EPISODE 4 02.23.2010

“The Show” Chad Kurtis vs Steve Parker
Donovan Astros vs Kumquat Kid
Taboo vs Kenny Krenshov

The NAPW on TFN intro plays, then we cut to the packed Polish Hall. Fans are going crazy… and then they turn immediately to boos when CORROSION OF CONFORMITY cues up. STEVE PARKER emerges from the curtain, carrying two 2009 Award plaques. The ‘Smile’ is on full display.

BILL HEWSON: Welcome wrestling fans to NAPW on The Fight Network! The preliminaries end TONIGHT, setting up the playoffs to finally determine the 2010 Canada Cup winner! But right now, yes, to OPEN the show, we are going to see a WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH. I’m Bill Hewson alongside Jack “Attack” Jones and Jack, the Polish Hall is ready to explode!

JACK JONES: Not while I’m in it, but these fans are so jacked! How crazy are we here at NAPW? A WORLD TITLE MATCH RIGHT NOW! THAT’S HOW CRAZY.

Parker takes the ring, drawing more boos as he raises his plaques up high.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is set for one fall… with NO TIME LIMIT. There must be a winner! Introducing first, the challenger. From Boston Massachusetts, he weighs in at two-hundred and nineteen pounds. He is the two-time NAPW Award winning “Star-Spangled Sensation”… STEEEEEVE PARKER!

BILL HEWSON: There you have it fans, after the controversial finish to the World Title match two weeks ago, there MUST be a winner here tonight! No time limit, if there is a draw, the match will be restarted. We have two other matches scheduled for this evening including a Heritage Title match and the much-anticipated Taboo vs Kenny Krenshov one-on-one contest but if this match takes up the entire hour we have here on The Fight Network, you will see those two matches exclusively on the internet at NAPW-online!

JACK JONES: …the internet?

BILL HEWSON: Don’t worry about it, Jack.

“Guess who’s back?”

HIT IT.

“THEY SAY I’M COCKY
AND I SAY WHAT?
IT AIN’T BRAGGIN’ MOTHER(BLEEP) IF YA BACK IT UP!”

The crowd, she explode.

FRANK WARBURTON: And now! Hailing from Paducah, Kentucky, he weighs in tonight at two-hundred and thirty pounds! He is YOUR NAPW World Champion and the THENNOWNEXT… “THE SHOW!” CHAAAAD KURTIS!

BILL HEWSON: Tremendous ovation for the World Champion here, he is unquestionably the most popular man in New Alberta Pro Wrestling today! And tonight, he is entering hallowed territory, becoming one of the longest reigning World Champions in NAPW history.

JACK JONES: He’s just cracking the top five, Hewson, and that’s where he’ll stay after Steve Parker ends his precious title run in a few moments!

BILL HEWSON: No denying that Steve Parker is a crafty competitor, utilizing an unorthodox hybrid style. But nobody is as explosive as The Show! There’s the bell, the match is underway!

Parker and Kurtis tie-up, Kurtis quickly grabbing a sideheadlock. Parker gets to the ropes and shoves Kurtis off, the champ running the ropes at a fast pace. Elbow ducked, clothesline ducked, Kurtis explodes off with a flying forearm! Parker gets right back up, arm-drag by the champ! Another arm-drag! A third and Parker takes to the ropes, trying to slow this thing down.

Parker and Kurtis tie up again, Parker with the wristlock into a hammerlock. Chad reverses into one of his own, switch into the side headlock. Parker gets free and behind takes Chad down! Has an ankle, leg lace, switches it up into a head scissors. Slaps the thigh to add to the damage, Kurtis rolls right, left… headstand! Pops out of the headscissors and delivers a basement dropkick Parker avoids! Sweeps the legs, Parker makes a cover, gets one, up Chad with a quick roll-up gets one. Parker kicks out, catches an inside cradle! One, two, Chad kicks out, spins behind, backslide! One, two, kickout! Each man whirls on the other and we are at a stalemate.

BILL HEWSON: Quick exchange of reversals to start things off, but it will take a lot more than that to decide this one! We have to take our first commercial break… the cameras are rolling! Don’t go away!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

JACK JONES: Twenty-five years later, and I’ll never forget that day. You never really forget your first false arrest for soliciting.

BILL HEWSON: That’s certainly…memorable, all right. Welcome back to NAPW on TFN fans, during the break, Steve Parker took control of this contest and has been assaulting the champion since! Ooh, those kicks of his are just brutal!

JACK JONES: Those feet are registered weapons, Hewson!

BILL HEWSON: Kurtis went for one of his patented springboard maneuevers only to be caught with a sick superkick by the challenger. The champion may have had his bell run good, frankly…

Parker’s foot thuds into Kurtis’ chest, knocking him through the ropes to the ring apron. Kurtis pulls himself up, Parker with a spin kick… Kurtis leans back as far as he can and Parker whiffs. He spins around, Kurtis grabs the head and drops down with a big hotshot. Parker stumbles! Springboard dropkick puts him down… STANDING SHOOTING STAR! One, two, Parker kicks out but Kurtis doesn’t let up, delivering a pair of big right hands to stun Parker. He gets some distance and charges for a clothesline, Parker backdrops the champ up and over — but Kurtis lands on the ring apron! Parker turns around, Kurtis hooks him, SUPLEX TO THE OUTSIDE? The crowd oohs, but Parker blocks, tries to suplex Kurtis back in… that doesn’t go either! Kurtis with a knee to the gut of Parker, who tumbles through to the ring apron himself…

BILL HEWSON: Wait a minute, he can’t — CK FINALE ON THE RING APRON?

JACK JONES: That’s impossible!

BILL HEWSON: The Show’s made the impossible, possible, before — OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

JACK JONES: HOLEE HELLLLLL!

The crowd chants HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT and no effin’ kiddin’. CK FINALE ON THE RING APRON. Parker spikes into the edge of the ring and then tumbles to the outside. He’s down and out. Kurtis holds his rear end, not a fun landing for him, but better the bottom than the top. He rolls under the bottom rope as the referee makes his count!

BILL HEWSON: The sheer velocity sent Parker to the floor and Jack, I don’t know how Steve Parker can possibly recover from this. “The Show” is going to retain his title via count-out…

JACK JONES: Come on, Steve! You’re the only miracle this little boy believes in still! YOU’RE ALL I’VE GOT LEFT! WHY IS THERE NO EASTER BUNNY… DAMMMMMMIT!

BILL HEWSON: Referee John Sharplin is up to five, and… Parker is just stirring!

Parker stirs, barely. He raises his head, then slumps down. But then raises it up again.

And then The Show rolls outside and picks Parker up, rolling him back into the ring.

JACK JONES: There’s that Kentucky education system comin’ through again!

BILL HEWSON: Chad Kurtis may have had this match won, but… but he pulled Steve Parker back in the ring COVER! ONE! TWO! TH—Parker has his foot on the rope! Kurtis may have just cost himself the title!

JACK JONES: Why would Kurtis do something like that? He had it WON. You’re here TO WIN you dummy!

BILL HEWSON: I think I know why Kurtis did what he did, Jack Attack, and it’s something you wouldn’t know much about. A little thing called honor! Kurtis doesn’t want to take a count-out win, not after the controversial finish to their last match. He wants — he NEEDS to beat the man in the center of the ring. He nearly had him there, too, but Parker had just enough wherewithal to get his foot on the bottom rope.

Kurtis starts clapping his hands together, rallying the fans to his cause. Parker is googly-eyed, he could very well be out here. He finally gets to his feet… and gets immediately planted again with a REVERSE STO! Prone, perpindicular to the corner and Chad points. The fans yell along!

BEST!

MOONSAULT!

EVER—

Parker somehow gets up and rebounds into the ropes, knocking Kurtis off-balance TO THE FLOOR BELOW OH MY GOD. Kurtis lands HARD with his arm stretched out to break his fall and can’t stifle the yell of pain as he immediately cradles his left with his right, tight to his body.

BILL HEWSON: Oh my goodness, I think Chad Kurtis … we may have a serious injury on our hands here folks. Kurtis took a nasty spill to the outside. We’ve seen him fly through the air, crashing at times, but that… that did not look good.

JACK JONES: They call it high risk for a reason, Hewson.

The referee has rolled outside to check on Chad, who is clearly NOT in a good way at all, pale and waxy. Sharplin asks him if he can go on, Kurtis tries to shield the arm from Sharplin. “There must be a winner, now get in there and do your job!” Sharplin, hesitantly, gets back in and starts counting Chad out. The crowd boos…

And Steve Parker realizes his opportunity. He rolls out of the ring behind Sharplin’s back, circles, and then stalks his prey…

SUPERKICK ON THE OUTSIDE! Kurtis goes down as Sharplin yells at Parker angrily. Parker soaks in the boos, the smile returning to his lips. He picks Kurtis up, Kurtis doing all he can to protect the arm, and rolls the champion in. Kurtis rolls across the ring, coming to a kneeling position, holding the arm as Sharplin checks on him.

BOOOOOOOUHHHHAAAAAAWWWWWWA?

The booing suddenly turns to a collective gasp as SHUT DOWN and THE FREAK race down the aisle! The Freak CLIPS Parker with a roundhouse buzzsaw kick! Parker is down, Freak rushes to the next side of the ring and hops on the apron. Now Sharplin is engaged with him, telling one-half of the Tag Champs to get the hell out of here! But while his back is turned…

The massive Shut Down sends Parker INTO THE STEEL RING STEPS with all his might, dislodging ‘em! Parker hit headfirst! The circus strongman rolls Parker into the ring and Freak gets down. Kurtis saw NONE of it, eyes shut in pain. But now as he gets up, Parker staggers to his feet —

toe kick!

Chad hooks him, only with one arm, pain all over his face —

CK FINALE!

He collapses into the cover ONE, TWO, THREE! The crowd cheer… but a buzz of confusion goes up!

FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, and STILL NAPW World Champion… “THE SHOW” CHAD KURTIS!

BILL HEWSON: Kurtis retains, he may have a broken arm but he retains, and… what in the hell did we just see? The Tag Team Champions, The Freak show, just HELPED Chad Kurtis win the match! Chad didn’t even have a clue —

JACK JONES: What is he, a referee? How could Chad not see that?

BILL HEWSON: What are you talking about, Kurtis didn’t have a damn thing to do with any of this! We have… WHOA!

BOOM! Pyro blasts off from the turnbuckles, startling EVERYONE. From the entrance appear two fire jugglers who drop to their knees throwing the flaming sticks in the air, three acrobats begin cartwheeling to the ring, and finally the gigantic bearded lady escorting the increasingly infamous Clown.

BILL HEWSON: This guy again? What the hell is going on here?

The Clown is dressed in a patchwork suit, smeared makeup, and a black denim top hat. He strolls to the ring waving his arms about, saying something inaudible, but he looks happy. As he approaches the ring the three acrobats form a human stair case, one that looks more sturdy than the set Parker was practically sent through. He enters the ring while his band of misfits and The Freak Show wait on the outside, watching intently. Chad Kurtis looks at the Clown with suspicion as he clutches that injured arm. A microphone suddenly appears in the Clown’s hand.

CLOWN: Ohhh, what a show! I just wanted to come out here and lend my con-grat-you-la-tions to the NAPW World Champion.

Chad backs up as the Clown extends a hand, and he looks down at Parker, asking the Clown, “What did you do? What the hell went on here?”

CLOWN: Oh, don’t you worry about that. I have nothing against Mister Parker, but I’m just a hy-uge fan of your talents. But, why don’t we remove this distraction so Mister Kurtis and myself can have a real conversation, eh boys?

The two jugglers pull the still dazed-and-confused Parker from the ring, and “escort” him to the back with his feet dragging. Chad steps towards the ropes to help but both members of The Freak Show appear on the apron, stopping the drained World Champion in his tracks. His head shoots back to the Clown.

CLOWN: Now that we have that out of the way… let me introduce myself. I’m a man of many names but here in NAPW you can call me Zouave. And you, Mister Kurtis, are one hell of a showman. And that’s what I’m here for, I’m here for the show — more specifically, I’m here to improve the show. I’m looking forward to using a man like you to put on the GREATEST SHOW in the UNIVERSE.

Chad seems apprehensive, shaking his head slightly.

ZOUAVE: You’re the World Champion, no need to get bashful in front of all of these people. As you can see, the NAPW Tag Team Champions have embraced what I have to offer…

Zouave looks over at The Freak Show with a smile and nods. Chad backs up, unsure of what to make of the situation, and begins looking to the outside of the ring. All sides are surrounded, but when Zouave sees he’s planning an exit strategy he smiles at the champion.

ZOUAVE: Make way for the World Champion! He needs to rest up, recuperate, and celebrate his victory!

A section of the outside clears of Zouave’s men. Chad looks at the clown one last time, who winks at Kurtis, and the champion exits abruptly, cradling his arm down the aisle. Zouave waits until Chad is in the back before he continues.

ZOUAVE: Mark my words, the gold is coming to the big top! But I have another reason for being out here. And that is on March 9th I’m holding a… SIDESHOW BATTLE ROYALE! Everyone in NAPW is invited, no, ENCOURAGED, to compete. The prize for winning, well, that’s for me to know, and for you to win. But it will be FABULOUS.

Suddenly NAPW Commissioner Terry Brandon, with six security guards in tow and a microphone in hand, marches to the ring with purpose. Zouave’s bearded lady, the acrobats, and The Freak Show all get into the ring, circling the clown. Their presence does not deter Terry, who enters the ring with his detail of security. Tension is instantly thick enough that you’d need a machete to cut through it all.

TERRY BRANDON: Alright “Zouave,” I’m officially sick of your antics. You have tried to crowbar your way into the limelight, you’ve assaulted security guards, and now you’ve seemingly convinced the Freak Show to potentially injure Steve Parker. And now you want to announce that you’re hosting a battle royale–

ZOUAVE: A -SIDESHOW- Battle Royale!

TERRY BRANDON: I DON’T CARE! And frankly I’m sick of all of the power struggles I’ve endured over the years. I will not let some clown, who is not even an employee of NAPW, undermine my authority. I’m giving you one chance to walk out of this ring and never return before I have security do it for me. Oh, and Freak, Shut Down, you attempt to aid this man in any way, and your team team titles will be stripped on the spot!

BILL HEWSON: Terry Brandon with authority!

The Freak and Shut Down glance at each other with some slight unease, the security guards take a stance, and Zouave simply smiles. Several seconds go by before Zouave speaks.

ZOUAVE: Terry, the definition of undermining is to erode at the base or foundation — you see, I overminded you, if that’s a word. I went straight to the peak of the mountain!

The clown reaches in his breast pocket and reveals a slip of paper. He unfolds it and reads:

ZOUAVE: “I hereby grant Zouave the authority to contribute in all NAPW Television tapings, as well as grant him official booking access for the March 9th television program to incorporate a Sideshow Battle Royale.” Signed… Bobby Winchell.

BILL HEWSON: Ohmygodwhatthehell!?

TERRY BRANDON: You’re lying, let me see that!

Zouave hands over the paper, which Terry snatches from his hands with ferocity. As Terry finishes the short note his face goes pale and his eyes tell the entire story. He looks up at Zouave with his brow furrowed and hands shaking in anger.

BILL HEWSON: It looks as though the note is authentic, but damnit we have to go to commercial! Stay with us folks we’ll be right back!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

JACK JONES: Unfortunately for me, that’s when the park rangers arrived.

BILL HEWSON: I’d say FORTUNATELY, Jack.

JACK JONES: How was I to know you couldn’t really wrestle a bear in a national park? Kyle Roberts did it!

BILL HEWSON: …

The crowd is buzzing from the events of several minutes ago, confused, intrigued, unsure of what to think… but as one they explode as “Good Fight” hits the speakers and from the back wearing khaki pants and shamrock green polo shirts are Seamus and Sean, the O’Connor Boys! Glad-handing the fans along their way to the ring, they step through the ropes, receiving a microphone from Frank at ringside.

SEAN: As you can tell, we are a little bit lighter tonight.

The crowd boos this, they like OCB once again.

SEAMUS: You have two new champions in The Freak and Shut Down, better known as The Freak Show.

Seamus lets the crowd boo a bit more.

SEAMUS: But those two, here to be known as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Duh had to beat us in a handicap match.

The crowd boos, Seamus hands the microphone to an angry Sean.

SEAN: Those two couldn’t beat us in a two on two match. Those two couldn’t beat us in a standard match. They may have dominated us in our encounters… but like true champions… we prevailed.

He waits, looking around to the crowd.

SEAN: Until they put the odds against us. As if their size wasn’t enough… it had to turn into a handicap match…

Sean hands the mic to Seamus.

SEAMUS: Tweedle Dee and Duh, you beat an… AN O’Connor, not The O’Connor Boys.

Seamus and Sean smile.

SEAMUS: But you hold them belts safe and secure for us, because while you won them… you didn’t manage to make it to the bigger scene, the bigger war… you didn’t make it into The Canada Cup…

They look at each other.

SEAMUS: Like the BOTH of us did.

They smile again, Seamus hands the mic over.

SEAN: But after Seamus and myself are in the finals and I walk out the 2010 Canada Cup winner… we are going to get our entitled rematch Dee and Duh… you can bank on that.

Seamus snatches the mic.

SEAMUS: All well and good bro, but one problem with that statement.

SEAN: Nah bro, while we may be twins, there will be one difference after the Canada Cup Finals are over and that will be that trophy in my room, not yours.

Seamus laughs at his brother.

SEAMUS: Bro, while I love you cause you are a brother… I have no problems breaking your face to get that trophy. Brother or no brother, no holds will be barred… got it?

SEAN: Gotten — and ditto, bro…

They stare at each other, the heat of competition evident on their faces and in their stature.

SEAMUS: Either way an O’Connor will be the 2010 Canada Cup winner and…

SEAN: There isn’t anything anyone in the back can do about that.

Seamus and Sean hit the top turnbuckles, hands outstretched to the crowd as “Good Fight” hits up again, the crowd loving it.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

JACK JONES: And that’s when I realized that sometimes it’s not coming in first that counts.

BILL HEWSON: That’s very mature of you, Jack.

JACK JONES: Plus, who really wants to put “Biggest Unidentified Rash” on their resume?

BILL HEWSON: …fans, more controversy in the World Title picture earlier tonight after The Freak Show helped Chad Kurtis retain the belt, without his knowledge, and then that mysterious clown… “Zouave,” I guess… set up a “Sideshow Battle Royale” for two weeks from tonight — and had a signed document from NAPW owner “Wahoo” Bobby Winchell to back it up! But right now, it’s our second of two title matches tonight on The Fight Network, the Heritage Title on the line.

“Look At Me, I’m A Winner” hits up and the music is lost as from the back, carrying a basket of kumquats is Ryan Lewis. Ryan slaps the hands the fans in attendance as he rushes down the aisle, tossing kumquats to a delighted few.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is set for one fall, and is for the Canadian Heritage Championship! Introducing first, from Dade City, Florida, he stands at six feet even and weighs an even two hundred pounds… “THE KUMQUAT KID” RYAN LEWIS!

Ryan hops to the ring apron before flipping into the squared circle and stretching to prepare for the match at hand. “Cochise” hits up the speakers as some of the crowd jump up to their feet in appreciation of Donovan Astros.

FRANK WARBURTON: And now… from Los Angeles, California, he stands at six feet three inches and weighs in at two hundred and forty-three pounds… He is your NAPW Heritage Champion… DONOVAN ASTROS!

Astros walks down to the ring, not playing to the crowd, just concentrating on his task at hand, his eyes glued firmly on Ryan Lewis in the ring. He’s confident, maybe a bit cocky — he carries himself like a champ.

JACK JONES: I used to be a huge fan of Donovan Astros! He’s so close to regaining the edge that made him a world champ, but then he goes and pulls some crap like ‘respecting’ Taboo. Oh well, at least he’s more tolerable than that insufferable Kumquat goofball!

BILL HEWSON: You may be underestimating Ryan Lewis, Jack Attack — he’s fun-loving, but a serious competitor as well, with the decided speed advantage in this contest!

DING DING DING

The two lock up in the center of the ring with a collar and elbow tieup, Ryan quickly behind Donovan with a rear waistlock. Astros grabs the hand pulling them apart, but Ryan quickly darts past using his speed against Donovan’s experience. Ryan with a jab to Astros’ ribs before delivering a quick knee then a DDT. Donovan shoves Ryan backwards into the ropes, Lewis using the rebound to leap over Donovan. Astros turns around, catching the rebounding Kid with a spinebuster down to the canvas.

Astros hits the ropes, leg drop to Kumquat’s throat. Astros isn’t finished as he pulls The Kid up to his feet. Forearm to the chin, then a knife edge chop to the chest has Kumquat in the corner. Astros with another chop and the crowd winces from the blow. Kumquat is whipped across the ring, Donovan follows him in. Ryan runs up the turnbuckle flipping backwards over Astros to land on his feet. Donovan splashes the corner, but Ryan delivers a dropkick that sends him face first into the top turnbuckle padding and Astros is in a world of hurt now. Ryan grabs a quick headlock, spinning into a front facelock then running up the turnbuckle to deliver a tornado DDT to Astros!

BILL HEWSON: Beautiful tornado DDT from Lewis!

JACK JONES: Mine’s better.

BILL HEWSON: Jack, you haven’t left your feet since Mardi Gras ’79.

JACK JONES: …we had a 1979?

Springboard moonsault from Kumquat, cover! One, shoulder up. Forearm from Lewis, hits the ropes. Baseball slide into nothing as Donovan manages to sit up and avoid! Ryan slides right out of the ring with his momentum but is up quickly. Ryan leaps back up to the ring apron, Donovan with a shoulder block to the challenger. Ryan holds onto the top rope, but Donovan manages to power him up and over the top rope… powerbomb onto the canvas from the outside.

Astros leans in the corner for the briefest of moments before dropping a knee on The Kumquat Kid’s throat and hooking the leg. Ryan manages to kick out after only a one count, Donovan knows his task isn’t going to be easy. Donovan pulls the resilient challenger back up to his feet. Donovan with a boot to the midsection of Ryan before setting him up with and slamming him on the canvas with a butterfly suplex that gets a long two count.

JACK JONES: Beautiful butterfly suplex there, I gotta admit.

Donovan pulls Ryan back up, toe kick doubles Kumquat Kid over. Donovan hits the ropes, swinging neckbreaker takes Ryan back down, but Astros signals for the Astrolabe. Pulling him back up in position for a spike DDT, he begins to spin and Ryan somehow counters into a DDT of his own stopping Astros’ building momentum. Ryan lays gasping in the ring while Donovan just lies there, his title slipping out of his grasp. Ryan struggles back up to his feet, he hits the baseball slide from earlier, Astros is flipped over onto his back. Ryan climbs to the top turnbuckle, diving off with a original Nintendo Macho Man style elbow and hooks the leg.

BILL HEWSON: Tremendous elbow drop from Kumqat Kid, will that do it? One, two, and the champion kicks out! Close, close count but the momentum has swung in the direction of the challenger!

Ryan gets up, a wild look in his eyes as he smiles pointing out to the crowd, then the corner. Ryan lifts Donovan up, body slamming hin on the turnbuckle then tying him up in a Tree of Woe position. Ryan darts across the ring, points to Donovan in the corner.

“Viva La Kumquat!”

Ryan runs, leaping into the air… dropkick right to Donovan’s midsection, knocking him completely out of the Tree of Woe and into position for his finisher! Astros is prone!

BILL HEWSON: Here we go! Lewis up to the top rope!

JACK JONES: Somebody call Air Traffic Control!

Ryan climbs the turnbuckle, now he’s in position. Ryan closes his eyes for a moment then dives with the Five Alive Frogsplash. Donovan moves and The Kid crashes and burns. Holding at his midsection, The Kid is in obvious pain and Astros seizes his chance, he dives in for the kill.

JACK JONES: The Martyr’s Cross, he has to tap!

BILL HEWSON: He can’t tap — his arms are being pulled out of their sockets! The Kid has to get his feet to the ropes or risk ending his career early, but Astros has him right in the center of the ring!

The Kid is yelling out in pain as Donovan pulls even further back on the submission hold. Donovan yells to the referee to ask Ryan if he wants to give up. Getting down into his face, the referee asks the question… The Kid nods emphatically and he calls for the bell.

DING DING DING

FRANK WARBURTON: Winner of the match and STIIIIIIILL NAPW Heritage Champion… Donovan Astros!

Astros holds on juuuust past the bell, then releases the hold. Kid slumps down. The referee hands Astros the Heritage title belt and the champion holds it up high, then kisses it. He makes his exit to a split reaction. The referee checks on the Kumquat Kid; Kid’s manager Dunk runs out to the ring. Kid is in a bit of pain from the Martyr’s Cross, but walks out with Dunk beside him, the fans giving him a round of applause for a great effort.

BILL HEWSON: Donovan Astros remains your Heritage Champion, fans, but give a hand for a strong showing by the Kumquat Kid. When we come back… Taboo vs Kenny Krenshov, one-on-one!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

“This message has been paid for by the “Unleash the Beast” Foundation.”

It’s evening. We open up on a sports bar on 118th Avenue. There seem to be few people in there, but it’s not party central.

KYLE ROBERTS: The Nexus Sports Club. Unofficial party central for New Alberta Pro. Owned by Bruce The Beas- sorry, my bad. Owned by Bruce “The Bland” Richards.

Kyle Roberts walks into frame, dressed in a winter jacket, and a skullcap toque.

KYLE ROBERTS: Now, my whole reason for being here isn’t to publicly slam everything Bruce stands for. Don’t get me wrong, whatever it takes, and I mean WHATEVER it takes, to wake up my old tag team partner, I will do. The point is this: you COULD say that Bruce started to lose his edge right around the time he bought this place from Rex Caliber.

And his lack of edge has even found its way down to the Nexus Sports Club. The only thing beastly about this place is, well…

Kyle stage whispers.

KYLE ROBERTS: I hear this place has rats. And Alberta doesn’t even HAVE rats!

He points to the menu posted outside the club.

KYLE ROBERTS: Chili Cheese Fries. Sure, I GUESS you could call that congealed processed filth cheese, but only if you added a ‘z’ or three ‘e’s to it. Come ON, Bruce, even that cross-eyed syphillitic Caliber had a proper blend of sharp cheddar and mozza on his version. The restaurant may not be getting the numbers it used to, but how will slacking off in quality help you out in your cusine?

After all, slacking off in quality sure hasn’t helped your wrestling game any.

The camera pulls in on Kyle.

KYLE ROBERTS: I’m giving you until next month to bring back the Beast. And if that doesn’t happen? Well, it certainly won’t be pretty if I’ll need to pull out the big guns.

We fade to black, and the announcer repeats the words we see on the screen.

“In order to donate to the “Unleash the Beast” Foundation, call 780-55-BLAND with your Visa or Mastercard information.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

JACK JONES: Hello? Yeah, my expiration date is 11/14.

BILL HEWSON: Where’s my wallet?

Krenshov is already standing in the ring as we return from commercial, “Attack” playing. The crowd is booing as Kenny lets his hatred for everybody in attendance known. Curiously, Chris Casino is not at ringside with him. The crowd tone changes as “Love and War” by Drowning Pool kicks up! Taboo slowly walks/limps down the aisle, earning generous applause and cheers from the fans.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is set for one fall at a twenty minute time limit! Introducing first, from Middletown New Jersey… KENNY KRENSHOV! And his opponent, from Boulder Colorada… TABOO!

BILL HEWSON: Welcome back to NAPW on The Fight Network, fans. We’ve taken all of our commercials and the network has given us permission to show this match in its entirety.

JACK JONES: Oh, come on, the match is going to last two minutes, if that… the guy can barely WALK!

BILL HEWSON: We’ve been looking forward to this one all week! Taboo and Kenny Krenshov, one-on-one for the first time. If Taboo wins, he will be in the Canada Cup playoffs.

JACK JONES: You’re forgetting the most important thing — this might be Taboo’s LAST match! Woohoo!

BILL HEWSON: ANY match can be Taboo’s last. Let’s hope this isn’t it.

Taboo enters the ring, his eyes peering from his mask across the ring at Krenshov. Krenshov slaps his cheat and looks… hungry. They circle each other, their eyes locked.

DING DING DING

And they immediately run it at each other, locking-up in the middle of the ring. They battle back and forth, across the ring, hitting one turnbuckle, then another, against the ropes, neither able to gain an advantage, both men battling for supremacy. Back to the center of the ring they go where Krenshov breaks the stalemate with a knee to the gut. Taboo fires back with a fist. Krenshov! Taboo! Krenshov! Taboo! Fists being traded! Krenshov grabs the head of the much-shorter Taboo, headbutt! Taboo stumbles back into the ropes, Krenshov follows in, Irish whip across the ring. Big boot from Krenshov, ducked! Taboo off of the opposite ropes, Taboo Press! NO! Krenshov with a big release belly-to-belly! Taboo grits his teeth and holds his lower back as Krenshov lands boot after boot to his back. Krenshov picks him up, tosses him in the corner, Irish whip to the opposite corner, Taboo hits it hard! He falls to the ground! Krenshov walks slowly towards Taboo, sizing him up. He kneels, places his knee in Taboo’s back and pulls back on his arms. Taboo screams as Krenshov extends his knee practically through his torso.

BILL HEWSON: Geez, you know, I’m not sure Taboo should be wrestling right now. I mean — look at the pain he is in! I understand he has to win this match to make the Canada Cup playoffs, but he may be jeopardizing his livelihood!

JACK JONES: Some call it heart. I call it stupidity. In any case, even if he makes it past Krenshov — which won’t happen, but hypothetically — how he hell will he make it THROUGH the playoffs? He can barely walk!

The referee asks Taboo if he wishes to submit but he shakes his head no. Finally Krenshov relents. He stands up and drops an elbow on Taboo’s back. Then he picks Taboo up, whips him across the ring! Taboo hits the corner hard but manages to stay on his feet. But that may not have been a good thing because Krenshov runs in with a huge body splash! Then Krenshov wraps Taboo’s arms around the top ring ropes and his feet around the bottom ring ropes. He crosses the ring… and runs in for a second corner splash! Taboo is STUCK! The referee, Danny Chaos, is now issuing a five-count! Krenshov rolls his eyes, but not before fitting in a third splash… NO! Taboo manages to unwrap a foot and get it up just in time! He falls to the ground in a heap after doing so, but he was able to stun Krenshov for at least a moment. Krenshov walks over to Taboo and picks him up — elbow to the gut from Taboo! Another! A third! Taboo runs off of the ropes… LARRRIIIATTOOO — NO!! Ducked by Krenshov! Taboo off of the ropes, comes back, eats a Big Boot from Kenny Krenshov! Kenny picks him up. Backbreaker! And he keeps him on his knee, trying to bend him Bane-on-Batman style! Chaos asking if he wants to submit, but Taboo is yelling “NOO!!!” Taboo reaches with a foot towards the ropes. He isn’t quite there. He gets there! Chaos calls for a break! Krenshov keeps it on, even pushing tighter, for one second, two seconds, three, he relents. Chaos warns him but Krenshov mutters some type of expletive. Krenshov puts Taboo in the corner, whips him across the ring, REVERSED! Taboo runs in for a splash of his own! But Krenshov avoids it! Taboo hits the corner hard! Taboo stumbles back. Krenshov runs in with a lariat, ducked by Taboo! Krenshov off of the ropes. Taboo catches him in a HUGE belly-to-belly of his own!

BILL HEWSON: Listen to this crowd! They want to see Taboo in the playoffs!

JACK JONES: Oh, please, if I was scoring this match, it’d be Kenny 10, Taboo 1. They’re so biased.

Taboo begins shaking the ropes, looking out at his fans, pumping them up, letting them pump him up too. Krenshov is slow to his feet. Taboo is ready for him. Taboo hits him with rights and lefts as he stands. Krenshov responds with rights and lefts of his own. They stand toe-to-toe, exchanging fists. Taboo gains an advantage. Right hand! Right hand! Right hand! Irish whip across the ring! Krenshov reverses. Taboo off of the ropes, ducks a clothesline. Off of the ropes again with a LARRIIATTOO but Krenshov ducks it! Taboo off the ropes a third time… TABOO PRESS! TABOO PRESS! He lands headbutt upon headbutt! He stands up and rips his mask off!

JACK JONES: So that’s what he looks like!

BILL HEWSON: … he only wears the mask while he’s wrestling, we see him without it all the time, what are you talking about?

JACK JONES: Put the mask back on, you’re scaring the kids!

BILL HEWSON: I think Taboo is showing how resilient he is, how passionate he is, how willing he is to stay and stand and fight to be a part of this sport!

Taboo throws the mask into the crowd. He looks up at the sky, extends his chest and arms and yells: “BRING IIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT!” Taboo catches a rising Krenshov in a bearhug. He squeezes with all his might, all three-hundred-plus pounds. Krenshov manages a few punches Taboo’s way but Taboo manages to keep the bearhug locked in… and turns it into an exploder suplex! Krenshov flies across the ring and hits the ring hard, but Taboo also falls to the ground, holding his lower back. Suplexing the ginormous Krenshov really seems to have adversely affected Taboo’s already-injured back. Krenshov uses the ropes to pull himself up. Taboo does the same at the other side of the ring. Taboo charges forward with a clothesline, both men tumble to the outside! Both men slowly get to their feet. Taboo with a headbutt. A second one! Krenshov staggers back. Taboo runs at Krenshov but Krenshov ducks his head… back body drop! Taboo hits the concrete with a sick THUD.

BILL HEWSON: It appears as if Danny Chaos is not enforcing the count. This match is too important to end on a countout!

JACK JONES: What’s the point of rules if referees can break them at will? Hmm?

Krenshov, perhaps noting Chaos’ leniency, decides to test it. He picks up a steel chair as Taboo struggles to get to his feet. Swing! But Taboo ducks it and it hits the ringpost! Taboo with a huge shoulderblock that takes Krenshov down! Taboo eyes the steel chair, picks it up… then puts it back down. He picks Krenshov up by his head. Knife edge chop! Another! Irish whip into the guard rail! Reversed by Krenshov! Taboo hits it! Krenshov runs in… Taboo catches him in a MASSIVE spinebuster to the hard ground! Both men are on the ground, each holding their backs, Krenshov because of the impact, Taboo because he lifted Kenny Krenshov off of the ground!

BILL HEWSON: Taboo needs to stop using his back! Every move he utilizes is just hurting himself!

JACK JONES: What are you his manager? If he wants to throw his back out permanently, I wish him all the best.

Taboo grabs Krenshov and tries to roll him into the ring but Krenshov has other plans. Kenny with an elbow to the gut. Another. A third. Krenshov with a big fist to Taboo that sends him staggering back. Another! Taboo charges at Krenshov… Krenshov catches him with a FALLAWAY SLAM! Taboo screams at the top of his lungs. He tries to get up… but he can’t! Krenshov laughs sadistically and helps him to his feet, then rolls him into the ring.

BILL HEWSON: My God… I think he’s paralyzed!

JACK JONES: Cover him, Kenny! Cover him!

Kenny listens.

ONE!

TWO!

THR — NO! NO! KICKOUT!

Krenshov arguing with the referee, telling him it was three, then argues that Taboo can’t even get up so the match should be called. “I’ve destroyed him!” Krenshov yells. Chaos looks down pitifully at Taboo but shakes his head no. Krenshov picks Taboo up. POWERBOMB! HOLY SHIT! NO! Taboo reverses into a back body drop!

BILL HEWSON: How did he lift Krenshov? HOW?

JACK JONES: He must be faking it!

Taboo gets to his feet and screams out at the fans who roar back at him. Krenshov gets to his feet.

LARRIATTTOOO!!

COVER!

ONE!

TWO!

THR — NO! NO! KICKOUT!

Taboo shakes his head with disappointment. He picks Krenshov up. He’s going for the Big Bang Theory! But he’s having trouble getting the big man up! But he is committed to doing it, committed… he gets him up! But Krenshov slides behind him… BACK SUPLEX!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Krenshov looks out at the fans and smiles. He picks Taboo up. Inverted Total Eclipse! NO! NO! TABOO SLIPS BEHIND HIM… BACKDROP DRIVER! BACKDROP DRIVER! KRENSHOV PRACTICALLY LANDS ON HIS HEAD!

BILL HEWSON: Taboo is committing career suicide out there!

JACK JONES: LET HIM DO IT! LEAVE HIM ALONE!

Taboo rolls around, holding his lower back, gritting his teeth, clearly in a world of pain. Krenshov is motionless. Taboo crawls towards him. COVER!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

NO!

NO!

Krenshov kicks out at the last possible moment! Taboo tries to stand, using the ropes to help him up, but is having a great deal of difficulty. Meanwhile, Krenshov is getting to his feet. He looks at Taboo. Taboo looks at him, helpless to stand. Krenshov grabs him by the head. TURNBUCKLE POWERBOMB! Taboo flops to the mat, his body shaking.

COVER!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

NO!

NO!

Krenshov stands up and looks down at Taboo, unable to believe he was able to kick out. The fans are going wild, chanting Taboo’s name. Krenshov, still looking bewildered, picks Taboo up again. A SECOND TURNBUCKLE POWERBOMB! COVER!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

NO!

WHAT THE HELL HOW DID HE KICK OUT AGAIN?!?

Krenshov is FURIOUS now. He picks up Taboo. INVERTED TOTAL ECLIPSE! He has him up in the air! Holding him up, a dazed look on Taboo.

BILL HEWSON: I am sorry to say I think we are watching the last moments of Taboo’s illustrious career.

Taboo looks out at the fans who are both cheering for him and booing Krenshov. Taboo kicks his legs… HE GETS BEHIND KRENSHOV AND LOCKS IN A KATAHIJIME, HIS LEGS WRAPPED AROUND KRENSHOV’S MASSIVE CORE! At first, Krenshov shakes violently, trying to throw Taboo off of him, but Taboo keeps it locked in. But as the seconds pass, Krenshov grows weaker. He stumbles around the ring, appearing lifeless. Chaos raises his arm.

Once.

Twice.

Three — KRENSHOV JUMPS BACKWARDS.

TABOO AND KENNY KRENSHOV GO THROUGH THE RING!

THROUGH THE RING!

THROUGH THE RING!

Stunned silence.

Followed by:

HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!

BILL HEWSON: …

JACK JONES: …

BILL HEWSON: I — I can’t — OH MY GOD!

JACK JONES: I usually disagree with the fans, but… HOLY SHIT!

Danny Chaos looks down into the hole, trying to see if he can make out Krenshov and Taboo. He waves his arms frantically, calling for help.

BILL HEWSON: Ladies and gentleman, I am speechless. I can’t — I don’t — I have no idea what to say! All I know is someone better come out and help these two men!

Several officials run down to the ring. They peer into the hole, unsure of what to do.

A hand.

And then the head of Kenny Krenshov. He slowly rises from the hole, his face and body cut up from the pieces of the ring and whatever the hell is beneath it. He pulls himself up… and has Taboo behind him! He’s dragging Taboo behind him! Krenshov pushes the officials out of the way, telling them the match isn’t over yet! He puts a finger in Chaos’ face and tells him to do his job! Krenshov covers the unmoving, eyes-closed Taboo.

BILL HEWSON: Come on! Taboo needs help! This is ridiculous!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the match… um… KRENSHOV!

BILL HEWSON: What a disgusting display by Krenshov! Surely there are times when winning a match is less important than someone else’s LIFE! I didn’t even think Krenshov was capable of that! Taboo needs serious medical attention!

JACK JONES: Oh, come on, he just laid on top of him and made a pinfall, it’s not like he kicked him while he was down! This match is important! Taboo knew what he signed up for! This can happen!

BILL HEWSON: This SHOULD NOT happen! I understand they are both sizeable men who were suplexing each other around the ring — and those turnbuckle bombs surely didn’t help — but this is ABSURD!

The officials are joined by EMTs who circle around Taboo, checking his vital signs. Meanwhile, Krenshov gets to his feet, wipes the ring dust from his eyes, looks out at the fans…

And smiles.

Moving slowly himself, he manages to step over the ropes and make his way back down the aisle.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

They begin to put Taboo on a stretcher when he springs up. He shakes his head no. They insist on putting him on the stretcher but he violently shakes his head no. He tries to stand but is unsuccessful. He ignores their warnings and tries again, using the ropes to get up. Slowly, he manages to get to his feet. He looks

out at the crowd.

TABOO! TABOO! TABOO! TABOO! TABOO! TABOO! TABOO! A tear appears at the corner of his eye as he ducks under the top-rope and stumbles down to the floor, catching himself on the ring apron before falling again. The officials and EMTs follow him, asking him to please allow them to help him. He looks back at them and with the most serious face he has ever had says: “NO! NO! NOOOOOOO!” He uses the guard rail to help him away from the ringside, toward the aisle. The fans gently pat him and give them their appreciation.

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

He nods appreciatively at the fans, letting go of the guard rail to walk on his own. Slowly but surely. He limps with each step, holding his back, gritting his teeth, clearly in a world of pain. He reaches the curtain and looks back one more time.

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

A wave, a nod, a brief smile, another tear. He steps through the curtain.

Lights down.

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