dan Ryan and Lloyd Rees throw their chairs down. They’ve done some serious damage and sent a very clear message to the Faces of Death and Stone Zellor; now they’re leaving with their head held high as three men lie unconscious in the ring.
But not with the tag team titles.
JACK JONES: And that was the last time I was allowed to attend band camp.
BILL HEWSON: …Fans, the next match is for the NAPW Women’s title.
“Beautiful Life” by Ace of Base plays and Stunning Starsha walks from the back with a confident look on her face, ignoring the crowd and primping into a handheld mirror.
JACK JONES: Wonder if Starsha ever went to band camp?
BILL HEWSON: WILL you be serious?
FRANK WARBURTON: From Vancouver, British Columbia she weighs in at one hundred and twenty two pounds and stands at five foot three inches… “STUNNING” STARSHA STEVENS!
Then! “Sailor Moon Theme” (metal version) plays and from the back, holding the Women’s Championship, is Asuka Katsuragi. She is welcomed to the ring by cheers and some cat calls; evidently some men in the crowd think she is attractive.
FRANK WARBURTON: From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania she stands at five foot six inches and weighs in tonight at one hundred and thirty two pounds… ASUKA KATSURAGI!
In the ring Starsha is seen mouthing “As if she only weighs that much, that fat cow.”
DING! DING! DING!
Asuka and Starsha stand across from each other in the ring and go for a collar and elbow tie up. Asuka powers her way to the advantage, but Starsha sweeps her legs out from under her and gets on top slapping the champion while smirking, drawing major boos from the crowd while ticking Asuka off greatly. Asuka stands back up as Starsha prances backwards from the champion. Asuka charges clotheslining Starsha to the mat, letting her know that she means business, Asuka allows Starsha to regain her feet; Starsha shakes her head, the pig tails flying around her head. They lock up for real this time with Asuka turning it into a standing armbar, then modifying it into a front facelock and slamming Starsha down to the mat. Asuka turns to a side headlock, grinding Starsha’s neck; with her feet kicking wildly, as if she is having a temper tantrum, Starsha begins to kick towards the ropes. Asuka doesn’t allow the reaching of the ropes pulling Starsha back up to her feet and whipping her into the ropes.
BILL HEWSON: Asuka in full control, showing why she is the women’s champion early.
JACK JONES: But it is just that — early.
Starsha reverses the whip and Asuka is sent flying, she comes back with a clothesline, but Starsha ducks under the clothesline wrapping Asuka up in a flying crucifix pin!
ONE — Asuka kicks out and Starsha is pleased with herself for having gotten the first pin of the match; but Asuka isn’t pleased at all and locks eyes with Starsha. The two go towards each other with Starsha ducking and going around Asuka with a hammerlock, lifting upwards on the clenched wrist of Asuka. Asuka begins to slap her shoulder, she bends forward then back ducking and scooping Starsha up into a upside down fireman’s carry into a slam. Both are down, but are trying to get to their feet. Asuka manages first as she grabs Starsha by the head lifting her all the way to her feet, then up in a over the head suplex and back down to the mat. Asuka covers.
ONE… TWO… Starsha’s shoulder comes up.
JACK JONES: Come on Starsha!
BILL HEWSON: Unbiased, you are not.
Asuka seems to be getting frustrated at Starsha’s resilience but decides to take the opportunity to take Starsha to wrestling school. Down at Starsha’s feet, Asuka wraps her legs up in a figure four and falls back down to the mat.
ONE!
Starsha’s shoulder raises when she realizes she is being pinned while in such terrible pain. Starsha’s head shakes from side to side as her screams of torture spread throughout the fans. Asuka smiles, leaning up to fall back down to the mat applying more pressure onto Starsha’s legs. Referee Anthony Uruburu gets down to Starsha’s face, inquiring if she wants to submit, Starsha violently shakes her head “like, no!” Starsha sits up, trying to stop some of the tortuous pain. Asuka grabs Starsha’s right pig tail, beginning to punch away at her pretty face. Starsha fights back with some punches of her own, but is so far powerless to break the figure four leg lock. Asuka grins as she holds the pig tail and falls backwards jerking the little pigtail along with her; Starsha comes with her, the pig tail being attached to her head. The pain is now in the back and legs of Starsha as she begins to try and find a way out of the hold.
BILL HEWSON: Starsha in a bad way here! Asuka has taken the figure four and now added… I’m not sure what you’d call it, but it’s got to hurt!
JACK JONES: Why isn’t Uruburu disqualifying Asuka for grabbing the hair! Come on!
Yelping in pain, Starsha begins to rock from side to side in an attempt to roll over Asuka as well as get closer to the ropes. Asuka breaks the hold just as Starsha rolls her over, effectively stopping the reversal from Starsha. Asuka is up quickly looking down at the prone figure of Starsha and bouncing off the ropes with a low Yakuza kick to Starsha’s head. She covers once again, but is too close the ropes. Asuka ascends the turnbuckles and waits for Starsha to get up. Starsha does momentarily, her back turned to Asuka’s crouching form. Asuka dives with a plancha just as Starsha turns to catch her and drive her to the mat with a elevated spike DDT, using Asuka’s momentum from the leap. Both go down once again and the ref is forced to begin a ten count.
ONE– nothing, both still lay on the mat breathing heavily.
TWO–Still breathing on the mat, sweat covering their bodies.
BILL HEWSON: The ref up to a three count and both show no signs of moving.
JACK JONES: Up to a five count now and Starsha showing some signs of life. Because she’s a TRUE champion!
SIX–Starsha rolls on her front and reaches for the ropes.
SEVEN–Starsha begins to pull herself to her feet but falls onto Asuka who has rolled onto her back.
ONE! TWO! Asuka barely gets her shoulder up in time from Starsha’s pin attempt.
JACK JONES: New Champion!
BILL HEWSON: It was only a two count Jacky.
JACK JONES: Never… Ever… call me Jacky again.
Starsha pulls Asuka’s head up under her arm and hooks her right leg, she spins lifting Asuka up and over with a spinning snapmare suplex!
ONE… TWO… THRE–NO!
Starsha is unable to keep the pin held due to Asuka’s violent kicking. She rolls out of the hold with a leaping double foot stomp to Asuka’s head; she begins to stomp furiously at Asuka’s head all legal but not liked by the booing crowd. Starsha looks out at them to say “What?!” She bends down to Asuka, who doesn’t even have the energy to open her eyes. Starsha rolls her over and brings her to her feet, applying a front facelock. Asuka gets energy from some where as she pushes Starsha into the ropes, but it is stopped by Starsha as she bulldogs Asuka down to the mat! Starsha then applies a severely cranked side headlock!
Asuka seems to be gasping for air, so the ref checks the hold to find Starsha choking Asuka’s air supply off. He begins the five count and gets to five to force Starsha to break the hold. Stunning Starsha stands to shrug her shoulders and smile cockily. Asuka is dragged to her feet again and Starsha is looking for another snapmare suplex for a pin. She lifts Asuka up back body drop and Starsha is down on the mat shocked. Asuka leans on the ropes for support before leaping onto the middle rope to come down onto Starsha’s body with a springboard elbow drop. Using the energy and momentum while she has it on her side, Asuka whips Starsha into the corner chest-first! Starsha staggers out backwards and —
BILL HEWSON: LUNGBLOWER! Asuka covers, this could be all!
ONE… TWO… THRE–NO! the referee is pulled out of the ring by HARMONY MONROE!
Asuka is perplexed, looking around to find Harmony Monroe standing on the floor next to the incensed referee. The crowd erupts in cheers as from the back comes a storming “White Chocolate” Tiffany Macintyre! down to the ring. White Chocolate and Harmony begin to brawl back and forth with rights, lefts, knife edge chops, kicks!
BILL HEWSON: I don’t know why Harmony pulled the referee out, but she and “WHITE CHOCOLATE~” are picking up where they left off last week!
Knee to the gut from Tiffany and she prepares for a DDT to the floor when the crowd begins to boo as Rosie Cheeks blindsides Tiffany with a stiff right fist. Tiffany is down and getting the utter hell beaten out of her by Harmony and her friend Rosie Cheeks. The two beat down the former NAPW Women’s Champion and leave her lying there, bruised and bleeding, as they make their way to the back amidst a barrage of boos and yells.
JACK JONES: Tiffany definitely got what she deserved there.
BILL HEWSON: That was uncalled for, what is going to happen next?
Starsha is up as Asuka looks at Tiffany on the floor outside. Starsha lifts the unsuspecting Asuka up on her shoulders spins her around releasing her and connecting with a reverse neckbreaker; they are away from the ropes. Starsha does not make the same mistake as last week and immediately makes a cover!
ONE…
Starsha urges Uruburu to speed up by slamming her hand on the mat furiously.
TWO…
Again Starsha is urging the ref to count faster.
JACK JONES: Come on Uruburu, hurry up and count. I’ve got a lot of money riding on this match.
BILL HEWSON: Your true motivation is revealed. There’s nothing wrong with the referee’s count!
JACK JONES: Oh shut up! A man’s hard earned money is on the line here and you have to be a smart ass?!
THRE–NO! Asuka raises her shoulder only a fraction of an inch, but just enough as the ref stops the counting. Starsha is furious and begins to stomp and yell at the referee that he is cheating and on Asuka’s side because Asuka is ugly like him. The referee shakes his head in denial. Asuka is still on the mat so Starsha lifts her to her feet, whipping Asuka into the turnbuckle charging in behind her with a stiff clothesline. Asuka is rocked and feeling the effects of the match as is Starsha but for now Starsha has momentum on her side. She picks up Asuka and places her on the top rope… going for FALLING STARSHA! Starsha points out the aisle to Tiffany Macintyre, as if to send a message to the former champion — ASUKA IS FIGHTING! Asuka throws a stiff crossface blow across the nose of Starsha Stevens, who yells in both pain and fear of her nose getting broken! Another stiff shot and Starsha stumbles out of the corner. Asuka leaps off the top rope, landing on Starsha’s shoulders… and tumbling forward into a tight victory roll! ONE! TWO! THREE!
DING! DING! DING!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, and STILL NAPW Women’s Champion… ASUKA KATSURAGI!
JACK JONES: Damn it!
BILL HEWSON: So, how much did you lose?
JACK JONES: Didn’t I tell you to shut up?
The crowd is cheering wildly as referee Anthony Uruburu hands Asuka the women’s title and raises her arm in victory. Asuka holds the title high —
SPINKICK TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!
The crowd is hot now as Starsha stands over Asuka after blindsiding her. Stevens grabs the title, pouting, and then waits for Asuka to get to her feet…
BELT SHOT! RIGHT IN THE FACE!
Starsha tosses her pigtails and sniffs haughtily before dropping the title belt to the canvas beside Asuka. Uruburu checks on the champion as Starsha exits the ring, stomping her way back to the locker room.
JACK JONES: Of course by that point, the whole place was covered in grape Jell-O and creamed corn.
BILL HEWSON: First of all, I’m never coming to any Bar Mitzvah you host. Second of all, you’re not even Jewish!
JACK JONES: My great-great-great-great aunt’s second husband was Jewish!
BILL HEWSON: Yeah, but… you know what? Never mind. Just… never mind. We have seen all kinds of matches tonight fans, but now it is time for the main event. It is a Last Man Standing contest for the NAPW World Title, and it may very well be the last match “The Show” Chad Kurtis wrestles in NAPW. Let’s go to Frank!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is the LAST MAN STANDING match for the NAPW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP! The only way to win is to incapacitate your opponent until he cannot answer the ten count! Now, introducing the challenger…
“Guess who’s back?”
The crowd looks to the curtain, getting to their feet as one as the guitar riff plays out…
Hit it.
“THEY SAY I’M COCKY!
AND I SAY WHAT?
IT AIN’T BRAGGING MOTHERFUCKER IF YA BACK IT UP!”
FRANK WARBURTON: Weighing in tonight at two-hundred and thirty pounds! He is a two-time NAPW Tag Team Champion and the last NAPW Television Champion! Fighting out of Paducah Kentucky, this is… “THE SHOW” CHAD KURTIS!
“The Show” walks slowly to the ring, peering out from beneath his hood. He slaps some hands, because “The Show” is always there for the fans, but it’s clear that Chad Kurtis is focused tonight on one thing and one thing alone. Chad leaps up to the ring apron and slingshots into the ring, landing on his feet. The hood is thrown back as Chad hits the turnbuckle, arms outstretched!
JACK JONES: Yeah, take a good long look around, Kurtis! That’s the LAST time you’ll be seeing the Polish Hall!
BILL HEWSON: “The Show” Chad Kurtis one of the best wrestlers never to hold the NAPW World Championship, and yet, he’s never been truly BEATEN in a world championship match this year! “The Show” has drawn, he has been involved in triple-threats but NOT pinned. These circumstances led “The Show” to make a vow to win the World Title before the end of 2008… or he would leave NAPW!
JACK JONES: Spin it however you want, but “The Show” couldn’t WIN those World Title matches. And if you don’t win, then you’re not a winner!
BILL HEWSON: We know “The Show” is quick to boast, and perhaps it was a vow made in the heat of the moment that any other man would regret. But not Chad Kurtis! We know his honor will see him keep that vow, but that’s ONLY if he can’t win the title tonight. And many say that he has the champion’s number. Krusty Kid Paul has never pinned “The Show” in singles or tag encounters!
JACK JONES: Yeah? Well tonight KKP doesn’t even have to pin “The Show,” he just has to put him down for the ten-count. There’s no disqualification, there’s no count-outs… how exactly does this put “The Show” at an advantage?
BILL HEWSON: There is nobody more resilient in NAPW, Jones, nobody.
“The Show” is waiting in the ring, waiting and ready…
“DRESS LIKE A TARGET!”
The crowd turns on a dime from “YAY” to “WE HATE YOU, ASSHOLE.” The torrent of boos rains down as the gutterpunk himself comes out, World Title belt strapped around his ragged shorts… hateful eyes staring towards the ring.
Towards “The Show.”
FRANK WARBURTON: And now… he weighed in today at two-hundred and forty pounds. He is a former NAPW Tag Team Champion and is your REIGNING, and DEFENDING NAPW WORLD CHAMPION… fighting out of Kitchener Ontario, this is… KRUSTY KID PAUL!
KKP looks out over the crowd, his mohawk standing tall and sharp in the air. “The Show” wants KKP in the ring, but the champion is willing to take his time, and make “The Show” wait…
BILL HEWSON: Perhaps one of the biggest success stories of 2008… whether you love him or hate him, and most of these fans hate him, Krusty Kid Paul has proven to be one of the most dominant NAPW champions in our three-year plus history! If he wins tonight, he ties Donovan Astros, Bruce “The Beast” Richards, “LDK” Lloyd Rees for five straight title defenses, and he’s done it against some stiff competition!
JACK JONES: You’re damn right he has! KKP’s beaten the likes of D!, Stone Zellor, Billy Kryenik and “LDK” himself to keep the belt, even though nobody except his Dirty Money friends (and me of course) believed he could do it.
BILL HEWSON: Krusty Kid Paul has come a long way, but it could all end tonight — and “The Show” isn’t waiting any longer! We’ve got a brawl on the floor, here we go!
“THE SHOW!” KKP! Challenger and champ are throwing fisticuffs in the aisle! KKP rakes Chad’s eyes, but Chad no-sells it and rocks KKP with a right hand! His back against the railing, KKP has nowhere to go when Kurtis levels him with a huge clothesline, dumping him over the guardrail and into the fans. The Show leaps up as referee Dick Kiebiech runs down — this is a Last Man Standing match, it don’t matter WHERE the last man is standing in the building! DIVE OFF THE GUARDRAIL! THE SHOW PEPPERING KKP’S FOREHEAD WITH RIGHT HANDS! He gets off and yells, the fans responding. Chad comes in — KKP with the tip of a chair to the breadbasket! They’re not wasting anytime here, The Show is doubled over and
WHAM!
The champion brings the steel chair right down across Chad’s back! KKP finally unstraps the NAPW title belt, holding it in Chad’s face. “YOU WILL NEVER (BLEEP) HAVE THIS? YOU PIECE OF SHIT, YOU WILL NEVER HAVE IT —*” CHAD GOES NUTS ON PAUL! KKP just fired Chad up, and The Show rocks KKP down with a right hand! Chad picks up a discarded chair, gives it an approving nod, and then SMASHES PAUL IN THE FACE AS HE TURNS AROUND! Chad raises the chair up high as the crowd chants “SHOW! SHOW! SHOW! SHOW!” Paul is down, and he is BUSTED WIDE OPEN! Kiebiech begins a count but Paul, dazed and bloody, is up relatively quickly. “The Show” gives him a shot, KKP stumbling through the crowd towards the ring. He shoves fans out of the way, security trying desperately to keep space between the wrestlers and the fans, making it to the guardrail. He tries to climb over, but The Show nails him across the back! KKP has one leg over the guardrail, The Show hooks him up somehow…
BACK SUPLEX ONTO THE CONCRETE!
“The Show” kips up and tells Kiebiech to count!
BILL HEWSON: They haven’t even hit the ring yet and already the damage is insane! Krusty Kid Paul said “The Show” may need to kill him to win here tonight, and it looks like these two men are willing to do just that to each other!
JACK JONES: It ain’t over yet, “The Show” can’t possibly put KKP down for a ten-count this quickly in the match!
KKP is up, and “The Show” dumps over the guardrail. They’re at the ringside area now, “The Show” coming on relentlessly, like a Kentucky Terminator. KKP tries to walk away, “The Show” nails him again. KKP wants… a time out? He’s asking for a time out, he wants “The Show” to give him a minute to get it together. The fans boo, distrusting the Krusty One’s intentions…
So does The Show! Running knee! KKP is seated against the guardrail, THE SHOW CHARGES! FLIPPING SENTON INTO KKP! Putting his own body on the line, but KKP got creamed there. “The Show” tells the announcers to MOVE. He picks KKP up before Kiebiech can start a ten-count, what’s he doing? “The Show” rolls KKP on top of the announce table, SETTING HIS MAN UP! CK FINALE?!
PAUL BACKDROPS THE SHOW! Chad lands on his feet, both men still on the table, it’s wobbling precariously, Show grabs KKP —
SNAP!
K-CUTTER THROUGH THE TABLE!
BILL HEWSON: Good Lord! The champion with the move he used to beat D!, the K-Cutter! He can seemingly it out of ANYWHERE, The Show had no chance to counter! Both men are down, the table in splinters, can you hear me Jack? Are you still on?
JACK JONES: I really HATE when this happens! Now everybody can see my pants!
BILL HEWSON: Um… yes… Kiebiech is counting, both men are down!
Tricky Dick is up to four, KKP pulls himself to his feet. “The Show’s” face smashed right into the table then into the concrete, just a brutal delivery of the K-Cutter. FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! “The Show” is to his feet! Krusty Kid Paul picks up the ring bell —
DING!
JACK JONES: GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!
BILL HEWSON: A vile blow with the ring bell from the World’s Champion, Krusty Kid Paul, and “The Show” is down once again!
KKP yells at Kiebiech to “(BLEEP) COUNT!” “The Show” is face-down on the concrete. ONE! TWO! THREE! Chad rolls over, moaning, and red is streaming down his forehead! He too has been BUSTED WIDE OPEN! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! Chad is pulling himself up! SEVEN! He makes it! KKP immediately comes in and throws a right hand at Chad, then bundles his man into the ring.
A sick knee smash puts Chad down, but KKP doesn’t wait for a count, he goes down and chokes his man out! There’s not much the referee can do about it, there is no disqualification and no count-out in this Last Man Standing contest. No pinfalls, no submissions, just beat your opponent incapacitated. KKP gets off, looking out at the fans. He flips them the finger, drawing even more boos, then gets some distance. “The Show” is back to his feet… Paul drops him with a running DDT! The champ drops a big leg drop and then wants a count!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
Chad is getting up, he’s up before six! Paul slugs him, forcing Chad into the corner. BOOT CHOKE! And those are damn heavy work boots Paul wears, not proper wrestling boots. He gets off, he can’t win the match, but he sure can do some damage to Chad. Paul scoops “The Show” up, TREE OF WOE! That can only mean one thing. Paul grabs an arm and drops halfway through the ropes. CRACK ROCK STEADY!
BILL HEWSON: Again, KKP can’t win the match with a submission move…
JACK JONES: Yeah, but it’s BRILLIANT! The referee also can’t call a break in this kind of match! Paul can hold onto the CRACK ROCK STEADY as long as he wants! He can make “The Show” pass out from the pain, and let it do it’s job!
BILL HEWSON: You may be right, Jack Attack!
Paul is straining on the arm, “The Show” yelling in pain. But he can’t do anything, trapped in the Tree of Woe, no rope breaks, referee can do NOTHING. Paul wrenches back, back, usually this hold will be forced broken. Finally, Chad’s free arm dangles limply, his eyes rolling back in his head. Krusty Kid Paul releases the hold, and violently frees Chad’s feet. Kurtis is down and out in the corner, face down, not moving. Paul gets in the ring, opposite corner, and takes a seat on the turnbuckle. Kiebiech begins counting…
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Chad ain’t moving.
FOUR!
FIVE!
SIX!
SEVEN!
KKP yells “It’s over, bitches!”
EIGHT!
SHOW IS STIRRING! HE REACHES OUT AND GRABS THE BOTTOM ROPE!
NIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!
AND PULLS HIMSELF UP IN THE NICK OF TIME!
BILL HEWSON: The most RESILIENT competitor in NAPW history, bar NONE! I don’t know how The Show was able to revive, but he did so in dramatic fashion!
JACK JONES: Always a drama queen. But don’t think KKP is going to give him anytime to recover!
BILL HEWSON: The champion isn’t known for showing “mercy.”
“The Show” is barely up, is he even fully conscious? He dangles from the top rope as an irate KKP gets off the opposite turnbuckle and storms in. He shoves Chad in the corner, choking him with both hands, screaming spittle in his face.
With that, Paul puts Chad on the top rope. He climbs up himself, cinching his arms around Chad’s waist.
JACK JONES: This is going to be ALL, Hewson!
BILL HEWSON: A powerbomb from the top rope, my God! It can’t be! KKP WITH THE SUPERBOMB REVERSAL! REVERSAL! REVERSALLLLLL!
JACK JONES: HOLY HELL!
BILL HEWSON: THE SHOW WITH A HURICANRANA IN MID-AIR, HOW DID HE DO IT!
JACK JONES: The champ’s not down for long!
BILL HEWSON: Krusty Kid Paul grabs Chad around the waist, BOTTLE OPENER coming up — NO! COUNTERED — STARMAKER! BACKDROP DRIVER DANGEROUSSSSS!
And the crowd.
GOES.
WILD.
Both men are down! “The Show” looks spent, Krusty Kid Paul dropped sickeningly right on his head from the Backdrop Driver! Kiebiech has to start the count on both men!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
FIVE!
KKP is stirring… “The Show” is still prone!
SIX!
SEVEN!
KKP is getting up. He claws his way to his feet, and looks down at “The Show” with utter hatred in his eyes.
EIGHT!
That was all “The Show” had left!
NINE!
…
NIP UP!
JACK JONES: HOLY HELL! … AGAIN!
BILL HEWSON: “THE SHOW” KIPS UP! KRUSTY KID PAUL CANNOT BELIEVE IT! “THE SHOW” WILL NOT DIE!
KKP throws a right hand, Chad blocks, NAILS ON! KKP fires again, BLOCKED! CHAD WITH A RIGHT HAND! AND NOW ANOTHER! ANOTHER! “THE SHOW” WITH A FLURRY OF RIGHTS OH! Thumbe to the eye by KKP cuts him off. Irish whip now, “The Show” EXPLODES OFF THE ROPES WITH A LOU THESZ PRESS! RIGHTRIGHTRIGHTRIGHTRIGHT! POUNDING AWAY as the crowd have gone beyond exploding… THEY’RE MOLTEN! “The Show” gets off of KKP, and yells… LET’S DO THIS! He leaps to the top rope, TURNS in mid-air, and delivers the PRIME TIME SPLASH onto Krusty Kid Paul! KKP clutches his chest and turns over, “The Show” crouching in the corner! KKP somehow getting to his feet…
CRACK!
SUPERKICK MOTHER(BLEEP)ER!
KKP’s eyes roll back in his head, he spits a giant loogie in the air, and then falls down like a tree crashing. He sprawls on the canvas spread-eagled as “The Show” almost collapses in the corner but holds himself up. The crowd is feeling it as Kiebiech begins the count on the champion!
Krusty Kid Paul is not stirring!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
FIVE!
SIX!
Wait, a sign of life! BUT WILL HE BE IN TIME? THE SHOW SECONDS AWAY FROM THE WORLD TITLE!
SEVEN!
KKP is not there!
EIGHT!
TO ONE KNEE!
NINE!
…
PAUL LUNGES TO HIS FEET WITH THE TOP ROPE IN HIS HANDS! Just barely avoids losing his belt!
JACK JONES: It’s not over yet OH NO!
BILL HEWSON: KKP got up, but all he’s gotten himslf is a CK FINALE — WAIT A MINUTE! IT’S SUZY SCUM! KKP’s PARAMOUR! GET HER OUT OF THE RING, CHAD WITH KKP IN POSITION FOR THE CK FINALE — SUZY SCUM JUST LEAPT ONTO HIS BACK!
Suzy Scum not afraid of anybody, man or woman, latches onto Chad’s neck, on his back, as Show has KKP in position to deliver the CK FINALE! Chad reaches up with one arm, trying to get Scum off of his back! Chad leans forward, managing to dump Scum off of him! She turns around and tries to slap him — Chad hooks her with his free arm! What the — WHAT THE —
CK FINALE!
INVERTED C4! ON SUZY SCUM!
UNBELIEVABLE!
BILL HEWSON: THE INNOVATOR OF OFFENSE! I don’t know how he did it but The Show just nailed both Krusty and Scum with two different moves, one the CK FINALE! And that… COULD THAT BE ALL!
JACK JONES: I can’t believe he did that to a WOMAN!
BILL HEWSON: Suzy Scum sealed her own fate when she stepped into the ring and attacked “The Show!”
Kiebiech is checking on Scum, but only for a second, as he begins to count the champion down once again! The crowd is feeling it, going absolutely crazy!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
BILL HEWSON: Nobody has ever kicked out of the CK Finale!
JACK JONES: This is a lot longer than a three-second cover, maybe, just maybe KKP can do it!
BILL HEWSON: When the CK Finale puts you down, you STAY down!
KKP isn’t moving, but Suzy Scum is.
FOUR!
FIVE!
SIX!
SEVEN!
Scum crawls over to KKP… wait a minute!
EIGHT!
She puts KKP’s arm under hers and struggles to HER feet…
NINE!
And… GETS THE CHAMPION UP BEFORE TEN!
BILL HEWSON: COME ON! Get her out of the ring, Kiebiech! Suzy Scum just saved the title for her man!
JACK JONES: Hey, it’s no disqualification! Besides, KKP was going to get up on his own power, Suzy is just a sweetheart!
BILL HEWSON: And now “The Show” is furious! He’s got Suzy Scum, Chad, don’t do it! Don’t punch her out, even though — No! Chad has HONOR, he has respect! A wrestling move is one thing, but he won’t punch a woman with no defenses. He has a world champion to beat — NO! DAMMIT! DAMMIT — NO!
JACK JONES: HAHAHA! IT’S OVER!
What just happened, you asked? Suzy Scum pleaded, begged Chad not to hit her, Chad, the gentleman, the true man, turns around to focus on KKP.
LOW BLOW.
And then —
K-CUTTER!
KKP is still down as well, Suzy helping him up, KKP still reeling from that CK Finale. But now “The Show” is down, driven face-first into the canvas by the K-Cutter.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
FIVE!
KKP is up to his feet thanks to Suzy Scum…
SIX!
SEVEN!
EIGHT!
Chad is reaching for the ropes, can he make it?
NINE!
He’s only on one knee, he has to be up on both FEET…
TEEEEEENNNOOOOO!
“The Show” just barely gets to his feet! KKP can’t believe it! Suzy Scum rolls out of the ring and tosses him the world title belt, which was brought to ringside from the crowd earlier. She tosses it to KKP!
Chad stands up straight, facing KKP, Paul brandishing the title belt!
WHAM!
BELT SHOT RIGHT TO THE FACE! Paul throws the title down, slumps into the corner, and the referee counts again. The crowd deflates, “The Show” has taken too much punishment…
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
FIVE!
SIX!
SEVEN!
EIGHT!
NINE!
TENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!
JACK JONES: HOW? HOW? HOW?
BILL HEWSON: “THE SHOW” CHAD KURTIS IS UP ONCE AGAIN!
And KKP is absolutely furious! He tackles “The Show” down, punching him in the face repeatedly, screaming with each blow.
“WHY!”
“WON’T!”
“YOU!”
“DIE!”
KKP gets off of “The Show,” and says that it’s going to be over. He yells to Scum… “THROW ME A (BLEEP)IN’ CHAIR!” Suzy sails one into the ring and KKP sets it up, opens it up, in the center of the ring. He picks “The Show” up, and sticks his head between his legs.
BILL HEWSON: The champion looking for the Krusty Bomb onto that open chair, that would have to be all — even for “The Show!”
JACK JONES: Say goodnight, Chad!
KKP hoists “The Show” up — “The Show” flips out! He manages to land on his feet, hooking KKP with a REVERSE STO into the canvas! KKP is down! “The Show” looks at him, he sees his opening! He leaps up to the turnbuckle, the crowd yelling a word with every bounce!
“BEST!”
“MOONSAULT!”
“EVER—”
SUZY SCUM SHOVES CHAD’S FEET OFF THE TOP ROPE! Chad’s momentum is screwed up, but SOMEHOW HE LANDS ON HIS FEET! Scum is open-mouthed in shock as “The Show” turns around — K-CUTTER!
THROUGH THE OPEN CHAIR!
KKP rolls away from the wreckage, pulling himself up in the corner, blood covering his face and shirt… and the referee has no choice but to count!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
FIVE!
THE SHOW IS STIRRING!
SIX!
SEVEN!
EIGHT!
HE’S ALMOST UP!
NINE!
…
And “The Show” collapses back to the canvas.
…
…
TEN.
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is the winner of the Last Man Standing match… and STILL NAPW World Champion… KRUSTY KID PAUL.
The crowd is silent, their hearts ripped out. KKP takes the belt and holds it up high, Suzy Scum joining him in the ring, NAPW’s most deadly duo revelling in their victory! KKP is in a lot of pain though, and cuts the celebration short to exit the ring, Suzy helping him walk to the back. KKP curses at angry fans up the aisle as “The Show” lays still in the ring.
KKP and Scum disappear through the curtain, KKP holding the title belt high one more time. And then the crowd, quiet, disbelieving, focuses on the one man in the ring. The man somehow getting to his feet, holding his neck, covered in blood, every part of his body displaying pain.
Physical pain…
and emotional pain.
The crowd begins to clap. “The Show,” however, asks for the microphone. He quiets the crowd down.
“THE SHOW” CHAD KURTIS: Well… ugh. Fans “The Show” is a lot of damn things, “The Show” Chad Kurtis is the True PTPer! … The Last “Action!” Hero! The Innovator of Offense! And he is damn sure “The Show,” but there is one thing “The Show” is above all else. He’s a man of his damn word!
I been in NAPW for over two years now and it’s been a wild ride, but earlier this year, “The Show” made a promise, he made a vow! That if “The Show” didn’t win the NAPW World Championship by the end of 2008 he would leave NAPW for good, and well, like I say, “The Show” is a lot of things but “The Show” is a man of his word. All you fans know that “THE SHOW” came out every night and put it all on the line and gave 110% and all the other cliches, well they’re not cliches with “THE SHOW” they’re just the damn truth!
“The Show” ain’t gonna say goodbye, because “The Show” ain’t never gonna forget you fans! If this is the end, I never backed down, never gave up, never let the odds worry me! All I got to say is, for the last time, I AM “THE SHOW” CHAD KURTIS…
The moment hangs in the air for a moment.
“AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE!”
“The Show” hands the microphone over to Frank as the crowd begins to chant, they begin to clap, they begin to loudly show their love, their appreciation, their loyalty.
“WE WILL MISS YOU!
WE WILL MISS YOU!
WE WILL MISS YOU!”
No music plays. The crowd continues to chant as he takes the longest walk of his career down the aisle.
“WE WILL MISS YOU! CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!”
“WE WILL MISS YOU! CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!”
“WE WILL MISS YOU! CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!”
“WE WILL MISS YOU! CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!”
Just before heading through the curtain, “The Show” turns around once more. He raises one hand up high, pointing towards the ceiling, the lights, the sky beyond.
“WE WILL MISS YOU! CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!”
And then, he is gone.
“WE WILL MISS YOU! CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!”
Lights down.
CREDITS:
O’Connor Boys & MR. CANADA vs Grade A & The Masked Myth – Bean
Tommy Deathrow vs Evan Cartwright – Ryan
The Great Puma II vs Demo-Man vs Outlaw – Jesse
Dez Carter & The Beast vs Gaines Brothers – Stolbez
Mikey Massacre vs Stone Zellor – Bo
Danny Chaos vs Hatework – TGPII
Jake Phoenix vs Trent Daniels III – Rought
Chris Casino vs D! III – Allan
Donovan Astros Promo – James
Billy Kryenik vs Jer$ey III – Brion
Faces of Death vs “The Ego Buster” Dan Ryan & “LDK” Lloyd Rees – Ben
Asuka Katsuragi vs “Stunning” Starsha Stevens – Bean
Krusty Kid Paul vs “The Show” Chad Kurtis III – Ryan
Tags: Black Thursday
December 18, 2008 5:25 AM No Comments
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