2014 CANADA CUP – NIGHT 2 03/31/2014

NAPW CanadaCup2v2

Sammy Devine vs Anton Petrov
Xristus vs Jay Deschain
Cuzin Eddie vs Masakre
Kris Jacobson vs Joshua Rapture
Lardo vs Bruce Caliber
Sammy Devine vs Jay Deschain
Kris Jacobson vs Masakre
Clancy King vs Abbey Graves (World Championship)
Kentucky Hellbillies vs Team NOTW
Jay Deschain vs Kris Jacobson (Canada Cup Finals)

Fade in. Extreme close-up of a shining, golden ring, banding a man’s finger. The camera slowly zooms out, revealing the owner of that hand. Clad in a VERY expensive suit it is CLANCY KING, the NAPW World Champion. The zoom stops when King’s torso and head, the man himself seated behind a desk and looking very official, fills your iPPV screen.

Clancy King: Hello, New Alberta Pro Wrestling fans. I am Clancy, King of NAPW. Tonight, it was going to be my sincere pleasure as your sovereign monarch to compete in competitive wrestling action, defending my royal champion against one of your fellow subjects. Of course I am speaking about Abbey Graves.

King sighs, sadly.

Clancy King: Unfortunately, as many of you know, last night Abbey Graves suffered a severe concussion as the result of an attack on her innocent person by an unhinged maniac named Anton Petrov. You may remember him as the pretender who briefly held my championship until I was ready to ascend to the throne.

King raises the ring to his lips and kisses it. The ring he had made by melting down the nameplate which read “Anton Petrov” from the title belt! 

Clancy King: Therefore, it is with great regret that I must deny you, my loving subjects, the privilege of my presence in the Edmonton Expo Centre, vanquishing my latest foe. For there is no other suitable challenger available, and —

Terry Brandon: What are you doing?

The camera abruptly zooms out further, revealing Terry Brandon walking into the scene beside King.

Clancy King: Ah, commissioner. I am explaining to my subjects why I am not defending the championship tonight. The regrettable injury to Miss Abigail Graves, of course.

Terry Brandon: She’s been cleared.

Clancy King: Yes, it is — what?

Terry Brandon: Abbey Graves is cleared to wrestle tonight. In this very ring, for the NAPW Championship. Your NAPW Championship.

Clancy King: You’re sure? Petrov —

Terry Brandon: Has his own issues to deal with tonight! Ladies and gentlemen, watching right now on iPPV and in this building! Tonight you will, I say, you WILL see the 2013 Battlebowl winner, ABBEY GRAVES, challenge CLANCY KING for the NAPW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP! So, champ, I think you’d better go get ready!

King is looking for the words, but Brandon walks off. The champion stands up, knocking his desk over. He looks at the camera, after Terry, then takes off. The Earl of Dokken comes out of nowhere to chase behind King, carrying the champion’s robe!

Fade to black.


The camera opens to a PACKED Edmonton Expo Centre. It’s jampacked with cheering fans. Many were at the sold-out night 1 at the Polish Hall the previous night. They are here tonight, along with double the numbers! Cut to Bill Hewson and Jack Jones at ringside!

BILL HEWSON: Welcome wrestling fans, to Edmonton Alberta for the second night… of the 2014 CANADA CUP tournament! I’m Bill Hewson alongside Jack “Attack” Jones, and if Night One was any indication, this is going to be an evening of surprises and tremendous wrestling!

JACK JONES: You said it, Hewson! Last night we saw an instant classic when Kris Jacobson defeated Andellion Moonwater in a helluva match! And of course, the crowning of NEW Tag Team Champions!

BILL HEWSON: The Rabble defeated the A-Team to claim Tag Team gold, not without some controversy, as GRETA competed in the match with Gustav… instead of Ernst! A last-minute substitution for the Rabble, and it paid off. In the first round, we saw advancing Sammy Devine! Jay Deschain! Anton Petrov, who very nearly was upset by a game Miguel Morrison! As you mentioned, Kris Jacobson moved onto the quarter-finals. Masakre is competing tonight! Cuzin Eddie! Xristus got past the snakes, but not before being double-teamed by the Order of Orochi. And finally, Joshua Rapture moved on thanks to a bye!

JACK JONES: That makes Rapture the clear favorite, Hewson. Every other competitor took some damage last night, particularly Jacobson, but Rapture is fresh as a daisy!

BILL HEWSON: And vicious like the dingo. Last night, in one of the most unspeakable acts we’ve yet seen, Joshua Rapture attempted to HANG Andellion Moonwater right in this very ring. Thank goodness Kris Jacobson made the save for his fellow grappler. And of course, tonight, the NAPW World Championship WILL be defended — despite what Clancy King was hoping!

JACK JONES: It’s a real travesty, Abbey Graves shouldn’t be anywhere near a wrestling ring after ANTON PETROV suckerpunched her in the back of the head last night! Her entire career could be on the line!

BILL HEWSON: Did you and Clancy King take the same course in hyperbole? Abbey Graves challenges the champion, Clancy King, for the World Championship! Let’s head to the ring for the first match of the evening…


The crowd is split 50/50 as the speakers blast out some Santanna goodness. Only…

BILL HEWSON: Wait. What the Hell? Who is singing this?

Your answer?

Chris Casino.

He steps out of the back, microphone in hand and crooning to his signature song, the fans booing his arrival with enthusiasm.


JACK JONES: He truly is multi-talented!

BILL HEWSON: There’s never been a bigger fan of Chris Casino than himself that’s for sure.

Casino is at ringside and dancing for the lucky fans in attendance.


Casino motions for his music to cut and he’s awash in massive heat from the crowd. He doesn’t care. He digs it. After taking the time to make sure his suit is immaculate, he climbs into the ring. The ever present Casino sneer etched onto his face.

BILL HEWSON: I’m fairly sure seeing Chris Casino’s smug face wasn’t how these fans hoped to open the show.

JACK JONES: Shush! He’s about to speak!

Chris Casino: It’s night two of what in reality should be the Chris Casino Cup you dirty Canadians! Show some respect!

Not happening.

Chris Casino: Before I was so rudely cut off last night, I was telling you all a little story, please allow me to continue. Because kids, we’ve got us a wild ride ahead of us. Imagine if you will, or even can, that you spend five years of your life giving everything to your profession. Now judging from the folks around ringside I’d say most of you were unemployed or worked at various fast foot joints, but just pretend you had a life worth living for a moment. Anyway, imagine that for five long years you busted your ass week in and week out to be the very BEST at your job. Imagine that all your co-workers were full of jealously because they knew deep down inside that no matter what they did, it would NEVER measure up to your legacy. I am Chris Casino, and I am the greatest wrestler in NAPW history.

A vast majority of the audience thinks otherwise and are happy to let him know about it.

Chris Casino: I literally beat everyone of note in NAPW. Titles? Won ’em all. Canada Cup? My idea. Hell, NAPW was my home away from home. I dreamt of someday dragging NAPW to a global scale and I BLEED for it. I sacrificed myself to protect that damn company from ALL invaders and threats. The New Crimes? Me and my hand picked teamed smashed them in a Cage of Death. Now you could love me or hate me and frankly I could care less, but you cannot deny that when NAPW came under attack I was ALWAYS the first up to volunteer to defend it. I….

A vocal ‘Dirty Money’ chant breaks out.

Chris Casino: Hey, to be fair, there is a difference between dominating a promotion and putting one out of business, you mooks.

The chant is replaced by the ever popular ‘Asshole’ chant.

Chris Casino: Hell I never even took a dime from this place. I donated all of my paychecks, such as they were to random charities. I mean, one person can only have so much money you know? Oh, well you people probably wouldn’t I guess. Look the point is, I gave and sacrificed all I had to NAPW and how did they reward me? They have me wrestle a woman. All I did, all I GAVE to NAPW and they took their biggest star and stuck me in a bullshit feud over the Women’s Title.

Casino shakes his head sadly and ignores the ‘We want Tiffany’ chant.

Chris Casino: But I wasn’t the only one shunned. I wasn’t the only one who was a victim of politics and biased booking. Meet a man who by all rights should have been a major star! I give you….SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL!!!



SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL rushes out of the back to the massive indifference to the fans and slides into the ring. He looks overjoyed to be back in the ‘spotlight’ as it were.

Chris Casino: Look, sorry about kicking you in the face last month, but well…

Simply Beautiful reaches for the microphone but Casino steps away.

Chris Casino: Things got heated and I overreacted. Story of my life. But anyway I wanted to thank you for joining me on this crusade to ‘out’, pardon the pun, Atlas and the Doctor. Oh, and to once and for all drive a stake through the heart of this fly-by-night operation they got going here. You know, while we’re at it, let’s chat about how MacCulloch and his crew fit into all this mess. It began when…..


The crowd erupts as Atlas rushes down to ringside!

Chris Casino: Again!? Get ‘im!

Atlas slides into the ring just as Casino shoves Simply Beautiful into his path. Atlas shrugs off several punches and kicks from the former Pure Honor Champion and lays into him with a heavy right hand of his own!


A third sends Simply Beautiful reeling up against the ropes!

Clothesline over the top rope!

The crowd is going crazy for Atlas! The bronzed Adonis turns his attention back to Casino and eats a superkick! Casino stands over a downed Atlas, yelling in his face.

Chris Casino: Do you NEVER learn!? I’m Chris Casino you stupid motherf-

Atlas kips up and is in the face of his former trainer to a big cheer, and Casino starts back-peddling. JAKE PHOENIX and the NAPW security team, DOCTOR FRANK and even TERRY BRANDON rush from the back!

Atlas tries to snatch Casino but the wily veteran bails out of the ring! Commissioner Terry Brandon grabs a microphone and levels a finger at Casino.

Terry Brandon: ENOUGH! Chris you and I go way back but this is ENOUGH! I don’t know why you’re here and I don’t care. What I DO know is that you forgot to mention you were also the most suspended and fired star of the original NAPW!

A huge cheer goes through the crowd and Casino gives them the evil eye.

Terry Brandon: Obviously you and Atlas have some things to work out – and I think, I say, I think you should settle it LIKE MEN. IN THE RING.

The cheers become deafening and Casino looks, maybe for the first time ever, worried.

Chris Casino: Like hell I do! I refuse to….

A chant of “ONE MORE MATCH! ONE MORE MATCH!” erupts from the crowd. Casino fumes.

Chris Casino: Shut up! Just shut up! I refuse to work here! This isn’t NAPW, Terry, and you know it! I’m not on contract here, and I NEVER WILL BE. If Atlas lays ONE HAND on me, I swear to God I’ll sue this little farce right back out of business! You hear me? I’m UNTOUCHABLE.

Boo! Casino smirks as Atlas glares balefully at him.

Terry Brandon: Really? So you’re saying, and I just want to make sure I understand this, that you’ve been climbing into my ring and attacking my wrestlers… while not on contract?

Casino’s smirks fades.

Terry Brandon: Because that would be assault and battery. WITH A WEAPON. You threaten to sue me, son? I’ll see your ass in JAIL.

Huge cheer from the crowd as Chris Casino turns pale.

BILL HEWSON: Wouldn’t be the first time for Chris Casino.

JACK JONES: Quiet, you.

Terry Brandon: But I’m a reasonable man, Chris. You sign a contact for ONE MORE MATCH… and I won’t see to it you’re so tied up in court that all those precious tours of Japan you’re always taking have to be canceled! One match Chris. You and Atlas. Defend the ‘old’ NAPW Chris. Show us how much better it was with you around.

Casino takes a minute to look around. For once it looks like a no win scenario.

Chris Casino: Fine.

The crowd cheers. Atlas grins.

Chris Casino: Know this though, I hope you’re prepared to reap the whirlwind Terry. Because I’m going to tear this place apart and leave it in ruins. I’ll even do it the same way it was done years ago…

Casino points at Atlas.

Chris Casino: … with love.

Casino beats a retreat through the crowd and everyone in the building is abuzz at what has just gone down.

JACK JONES: What did we just see? Casino and Atlas? The guy he trained to destroy NAPW will have a match next month?

BILL HEWSON: I suspect that Casino has a few cards up his sleeve yet, Jack. This seems awfully premeditated to me.

JACK JONES: …And that’s just another reason why Popeye’s has the best fish sandwich!

BILL HEWSON: That story would have worked so much better if we were in any fashion affiliated with that restaurant chain.

JACK JONES: Just speakin’ the truth.

FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen the following match is a second round match for the CANADA CUP!

“Baby I’m a Star” and Prince brings the crowd to their feet!


SAMMY DEVINE bursts out through the curtains, fired up and looking ready to go the distance.

BILL HEWSON: Yesterday’s switched up brackets saw Sammy Devine overcome Bryan Marshall for an opportunity to advance in the Canada Cup tournament.

JACK JONES: He’s just lucky Cuzin Eddie was around to pay back Devine’s help at KFC, otherwise the Starmaker might not have been medically cleared to be here tonight.

Devine glad-hands everyone right down one side of the aisle, then back up the other side. Finally, he slides into the ring and hits a turnbuckle to pose and shout “Canada Cup here I come!”

And then Trivium hits the speakers.


FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent. Weighing in at TWO HUNDRED and SEVENTY SEVEN pounds. From St. Petersburg, Russia. The SOVIET SLAUGHTERHOUSE. ANTOONNNNNN… PETROV!

ANTON PETROV, flanked by a worried looking JACKSON KASS, steps out from the curtain.

JACK JONES: Well, so much for Sammy Devine’s dreams of winning Canada Cup.

BILL HEWSON: You sure, Jack Attack? Yesterday, Petrov nearly lost to Miguel Morrison. His head is NOT in the game.

JACK JONES: Yeah? Well, Petrov’s WORST day is still better than Devine’s best. Every time these two have crossed paths, Petrov has left the “Starmaker” flat on his back.

Petrov’s lip curls into a sneer as he looks down at Sammy Devine in the ring. Devine glares up at him. The fans are clearly on one of their sides… they haven’t stopped booing Petrov since he stepped out from the curtain.

BILL HEWSON: The fans who were here last night remember Petrov’s interference in Clancy King’s “coronation.” I’m willing to say his punch on Abbey Graves was an accident – but the damage was done.

JACK JONES: Petrov had no business being in the ring with Clancy, King of NAPW! These fans are right to blame him if he cost Graves her shot at the title.

Kass goes to say a few words to his client, but Petrov seems to have had enough. He shoves Kass aside and SPRINTS into the ring. Head Referee Morgan Smythe is calling for the bell as Petrov slides into the ring, hops to his feet and both men LAY INTO ONE ANOTHER to a big pop from the crowd!

JACK JONES: Here we go!

Both men angrily exchange punches back and forth, but Petrov finally manages to stagger Devine just long enough to whip him into the ropes… catches him on the rebound with a Lou Thesz Press and rains down more punches! He then rises, pulling Devine up with him, and lays him out with one… two… THREE devastating short-arm clotheslines!

BILL HEWSON: The Petrov Pulverizer! The former champion coming out strong!

Petrov looks twitchy. He glances toward the ring-entrance, then to Kass at ringside who’s yelling “Finish him! Go on!”

JACK JONES: What is he doing?

BILL HEWSON: Is he expecting something?

Anton sneers, then turns and goes to drop an elbow on Devine – but the “Starmaker” rolls aside and spins to his feet! The crowd cheers as Sammy unloads a mean kick on the side of Petrov’s head! The Soviet Slaughterhouse looks surprised as Devine rushes the ropes for a rebound – and a sweet dropkick right in Petrov’s mush! He springs back to his feet and shouts “AMERICA!”

And the crowd is right there behind him – “FUCK YEAH!”

JACK JONES: Language, people! There are children here!

Petrov is shaking his head and climbing to his feet, but Devine slams a forearm across his back, then sets him up… for some SAMMY FEVER! And a pin! 1! 2! And Petrov wildly kicks out with authority. Devine scrambles aside as Petrov kicks at him, then the two men are up on their feet. Petrov looks angry as the two men circle each other. They lock up, and Anton manages to get some leverage and transitions into a wrist hold. Devine winces, and Petrov brings an elbow down on his shoulder. Devine yelps and the Soviet Slaughterhouse does it again, driving Sammy down to one knee. He then pulls him up and whips him into the corner, hard!

BILL HEWSON: This is a mean, physical match.

JACK JONES: With the bad blood between these two, it could be any other way, Hewson!

Petrov rushes into the corner after Devine, driving a shoulder into his midsection. Then he back off, and starts stomping a mudhole in the “Starmaker” to the boos of the crowd. After about the fifth kick, Devine is slumped down, looking dazed. Petrov turns, eyes wild, and glares across the ring at… nothing? He shouts something in Russian. Jackson Kass wrings his hands looking concerned.

BILL HEWSON: What is happening here?

The Soviet Slaughterhouse takes a step toward the empty corner and waves his arms like he’s shooing someone away.

JACK JONES: Has the former champ finally lost his marbles?

Petrov then turns back to Devine… FALLING STARS! Down goes Anton and there’s another pin! 1! 2! And again Petrov wildly kicks out, cursing in Russian. Devine kips up, fired up, letting out a shout to the cheers of the crowd. He’s already hitting the ropes as Petrov rises… Spinning Heel Kick! Petrov is laid right out on his ass! Devine runs for the corner, leaps up to the top rope… SEXY ELBOWWWWWW.


Devine crashes and burns to the groans of the crowd, and Petrov rolls aside to help himself up on the ropes. Sammy clutches his ribs and kicks his legs, face contorted in pain.

JACK JONES: That’s why its called high-risk. Sometimes… it doesn’t pay off.

Petrov snarls and stalks over to Devine, pulling him roughly up and twisting him into the Communist Clutch. He drops a mean looking elbow on Devine’s ribs, then another. Morgan Smythe is in Devine’s face, asking if he submits – but Petrov doesn’t give him the chance, transitioning the hold into a sweet Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker. Devine crashes to the ring, holding his sides, and Petrov sneers down at him to more boos from the crowd. He reaches down and grabs a handful of the “Starmaker’s” hair, pulls him up… and drapes him over his shoulder for the RUSSIAN RACKER! But he’s too close to the ropes! Devine catches hold of the top rope and Morgan Smythe counts the break! 1! 2! 3! 4! And Petrov releases Devine, letting him crash back down to the mat.

BILL HEWSON: Petrov is slowing the pace down to keep the initiative.

Anton waits until Devine has pulled himself back up with the ropes, then spins him around, and whips him into the corner again. He lets out a bellow and charges after him – but the “Starmaker” is able to use the corner to LEAPFROG over Petrov! The Soviet Slaughterhouse nails the corner hard, staggers back around… STARMAKER in the middle of the ring! Petrov twitches and Devine is a little slow to his feet, breathing hard a wincing. He starts calling for Petrov to get up, Kass is screaming at ringside, the crowd is cheering. After a moment, Petrov rolls over and starts back to his feet… and Devine leaps in!



Petrov shoves him away with a snarl! Sammy Devine spins around…





The Soviet Slaughterhouse springs back THREE FEET, spittle flying through the air! He crashes onto his back, limbs splayed! The Devine Army is ON THEIR FEET! The Starmaker hooks the leg!







JACK JONES: The Soviet Slaughterhouse’s chance to win the Canada Cup just went up in smoke!

BILL HEWSON: Months of random attacks, a chance at the title denied – at every step, Petrov seemed to have Sammy Devine’s number. Not tonight. Tonight – sweet vengeance.

Devine is ecstatic. The crowd is cheering, chanting “STAR-MA-KER! STAR-MA-KER!” He hits the corner as his music hits the speakers again, holding his side with one hand, but raising the other in victory, beaming a million-dollar smile. Petrov has finally stirred and looks surprised the match is over. Kass and Smythe assure him he just lost and Petrov springs to his feet, rage on his face, glaring a hole in Devine’s head. The fans’ cheers start to turn to warnings, and Sammy turns, hopping down from the turnbuckle warily.

JACK JONES: Uh oh, this isn’t going to end well.

Then Petrov deflates. He gives Devine a curt nod, then rolls out of the ring. The fans… actually applaud the sportsmanship! The “Starmaker” – and, for the matter, Jackson Kass – looks a bit surprised, but the Soviet Slaughterhouse makes a beeline for the back.

BILL HEWSON: Well, maybe Petrov has a shred of decency after all.

JACK JONES: I don’t know WHAT is going on in his head, Hewson. One minute he’s a monster, then he’s shouting at ghosts, then he’s showing respect to his arch-enemy.

BILL HEWSON: Regardless, Sammy Devine is advancing in the tournament – and the night’s only just started!

JACK JONES: … didn’t know my internet history would be saved. And that’s why she left me.

BILL HEWSON: Why would you even be searching for that? And on someone else’s laptop?

JACK JONES: Hey, no judgements!

FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the follow match is a second round match for the CANADA CUP.

The crowd cheers as Trivium hits the speakers!

FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, weighing in at TWO HUNDRED and FORTY ONE pounds. From Black Diamond, Washington! He is the PERFECT STORM… JAY! DESCHAIN!

Big pop as JAY DESCHAIN emerges from the curtains, looking fired up. He shouts “Second round, baby” as he high-gives the whole first row on his way to the ring.

BILL HEWSON: Jay Deschain made it into round two off of a match with Bruce Caliber last night, winning what may – in some lights – be seen as an upset.

JACK JONES: Oh, don’t even start. What, did Deschain use the ropes to pin him or something? Why don’t you have anything good to say about the Perfect Storm, Hewson? You’re the ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD who doesn’t like that guy.

BILL HEWSON: I was actually talking about how Bruce Caliber had made it clear he really wanted to win the tournament, so his going out in round one was unexpected.

JACK JONES: Oh. Well. My mistake.

Deschain climbs into the ring, looking fired up. He points to some ladies in the front row with a sign that reads “PERFECT STORM = PERFECT MAN” and gives them a wink and a thumbs up. The music shifts to Johnny Cash.

FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, weighing in at TWO HUNDRED and EIGHTY FIVE pounds. From the CITY OF ANGELS, Los Angeles, California. He is the WARRIOR MONK… XRISTUS!

XRISTUS emerges from the back, looking grim, his ribs taped up. He starts down to the ring, eyes focused on his opponent.

BILL HEWSON: Xristus looks a bit worse for wear after taking a beating from the Order of Orochi last night in his match against Viper Tokara. Hopefully it’s not so bad that it’ll impact his chances tonight.

JACK JONES: Well, he’s cleared to wrestle, and he’s here. I’d say he thinks he can do it, Hewson.

Xristus climbs into the ring, and gives Deschain a respectful nod. Junior Referee Stewie Lamoine is officiating, and he calls for the bell!

The pair circle each other for a moment, then tie it up in the middle of the ring. Jay’s not a small guy, but Xristus is just a bit bigger, and is able to use that size advantage to drive Deschain back toward the corner, where he then transitions low – and drives a shoulder into the Perfect Storm’s midsection! Jay grunts, and Xristus drives a second shoulder into his midsection, then takes Jay by the head… Elevated DDT out of the corner! He winces on his way up, then goes to drop an elbow… but Deschain rolls aside and Xristus lands with an agonized expression on his face. He’s clutching his midsection as he rises to his feet.

BILL HEWSON: Maybe Xristus really shouldn’t be out here tonight, after all.

JACK JONES: He’s got the warrior spirit!

You can see the wheels working in Deschain’s head. He ducks an attempted lariat from Xristus and catches him from behind… twisting the Warrior Monk into an abdominal stretch. Xristus lets out a cry.

BILL HEWSON: Deschain taking advantage of Xristus’ injury here.

JACK JONES: The Perfect Storm will do what it takes to win, Hewson. It’s a long tournament, and you have to take advantage of any opening, any weakness. Anyone would do the same.


Xristus reaches for the ropes, but he’s a bit far. Stewie Lamoine asks if he submits, but he shakes his head “no.” He starts stomping a foot, looking to build some crowd support – and some of the fans start clapping along, feeding him energy. So Jay Deschain elbows him in the ribs.

BILL HEWSON: Oh, seriously!?

Xristus grits his teeth, then starts trying to POWER FREE of the hold – but Deschain is firmly in control here, and he shifts the hold into a GERMAN SUPLEX… with the pin! 1! 2! An early two count from Xristus shows how rough he’s doing already. He’s breathing hard and clutching his ribs as he pulls himself back up – but about half the crowd is trying to get him going.

“Let’s go Xristus! PER-FECT STORM! Let’s go Xristus! PER-FECT STORM!”

JACK JONES: Fans seem to want both of these guys to advance… but only one gets to move on, folks!

Deschain waits for Xristus to turn around, nails him with a stiff looking elbow strike, then grabs his arm and whips him to the ropes. Looking for the Tornado Buster… Xristus comes in on the rebound – but manages a flying tackle! Deschain goes down with a surprised yelp, and the Warrior Monk scrambles to his feet. He pulls Deschain up, staggers him with a toe kick, goes for the ropes… SCISSOR KICK! Jay goes down with crash!

JACK JONES: Even injured, Xristus is a powerful man. He’s starting to take control back here.

Xristus yanks Deschain up with a handful of hair, sets him up… and up for a powerbomb! But then Xristus crumples to a knee, dropping Deschain. He’s clutching his ribs again, wincing. Jay lands practically on his feet, backs off. Xristus rises back up with a grunt.


Xristus crashes to the mat and the Perfect Storm slides in for the pin!




FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, The Perfect Storm… JAY! DESCHAIN!

The crowd cheers as Jay Deschain hops up, all smiles. Xristus is rolling out of the ring, clutching his midsection as Deschain hits a turnbuckle to take a moment and play to the fans!

BILL HEWSON: Xristus’ injuries from last night were just too much. Usually he’s not on the receiving end of a short match.

JACK JONES: Bad news for Xristus is good news for Deschain, though, Hewson. The Perfect Storm is off to the semi-final round!

BILL HEWSON: That he is, Jack Attack. And… SNAAAAAAAAAKES!

PYTHON and VIPER TOKARA come out of the crowd! Xristus sees them coming and goes to throw up an arm – but Python just lays him out with a clothesline!

BILL HEWSON: Someone call security! The Order of Orochi isn’t even supposed to be here tonight!

Tokara and Python pull Xristus up and roll him back into the ring, where Jay Deschain is watching horrified. As the snakes hit the ring, he quickly hops down from the turnbuckle and slides out of the ring.

BILL HEWSON: What… HELP HIM, damn you!

JACK JONES: And risk being injured going into the SEMI FINAL ROUND of the Canada Cup? This isn’t Deschain’s fight, and he’s got the world to lose by getting involved.

To his credit, the Perfect Storm looks a bit conflicted as Python twists Xristus into a Cobra Twist, and Viper Tokara starts laying punches into the Warrior Monk’s wounded ribs. He howls in pain and rage – but Deschain starts backing away from the ring. Which is when there’s a crash from the back of the crowd.


PAT GORDON JR, his merchandise table overturned, is SPRINTING to the ring with his chair in hand! The crowd cheers as he slides into the ring. Python barely gets his arm up before he EATS CHAIR! Down goes the monster cultist! Viper hisses, turning on Gordon as Xristus and Python tumble over – POISON MIST… BLOCKED BY THE CHAIR! And BAM, down goes Tokara! The fans are cheering as the two snakes roll out of the ring, and Gordon shouts down after them.

JACK JONES: I thought he was here to sign autographs!? Get outta the ring!

BILL HEWSON: The Boston Bruiser isn’t one to sit idly by and watch a man get ganged up on, Jack Attack!

The Order, clutching their heads, climb over the barricade and start beating a hasty retreat for the exit. PGJR watches them go warily, then turns and extends a hand to a surprised – but obviously pleased Xristus. It’s accepted, and the crowd pops as Gordon helps the Warrior Monk up.

BILL HEWSON: If Xristus needed help against the Order of Orochi, I think he may have just found some.

JACK JONES: I don’t envy the snakes, Hewson. If this is happening, that’s a hell of a team up in that ring right now.

JACK JONES: … so after that I pretty much swore off ever bumming cigarettes off of Krusty Kid Paul again.

BILL HEWSON: Smart move.

FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall.

“All About You” by The Berzerker punishes the speakers and MASAKRE, the hulking beast of destruction emerges from the back. At his heels is his sports therapist, ‘Dr. Ayala.’ The pair head straight for the ring.

FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, weighing in at THREE HUNDRED and TWENTY pounds. From New York City! MASAKRE!

Masakre rolls into the ring and paces like a caged animal.

The “Beverly Hillbillies” theme song hits the speakers! The crowd explodes for their favorite cousin!


Eddie rushes out from the back, slapping the outstretched hands of fans along the way, and slides into the ring.

Masakre is immediately on him with kicks! Referee Martin Chan hurriedly calls for the bell and we’re off!

BILL HEWSON: Masakre is trying to make sure that this match ends quickly so he can move on in the tournament!

Eddie fights up to his feet and the two begin trading wild rights and lefts! Eddie starts to back up Masakre with big right hands but takes a knee to the gut that stops him cold. Masakre grabs Eddie and throws him out of the ring and quickly follows him to the outside. Dr. Ayala is watching from only a few feet away and calmly moves away from the action. Masakre pulls Eddie to his feet and goes to ram him head first into the guardrail. Eddie blocks it! Eddie drives an elbow into the ribs of Maskare, grabs his head and bounces the NYC natives skull off the unforgiving steel! Masakre is peeled off the guardrail and whipped back first into the ring apron. The lights flicker for a moment and a murmur runs through the crowd.

JACK JONES: Okay WHAT is up with the lights? This happened last night, too.

BILL HEWSON: It wouldn’t be NAPW without some weirdness!

Masakre takes advantage of the flickering lights to rush Cuzin’ Eddie and drives him back first into the guardrail! Masakre grabs Eddie and throws him shoulder first into the ring steps. The referee is now on the floor and yelling at the men to bring the action back into the ring. Masakre shoves past the ref and pulls Eddie off the floor. Eddie drives a short right hand into the sternum of Masakre causing him to break him hold on him. A back elbow to the head of Masakre from Eddie! Eddie grabs Masakre and slams him head first into the steel steps! The crowd starts up an ‘Eddie! Eddie!’ chant. Eddie rolls inside the ring breaking the count and just as fast roll back to the outside. Eddie grabs Masakre and shoves him into the ring, quickly sliding in behind, much to the relief of the referee.

BILL HEWSON: These men are tearing into each other! The winner might not have anything left to give in the next round!

JACK JONES: You know…I think I left my phone on the charger in the back. You think that is causing the flicking lights?


Eddie pulls Masakre to his feet and whips him into the ropes. Masakre reverses it and nails a snap powerslam on Eddie! Masakre doesn’t even attempt a pin attempt but instead grabs the head of Eddie and throws several short hard right hands at his opponents face. Eddie shoves him off and struggles up to his feet, Masakre rolls to a vertical base and charges Eddie only to take a back elbow to the jaw. Masakre stumbles back and Eddie rushes him. Overhead belly to belly suplex from Masakre! The lights again flicker and everyone holds their breath to see if this time the lights stay out.

JACK JONES: Oh come on already!

The lights stay on and we see that Eddie has pulled himself to his feet. Masakre charges at Eddie and goes for a clothesline! Eddie has the same idea and both men eat a clothesline dropping them both to the mat. They both lay on the mat as the referee lays in the count.





Both men start to stir and manage to get to their knees before spotting each other.

Forearm shot from Eddie!

Forearm shot from Masakre!

Forearm shot from Eddie!

Forearm shot from Masakre!

Eye poke from Eddie! The crowd lets out a cheer.

BILL HEWSON: Well that’s one way to get the upper hand.

JACK JONES: That Cuzin Eddie is a no-good cheater, Hewson!

Eddie gives a bashful shrug to the audience as Masakre recoils with a snarl, then gets to his feet and pulls Masakre up with him. Hard open handed chop across the chest of Masakre! Another! A third for the hat trick! Eddie hits the ropes but Masakre is waiting on him with a spinebuster! Masakre for the cover!



Eddie gets a shoulder up!

BILL HEWSON: Near fall for Masakre!

Masakre pulls Eddie to his feet and whips him into the far corner. Masakre charges in with a running big splash! Eddie moves out of the way at the last second and Masakre slams into the corner. Eddie positions himself as Masakre turns around and drills him into the corner with a football tackle against the corner! Eddie climbs up to the second turnbuckle and rains down hard right hands onto Masakre. The crowd happily count along with each punch.







Masakre grabs the legs of Eddiehefts him out of the corner and drops him face first across the top turnbuckle.

JACK JONES: Gah! Did you see his head snap back? He was like a Pez dispenser!

Masakre hooks a dazed Eddie and drives him to the mat with a half nelson supex! Eddie amazingly rolls to his feet and charges Masakre! STO from Masakre! A cover!




Eddie kicks out! Masakre looks shocked but drags Eddie to his feet, Eddie is whipped into the ropes and Maskare goes for his gorilla press Total Masakre finisher! Eddie wiggles out and lands behind Masakre! Kick to the gut of Masakre doubles him over and Eddie goes for his Tiiiiiiiimber piledriver! It’s reversed into a backdrop! Masakre watches as Eddie uses the ring ropes to pull himself up. Eddie turns and walks right into a Total Masakre! A cover!




Martin Chan calls for the bell as it’s made official!

FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of this match, and advancing in the 2014 Canada Cup… MASAKRE!

The lights flicker again.

BILL HEWSON: Okay now this is just getting creepy.

Masakre rolls out of the ring and Dr. Ayala simply watches. Nothing is said between either person as they head to the back. Eddie is sitting in the ring looking disappointed in his loss.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following is a quarter-final match for the CANADA CUP! Introducing first…

“You can’t… hide
You can’t… hide
because you don’t know how.”

The lights dim and the fans are hushed.

“God’s got your number
And he knows where you live
Death’s got a warrant out for you…”

FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, from Sweetwater Texas! Weighing in at TWO-hundred and FIFTEEN pounds, he is the “Leader of the New Dawn”… JOSHUAAAAA RAAAAPTUUUURRRRRE!

Rapture walks to the ring, clearly in no hurry. He wears a strange look on his face, a mixture of pleasure, pain, euphoria… the fans do not like him, but he is not as drowned in boos as others — despite the horrific actions he is responsible for over the months. Rapture enters the ring and closes his eyes in supplication.

“Heeeeerrre we are!
Born to be KINGS!

No ambiguity of emotion towards THIS competitor!

FRANK WARBURTON: And HIS OPPONENT! Being accompanied to the ring by his father CHASE JACOBSON! From Winnipeg, Manitoba, he weighs in at TWO-HUNDRED pounds even… “LIONHEART!” KRRRIIIIIIS JACOBSONNNNNNN!

Kris Jacobson slaps hands on his way to ringside, looking PUMPED for the match. Chase follows behind, not quite matching the youthful vigour of his son, but full of proud energy. Jacobson flips over the top rope into the ring, landing on his feet, sprinting to the turnbuckle to yell out to the fans. They respond in kind, fully behind the “Lionheart.”

BILL HEWSON: Our final quarter-final contest of the evening. One of these two men will join Sammy Devine, Jay Deschain and Masakre in the final four! Jack Attack, after receiving a BYE through the first round, Joshua Rapture may have become the odds-on favorite to win the Canada Cup this year.

JACK JONES: He was already one of my favourites!. Joshua Rapture is fit, he is dangerous, he has the most effective fists of any NAPW competitor. And he is at 100%!

BILL HEWSON: On the other side of the coin, Kris Jacobson bringing a lot of energy to the ring, but he engaged in an instant classic versus Andellion Moonwater last night. Here we go!

Head referee Morgan Smythe calls for the bell!


Both men go to tie-up, Rapture with a surprise boot to the gut. Cheap shot right off the hop, and Rapture hooks a front face-lock. Delivering savage forearms across the back of “Lionheart,” who backs Rapture into the ropes. Smythe calls for a break, Rapture hesitates — he releases. Nope, latches right back on and rams a knee into the mid-section of Jacobson, who stumbles back. Smythe admonishes Rapture.

BILL HEWSON: His serenity is unsettling…

JACK JONES: Rapture has the secret of inner peace, Hewson, and he promises to share it with me when I’ve given him my credit card number.

Rapture measures Jacobson, settling into a boxer’s stance. Quick jabs, Jacobson attempts to cover up, but since this ISN’T a boxing match, Rapture is free throw a knee in to catch his man. Jacobson doubled over, point of Rapture’s elbow to the base of “Lionheart’s” neck — kneelift pops him back up! Irish whip. Jacobson ducks the lariat! Ducks the back elbow on the rebound! He’s built up speed and explodes into a spinning flying forearm to knock Rapture down. STANDING SHOOTING STAR! Jacobson covers, only gets a one.

Chase Jacobson slaps the canvas to charge up “Lionheart,” who unleashes a couple swift, stiff kicks to the back of Rapture’s thighs. The Winnipeg native shoots the ropes SNAP. Rapture with a hairgrab, slamming Jacobson to the canvas on the back of his head! And now Rapture viciously fish-hooks the mouth and nose of Jacobson, pulling and gouging like an animal. Smythe puts the count on him; Rapture breaks on four with a grin. Jacobson a little slow to take his feet, and in a blur, Rapture moves from languid to laying in the boots.

BILL HEWSON: It’s honestly unsettling watching Rapture wrestle, Jack Attack.

JACK JONES: He operates on a different plane of reality from the rest of us. A better, higher plane!

BILL HEWSON: Right. We may be seeing the effects of Jacobson’s match last night. He can’t seem to get out of second gear, as Joshua Rapture completely his has number so far.

Irish whip and Rapture hits a back body drop sending Jacobson HIGH in the air, crashing down hard. Rapture with a cover, kick-out right on two. Jacobson still has lots left. Maybe not for long as Rapture hits the ropes and nails Jacobson with a sliding forearm smash! Another cover gets a two. Rapture with a chinlock and Jacobson starts fighting his way up. Throws the elbows! One, two, three sets you free. Hits the ropes! Rapture sidesteps the charging “Lionheart” and tosses him to the floor, Jacobson crashing and burning hard.

Chase Jacobson checks on Kris. He looks up — and Rapture is standing only feet away, gazing upon him. Chase reflexively tightens into a grappling stance, delighting Rapture. Smythe leans through the ropes and tells Rapture to get it the HELL back in the ring. Rapture steps forward and… stomps Kris. Rapture with a quick overhand right, and then he drops backwards in order to throw his opponent with maximum velocity INTO the guardrail. Jacobson spills over top, into the front row. Rapture lays on his back, softly laughing. He rolls into the ring to break the count at eight…

JACK JONES: He could’ve taken this by count-out, c’mon Rapture!

BILL HEWSON: He could have, he was satisfied with his bye last night, but generally, whatever malevolence in Rapture’s soul demands more.

JACK JONES: You talk as if he’s a deranged cult leader!

BILL HEWSON: I don’t know that I’m wrong. Kris Jacobson showing a hell of a lot of guts tonight, trying to weather this beating, but he NEEDS to mount some offense soon — or he’s got another year to wait for a chance at the Canada Cup!

A pain-wracked Jacobson is trying to climb over. Rapture helps him, viciously pulling by two clumps of hair. The “Lionheart” is bundled back into the ring. Rapture in, arms extended wide… ARM-TRAP! Rapture closes his eyes as he feels Jacobson struggle; the cult leader lifts his chin.

Baptizing Jacobson with the point of his elbow.

Over and over again.

The elbow strikes only abate when Jacobson gets his foot on the bottom rope, forcing Smythe to break. She has to physically pull on Rapture to get his attention and threatens a disqualification FAST if he doesn’t start heeding her authority. Rapture blinks, reorienting himself. He starts at Jacobson, who is a mess.

Rapture places flat hands together and raises them above his head…

BILL HEWSON: Joshua Rapture looking for the Martyr’s Burden! Jacobson up — HURICANRANA!

Jacobson with a lightning quick huricanrana, reversing the momentum of Rapture’s flip from the standing headscissors! Rapture is already taking his feet but Jacobson ducks the right hand and delivers a European uppercut. Another is ducked, European uppercut! Rapture gets wise, so Jacobson delivers a low, vicious kick to the side of the knee. Jacobson with an irish whip, Rapture reverses, Jacobson off the ropes, Rapture with a tilt-a-whirl… NO! Jacobson rotates around one, two, three, four, five times! INTO THE DDT!

BILL HEWSON: Jacobson Driver!

JACK JONES: But he can’t capitalize!

Jacobson not quite enough in him to make a cover or follow-up, and both men are getting to their feet. Rapture with a RIGHT HAND, staggering Jacobson… EUROPEAN UPPERCUT. RIGHT CROSS! EUROPEAN UPPERCUT! RIGHT! EURO! RIGHT! EURO! Rapture with a brutal left hook to end the exchange, maybe the best pure striker in NAPW. HARD Irish whip sends Jacobson into the corner. Cartwheel lariat — NOBODY HOME! Jacobson leaps to the top rope, off, SLINGSHOTS off the top rope and delivers a Tornado DDT! He kips up — LEOSAULT!




Jacobson rolls over, gasping for breath, as Rapture lays unmoving, blinking at the ceiling. KIP-UP JACOBSON! He heads to the top rope! Rapture rolls over, using his fist to get up. His back is turned to Jacobson. The “LIONHEART” FLIES! WINNER’S CIRCLE.

Nobody home!

Rapture sidesteps and Jacobson hits front-first. He pops up, wind knocked out of him as Rapture hits the ropes, seems to fall through but somehow REBOUNDS off them… and uses the momentum to deliver a jawbreaking lariat to Kris Jacobson! “Lionheart” with a three-sixty degree flip before hitting the canvas and Rapture covers…





Rapture can’t believe it, and in his rage he pulls Jacobson up for a short-arm clothesline, check that, two short-arm clotheslines, check that, THREE short-arm clotheslines. No! Jacobson ducks the third and somehow delivers a HIGH dropkick right to the mush of Rapture, knocking the face of the New Dawn into the ropes. Jacobson gets a head of steam and leaps onto Rapture’s shoulders, spinning into a frankensteiner taking BOTH men to the outside! Rapture all the way to the concrete. Jacobson lands on the ring apron and pulls himself up quickly. He takes quick stock of the situation and leaps to the middle rope. LEOSAULT TO THE OUTSIDE —


JACK JONES: What have we said before about WHY it’s called high-risk?!

BILL HEWSON: Jacobson may be hurt, that was an hellacious spill to the floor. And now Joshua Rapture WAIT JUST A SECOND, Rapture nails Chase Jacobson!

Chase again checking on his son, and this time Rapture nails him from behind! Morgan Smythe screaming at Rapture “What the hell are you doing?!”

BILL HEWSON: How is this not a disqualification?

JACK JONES: Yeah, disqualify Kris on account of his dad getting involved!

BILL HEWSON: Rapture is the aggressor! From behind!

JACK JONES: Exactly.

Smythe does NOT want to throw this match out, but Rapture caught Chase off-guard. The veteran Jacobson still in excellent shape but not anticipating a right hand to the back of the head followed by a slam into the guardrail. Rapture with a running boot to the head of Kris, who is not in great shape after that last crash. Rapture laughs to himself, reaching into his boot. He pulls out a short length of chain and wraps it around his already-deadly fists.

BILL HEWSON: For the love of God, don’t do it!

The retired Chase Jacobson taking his feet, he’s got fight in him as Rapture cocks his fist. The crowd screams…



Prince Andellion Moonwater FIRES down the aisle, wildly swinging the chain and spiked dog collar Rapture tried to HANG HIM WITH on the previous night! Rapture’s sixth sense tells him to turn, and he sees Moonwater wielding the chain with a look of pure fury in the Otter prince’s face. Smythe shouts to Moonwater — “HE WILL WIN IF YOU DO THIS.”

Moonwater whirls the collar in the air at the end of the chain, furious and furry. Rapture, however, realizes that Moonwater won’t hand him the win. He breaks out in a wide grin and turns to the fallen Kris Jacobson.

Who is nowhere to be found.



Jacobson is on the top rope! Rapture looks up. Jacobson flies! SWINGING HURRICANRANA! Rapture crashing into the guardrail! Jacobson fires up. FIGHTING SPIRIT~! He tosses Jacobson into the ring and leaps to the top rope, flies off, Rapture with a right hand, Jacobson ducks and rolls through, off the ropes, RUNNING DROPKICK! Rapture goes down! Another dropkick! Flying headscissors INTO THE BUCKLE! Jacobson leaps over the prone Rapture for the double-jump corkscrew moonsault! Jacobson showing the damage done by his hard falls, he can’t cover, holding his mid-section. Rapture quickly to his feet, but Jacobson lashes out with a sudden enziguri to the back of the head! Rapture sways, down to one knee…


Jacobson covers ONE!




BILL HEWSON: Jacobson wins! Jacobson wins in a TREMENDOUS upset here tonight!

JACK JONES: How is any of this fair? Andellion Moonwater caused a distraction!

BILL HEWSON: Joshua Rapture threw the first punch against CHASE Jacobson, Jones…

The Jacobsons celebrate as Chase pulls Kris to the outside! The fans are cheering wildly, but suddenly they gasp collectively. Andellion Moonwater rolls into the ring, the chain draped over his shoulders. Rapture is coming to, rolling to his knees. He crawls forward. Stops. Looks at the fuzzy feet in front of him, following them upward…

Into the beady black eyes of Prince Moonwater.

BILL HEWSON: Yes! Yes! For months Joshua Rapture has laid Moonwater to waste, blindsided him, bloodied him, attempted to humiliate him by scalping him last month! The Prince of Crystalwood is yearning for vengeance!

Rapture loses any semblance of serenity and peace, and with a rail spike that has appeared out of NOWHERE lunges at Moonwater, who ducks and wildly (with a faint uncertainty) swings the chain at Rapture! Joshua ducks and tumbles backwards through the ropes trying to escape it. Rapture points with his rail spike at the Crown Prince of Crystalwood, and Moonwater holds the dog collar and chain up high over his head.

Suddenly, abruptly, Rapture’s anger subsides. He slowly lowers the red-stained spike, a smile curling his lips. Moonwater shares no such perverse joy even as the crowd chants “FUTURE KING, FUTURE KING.” Rapture turns and heads back through the curtains, somehow pleased with the turn of events.

In the ring, the Jacobsons re-enter the ring and give props to Moonwater, but the Prince only bows low to “Lionheart” and takes his leave. “I was repaying the favor — YOU must continue on tonight.”

BILL HEWSON: Thanks to the timely intervention of Andellion Moonwater, Joshua Rapture is OUT of the Canada Cup — and this issue can’t possibly get any more heated! Now, however, our final four is set, and “Lionheart” Kris Jacobson is in the semi-finals!

JACK JONES: I’m sorry, but that is just despicable.

BILL HEWSON: Are we talking about cookies again? Jack, get over it. The Girl Guides have to change with the times.

JACK JONES: This year’s boxes are a MIX, Hewson! Delicious chocolate and Nobody-Wants-You-Vanilla! You can’t just GET the chocolate cookies on their own! It’s a travesty! I’ve been writing letter after letter to Prime Minister Harper…

BILL HEWSON: That would explain the unmarked van across the street of your condo every day.

JACK JONES: … they told me they were part of the Neighborhood Super Smile Squad!

BILL HEWSON: Moving on. One heck of a tournament so far, and the semi-finals are set. The final four — “Lionheart” Kris Jacobson! “The Perfect Storm” Jay Deschain! “Starmaker” Sammy Devine! And terrifyingly enough, the brutal Masakre! Now —

“Chalk Outline” by Three Days Grace interrupts Hewson, and the fans bring out the boo-birds. The jeering intensifies when BRUCE CALIBER walks out of the curtain, scowling. Caliber hits the ring and demands a microphone.

Bruce Caliber: Cut my music! I’m sick and tired of his goddamn crap fed holding me down, lowering the glass ceiling at every chance! This was MY tournament to win! This was MY weekend to show how much better than every single wrestler in the locker room… and every single one of YOU … just how much better I am! I AM a higher caliber of competitor! I AM a higher caliber of superstar! I AM a higher caliber of son of a bitch than my broken-down uncle Rex ever was! This is BULLSHIT!

The crowd boos, many of them tossing disrespectful insults Caliber’s way. It’s clear the fans don’t respect or take “The One” seriously.

Bruce Caliber: Shut up! Shut your damn mouth holes! NAPW can’t keep me silent! I WILL wrestle tonight and nobody can stop me! So to all the wannabes and ass-kissers in the back, I’m issuing an OPEN CHALLENGE. Right here and now, somebody get your ass out here so I can destroy you! Come on! I’m begging you! Somebody, anybody —

“Let me take you down…
Cause I’m going toooo
Strawberry fields
Nothing is real…”

The fans erupt!

“Strawberry Fields Forever!”

The gentle, melodic strains of The Beatles play through the arena and out walks Laurence Droese a.k.a. LARDO! In his ETS vest and khaki shorts he’s quite a vision, shaking hands and awkwardly bumping fists with the cheering fans.

JACK JONES: Why are they CHEERING this tub?

BILL HEWSON: Because Lardo above all else CARES about this sport! He may not be the most athletic or talented… actually, he definitely is not those things… but he comes out here every night just because he loves it! He has more heart in his little finger than Bruce Caliber has in his entire body.

JACK JONES: Well, he definitely has more of *something*…

Caliber is aghast as Lardo steps into the ring, waving to the fans. Lardo attempts to offer a handshake and Caliber slaps his hand away in disgust.

Bruce Caliber: I asked for a WRESTLER to come out of the locker room, not some worthless, never-was fat piece of —*

Lardo with a BIONIC DUSTY ELBOW cuts Caliber off! The fans pop as the unlikely fan-favorite steps up and shuts up the loudmouth. Referee Stewie Lamoine slides into the ring and calls for the bell!


BILL HEWSON: We have an official match, and can you believe it, Lardo is ON THE OFFENSIVE! He’d had enough of Bruce Caliber running his mouth and frankly, so has everybody in this building!

Lardo with another elbow knocks down Caliber, then another. Caliber dives into a corner, trying to call a time-out. Lardo stops to wave to all four corners of the ring. He finally remembers he is in a match and spies Caliber resting in the corner. With what little speed he can muster, Lardo charges (I guess you can call it a charge?) in. Caliber moves and Lardo slams into the turnbuckle with his ample torso. Caliber rolls the off-balance former bus driver up FEET ON THE ROPES! ONE! TWO! Lardo squiggles out!

Caliber is furious by Lardo’s attempt at offense and kicks his opponent hard in the ribs as Lardo tries to get up. Caliber with stomps, then…


Caliber SPITS on Lardo.

BILL HEWSON: Come on! Of all the disrespectful acts… Caliber is a higher caliber, alright. A higher caliber of scumbag!

JACK JONES: Lardo’s very presence in that ring is disrespectful!

The fans are letting Caliber have it, and “The One” eggs them on. He boots Lardo in the gut and hits a DDT. Caliber goes to the top rope and calls for the Breath Buster, looking to put away his opponent in record time. He flies…


JACK JONES: What in the WHAT?

BILL HEWSON: … Lardo lives!

Caliber’s eyes are WIDE in shock as Lardo uses the ropes to finally take his feet again. The fans chant “ABS OF STEEL, ABS OF STEEL!” It’s mocking, but loving. Caliber comes in and fires a big right hand… Lardo shakes it off! Caliber looks right and left, confused, then fires another huge right hand. It does nothing as Lardo is shaking! Look at that blubber fly! (“Nurse, cancel my one o’clock.”) Caliber with another right hand, Lardo blocks and hits a sloppy punch of his own! Caliber again, blocked, LARDO RIGHT HAND! LARDO WITH ANOTHER! ANOTHER! ANOTHER! Lardo has “The One” backed into the ropes. Irish whip… CLUNKY CLOTHESLINE! Lardo half-falls down delivering it but the damage is done!

JACK JONES: Now what the crap was THAT?

BILL HEWSON: It was bowling shoe ugly, but Lardo put his near FOUR-HUNDRED pound mass behind it! Caliber is down! HERE COMES LARDO!

Lardo off the ropes! He leaps up (approximately twelve centimetres)… and lands sitting right on top of Caliber’s chest! Lamoine counts! ONE! TWO! THREE!


BILL HEWSON: Talk about a “breath buster!” Lardo with a big win here tonight, and he deserves it! What a performance! What he doesn’t have in talent, strength, agility, speed, skill, technical acumen, fashion sense, or body odor, Laurence Droese MORE than makes up for in heart!

JACK JONES: Hell of a recommendation there, Hewson.

The One has rolled out of the ring and heads to the locker room, tail tucked between his legs. In the ring, Lardo basks in the praise of the fans! They love him — and there’s a lot of him to love, baby!

JACK JONES: It was definitely the best bar mitzvah I’ve ever been to.

BILL HEWSON: You’re only saying that because of the open bar. Who has an open bar at bar mitzvah?

JACK JONES: After THAT party, nobody. Not ever again. They made a new by-law…


Trivium kicks up once again, and Jay Deschain walks out to a raucous ovation.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following is a SEMI-FINAL match in the Canada Cup tournament! Introducing first from Black Diamond Washington, he is “THE PERFECT STORM” JAY! DESCHAIN!

Deschain does some glad-handing, but he’s got his focus on the match. He’s come this far! He makes a point to stop by his biggest fan in the front row, getting a high-ten from the “Perfect Storm” merch-clad young fan. Deschain hits the ring and waits…


FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! From Tulsa Oklahoma, he is “Starmaker”… SAMMY DEVINE!

The funk brings out Sammy Devine, in an unzipped “Devine Army” hoodie. He always has all the time for his legions of fans, and appears to have a new spring in his step after vanquishing Anton Petrov in round two!

BILL HEWSON: An intriguing rematch here in the final four, Jack Attack Jones. Last month it was Sammy Devine with the win over Jay Deschain — if he does it again, he’s off to the Canada Cup finals!

JACK JONES: Devine is full of confidence after taking out Petrov earlier tonight, Hewson… that’s a huge momentum builder. Which means I may need to make a, uh, phone call here.

BILL HEWSON: Just tweet your bookie. Sammy Devine got the monkey off his back, so to speak, defeating Petrov to get here, and he beat Bryan Marshall in round one to start things off. Jay Deschain with a win over Bruce Caliber last night, and earlier this evening he got past Xristus. A little controversy over that ending, but…

JACK JONES: Why the heck should Jay Deschain have gotten involved? He doesn’t need to deal with secret orders and crazy snake men, he has a tournament to win!

BILL HEWSON: Well, he’s certainly focused… there’s the bell! Here we go!


Right off the hop Sammy Devine is in the face of Jay Deschain, jawing. There is no love lost between these two men. Devine remembers that Deschain refused to shake his hand after their classic contest last month. Deschain shoves Devine, who returns fire with a LOUD open-hand slap across the face. Deschain steps backwards, blinking blood out of his ears. Devine returning the favor from last month. Deschain shouts “fuck you!” and charges in! THEY’RE A-CLUBBERIN’! Wild right hands with no break or quarter given! The crowd is going organic bananas! Deschain with a kneelift to end it off, he hooks up Devine for a suplex, Devine flips out and ends up behind, German suplex, standing switch, Deschain with a monstrous German Suplex! Devine lands on his feet! Deschain turns around — STARMAKER! Right off the hop! Devine with a cover one, two, Deschain kicks out clearly at two.

JACK JONES: Deja vu all over again, Hewson.

BILL HEWSON: These two put on a clinic last month, with Sammy Devine coming out on top. They’ve both clearly watched that encounter back!

JACK JONES: As tired as they both have to be, they’re not bothering to pace themselves!

BILL HEWSON: They are both fan-favorites, both men have fought hard and honorably to get to the final four… but they don’t like each other much.

Devine pulls Deschain up — “The Perfect Storm” knocks Devine’s hands away and shoots a hard elbow strike in. A series follows and Devine is backed into the turnbuckle. Deschain with an elbow, and then he switches it up. Chop! “Whoooo!’ Chop! “Whoooo!’ Chop! “Whooooo!” Deschain points to his own chest, which Devine chopped all to hell last month. “Remember that shit?” Devine indeed does, and he suddenly explodes out of the corner and slams Deschain into the buckles. CHOPS! WHOOOO! WHOOOO! WHOOOO! … Devine winks to the fans! WHOOOOO! Deschain stumbles out, gasping and holding his chest.

JACK JONES: You mentioned something about these two not liking each other.

BILL HEWSON: Bright-red welts covering the chests of both men!

Deschain looks up… Devine with a spinning heel kick! One, two, that’s all she wrote. Devine hooks up Deschain for a BRAINBUSTER, the Washington state native blocks it. Deschain with a shot to the kidneys, into a front facelock. Forearm smashes across the kidneys and back of Devine! Deschain beales Devine through the ropes and to the floor, then sags into the ropes for a quick breather. Devine looks up — baseball slide by Deschain! Side-stepped! “Starmaker” yanks Deschain all the way to the outside and nails a forearm shiver. Charge — DESCHAIN WITH THE TORNADO BUSTER ON THE FLOOR! Devine’s eyes bug out and he gasps for breath, kicking the concrete as Deschain sits back against the ring apron. Jay quickly takes his feet, though, wanting to press the advantage. He bundles Devine into the ring and follows up with a knee to the ribs. Diving elbows into the ribcage! Devine thrashes and Deschain covers. One, two, kick-out!

JACK JONES: “The Perfect Storm” smelling blood in the water, baby!

BILL HEWSON: That thundering spinebuster on the outside knocked the wind right out of Sammy Devine, and Deschain is focusing on the ribs now! And don’t call me “baby.”

JACK JONES: Smart, Hewson. Jay Deschain is S-M-R-T, smart!

Deschain hooks Devine up, couple shots across the back again, and he hoists him up. Vertical suplex… and he keeps him up there! Stalling suplex… still stalling… still stalling… Devine suddenly throws KNEEstrikes from upside down?! Deschain trying to hold him up, trying to fall back, but he can’t do it in time! Devine falls back to his feet and hoists DESCHAIN up for a suplex. Not just any suplex —


BRAINAAABUSTAHHHHHH! Deschain is loopy and sprawled out! Devine takes to the turnbuckle, climbs to the top. Arms raised high as the fans get out of their seats! Devine yells: “AMERICA!”

The crowd returns:



JACK JONES: But… they’re BOTH American!

BILL HEWSON: Devine with the cover, hooks the leg, is this it?!





BILL HEWSON: The closest of three counts! This entire building thought that was IT! I thought it was it!

JACK JONES: Cripes, man, whoever wins this isn’t going to have anything left for the Canada Cup finals!

In the ring, Devine starts clapping, slowly, drawing the fans into it until a calamitous ovation fills the venue! He has his arms outstretched, fingers flicking, waiting for a groggy Deschain to get to his feet… DEVINE INTERVENTION! NO! Deschain shoves Devine off! Devine stutter-steps, Deschain with a German Suplex, Devine sandbags and ROLLS THROUGH INTO A PIN! ONE! TWO! Deschain kicks out! Deschain charges in and gets met with a toe-kick. SAMMY FEVER — double legsweep by Deschain! HE’S TURNING IT OVER INTO THE HIGH TIDE LOCK!! Devine thrashes, yelling in pain as Deschain this time around gets it cinched on! Devine crawling, clawing, he makes it to the ropes in the nick of time!

JACK JONES: That was CLOSER than close.

BILL HEWSON: Deschain wasn’t in the center of the ring with that one, or Devine may not have been able to get the ropes… Jay Deschain had that hold cinched RIGHT in.

Deschain doesn’t quite let go immediately, but breaks at the referee’s three count. A tiny bit of frustration showing in his face.

BILL HEWSON: Jay Deschain has to be wondering, what will it take to put away Sammy Devine? *Can* I beat this man?

Deschain slaps his elbow hard, now he’s waiting for Devine to get up. Devine turns into the ROLLING BLACKOUT — no dice! Devine ducks under and then delivers a high-angle back suplex. Deschain is down! Devine is up — back up on the top rope! Deschain regaining his feet… FALLING STARS!


Devine crashes and burns, caught in mid-air! Deschain with him up — FLASH FLOOD DRIVER! With Devine prone, it’s Deschain’s turn to head to the top rope. He’s up and FLIES without any pause. THUNDASTRUCK!




Now it’s Jay Deschain’s turn to come THAT CLOSE, and he looks STUNNED. Deschain with an open mouth, it’s moving but no words are coming out. He holds up three fingers to the referee, who shakes his head and shouts “Two!” Deschain looks nearly bereft, rolling to the outside to regain his bearings. He looks around, and seems to be focused on… the timekeeper?

JACK JONES: I don’t think the timekeeper likes the way Deschain is staring at him…

Deschain shakes the cobwebs loose and rolls back in, however. Devine is still not up, he took a blast there. Deschain grabs the legs, High Tide Lock REVERSED INTO A SMALL PACKAGE! ONE! TWO! THNO! Deschain charges in, Devine swings around for a roll-up! ONE! TWO! Deschain kicks out! Devine shoots to the ropes and —

Deschain sends him FLYING in the air! Devine’s arms pinwheel and he comes crashing down to the canvas hard on his chest! He’s up, arms crossed over his ribs, and —


Devine is still standing, eyes in the back of his head, swaying on his tiptoes! He’s out on his feet…


Devine falls in slow-motion and Deschain hooks the leg. ONE! TWO! THREE!

FRANK WARBURTON: Here is YOUR winner, advancing to the Canada Cup finals… JAY DESCHAIN!

BILL HEWSON: Hell of a match! Deschain evens their series at one apiece, but more importantly, heads to the Canada Cup finals! I’m not sure he actually needed that second Devine Intervention, but…

JACK JONES: Taking no chances, and I can’t blame him. Jay Deschain has punched his ticket to the finals!

In the ring, Devine is coming around. Deschain celebrates, allowing the referee to raise his hand high. He’s about to leave the ring with Devine grabs his wrist. Deschain turns, cocking a fist, but Devine, with a hand on his forehead, shakes his head. Instead, he offers a hand. Deschain looks at it…

JACK JONES: Don’t do it! It’s a trap!

BILL HEWSON: Last month, we did not get a handshake between these two.

A long moment… but Deschain smirks, and shakes the offered hand. Deschain leaves the ring. The fans are giving Sammy a huge ovation. He returns the love to his “Devine Army” but can’t help but be disappointed his night is ending here.

BILL HEWSON: This is not the end he hoped for, but Sammy Devine with, well, a “starmaking” performance in the 2014 Canada Cup. And he achieved one important victory … FINALLY earning a win over Anton Petrov! Later tonight, though, it will “The Perfect Storm” Jay Deschain taking on either “Lionheart” Kris Jacobson… or Masakre! Don’t go anywhere, fans!

JACK JONES: … after that, I swore off churros forever.

BILL HEWSON: Ninety-eight in one sitting IS a lot.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following is a SEMI-FINAL match in the Canada Cup tournament! Introducing first…

“All About You” – The Berzerker.

FRANK WARBURTON: Accompanied by Dr. Ayala! He is… MASAKRE!

The masked monster stalks to the ring like a supreme predator in the wild. He stomps in and referee Martin Chan flinches at the man’s presence. Dr. Ayala takes a position on the outside, again observing with clinical detachment.

Queen hits up and once again, the fans are on their feet for the “Lionheart!’

FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! Accompanied to the ring by the “Lion” Chase Jacobson… from Winnipeg! “LIONHEART!” KRIS! JACOBSON!

The “Lionheart” is slapping hands, but no question he’s moving slower than he was earlier this night, or last night at the Polish Hall.

BILL HEWSON: The winner of this match will take on JAY DESCHAIN in the finals. Kris Jacobson got here with a win over Andellion Moonwater last night, and earlier this evening defeated Joshua Rapture. Masakre took out J.C. Chapman of Team NOTW last night, and earlier this evening managed to get by the tough-as-nails Cuzin Eddie!

JACK JONES: Masakre is my pick to win it all, Bill Hewson! “Lionheart” is in for a letdown!

BILL HEWSON: Of the final four, Kris Jacobson has to be at the biggest disadvantage in terms of sheer wear and tear. Look at the bruises inflicted by Joshua Rapture, that swollen lip.

JACK JONES: His back is a mess of purple and green after those spills to the floor in the last match! Masakre has to be full of joy at those colors. Let’s see if the younger Jacobson truly has the heart of a lion, eh?

BILL HEWSON: He will HAVE to. Masakre was taken to the limit by Cuzin Eddie earlier tonight, but he is easily the freshest man in the semi-finals. He is a monster, a beast, and you have to wonder — if the powerhouse Cuzin Eddie couldn’t stop him, who CAN?

Jacobson poses for the fans, but he quickly sets up. He looks across the ring to the manic-eyed Masakre, and steels himself with a twitch in his cheek. Martin Chan checks with both men and calls for the bell!


Masakre lunges for Kris Jacobson, but the smaller man dips around and under. KICKS! Jacobson letting loose with those lethal feet. Masakre turns, trying to swat, and takes kicks right in the chest. Thud. Thud. THUD! Jacobson with a toe kick doubles Masakre over — European uppercut pops him back up! Leaps to the ropes — springboard flying headscissors! Masakre tumbles over and lands prone near the corner. Jacobson runs, leaps over Masakre’s body, to the middle turnbuckle, to the top — DOUBLE JUMP CORKSCREW MOONSAULT! He nails him, cover one — ONLY ONE. Masakre powers out and launches Jacobson halfway across the ring. Chase Jacobson claps on the outside, telling his son to stay focused. The “Lionheart” doesn’t need much in the way of reminders, briefly clutching his side.

JACK JONES: If that lousy goodnik Chase Jacobson had any sense, he told “Lionheart” to put this away quick. Joshua Rapture beat the hell out of Kris only an hour ago — Masakre had a brawl with Eddie but he’s bigger, stronger, and in better condition!

BILL HEWSON: Didn’t the “Lion” over there beat you for a title, back in the day?

JACK JONES: I don’t recall the events in question.

BILL HEWSON: Or two, or three…

JACK JONES: WILL you be serious?

A series of kicks from Kris Jacobson, trying to keep Masakre off balance. A flurry of European uppercuts. Off the ropes, Jacobson flies OH MY. Masakre EXPLODING off the ropes and smashing “Lionheart” out of the air! “Lionheart” hits the canvas on his neck and shoulders, nearly folded over… and the grim Masakre smells blood. Dr. Ayala watches on, peering over the lenses of his half-moon glasses, as Masakre savagely hoists up the two-hundred pound Jacobson. Gargoyle Suplex! Masakre with a series of stomps, then he hoists Jacobson up again. Belly to belly, overhead, throwing “Lionheart” around like so much luggage! Jacobson skids to a stop on the edge of the ring. Masakre waits for him to get up, then charges in — shoulder thrust from Jacobson through the ropes! Masakre staggers backward, Jacobson on the top rope. Springboard hurricanrana… but Masakre is going NOWHERE. Jacobson is on the man’s shoulders, and he mouths “OH SHIT” before being POWERBOMBED INTO THE TURNBUCKLE.


BILL HEWSON: “Lionheart” OH MY! Masakre CRUSHES him in the corner with that big splash! And Kris Jacobson sags to the MASKARE AGAIN!! Things do not look good for the young man from Winnipeg!

JACK JONES: Listen to these fans trying to get behind Jacobson… Masakre is a force of NATURE. You can’t hulk up on NATURE, people. It’s SCIENCE. Albertans, honestly.

BILL HEWSON: I — what?

Masakre suddenly looks over to Dr. Ayala, momentarily distracted. Jacobson is on his ass in the corner, slumped and caved in from the rapid destruction. Masakre grabs the ankles and unceremoniously yanks Jacobson off the canvas and crashing back down, then makes a cover. One! Two! Jacobson kicks out! Masakre pulls his man up again, hooking the man’s arms. Again, Masakre suddenly distracted, glancing over to Dr. Ayala. The psychiatrist offers no response. Masakre refocuses on the victim in front of him. Headbut. Headbutt. Headbutt. HEADBUTT. The fans collectively wince at each one and “Lionheart” would likely be off his feet if Masakre wasn’t holding him up… Reverse Tiger Suplex! The Grim Facade connects. ONE! TWO! TH— Jacobson will not surrender! The crowd surges at the kickout and Masakre almost looks uncertain of himself. He shakes it off and pulls Jacobson up once more. He hauls the man up, pulling Jacobson literally off his feet. T-BONE SUPLEX — Jacobson desperately throwing elbows into the side of Masakre’s head! Masakre with a clubbing blow across the back, but Jacobson fires back! Masakre can’t hold on and Jacobson throws a chop across the chest. Masakre grunts and his eyes beneath the mask flash. Jacobson gulps.

JACK JONES: That… may not have been the brightest idea.

Masakre with a huge overhand chop that sends Jacobson crashing into the turnbuckle. Masakre roars and charges in. The “Lionheart” leaps to the top rope and Masakre collapses in! Jacobson with a missile dropkick takes Masakre down… and both men are down. The referee Martin Chan begins the count. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! Masakre slowly getting up… FIVE! SIX!


Masakre charges in, Jacobson catches him with a drop toe-hold! STANDING SHOOTING STAR! Not going for the cover — LEOSAULT!! ONE! TWO! KICK-OUT! The monster still with too much in him! Jacobson hits the ropes and runs off “OHHHH.” The crowd response is their reaction to Masakre PLANTING Jacobson into the ring with a sudden, swift and NASTY snap powerslam. Masakre gets to his feet and signals it’s time for… a TOTAL MASAKRE. Throat-cut!

The lights go out.

JACK JONES: Thank God for iPhones! Where is that flashlight app…

BILL HEWSON: Jack Attack — look!

The lights have come back on… and Masakre is standing, shock still, staring at one of the ring posts.

Upon which is the mysterious mask that has haunted him for the past few months. The mask of MATANZA is placed upon the ringpost, staring empty eyes into Masakre! The masked savage suddenly looks shaky, uncertain, not sure what is happening. Again he looks to the impassive Dr. Ayala for help as Chase Jacobson tries to get the fans behind his son. Masakre smashes his own face in, hitting the side of his head, trying to get it together. Unfortunately for “Lionheart,” that appears to work. Masakre hoists Jacobson up. GORILLA PRESS! TOTAL MASAKRE —


“Lionheart” countered out with an EPIC Tornado DDT! Masakre spikes into the canvas and pops up, swaying backwards on his knees! “Lionheart” somehow has his bearings, sees the position Masakre is in —



Jacobson LEAPS to the top rope à la Rob Van Dam, in one fluid motion! Masakre is down on his stomach… WINNER’S CIRCLE! Phoenix Splash to the back of Masakre! Jacobson shoots the half and rolls Masakre onto his back, hooks the leg! Is the combination enough? Chan counts!




FRANK WARBURTON: Here is YOUR winner, advancing to the finals of the 2014 CANADA CUP… “LIONHEART!” KRIS! JACOBSON!

BILL HEWSON: My god the kid did it! “Lionheart” is into the finals! What a tournament so far for Kris Jacobson… this is fast becoming his coming out party! And the NAPW faithful are solidly behind him!

JACK JONES: I’ll give the kid credit, he’s taken a beating in every single match, and he will not die — but a STORM is waiting for him in the finals!

BILL HEWSON: Jay Deschain! Kris Jacobson! One of these two men will win the 2014 Canada Cup! And Dr. Ayala appears disappointed in his patient… Masakre with a hell of a run, but the MATANZA mask completely threw him off his game! How the hell did it even get there?

Masakre looks to be entering a BERZERKER RAGE, and Dr. Ayala is trying to calm him down. The Jacobsons, and referee Chan, have wisely chosen not to celebrate this victory too long, Chan raising Kris’ arm near the entrance way. The fans cheer… in the ring, Dr. Ayala seems to have gotten through to the man behind the Masakre mask. Masakre’s broad shoulders heaving as he takes deep breaths. The doctor looks right into Masakre’s eyes, through the roughly hewn holes of the mask. Masakre tilts his head slightly, eyes narrowing.

BILL HEWSON: Thank goodness, I was worried security wouldn’t be enough … oh…

Hewson trails off and the crowd screams as once again the venue is plunged into darkness. The lights pop back on only seconds later.

And the Matanza mask is ON DR. AYALA.


JACK JONES: Wrong direction, Hewson… what in the HELL. That was — how did that mask get from the ringpost to — that’s impossible! I swear!

Masakre is looking up at … at… the doctor’s clothes are the same, but the mask is somehow on his head, and we are looking at a DIFFERENT PERSON. Entirely. Masakre snorts like a powerful beast as Dr. Ayala, no, as MATANZA brings a microphone (where did he get it?!) to his lips?

Matanza: And now…

The voice is inhuman, monstrous. The fans have no idea how to respond, but they instinctively flinch at the sound, instinct born of centuries of fight or flight…

Matanza: The violence… must… innnncreeeeeeaaasssse.

The lights are down. They return seconds later, and Masakre and Matanza are —


BILL HEWSON: I have no idea, Jack Attack, but I get the feeling — a sickening feeling — that the next time we see Masakre and Matanza in this ring, it will be terrifying for everybody else. I… we need to take a brief intermission. Stay tuned if you’re on iPPV for our WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH, Clancy King vs Abbey Graves is scheduled next!

The fans cannot stop whispering in hushed tones.

What just happened?

And what’s next?

JACK JONES: … which is why you need the Rusted Iron Ring to fight the Gold Crystal Golem in Darkroot Basin.

BILL HEWSON: I have literally no idea what you’re going on about.

“Nymphomania” hits the speakers.

JACK JONES: The tag team champions are in the house, Hewson!

BILL HEWSON: Much as it makes me sick to say it… the Rabble made good on their last chance, and the did indeed win the NAPW Tag Team Championship last night.

The crowd boos as ERNST, GUSTAV and GRETA, accompanied by the RABBLE ROUSERS, emerge from the curtain, dancing crazy in the flashing lights. The crowd boos as they begin making their way to the ring.

BILL HEWSON: Wait… why are Ernst and Gustav wearing the title belts? GRETA was in the ring last night to win the belts.

JACK JONES: She’s there to help her brothers win glory. She’s a selfless woman!

The gaggle of European ravers climb, slide and dance their way into the ring where the lights come back up and the music fades. Gustav grabs a microphone.

Gustav: Behold! Your new UNIFIED NAPW Tag Team, and Safeway Refresh-Brand Natural Spring Water Tag Team CHAMPIONS!

BOO! Nobody who was there night one likes the fact the titles changes hands, nor the circumstances surrounding it. Gustav holds up his NAPW tag title belt and the cheap plastic knock-off with a water bottle crudely taped to it as though they were somehow equal.

Ernst: Ja! Though we have always been champions – now, at last, thanks to the coaching of our beloved sister Greta and the support of our loyal Rabble Rousers, the physical representations of that fact is now rightfully in our hands – and no longer in those of those conformists, the A-Team.

The fans cheer at the mention of the fan-favourites, but that just elicits angry shouts from the Rabble Rousers. Greta spits at the very mention of their name.

Gustav: Though I hate to ruin a wonderful party, I do have some sad news. The A-Team… could not be here tonight. It seems their beloved Cyndi may have suffered an injury that required that they rush home.

Boo! Greta grabs the microphone.

Greta: Ja! You SHOULD boo the A-Team! They put her in harms way bringing her to ring last night! She is not a wrestler! She had no business being there, and any injury she may have suffered lies upon THEIR heads, not ours!


JACK JONES: She’s not wrong, Hewson! Greta’s not just a valet, and the A-Team should have done their homework before bringing Cyndi in on business that wasn’t hers!

BILL HEWSON: So should Dr. Frank, or the Earl of Dokken stay away from the ring?

JACK JONES: That’s different! They know the score!

Ernst: But tonight is not about has-beens. It is about now-ares! For the Rabble ARE your NAPW Safeway Refresh-Brand Natural Spring Water Tag Team Champions! And now… WE DANCE!

The music kicks back up and the lights begin to strobe as the Rabble and their entourage begin dancing crazy in the ring. The crowd continues jeering them until the party is interrupted in the most rude fashion…

By Prince.

The crowd cheers as SAMMY DEVINE, the Starmaker, steps from behind the curtain, a microphone already in hand. Devine’s clearly just come from the locker-room… his hair is still wet and slicked back, and he’s wearing track pants and a “Devine Army” hoodie. The Rabble all mill about the ring, upset their celebration has been cut short.

Sammy Devine: On behalf of myself, the Devine Army, and EVERYONE else in the building tonight… would you, please, just do us all a favour and SHUT UP.

CHEER! The Rabble Rousers angrily mill about as Greta grabs the microphone from Ernst.

Greta: This party is for winners, Devine! Not losers!


Sammy Devine: Then why are your sweaty brothers stinking up the ring?

JACK JONES: Oh, man, those are fighting words!

Ernst and one of the Rousers have to physically hold Gustav back from charging out of the ring. Greta sneers.

Greta: Big talk for someone who has never held a title. You had your chance at the NAPW World  Championship… and you failed. You had your chance, tonight, at winning the Canada Cup… and you failed. You are a failure, Starmaker. Unlike my brothers… the TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS.

The crowd boos, but Devine waves them off.

Sammy Devine: No, no. She has a fair point. I’ve had a shot at the world title and the Canada Cup, and came up short. That’s history. But you know one title I HAVEN’T had a shot at?

Devine grins and the crowd’s murmuring starts to transition into cheers.

JACK JONES: He doesn’t mean…

BILL HEWSON: I think he’s challenging them for their tag team belts!

JACK JONES: Three against one? I knew Sammy Devine had a screw loose, but this is insane!

The crowd is cheering as Greta smirks and glances back at Ernst and Gustav. The two are laughing and pointing at him.

Greta: You think you can fight the Rabble for the NAPW Tag Team Championship? You and what arm-

She stops herself, but too late. Devine is beaming as the crowd starts chanting “Star-Ma-Ker! Star-Ma-Ker!”

Greta: Your Devine Army can’t get in the ring with you, Starmaker. But fine… if you want to challenge for the tag team titles –

Gustav pulls the mic from Greta, laughing. She glares at him, but he’s already talking.

Gustav: WE ACCEPT! Next month, it will be the Rabble versus Sammy Devine for the titles!

Sammy smirks.

Sammy Devine: Oh, I never said I’d be by myself.

Gustav’s face falls as the “Beverly Hillbillies” theme song hits the speakers. The crowd cheers as CUZIN EDDIE walks out, smiling and waving.

BILL HEWSON: He has a partner! This is a match! This is happening!

JACK JONES: Can Sammy Devine just book himself and Cuzin Eddie into a title match!? Who gave them the authority to do that!?

BILL HEWSON: The Rabble accepted their challenge! Mark your calendars! Next month, Sammy Devine and Cuzin Eddie take on the Rabble… for NAPW Tag Team Championship!

JACK JONES: … she never ate so many pretzels again, I’ll tell you that.

BILL HEWSON: That was your MOST ROMANTIC date?

FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for ONE FALL… and is for the NAPW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP!

The crowd lets out a big cheer as “2nd Sucks” hits the ring.

FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, the challenger! Weighing in at ONE HUNDRED and THIRTY pounds… From Coram, New York, she is ABBEY! GRAVES!

To the tones of A Day To Remember, ABBEY GRAVES erupts from the curtains, fired up and ready to go! The crowd is cheering as she sprint to the ring and slides in.

BILL HEWSON: Abbey Graves, the NAPW’s own “Princess of Profanity” could make history tonight, Jack Attack, and become the first woman to ever hold the NAPW World Title! Add in her personal issues with King, and this may be the biggest night of her career to date.

JACK JONES: A night that she almost missed thanks to Anton Petrov’s cowardly, brutal assault on our Champion, Clancy, King of NAPW.

BILL HEWSON: I think his punching Abbey in the back of the head was the worst part of that whole sorry incident, Jack. He nearly gave her a serious concussion.

JACK JONES: Speak for yourself, Hewson. Petrov ruined a beautiful ceremony.

Graves makes a belt motion around her waist as organs blare and Saint-Saens’ Symphony Number 3 hits the speakers.

FRANK WARBURTON: And her opponent, being accompanied to the ring by his “Minister of Defense,” the Earl of Dokken! Weighing in at TWO HUNDRED and SEVENTY-FOUR pounds. From REGINA, SASKATCHEWAN, he is your NAPW WORLD CHAMPION… CLANCY! KING!

JACK JONES: Clancy, King of NAPW, you mean!

The fans boo as CLANCY KING, flanked by the EARL OF DOKKEN, steps out from behind the curtain. He wears the championship belt around his waist and his ermine cape over his shoulders. He gives a regal wave to his booing subjects, then begins down the ramp, ignoring their catcalling with royal poise.

JACK JONES: What a great man, Clancy King is, Hewson. So perfect and elegant. He’s who we all wish we could be!

BILL HEWSON: A guy who never has to work for anything and gets his way because of a drop of royal blood?

JACK JONES: Pretty much, yeah.

The Earl dutifully removes King’s cape and the champ climbs up to the ring, wiping his boots before stepping through the ropes. He removes the belt, holding it up in Abbey’s face for a moment with a smug smile. “This is as close as you get, so savour it.” Boo! Graves smirks and raises something to show him, too. Yeah, that’s her middle finger. Yay! King shakes his head, and hands the belt off to senior referee Martin Chan.

BILL HEWSON: This is it! Championship on the line!

JACK JONES: Graves is outclassed, outsized and has a history of being beaten up by Clancy King, Hewson. This match will be done VERY quickly.


The champion and challenger stand only feet apart, and the size difference is astonishing. Clancy King -literally- twice the size of the petite challenger. Clancy, King of NAPW does not go for a lock-up. Instead, he holds a hand out imperiously towards Abbey Graves. The champion gets down on one knee, folds his hands behind his back, and offers Graves a free hold? “I am a generous sovereign!” Graves rolls her eyes and mouths “oh fuck off,” but King lowers his head. Graves gingerly slaps on a headlock — King quickly scoops his much lighter opponent, but Graves flips out and lands on her feet. Kicking! Graves hits the ropes and King tries a big boot — Graves slides on the canvas to duck and boots the champ right in the arse. King shoots forward and Graves nips up, offering a little golf clap. The champion regains his composure, chin tilted up “just-so” in regal fashion. King raises one arm to the sky…

BILL HEWSON: Is he asking Abbey Graves for a test of strength?

JACK JONES: Time-honoured tradition!

BILL HEWSON: Maybe, but not when you’re a full foot taller than your opponent. King seems to be underestimating Graves, and that may cost him.

JACK JONES: He’s beaten her once, and that was *before* he was champion.

Graves glances at King, then looks out to her fans. “Is this guy for real?” The crowd is booing and catcalling King, but he seems powerfully sincere in his desire to have a test of strength. Graves shrugs, shaking her head in disbelief, and meets him in centre ring. The challenger reaches up and comes up short. King switches arms. Graves half-assed tries to reach him up there. King gives her a patronizing grin — which turns to a painful “O” when Graves decides to just kick him in the frikkin’ knees! The champion brought to his knees, and then Graves reaches up to lock hands with him. “Come on ya fuck!” They go chest-to-chest, King with a power advantage (obviously). Graves being bent back but you know what, “fuck this!” Headbutt by Graves to King! Two more quick headbutts and both competitors reel, seeing tweetie-birds.

Graves recovers quickest and hits the ropes. The Earl of Dokken tries to grab an ankle, but Graves hops over the grip. She looks down and wags a finger mockingly, drawing an infuriated “Minister of Defense” to the apron. The Earl shouts his disappointment with the “uncoutch lady”… Graves winks at him, turns around — then bends backwards Matrix-style to dodge a charging lariat by King! The champion screeches to a stop inches away from crashing into his own manager…

And Graves dropkicks King right into the Earl! Dokken crashes to the floor and King is aghast. He turns around right into a bicycle kick from Graves, sending him spilling through the ropes and to the floor beside the Minister.

JACK JONES: This is an international relations nightmare in the making!

BILL HEWSON: The “cabinet” may need to be shuffled… watch out! Abbey Graves to the top rope!

The King and Earl of Dokken to their feet, Dokken brushing off his liege. King looks up, the Earl follows his gaze… ABBEY GRAVES WITH A NO-LOOK MOONSAULT TO THE OUTSIDE! SHE TAKES THEM BOTH OUT AND KIPS UP!


Abbey meets the King as he takes his knees… THUD. Huge kick to the chest and the fans chant along with each one! “Graves. Graves. Graves! Graves! GRAVES! GRAVES!” King wincing with every resonating blow to his chest, and then Graves winds up. “GraaaaaaaaaaVES—OHHHHHHH!”

BILL HEWSON: The champion ducked the roundhouse! OH MY! GERMAN SUPLEX INTO THE GUARDRAIL!

JACK JONES: Royal proclamation — Abbey Graves is losing this war!

Graves now draped mid-section first over the guardrail as a result of that monster German suplex, which saw her spin like crazy. Clancy King with a running knee right to her head!

JACK JONES: And now we’re getting deadly, deadly serious.

BILL HEWSON: There was concern that Abbey Graves would not be cleared to compete tonight, but she somehow escaped last night’s fracas without a concussion, even after that brutal suckerpunch of Anton Petrov’s to the back of her head.

JACK JONES: She may have been cleared, but there is no physical way she isn’t feeling the effects! And Clancy, KING of NAPW, is fully aware! He’s stronger, bigger, tougher, and his head is not so many scrambled eggs. Mmm, eggs.

BILL HEWSON: Hate to agree, but you may be right — Graves’ head is vulnerable, and King knows it!

King now bundles Graves into the ring, the referee breaking his count. King follows in and boots the challenger in the head before she can take her feet, than roughly hauling her up for a running powerslam into the turnbuckle. The feet of Graves get tangled in the top turnbuckle — Tree of Woe! An imperious, closed-eye head raise by King, sweeping the crowd with his hand. They boo him but that doesn’t stop him from putting his foot across the throat of Abbey Graves! One, two, three, four, King breaks and holds out one hand to the referee, as if to say “I am royalty.” On the outside, the Earl of Dokken looks extremely pleased. Referee Chan trying to get Abbey free, but King lightly brushes him aside and drives a knee down into her forehead. The blow disengages Graves and she collapses to the canvas. King with a cover one, two, Graves with a kick-out. King applies a cravate and leads Graves to her feet, snapmaring her over and taking the arms. He rams the knee between her shoulderblades, holding her arms outstretched in a surfboard. Digging the knee. Graves shakes her head “no.” The pain is great but it’s not enough to call a submission. King stands up, again drives the knee into her back. And then again, this time breaking the hold and sending Abbey thrusting forward. The challenger curls up slightly, trying to work through the pain.

King again surveys his “kingdom,” drawing the ire of the fans. He picks Graves up and whips her to the turnbuckle — with AUTHORITY. Graves literally snaps down to the canvas, crashing on her front. King showing a brutal side hauls her right back up, irish whip to the opposite turnbuckle. Graves hits hard and staggers out… ROARING ELBOW. King covers! ONE! TWO! KICK-OUT!

BILL HEWSON: Clancy King relentless in his assault on the challenger! He is hellbent on retaining the title and showing a focus we haven’t seen before.

JACK JONES: Enough with the backhanded compliments! Clancy King is dominating because he was BORN to rule! Don’t sound so surprised.

BILL HEWSON: You can’t take away King’s natural, raw talent, his size and strength, but come on, Jack. He’s green as grass, constantly underestimating his opponents, and all kinds of lucky.

JACK JONES: He’s undefeated, and the reigning NAPW World Champion.

BILL HEWSON: Not for long if Abbey Graves has anything to say about it!

She may not, Hewson. King continues to brutalize her, forearm across her throat. Broken before the five count. The fans are rallying behind Graves, taunting King with a chant of “PAPER CHAMP, PAPER CHAMP.” King responds by delivering a bulldog to Graves. He smirks, then casually hooks the leg. One, two, another kick-out by Graves. King dusts his hands off. He wasn’t expecting to win on that one, just quiet the crowd. Defiantly, they begin chanting “LET’S GO GRAVES! LET’S GO GRAVES!” Scowling, King whips Abbey to the turnbuckle again and charges in. Graves runs up the turnbuckle and backflips over top of King, then rushes to the opposite ropes! Dropkick! She rolls through and up, another dropkick! The Earl of Dokken up on the apron, DROPKICK! Graves not playing cute now, she cusses out the Earl and turns around —






BILL HEWSON: Two and a half, for sure! Graves is a step ahead of the Earl of Dokken, but he provided just enough distraction to give King an opening.

JACK JONES: And that might be all she wrote, Bill Hewson…

BILL HEWSON: Clancy King with a submission maneuver! Straightjacket crossface locked on in the center of the ring!

King fighting for it, but the hold is applied. Abbey can’t help but cry out as King pulls back. Referee Martin Chan is there, asking if she submits. “-AHH—NO NO!” Graves trying to inch with her body, whatever parts she can, trying to get the ropes! Reaches a hand, fingers still far away! She kicks back a foot, looking for something. But nothing! Graves’ raises her hand up in the air, shaking! IT HOVERS! The fans hold their collective breaths! No, don’t do it! Graves hand comes down —

Into her MOUTH. Graves bites her own knuckles against the pain! King tries to reposition, then pulls back up with everything he has… and Graves uses that minor shift to suddenly thrust backwards with everything. King’s shoulders are down! ONE! TWO! Forced to release the hold or get counted out! Graves has broken the hold, but King brutally double-hand smashes her to the canvas. Graves lands on the bottom rope, and the champion… is getting Martin Chan to look at a wound around his eye? Chan needs to be responsible in case of serious injury. He takes a look and King slyly turns the man around so he can’t see the Earl of Dokken choking Graves on the bottom rope.

BILL HEWSON: Plausible deniability my ass.

Suddenly referee Chan turns and catches the Earl right in the act. He wasn’t buying King’s “wounded warrior” act. The Earl freezes, and Martin Chan yells his authority. You’re outta here! The Earl pitches a fit to a huge cheer from the crowd! King is appalled… APPALLED… at the actions of his “Minister of Defense?” He puts out a hand to silence the Earl, who meekly acquiesces and heads to the back. Chan looks askew at King, not entirely convinced by the champion’s “I had no idea, good job ref” act, but the fans are loving seeing the Earl get booted!

JACK JONES: Clancy King is a tough but fair monarch!

BILL HEWSON: He’s king of the jerks, at any rate, but the Earl is out of the equation. Abbey Graves is in a world of hurt though!

JACK JONES: Exactly — it doesn’t matter one way or another, Clancy King is about to put her down!

King picks Abbey up onto his shoulders. He looks to the crowd — elbows! Graves throwing elbows to the head of King, desperately trying to avoid the Coronation! King tries to throw her anyway… only to receive a Tornado DDT! Spiked on his head, but Graves can’t capitalize! Both champ and challenger down and the ref makes his count. One. Two. Three. King pulling himself up by the ropes. Four. Five. Graves starts to stir! Six! Seven! King is on his feet! Eight! Nine! … Graves gets to her feet at the last second! King moves in with a right hand, Graves ducks and unleashes a high-impact kick! King winces and throws a lariat, but that’s ducked as well. Right to the back. King turns into another kick and Graves suddenly has the momentum. She hits the ropes, dropkick! Rolls back and up, another dropkick! Once more and King is swaying. Graves with an irish whip, reversed, King fires an elbow, Graves ducks, hits the ropes again, SO MUCH SPEED — flying headscissors! King taken over the top rope! Graves lands back in the ring and looks over… REBOUND!




Graves manages to get King slumped on the canvas, head-and-arms, and rolls back in. King rolls back in and Graves is quick to meet him with more kicks. Suddenly King goes to the eyes with a rake! He boots Graves and folds her up for a POWERBOMB — REVERSED INTO A FACEBUSTER! Graves with a huge reversal! ONE! TWO! King kicks out! Graves whips King into the turnbuckle… ABBEY ROAD! Backflip — DROPKICK TO THE MIDSECTION! King staggers out, bent over. That’s in prime position for Graves to hook him, point, and run the turnbuckles with him!


King throws her off! The champion sends Graves flying nearly across the ring with his size and strength advantage. Graves regains her feet quickly but King OBLITERATES her with a discus clothesline!

JACK JONES: That’s his DIVINE RIGHT, Hewson!

BILL HEWSON: Whatever it is, it may be ALL!






The crowd is cheering wildly, trying to egg her on. King’s eyes are wide, he can’t believe it! The champion slaps the mat in frustration, trying to compose himself. He looks to the Earl — only to remember that his Minister was sent to the back. A brief look of panic flashes across his face – but he swallows it. King picks up Graves, looking a bit unsure of himself. Not good! The challenger swats his hands away and headbutts King in the sternum! Another kick, but King catches it. He mocks the hopping Graves…


King is still standing, Graves hits the ropes and springboards off!


King shuffles her onto his shoulders, CORONATION



King nearly crushes Graves as she delivers the Backstabber. The champion springs forward, staggering on his feet…











Graves collapses to her knees, face hidden by her hair. The emotion of the moment has overcome her as King somehow rolls to a corner, eyes glassy and half-lidded. Referee Chan has the title belt in his hands but gives the NEW champ a respectful distance. The Earl of Dokken is rushing from the back, a distraught expression on his stiff upper lip.

FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner…

The fans call out along with Frank!


Finally, Graves gets back to her feet, covered in sweat and grit, finally allowing herself to FEEL the aches and pain in her body. Referee Chan hands her the title belt and she clutches it tightly. Hand raised in victory and Graves can no longer contain herself! She hits the turnbuckle, holding the title belt high for all the fans to see! The NAPW faithful are absolutely sharing in the moment! “THANK YOU GRAVES! THANK YOU GRAVES!” Abbey hits another turnbuckle in celebration as in the ring, the Earl of Dokken waves smelling salts under King’s nose, reviving his charge. Graves hits the third turnbuckle. Suddenly the crowd is screaming!


The former champion is charging the ring! He gets in and immediately starts stomping a mudhole on Clancy King! The Earl bails to the outside — and pulls King out in a hurry! Earl supports Clancy King and they try to bee-line to the curtain! Petrov SEETHES, storming around the ring and about to go after them!




BILL HEWSON: Abbey Graves… has not forgotten Petrov knocking her out last night! And costing her the match against King in January! Anton Petrov has shadowed her every move, and Graves has had enough. This is HER moment!

Petrov rolls out of the ring. King and Dokken disappear through the entrance way and Petrov looks up at Graves, dazed. He slowly backs down the aisle as Graves flicks him one last glance. She takes up the leather-and-gold championship belt and once again hits the turnbuckle, this time sitting on it. From her perch she makes eye contact with different fans, sharing in their joy and smiling wide and bright! She almost shakes her head in disbelief at the love of the fans as they chant:


BILL HEWSON: New Tag Team Champions. New NAPW WORLD Champion. And we’re one match away from learning if Jay Deschain or Kris Jacobson will be leaving here tonight with the Canada Cup!

“Branded” by Hank III kicks in.

JACK JONES: Apparently we’re not!

FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a tag team challenge! Introducing first, weighing in at a total combined weight of 620 pounds and representing the state of Kentucky, Bryan Marshall and John Mitchell, THE KENTUCKY HELLBILLIES!

Big Bryan Marshall, 328 pounds of raging testosterone, leads the way, with the taller, more slender John Mitchell not far behind. They’re already jaw-jacking with the fans, all attitude and crude language – and the fans aren’t impressed.

JACK JONES: You know, I like these guys! There’s just something about them, something…

BILL HEWSON: Obnoxious?

JACK JONES: Yeah! That’s it!

No sooner have Marshall and Mitchell than Luke Graham and JC Chapman are out, pre-empting the start of “Soldiers Under Command” by Stryper. These two don’t wanna waste another minute of Canada Cup Night Two.

FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents, weighing in at a total combined weight of 460 pounds, representing Michigan state, they are Luke Graham and JC Chapman, TEAM N.O.T.W.!

A nice pop for the announcement of Team Not of this World, a typical big man-little man combination with JC Chapman totally outsized by the other three men in the match and Luke Graham near enough on-par with the Kentucky Hellbillies – a fact immediately evident as the two teams square up to each other, all chest-to-chest and raised voices. It isn’t long before the first shoves come, the Kentucky Hellbillies looking to get things started, but Graham barely budges for Mitchell, while Chapman bounces off the far ropes and Team N.O.T.W. land a pair of synchronized standing elbows!

BILL HEWSON: Here we go in this tag team challenge, what a great little bonus for our loyal fans tonight, Jack Attack!

JACK JONES: Yeah, nice for these boys to get another shot after their eliminations from the Canada Cup! And I’ll tell you what, my money’s on the Hellbillies! Team N.O.T.W. were not in a good way after night one of the Canada Cup!

Mitchell and Marshall, staggered from those elbows, retaliate with a pair of straight rights, and all of a sudden the touch paper has been lit! We have a full-blown four man brawl on our hands, and it’s not long before Chapman is bouncing off the ropes again, this time flooring Mitchell with a flying forearm! Graham spins round, lands a discus punch on Marshall that takes him right off his feet! Marshall back up, Graham grabbing his arm and tossing him unceremoniously into the turnbuckles before following in with a hard clothesline right across the clavicle!

BILL HEWSON: Well, looks like Team Not of this World have a little fight left in ‘em, Jack!

JACK JONES: Yeah, but it’s just a matter of time, Hewson. Something BAD is gonna happen, and they’re gonna be on the receiving end!

BILL HEWSON: That remains to be seen!

Mitchell has since rolled out of the ring, and he and Chapman eventually take their places in their respective corners. Graham allows Marshall to stagger out of the corner on the back of that hard clothesline, and he quickly locks him for a full nelson slam! Marshall bounces off the canvas, winding up in a sitting position, and Graham quickly tags in JC Chapman who runs across the ring, off the ropes, and lands a baseball slide dropkick to the face of ‘The Kentucky Hellbilly’!

Chapman is up in a flash and quickly climbs one of the neutral corners, beckoning to Marshall to get to his feet – at which point Mitchell runs across the apron, shoving JC off the top and outside to the concrete! The fans shower The Hellbillies with boos, as Luke Graham is beside himself and having to be restrained by the referee!

JACK JONES: Look at that idiot! I’d say he’s lost his cool, but he was never cool to begin with if you ask me!

BILL HEWSON: Frankly, I didn’t ask.

Marshall recovers his wits, slides outside the ring, and takes a few cheap shots on the fallen Chapman before rolling him halfway into the ring, grabbing his head pulling it under the bottom rope, climbing to the apron, and standing on said rope, driving it into Chapman’s throat! The referee immediately starts a five count, and Marshall releases the ‘hold’ at four – but gets a ticking off nonetheless. Unfazed, Marshall tags in Mitchell, and Mitchell quickly picks Chapman up, grabs him in a headlock and DRILLS him face first into the mat with a spinning bulldog!

JACK JONES: The Eight Second Ride! Beautiful!

BILL HEWSON: I see you did your homework, Jack Attack!

JACK JONES: Impressed, Hewson?

BILL HEWSON: Something like that, yeah.

Mitchell hooks the leg, gets a one, a two, but no three! Chapman shoots a shoulder off the mat, and Mitchell quickly picks him up, bounces him off the ropes, and WHAM – lands a spear that takes Chapman clean off his feet! Mitchell looks impressed with himself before tagging Marshall back in, and Marshall wraps both hands round Chapman’s throat, lifts him CLEAN off the ground, and hits a huge chokebomb! Marshall stands, pumps both fists into the air, places a huge boot on Chapman’s chest in a nonchalant cover, and gets two for it. Marshall berates the ref for the speed (or lack thereof) of his count, and turns his back on Chapman…

BILL HEWSON: Marshall making a rookie mistake…

JACK JONES: Nah, he’s fine.

Sure enough, Chapman gets to his feet as Marshall leans over the ropes to ‘address’ the ringside fans, sneaks up behind the 300-plus pounder and… eats a spinning clothesline!

JACK JONES: Told ya! This Hellbillies ain’t your run-of-the-mill hicks! They’re smart, Hewson!

BILL HEWSON: Run-of-the-mill hicks…?

Marshall tags Mitchell back in, but decides not to exit, picking Chapman up instead and holding him prostrate in front of him – John Mitchell nods his head as he moves into position… ELEVATED DDT!

JACK JONES: They call that the Hellbillies DDT, Hewson, and trust me, you don’t wanna know how that feels!

BILL HEWSON: Speaking from experience, Jack?

JACK JONES: Uh, no, why?

Mitchell hooks the leg of Chapman, and Chapman just barely gets the shoulder up at two! Mitchell thinks the count should have been a little quicker, but he’s right back on the case, picking Chapman up and delivering a wicked knee breaker! Chapman goes down clutching his left leg, and Mitchell looks like he’s got a sharpshooter on his mind! Mitchell locks Chapman’s legs round his own, and… INSIDE CRADLE OUT OF NOWHERE FROM JC CHAPMAN! One, two, no! Mitchell kicks out, breaks out, back to his feet, misses a clothesline, catches a kick from Chapman, but WHAM. Enziguiri!

BILL HEWSON: Beautiful counter moves from JC Chapman!

JACK JONES: He just bought himself a little time, that’s all! The Hellbillies have his number!

BILL HEWSON: But do they have Luke Graham’s number?!

Chapman crawls towards Graham, and the fans are on their feet! They want the hot tag! But they ain’t going to get it, thanks to a timely intervention from Bryan Marshall! Marshall delivers not one, but two stomps to the back of Chapman’s head, and that draws Graham in! The referee gets in Graham’s face, tells him to leave the ring or he’ll DQ Team N.O.T.W., and in the meantime, Marshall drags Mitchell to his corner, tags himself in as the referee turns round, and goes to work on JC Chapman as the new legal man! Marshall picks Chapman up, hits some hard forearm smashes to the back, sets him up, and hoists him for a powerbomb…

Only to see it reversed into a hurricanrana! Marshall slides halfway across the ring after landing on his head, and Chapman has the full support of the crowd as he looks up, stretching out his hand for Graham…

… and gets it! The hot tag has the crowd jumping up and down, as…

… without warning…

… the lights flicker and die.

BILL HEWSON: What the…

JACK JONES: Don’t tell me they didn’t pay the electricity bill!

BILL HEWSON: I don’t think that’s the reason for this, Jack…

Soon enough the lights are on, and just as quick the audience have lost their collective voice! Graham stands there, ready to go, right in the middle of two big masked monsters!

BILL HEWSON: It’s Masakre and Matanza!

JACK JONES: Oh my… I don’t think that’s what Luke Graham wanted to see when those lights came on!

BILL HEWSON: I don’t think so either, Jack! These two walked straight out of someone’s nightmare and into our lives! And now they wanna make a mark on the NAPW tag team scene!

JACK JONES: Let them! I don’t care! Just make sure I don’t have to interview either of ‘em!

Luke Graham doesn’t know where to start or what to do as he looks back and forth from one warped mask to the other, Masakre and Matanza both circling clockwise around the Team N.O.T.W. standout, before Matanza feints in, takes Graham’s attention, and Masakre LEVELS him with a clothesline from behind!

BILL HEWSON: Good lord!

Graham goes down like a ton of bricks, and Matanza nods his approval, grinning insanely behind that mask – he bares absolutely no resemblance to his Dr Ayala persona, as he instructs Masakre to pick the huge Graham up for a TOTAL MASAKRE!

JACK JONES: Luke Graham is out! He is out, Hewson!

JC Chapman limps into the ring, all heart, and he’s telling these two monsters he wants a piece of them! ‘No problem’, Matanza shrugs, and he sends Masakre forth – Chapman ducks under a wild haymaker, Masakre turns, but Matanza grips both Chapman’s arms behind his back… Masakre lets out a bestial roar, Matanza tosses him his way, and Masakre trips him in a reverse tiger suplex position… POWERFUL piston-like headbutts rattle Chapman’s brain around inside his skull, and Masakre at last, mercifully flings him overhead!

BILL HEWSON: Grim Facade! Grim Facade, Jack Jones!

JACK JONES: You ain’t lying!

The Kentucky Hellbillies have seen all they need to see, and both men take to the outside of the ring. They meet at the entrance ramp, shake their heads, and decide to leave!

JACK JONES: Can’t say I blame ‘em, Hewson!

Angered, Matanza lets out a bestial roar of his own, the Hellbillies look back one last time, and…




There’s a chant of ‘Holy S—’ as Matanza gets straight back to his feet, a nasty, evil look in his eyes, and he rejoins Masakre in the ring… There they stand, Matanza and Masakre, two masked, ugly brutes, yelling in unison ‘I AM LEGION’, and there go the lights again!

A few heartbeats later and the lights come on, and Masakre and Matanza are gone!

JACK JONES: That was insane, Hewson!

BILL HEWSON: I think we just witnessed the debut of a terrifying new tag team, Jack Attack!

JACK JONES: Legion… wow…

During the break, NAPW Commissioner Terry Brandon accompanied head referee Morgan Smythe to ringside – carrying the freshly polished CANADA CUP in gloved hands. The fans cheer as the trophy is placed at the timekeeper’s table, and Brandon gives Smythe a nod before returning to the back.

JACK JONES: Canada Cup is in the house! Can… can I just hold it?

BILL HEWSON: No touching!

FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is for the 2014 CANADA CUP!

“In Waves” by Trivium hits the speakers and the crowd gives a big cheer.

FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing the FIRST FINALIST, weighing in at TWO HUNDRED and FORTY ONE pounds. From Black Diamond, Washington. He is the PERFECT STORM. JAAAAAAY… DESCHAIN!

JAY DESCHAIN runs out from behind the curtain to a pop from the crowd, slides into the ring, and jumps to his feet. He’s fired up and ready to win this!

BILL HEWSON: The Perfect Storm has had a tough road, but he’s made it to the Canada Cup finals and he looks as ready as I’ve ever seen him!

JACK JONES: I admit, I’m rooting for him Hewson. But Deschain also has a tendency to choke during the big game. History is not on his side.

As Trivium fades Deschain grins and points to the Cup at ringside. Then, Queen announces his opponent with “Princes of the Universe.”

FRANK WARBURTON: And the SECOND FINALIST, being accompanied to the ring by Chase Jacobson. Weighing in at TWO HUNDRED pounds. From WINNIPEG, MANITOBA. LIONHEART! KRIS! JACOBSOOOOOOON!

Another big pop as KRIS and CHASE JACOBSON walk out from behind the curtain. Chase is beaming with pride – but Kris is focused.

BILL HEWSON: What a tournament it has been for “Lionheart” Kris Jacobson, Jack Attack!

JACK JONES: Going into this match, I’d have given the kid long odds. But having your legendary father in your corner is one hell of a motivator – and he’s earned his spot in the final the hard way.

Kris doesn’t rush the ring like Jay did. He’s more deliberate, conserving his energy. Unlike Deschain, he’s clearly feeling the affects of a brutal match with Joshua Rapture… and then ANOTHER brutal match with Masakre. He stops for a moment near the Cup to look at it, then starts up the steps to the ring. Chase takes a spot in the corner as Kris climbs in. Deschain approaches and extends a hand, nodding – and Kris accepts it readily, nodding back. The fans cheer and applaud.

BILL HEWSON: Great sportsmanship, there. These two men respect how far the other’s come in the tournament.

JACK JONES: But that respect has to end when the bell rings, Hewson. No quarter can be given. This is for the Canada Cup, and only a killer instinct will carry one of these men to victory.

Both men back off and referee Morgan Smythe calls for the bell! The crowd is pumped!

Deschain and Jacobson take a moment to circle each other, sizing the other up. Finally, they lock up mid-ring, and Jacobson quickly manages to transition into a hammerlock. Deschain winces, but twists free, reversing into a back body hold, then takes Jacobson to the mat and floats over, looking for a headlock. Lionheart manages to roll them both over, though, effectively pinning Jay’s shoulders! Smythe counts 1! And The Perfect Storm has to release the hold, letting both men quickly scramble to their feet. The crowd applauds, and Deschain smirks.

BILL HEWSON: Good technical work there by Deschain, but quick thinking by Jacobson.

The two circle each other again, then lock back up collar-and-elbow style. This time, Deschain manages to transition it into what looks like a setup to a DDT – but Jacobson manages to hold fast and reverse it into a suplex! Deschain looks surprised as he goes over – and Kris with the bridge pin! 1! And again, the Perfect Storm kicks free. Chase gives a pleased cheer from the corner. Both men scramble to their feet again, and now Jay’s brow is furrowed. Again, some applause from the crowd.

BILL HEWSON: I’m impressed these two still have fight in them after so many matches already fought tonight.

JACK JONES: That’s why things are starting out a bit slow here, Hewson. Jacobson and Deschain both know they need to conserve energy, or they’ll gas out fast.

For the third time, Kris and Jay circle each other, then tie it up. Again, Deschain gets the advantage – but this time he whips Jacobson to the ropes. Kris rebounds, and Deschain goes to catch him for a Tornado Buster – but instead Lionheart reverse it into a Jacobson Driver! The Perfect Storm hits the ring headfirst and Kris again goes for the pin! 1! 2! And another kickout from Deschain!

BILL HEWSON: Lionheart just keeps reversing everything Deschain brings to the table!

Jay has rolled away to give himself distance, and is now glaring at Jacobson, who’s backed off to let him get back up. Deschain pulls himself up on the ropes, then surges forward with a flying elbow strike – that Kris Jacobson ducks around! Deschain spins around… EUROPEAN UPPERCUT! The Perfect Storm falls back into the ropes, and then spins down to the mat with a crash to a cheer from the crowd! Lionheart with a HUGE Double Jump Corkscrew Moonsault and a pin!

JACK JONES: This could already be over!



Kickout at 2.5!

The crowd cheers again and Deschain bails from the ring, getting some distance between himself and his opponent. Jacobson stalks around, watching him. The crowd starts clapping and chanting.


JACK JONES: Way to pick a side, there, guys.

Morgan Smythe has begun to count Jay out as he runs a hand through his hair, and licks his lips nervously. He glances at the Canada Cup. Chase shouts at him from the corner to get back in the ring.

BILL HEWSON: It looks like Kris Jacobson has the Perfect Storm rattled, Jack Attack.

JACK JONES: Deschain needs to get his head in the game or he’s going to cost himself the Canada Cup.

At about a six count, Deschain climbs back into the ring, holding the rope to make sure Jacobson doesn’t rush him – and Kris keeps back… only to have the Perfect Storm surge off the rope with a stiff elbow strike to the head! There’s a confused, mixed reaction from the crowd as Jacobson staggers back, surprised, and Deschain presses the attack, lashing out with a second – then a third elbow strike that drive Lionheart back into the corner.

JACK JONES: THERE’S the killer instinct! That’s what I’m talking about!

BILL HEWSON: Not very sportsmanlike… don’t know if the fans liked what they saw there…

JACK JONES: Oh here we go again with your unprofessional bias against Jay Deschain!

The Perfect Storm is deliberately trying to slow things down in the corner, laying in a few mean looking kicks and punches to keep Jacobson on the defensive, then he grabs a rope and starts choking Kris with his boot in the corner. Again a mixed reaction, and Morgan Smythe is there warning him to stop, and starts counting the break. 1! 2! 3! 4! And a half, when Deschain finally lets up the hold. He angrily shoots her a look and shouts “I know how long I have.” Jacobson is coughing and Deschain grabs him by the head, pulls him to the middle of the ring – Vertical… wait for it.

Wait for it.



Normally… there should have been a cheer there. There was sort of one, but there’s just as much murmuring in the crowd as Deschain goes for the pin. 1! 2! And Jacobson kicks out at two. Deschain grits his teeth, pulls Jacobson back up, clubs him across the back, then cinches up… German Suplex! With the bridge pin! 1! 2! Again only two, and the crowd cheers as Jacobson kicks out. Jay pounds on the mat in frustration, then angrily holds up three fingers in front of Smythe’s face. She shakes her head and holds up two and he starts pulling his hair in frustration.

BILL HEWSON: I’ve seen Jay Deschain get out-wrestled before. I’ve seen Jay Deschain get BEATEN before. But I’ve never seen him losing his cool like this.

Deschain has crazy eyes. His hair is wild. He shoots another look at the shiny Canada Cup, then grabs Kris Jacobson by the head and pulls him back up. The Perfect Storm goes to set Kris up for a Flash Flood Driver… but Jacobson slides free, landing on his feet! He hits the ropes for the rebound, but Deschain ducks aside! Jacobson comes back the other way…

And Jay Deschain pokes him in the eyes!


The fans outright BOO at that, and Chase Jacobson is crying foul as Kris falls backward, rubbing his eyes with a startled cry – but from Morgan Smythe’s angle it looked clean.

JACK JONES: What eye poke, Hewson? Ref didn’t see anything and neither did I!

BILL HEWSON: Then how did you know it was an eye poke!?

Deschain pulls Jacobson up and again sets him up for the Flash Flood Driver – and this time it most certainly hits! Kris Jacobson lays splayed in the ring and Jay Deschain pins him with authority… and his feet up on the ropes!



The crowd is booing and catcalling!



And Chase Jacobson pulls the ropes away from Deschain’s feet, causing him to lose the pin to a BIG cheer from the crowd.

Morgan Smythe looks confused at why a the Perfect Storm is suddenly shouting bloody murder at a retired wrestling legend. He points at him and tells Smythe to “Eject that old bastard! Now! He interfered in my pin!” But Smythe shakes her head, no. She didn’t see anything. This sends Deschain into a fit, shaking the ring ropes in a rage. The fans are loudly booing… and someone starts chanting.


It gets picked up by a fair number of the fans, and Jay just stares into the crowd looking outraged. How dare they.


Kris Jacobson is getting back to his feet a little shakily, so Deschain rebounds off the ropes and nails him with a double-axe handle that drops him back to his knees, then kicks him solidly in the ribs to a groan from the audience. Kris falls over onto his back with a yell of agony, and Deschain stomps on him a few more times. Jay shoots a glare at Chase at ringside, then storms over to the corner and climbs up, sneering at the booing crowd. He turns on the top rope, arm primed for some THUNDAHSTRUCK… and Kris Jacobson nails him with a HIGH RUNNING DROPKICK! The crowd goes NUTS as Deschain slumps on the top, arms pinwheeling, and Lionheart sprints to an adjacent corner. He leaps to the top… RUNS ACROSS THE ROPES…


Deschain goes ass over tea-kettle to the middle of the ring! The crowd is ON ITS FEET as Kris Jacobson climbs back to the top rope, calling for the Winner’s Circle! The Perfect Storm slowly gets up to his feet, woozy…



Lionheart crashes to the ring as Deschain throws himself aside, colliding with Morgan Smythe off to the side. The petite red-head spills to ringside with a surprised shout!

BILL HEWSON: Deschain’s taking out the ref!

JACK JONES: That was CLEARLY an accident, Hewson. Look, he’s climbing out of the ring to see if she’s okay! What a gentleman!

Well, Chase Jacobson rushed over to see if Smythe was okay – Deschain bailed from the ring to storm over to the timekeeper’s table.

Where he shoves the timekeeper out of his chair.

BILL HEWSON: No! Put it down!

The fans in the front are booing right in his face, but with a grim expression, Deschain gets a running start and TEES OFF on Chase Jacobson at ringside. The legend goes down in a heap.


The Perfect Storm ignores the chant, sliding into the ring just as Kris Jacobson rises to his feet – and plants the chair right onto his head, too. Lionheart barely gets an arm up and goes down backward onto the mat with a crash. Deschain then brings the chair down again! Deschain looks at the chair, is he done?

No. He sets it down in the center of the ring…



JACK JONES: There’s no official! There’s no order! It’s anarchy in the ring!

Finally, the Perfect Storm throws the chair out of the ring and slides back to ringside. He pulls Morgan Smythe up and rolls her into the ring. He climbs in after her and gives her a shake to wake her up. Kris Jacobson is not moving, he might be unconscious. Deschain hooks the leg, then… changes his mind?

The fans are still cat-calling and booing as Deschain turns Jacobson over… and slips on the High Tide Lock.

BILL HEWSON: NO! The Canada Cup Tournament CAN’T END LIKE THIS.

Smythe crawls over and checks Jacobson – but he’s not home. The lights are out. Deschain is bending him practically in two, laughing now. Smythe raises Jacobson’s arm, and drops it. The fans start cheering for him to come to – BEGGING for him to come to.


Smythe raises his arm a second time and drops it.

She raises it a third time.

And drops it.


She calls for the bell as the fans’ booing increases in volume.


Deschain keeps the High Tide Lock on Kris Jacobson for way, WAY too long, laughing. Smythe has to practically pull him free.

BILL HEWSON: What a sickening… I… I’m speechless.

JACK JONES: I told you, Hewson! The man who would walk out tonight with the Canada Cup was going to need to dig deep and DO WHAT NEEDED TO BE DONE. And that man was The Perfect Storm!

Finally releasing Jacobson, Deschain bails from the ring and rushes over to the timekeeper’s table where he grabs the Canada Cup and raises it over his head, laughing and kissing it.

“Why, Mr. Storm?”

Deschain looks down at a kid in the front row, a kid wearing a “The Perfect Storm” baseball cap, who’s glaring up at him. Jay sneers down.

“Lump it, kid. I WON. That’s what matters.”

“You didn’t deserve it! I wish Mr. Lionheart had won!”

Jay’s face twists angrily and reaches over the barricade and snatches his cap off the kid’s head. The crowd lets out an ENRAGED, OUTRAGED cry as the kid bursts into tears. His father, standing next to him, angrily shouts at Deschain and then throws his drink in Jay’s face. Jay recoils as a security officer steps up to hold the dad back, and the Perfect Storm starts laughing as he wipes soda off his face. He puts the cap on his head and holds the cup high. A crumpled up sign that looks like it once read “PERFECT STORM = PERFECT MAN” bounces off his head. Then a box of popcorn flies his way.

JACK JONES: We need Jake Phoenix out here! These fans are going to riot!

BILL HEWSON: I can’t blame them, Jack Attack. This is a travesty. A disgusting display by a man who is the lowest of the low. I’ve been suspicious for months… and the Perfect Storm has finally shown everyone his true colours tonight.

JACK JONES: You. These fans. His opponents. Why should a wrestler of Jay Deschain’s caliber show respect to people who have NEVER shown any to him? Tonight’s HIS night, Hewson. And it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks!

In the ring, Chase Jacobson kneels beside his son while Morgan Smythe and a medic check him out. The older wrestler shoots an angry look at the Perfect Storm.

Jay Deschain is backing up the ramp slowly, gloating, Canada Cup held up over his head. He’s grinning ear-to-ear as garbage rains on him from the crowd. More of Jake Phoenix’s security team rush out of the back to keep the crowd under control as they start to rattle the barricades.

Someone call 9-1-1. The Perfect Storm has stolen the show.

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